How Do You Control Your Bad Temper?

[wewek57]

Hello Anyone,

I need help in controlling this bad temper of mine before it's to late for me by suffering really bad consequences because of it.
Ever since I was young I have this bad temper and now I'm already 50 years old I still can't control it. I have hurt a lot of people specially those close to me, please can anyone suggest what I should do?

wewek57

[kgirlsmomma]

Anger at another..is really anger at ourselves....Look more closely at yourself..and see what you'd like to change..For example, if you're pointing a finger at someone..and calling them 'ignorant'...then ask yourself the question..what is 'ignorant' about me that this person can upset me so.  Look deep within and find the gifts & growth. Use a notebook to jot down what you discover.  Good luck to you.

[pirbid]

Hello, Wewek, nice to meet you.

I have the same problem and I am still trying to get a hold on it. The reason it is so hard to let go, I believe, is that the adrenaline high is a bit like a drug that makes us feel powerful and ready to eat the world for the duration of the ire attack. So I tend to feed the fury with more upsetting thoughts until I am utterly beyond control. Once I reach that point, I just have to wait for the adrenaline to filter back out of my bloodstream.

There are several explanations why this happens in the first place. One is having a very low frustration threshold: we go through life expecting everything to be exactly to our liking, just like babies, and we are ready to holler and wail at the first sign of discomfort.

Another is purely chemical: if one is overly sensitive to glucose, as I am, then eating sweets will make me feel really bad a while later. First I feel suddenly tired, then really hungry for more sweets and very irritated.

As you very well pointed out, the down side to all this is hurting those around us, not to speak of the damage we do to our liver.

So, try eating less sugar and white floured foods (they tried that in some prisons and they say it really worked in lowering the aggression rate) and, above all, try to lower your expectations, specially involving the behavior of those around you.

I am trying to do the same. I will let you know if I make any progress. Cheers!  :smt002

[jennifercrowe]

When you get angry instead of counting to ten from one do it backwards

[pirbid]

Will try to remember. Thank you, Jen.

[dhav]

Agree with Jen.

[luckytsa]

Anger issues are very hard to deal with. Have you ever gone to see a Therapist to get help? There may be some underlying causes or issues that are contributiing to this. Try some Yoga and Meditation!

[suhreel]

I have a hard time with this too, sometimes.  I am also trying to find ways to get better at it so good thread.  Taking deep breaths can help, I usually find myself having to stop and breathe deeply when I'm really getting fired up.  I also liked the notebook idea, and think that would be a good way to have an outlet for that energy, and reminders that keep you peaceful.  Last night I was in an angry mood and some preachy person added me to youtube, so I looked at one of their videos and they quoted jesus saying 'Forgive them - For they know not what they do'.  I wrote it down and have it sitting here still on the desk... and maybe that seems silly but just find little things that take your focus off the anger temporarily and hold on to them.  Find anything that calms you down  or consciously reminds you to stay in control of your emotions.  I have a collection of stones for example, maybe you could find a stone you like or just anything really - and whenever you feel angry hold on to that and sort of meditate on that and just calm yourself down.  Find anything simple that you can enjoy, or post up quotes that help you get in a positive state of mind somewhere inconspicuous.  Those are the little things I have been doing to try and help, so maybe you could give them a try.

Good luck!  You can do it, honestly.  It's all mental and you just have to get yourself believing that you're really the one in the powerful position of choosing your reactions and keeping yourself peaceful - you just have to undo years of programming that have been telling you otherwise.  It'll feel great, you should be excited to finally be ready to make that change!

;)

[suhreel]

Also depending on the source of your anger, you could get a book or an audio tape to help.  There are lots of good ones and it's cheaper and more private way to address some of this stuff without a therapist - at least while you're in the process of gauging how much help you really need.  You just have to figure out what is causing your anger.  My boyfriend and I saw a therapist once and she recommended a great book called 'codependant no more' and that was a good one for me.  Maybe do some thinking about where most of your anger comes from and then do some research online for good books that address your issues.

[moonlady]

Dear wewek57
Let's it b.
It is normal to be angry and there is nothing wrong with you. Notice that you are getting angry at the most precise moment it occurs will help you. Try to be concious because if you realize your anger, it won't be with you for too long.

Do not think or act though. Realize your anger and before you did anything to anyone, before you say something or do something, realize it. Get back to your breathing or yourself.

Try not to force yourself out of angriness. I would rather say go into it (but motionless) The more you gain conciouse the more you will realize that there is no cause to b angry in this world.

i know this is hard, i have a bad temper too and sometimes just visualize someone who just walk in front of me slipping in pain, would satisfy me.  but the more i take it at heart, the more i am miserable. it is me and you who can choose to elect only the pleasent memory to your life and heart.

Getting angry is like hurting yourself....

Other dramastic way that i got is...try to smile. forcefully yes...but noone can be angry while smiling for too long. This is similar to the 1-10 method. However, the first step is you have to realize yourself that you are getting angry. Feel it but stop your action/words.

I wish you the best.