HURT

[clover73]

Ani,

I know EXACTLY what you are going through.  A few years ago, I was dating a Police Officer.  We dated for almost a year.  He asked me to marry him and everything.  Then, I found out that he was already living with another woman the whole time we were together!  I won't tell you what to do but I can tell you how I got through it.  Of course it hurt alot but I just directed my energy on more positive things.  First, I cut him out of my life completely.  I didn't answer any of his calls and I didn't answer the door when he came over.  Since he was a police officer, I did run into him on the street every once in a while but I tried to ignore him.  Once he even tried to pull me over and run me off the road.  Still, I ignored him.  I also made a decision to remain alone for a while and not become involved with anyone in a serious relationship.  It actually made things better.  I found someone else and I've been with him for almost 4 years.  It will become easier over time.  Trust that everything happens for a reason and try to see as much of the positive you can in the situation.  It will make you stronger at some point.  If you need to talk.  You can ALWAYS send me a private message.

Much love,
K

[karlenespellman]

Kim you are right.
Everyone needs to take a break and figure out what they WANT and DESERVE from a relationship, not how they FEEL.

That is when they will truley be happy.

Lots of love to you all.

Karlene

[Ani]

hey Kim,
well done, you have a huge will power! I can imagine how hard it must have been for you, when you were trying to get him out of your life and he kept coming back and reminding you of his existence. in moments like this it takes lots of strength not to yield to temptation. in my case its easier, we are thousand miles apart. if I knew he was somewhere near it would break me down completely. step by step Ive started getting rid of everything that reminds me of him, I asked my sister to delete all his pics from my pc, didnt want to do it myself coz seeing them would bring on too many memories :(I know for quite a while I`ll not be able to start seeing anyone else.
Karlene, ur right, I never actually thought what I deserved, I was always more concentrated on pleasing others. thats one more lesson Ive learned.

[soul_flower]

Heya Ani.....I hope you're feeling a little bit better today.

I think its difficult to put yourself first,like you said that you were more focused on pleasing others.....Its hard to learn to put your needs and happiness to the front line also....Because we have to be truly happy within and love ourselves before anyone else can join us......I still havent come to terms with loving myself first,i have always needed someone else to "make me happy" so to speak,i thought if i pleased them then id be happy,sadly it wasnt that easy lol......So im finding this very lonely,doing things for myself but all will be ok....But like you with this free space i can find out who i am again ,well i never knew who i was......And i know when you have sorted your head out,learnt that you do deserve everything you want out of life/in a relationship,you will find a fantastic man.....You will then draw them to you......Happy healing to you and another *huggle*.....

Tamara :o)

[clover73]

Ani,

It did take me many years to learn from all of this and I'm still learning.  When it first happened I was so bitter and angry but, making the choice to stay alone was a GREAT choice for me.  I stayed alone for 3 years before I met my Fiance.  And let me tell you, I put him through some testing when I met him too.  I knew he was the one because he didn't judge me and he didn't get mad.  He understood why I was so testy with him and he actually respected me for it.  He saw that I had enough respect for myself not to put up with any crap.  Like I said I won't tell you what to do or anything like that.  Just because it worked for me doesn't mean that it will work for everyone.  You will know what is best for you.  Another reason I stayed alone for so long is because I had major co dependecy issue and I was literally "afraid" to be alone.  I knew the only way I could get over that was to deal with my fear head on and just do what I did.  Sometimes the really simple solutions are the ones that change our spirits the most and make us better people.  :)

Karlene is right as well, you are special and you do deserve better!!  If there are people in your life that are helpful and loving to you then that helps too.  I didn't have anyone to help me.  I did it alone.  That's ok though.  I found a lot of strength that I never knew I had.  It is different for everyone.  I know everyone says this a lot but time does help.  It will get better. And we are all here for ya!!

Hang in there, and like I said before you can write to me anytime!!  

Much love to you!!!

Kim

[Pravin Kumar]

Dear Ani,

Everyone will give advices and how they have succeeded and also sympathise with you. I shall give you one of my personal experiences. I alongwith my wife had to see a number of girls for betrothal to my eldest son. We must have seen at least 25/30 girls. (In India we have the arranged marriage system) . According to my nature I liked every family we visited. My wife was more fussy. I asked my mother, who is now 84, how to know which girl is best and how to choose. How can we be sure that our selection is right. This is what she told me: "Son you don't have to select her. Your Heart will say yes then you can be sure that the selection is right and I exactly followed her advise and we are all very happy with our Daughter in Law.

For you to get success in this you have to meditate, live a life where you give more to the society, to others so that you get all those positive energy to come back to you at the right moment like the one you want. Whatever good you do to others always comeback with redoubled force and let that be a positive force. When you have done this your mind and heart will be every more pure and you will get the correct reply i.e. correct selection of the boy for haven't you done so much good to others.

Try it anytime and see the success. You can first try by selecting your friends, job or where ever else you have difficulty but follow the above path. Definitely you will get a most handsome, innocent and loving boy in your life.

God Bless You.

Pravin Kumar

[Ani]

sorry for the late reply, I didnt feel good lately. just wanted to say thanks again for your advice and support, you`ve helped me a lot!
God bless you!

Ani

[taraprincess]

Dhav, Mollisa, Tamara, Karlene, Psychic Chef, Taraprincess, Pravin Kumar, Tourbi,

you are wonderful, amazing people, you make this place very very special. you`ve helped me a lot, thank you so much for being you! at the moment Im in the stage where my heart is still longing for him but my head has already cooled down, and thanks God Ive got enough brains to listen to my head not my heart.

Psychic Chef thanks, your a sweety as always, I agree with what u say, men dont always think of the emotional side of the things but when someone ends up being hurt as a result of their actions, they should have the guts to face the problem and not run away from it, though I dont think its strictly a gender issue, there are many women like that too, so we do suck sometimes too lol. your a great guy and if you were single I would date you straightaway, but from ur posts I know how much you love your wife, shes very lucky to have u huge hugs to u in return!

Pravin Kumar, I loved your story, I have two mini lions at home (cats that is), and Im hugging them up right now ) thanks for your kind words, I will move on, its just a matter of time.

Tourbi - thank you. u r right, I was lucky to get rid of a person like him, he does have a huge problem - he has no self-respect. he only humiliated himself by being so mean to me. though deep in my heart I know he feels guilty for what he`s done, but he`s not a man enough to admit it.
on a side note, I have a weird feeling he will still play some role in my life, I swear I dont want him back and I wont take him back even if he falls on knees and begs, but I just cant get rid of this feeling.

Tamara -Im sorry hon u r going through hard times too, big big hug from me to you in return. try to start getting him out of your heart like Im going to do, get rid of everything that reminds u of him, delete his photos, delete his messages, his number from ur phone..there are other worthy guys out there, we will definitely meet our special ones someday

Taraprinces - thank you, many many hugs to you too. I`ll pm you, if its ok.

Karlene - thanks again,  Dhav`s picture is wonderful, thanks for your advice.  

love u all!
Ani xxx

u very welcome sweetie and of course its ok to pm me u could pm me anytime im always here for u and many hugs right back at ya always....and we love u right back....much love and huggies