I need a hug....controlling husband

[gothicdragon63]

Hi  wiccan_goddess2002.. It is always sad to hear when someone is treated as you are being treated. Use all the positive energy being sent to you from everyone here, including myself, to help you make the decisions that you have to make and then to follow through with those decisions.

As stated in previous posts, you aren't alone, there are plenty of agencies out there ready to help you.. I realise that you don't get much time away from him but as soon as you do, get the ball rolling. You are a beautiful human being and you deserve to feel safe and loved, not down trodden.

Keep your chin up and know that everyone here is behind you.

(((HUG)))

[ritzyglitz]

You are stronger than you think....Just by sending this message you are showing that you have strength and he cannot take that from you. I myself have been in a very similar marriage and I have been paralysed while I was pregnant.  I also could not get away or speak to anyone. You have made the first move, now is the time to put your plan down step by step. You have all the MB's behind you with their support. I have since remarried and am the happiest I've ever been......It will happen for you too......
You must believe that you will walk away when you're time is right with your head held high......
You only need 1 person near you to help with your plan...
Make it happen...you are too good for someone like him......(the thing is that He knows that too)
alway keep smiling no matter what and believe in yourself
HUGE HUGS FROM ME
alway here for a chat whenever you need
just remember that material things arnt important, they can always  be replaced...you cant be replaced...so if you find that you need to go...you must do that....there's always an excuse for us to stay....make it happen, there's no time like the present.

[Creativelady]

You have already shown strength just by posting here what is going on.
You need to make a plan to leave, because he WILL NOT CHANGE!

Is there a Women's Centre or a Women's Transition House or something like that in your community, or a community close by.  Do you have a free Crisis Line whom you can call from your phone book.  Get to, or phone one of these type of places when he is not around.  Tell what is going on and get them to help you to make a plan.  Meanwhile, if there is some way that you can pack the stuff that is most important to you and get it out of there and over to somewhere else that you would be able to get it from later;  if not you'll have to get some sort of court/police decree that he will have to let you back in with others with you to collect your things.

Please, do not fool yourself, or go back and forth in your emotions.  HE WILL NOT CHANGE, OR HE WOULD HAVE ALREADY CHOSEN TO DO SO AND WOULD NOT BE ACTING LIKE HE IS!  This is a FACT.

I have lived through this type of thing a few times.  The reason I did this was because of the way I was raised.  I had to talk to others whom could help me and I went through a time whereby I went to the library and I read any book I could get on the subject because I so wanted to change my life.  I read hundreds of books and last year I got a book I wrote for women on the subject published at www.publishamerica.com  It is called "Nicole:  A Woman's Journey to Self Love and Living Life" by Sheryl Ann.  It is about a woman's story re-tracing her life steps and on the trip an angel comes to her and tells her the many negative relationship types to watch out for.  She learns to forgive her past, forgive herself and go on living life in a different way.

I wish you all the very best and that the rest of your life will be much happier.

[joydev6]

hi
first thing first
the journey to a thousand miles always begans with the first step
and its always the first step that is difficult to take
belive in yourself and be answerable to urself
becoz till u dont recognise the problem u are not goin to be able to solve it
hey u get a bear hug and god bless you
u know what
i believe ur problem will be over very soon

trust me
regards
joydev

[taraprincess]

sweetie stay positive and everything will turn out better for u. i know its hard, u must get away from him, men like that dont change. u deserve to be happy. my thoughts and prayers are with u, wish u all the best keep us posted. here is a huge hug.

[Kate]

I am so depressed.  I moved from WY to Texas to get away from a bad relationship.  Now i find myself married to the most controlling ,jealous man i have ever met.  He treats me like crap and I am beginning to hate him.  I have no car no money and he is always there.  I just want to get away from here but I dont know how.  He will be a major ass one minute and then the most sweet loving guy in the world.  I feel like I amon a constant roller coaster.  I am writing this while he is asleep because he watches me like a hawk...........help

There are two different issues at play here.

1. (And it is less pressing AT THIS MOMENT, but it does need dealt with before you get caught in another bad relationship!) You need to look at why you are so easily sucked into "bad relationships." Once out of this one, DON'T get into another relationship until you have a grip on why you allow bad men into your life. (Alone is better than abused!!!!) Do you think you don't deserve better? Or that you can't get better? Save this, though, for later...after you're free from this abuse...or while you're planning your escape.

2. You are in an abusive relationship. PERIOD. Get out. It does NOT get better. PERIOD. That "sweet loving guy" crap is simply the "honeymoon stage" after an abusive interlude. It is his way of holding you under his power. He doesn't love you. He owns you. And the price he pays for you is to "give poor, unworthy, pitiful you some of his sweet love candy. (UGH)." He's sick and his mind works in sick ways.
a)    The pattern implies that (if he isn't already) he will become physically abusive and will harm you. Then he's going to be lovey-dovey, then abuse you again. There's your roller coaster ride. And there's only two ways off. Jump out of the moving car, or let him get mad enough to beat you to death someday.
b)     You must make a plan of escape.Here are some basic steps to minimize the danger from  an abuser until you can move away:
- Think of a safe place to go if an argument occurs. Avoid rooms with no exits (bathroom), or rooms with weapons (kitchen).
- Make a list of safe people to contact.
- Keep change with you at all times.
- Memorize all important numbers.
- Establish a "code word or sign" so that family, friends, teachers or co-workers know when to call for help. THIS IS ESPECIALLY HELPFUL WHEN HE HOVERS AOUND LISTENING TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY.
- Think about what you will say to your partner if he\she becomes violent. What would defuse his temper? Say anything to keep him calm...true or not.
- Remember: You have the right to live without fear and violence.
c)     Find the nearest abuse hotline. If there is no CODA hotline in your area, try http://www.snbw.org/  . Their 24-hr hotline number is 1-800-572-2782.  Another place to look for help may be http://wadt.org. There are MANY hotlines. Some will even help you plan your escape: What you need to do to get ready, find you a "safe house" to live in where he can't find you, help you get on your feet once you're away. (I supplied a safe house for CODA once. A woman's husband was trying to kill her.)

