Thanks Doe,
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt thing.
Tim has a lot of fantastic advice to follow from all of you .
Tim I hope you listen better than my 18 year old, and he's a great young man.
Lots of love to all.
Karlene
Mega Hug needed....
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
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Zoddn Drak
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:11 am
Thanks Mums for the very Mumly advice. It'll take awhile, but I will be able to forgive myself, but not yet, however, I won't allow my feelings to cause my brother any harm. And I will do my best to teach him everything Mom didn't get to, she did alot though. It still hurts, and I don't think that'll ever go away. Are you sure all teenagers do what I did?
Yes, this has changed me sooooooo much, I used to not talk to people, and I really had an aversion to giving hugs in real life (atleast to most people), which both have changed dramatically. It feels a bit strange, the whole being a social butterfly all of the sudden thing, don't understand how my sisters could do it so well. Just something else I have to get used to. I think instead of a park my brother and I could go back to the lake (maybe to small, more like a large pond) and fish in a few weeks, kinda just hang out, and do nothing.
Relaxing has been good to me, now my next task is to clean the trailer Mom died in (henceforth known as The House) as opposed to the trailer my brother and I sleep in, (henceforth known as The Room) so that I can start living in it again. CPS showed up today, but for the first time in my life they were actually trying to keep me with my family. The man was very pleasant and when he asked if we needed anything, which we did, the microwave went up in smoke a few days prior, actually went and got it for us and brought it to us later on today. My older sister just called because someone called my little sister and told her that CPS came and was about to take my brother away. (It was stuff like that that drove Mom nuts about that particular neighbor, which unfortunately was where my sister spent most of her time while Mom was alive. Hmmmm.... Drama.)
And yes I'm feeling a bit better about my actions, I apologized to Mom before I went to bed (which is when I talk to her, I figure she can probably hear me best when I'm almost out.) and I know she forgave me, which helps alot. By the way, I really do actually NOT breathe sometimes, but I usually catch myself before the headaches set in. Hmmmm, I think I should stop doing that...
Thank you all again, and I doubt I can thank you enough,
Tim
P.S. I'm probably going to be more or less moving my updates to my blog, if that's alright with everyone.
Yes, this has changed me sooooooo much, I used to not talk to people, and I really had an aversion to giving hugs in real life (atleast to most people), which both have changed dramatically. It feels a bit strange, the whole being a social butterfly all of the sudden thing, don't understand how my sisters could do it so well. Just something else I have to get used to. I think instead of a park my brother and I could go back to the lake (maybe to small, more like a large pond) and fish in a few weeks, kinda just hang out, and do nothing.
Relaxing has been good to me, now my next task is to clean the trailer Mom died in (henceforth known as The House) as opposed to the trailer my brother and I sleep in, (henceforth known as The Room) so that I can start living in it again. CPS showed up today, but for the first time in my life they were actually trying to keep me with my family. The man was very pleasant and when he asked if we needed anything, which we did, the microwave went up in smoke a few days prior, actually went and got it for us and brought it to us later on today. My older sister just called because someone called my little sister and told her that CPS came and was about to take my brother away. (It was stuff like that that drove Mom nuts about that particular neighbor, which unfortunately was where my sister spent most of her time while Mom was alive. Hmmmm.... Drama.)
And yes I'm feeling a bit better about my actions, I apologized to Mom before I went to bed (which is when I talk to her, I figure she can probably hear me best when I'm almost out.) and I know she forgave me, which helps alot. By the way, I really do actually NOT breathe sometimes, but I usually catch myself before the headaches set in. Hmmmm, I think I should stop doing that...
Thank you all again, and I doubt I can thank you enough,
Tim
P.S. I'm probably going to be more or less moving my updates to my blog, if that's alright with everyone.
Last edited by Zoddn Drak on Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Psychic Chef
- Posts: 701
- Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 8:02 am
- Location: Perth, Australia
- Contact:
Hi Tim
Buddy, you are doing great and making all the right moves.
The lake is a great idea and will heal your soul as well. CPS will end up being you ally, you watch and be amazed for once as you see the other side of them.
Mum will always be there and you will feel her come and go. These things will happen alot in the next few months, just treat it as normal and you will grow and learn great things.