I hope this helps! Warm hugs and bright blessings. Be safe.

[wiccan_goddess2002]

Thank you all so much for your hugs.  There are a few things i didnt say before such as i have 3 kids here with me also.  They have already been through so much.  My mother lives in Wyoming...she has severe COPD and i dont want to upset her by telling her what is going on here.  I swear if it wasnt for my Babies I wouldnt be alive ..that is how bad it is here.  I am also on probation and cant leave the state. He has me backed up in a corner.  BTW he is the one that got me into trouble in the first place. I have never in my life been in trouble till i met him and i am 41 years old.  I feel like such a failure in so many ways.  i called a couple of shelters but most of them are full and the ones that arent are places i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.  But anyways thanks again for the hugs.  At least I know there are some good caring people out there.
Angel

[Evie]

Hello Angel    :smt006

You still need (((HUGS)))

Thank you so much for coming back and responding...

You are in a no win situation here, and my heart goes out to you.
All the loving advise here is to encourage you to leave this jerk...
I know this is easier said than done and  We meant well, but I feel
that Maybe we failed with this advise.  

It is hard to believe than someone could change their way of being,
but maybe there is a way to heal your marriage.  Communication
has to be most difficult when you are walking on egg shells all day.
Living with someone who you are hating is hard work...  

Things must have been good when you first hooked up with him...
something changed in your lives... Some kind of devastation... you
wouldn't have done  whatever you did ... to land in trouble with the law.
MORE (((HUGS)))....  unless you were feeling desperate. (Hun, I believe
you can have your record cleared in the future)

I don't know ... how to make changes to your day to day situation,
but somehow you need to feel you have some say and control over
your life. If he knew... that he was inches away from losing you....
maybe... he would get marriage councelling????

Please know that I am praying for you and your children and your
husband too.  May you all find Peace....

LOVE
Evie

[wiccan_goddess2002]

Hi Evie.
I just want to thank you for all your support.  It means so much to me.  I am getting stronger everyday and I blieve that soon i will change my life for the better.  I will keep you posted.

Brightest Blessings,
Angel

[Evie]

Thanks Angel.....

(((HUGS))) Please keep in touch...  This  would mean a lot!  

Good fortunes to you hun.  

P E A C E
and
L I G H T


LOVE
Evie  

[wiccan_goddess2002]

Well I talked to my PO on Tuesday.  She is trying to get my case moved to Wyoming so I can be with my family.  This is such a relief to me.  Hubby and I got into a huge fight on Friday and now we are going through the "Sweet Phase".  I know this wont last.  I am so afraid but i know I have to leave.  I am getting stronger every day... they say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.  Lets hope this is the case.  I sure hope my PO comes through for me because I have nobody here besides him.  All of my family is in Wyoming.  I think I'm going to like being alone with just my kids and me, it will be a true blessing.  Well i need to go before he comes back ....just wanted to keep ya'all posted (especially you Evie)  I appreciate all the support i have gotten here and i will keep in touch.


Brightest Blessings,

Angel

[bethemz]

I don't know where you are in TX but in most towns there are shelters for women who need to get out of abusive relationships.  When you can, call some of the churches or maybe an abuse hotline.  You didn't mention any friends or family back home, but if you have any call them.  After you get out, don't stop.  You can file restraining orders against him.  But your best bet would be to leave town.

[Happy_Cappy]

I think that the advice from Purplehaze and Kate was very good.  Everything that they said is true.

You haven't posted lately so I am hoping that your parole office came through for you.  I was going to suggest that you seek help from him/her.

If you are not able to leave just yet, perhaps you can get a small job (like babysitting kids at your home or working at the corner store) and lull your husband into some sort of a false sense of security with the money.  Buy him inexpensive gifts;  take the family to the show;  do things that you could not otherwise afford, all while salting some money away for your escape.  He will think that you are content, he will love that you are bringing home money (ALL men do!), but in your mind be planning everything out to a tee.  Make arrangements with the parole officer to leave TX.  When the time is right, and all is ready, wait until he goes to work and just leave.  YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

Just be aware that having the kids will make things more difficult.  He will assume that you have gone back to WY and will most likely file paperwork to get the kids back, etc (if they are his).  He may also follow you up there and try to harm you.  You know him better than we do.  Would he do this?  Then plan to evade him at all costs.  You can probably get help from your parole officer in lining things up with social services or the police in WY.

You are a Capricorn!  C'mon girl.  Put your thinking "Cap" on (lol) and make a plan.  Nobody can beat a Cap when we put our mind to something.  YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!

[vicky13]

get out sweetheart...you are a special person and don not deserve this

xx

[lunarcraft]

As always, Sweetie, you are in my thoughts - loads and loads of healing hugs winging their way to you.

Blessed Be

Sarah