Now when you clean the trailer you need to do some things for me.
Can you open all the windows and say mum come and go as you please you are forever welcome in our household. This is important to release her soul from bond. after you clean the trailer, burn some white sage in the trailer to cleanse it.
This will remove the smell of passing.
If i can help in any way just holler
Cheers Pete
Buddy, you are doing great and making all the right moves.
The lake is a great idea and will heal your soul as well. CPS will end up being you ally, you watch and be amazed for once as you see the other side of them.
Mum will always be there and you will feel her come and go. These things will happen alot in the next few months, just treat it as normal and you will grow and learn great things.
Now when you clean the trailer you need to do some things for me.
Can you open all the windows and say mum come and go as you please you are forever welcome in our household. This is important to release her soul from bond. after you clean the trailer, burn some white sage in the trailer to cleanse it.
This will remove the smell of passing.
If i can help in any way just holler
Cheers Pete
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karlenespellman
- Posts: 2246
- Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:38 pm
- Location: colorado
Hi Tim,
Serigate Mom stepping in.
I know you won't do anything to hurt Johnny. I am very proud of you for continuing on in your mom's footsteps for him.
I know you won't forgive right away, you have to grieve first. All I am asking you to do right away, have NO regrets. Throw regrets away, greiving will be much easier when you actually get the time to do it. After the greiving, which Johnny will see is OK to do, you both will be able to move on.
Unfortunatly for you, you are one of the few teenagers that have to go through this. But always remember, God only gives you what you can handle. He/She knows you only have the best intenstions, you are a great and careing person who puts others first. He/She just wants you to remember that you have to stay true to yourself. If you don't, nothing you do will matter in the long run for anyone.
The only touching I ever do with peolpe are hugs. Very powerful. I am very glad you can give and accept them now. This is the most important human bond everyone has. Hugs are not selfish, they are giving. Good for you. Keep giving and recieving. You deserve them.
The "social butterfly" effect your feeling, ( I am assuming-yes I know what that means- that you don't like the attention), I hate it.
But at times like this, it is your best friend. I know this will sound harsh, but it is meant with only love and expireince.
People need to help people. You are a young man(barely and only leagally), hearts will bleed for you and your family, human nature. But you need to actcept all. This will help with all the money issues. Don't think of it as charity( my son would), know that this is genuine human compassoin for a family trying to stay together. This ties in with CPS> They were great to you today,(not harsh) because they can't afford to put kids up in homes. They need to do the best to keep families together because of budgets. I know they were the bad guys when your mom was here, but now they will be your best friend,( especially if you are willing to work it from the start, and not live off of welfare).
It also sounds to me, that your sister is a little more careing. My opinion only, but now there is no more conflict between her and your mom. From your words, my opinion, she wants the family to stay together. Put your defense for your mom aside, and take the help. This will help Jenny and Johnny greatly, no CPS. Let her deal with her issues with your mom herself. You can only controll you. Your actions and your thoughts. You CANNOT control hers. If you can do this, she will be one of your biggest allies in keeping your family together. The neighbor will have to live with her actions and your moms conciquences now. Not so sorry for her, but she will be. Let your Mom take care of this. Just sit back and smile. You will understand.
I'm glad you have a lake, please for all of us, go there. and go often for a while. Your mom will be there and love all the time your spending with Johnny. I know she(like I) wished we would have done it.
Follow Pete's advice. He is the man to listen to here. He has helped so many. PM him. He has a great protectin shield that will help you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but people love DRAMA. Learn to ignore it!!!!!!!!! Or you will go nuts.
Thank you for appologizing to your Mom. This was for you not her, she already knew. But the effect is a great one, you can move on, so can she. Great Job.
I'm not sure what your breathing and head ache thing is, but you should PM Spiritalk. I hope this is ok Spiritalk, but I have learned alot from Spiritalk. I am not one to meditate, but I have learned that my idea was not the right one on meditation. I am learning, I am old, you are young, you can learn much easier, and you will benifit greatly and lose the headaches. Just a suggestion.
We will watch for the blogs, but my suggestion only, the more advice you need, I would keep it her for now. More people read this.
either way, I will serigate-mom you till you tell me to but out.
Lots of love to you. Your are the best.
Thanks for all you do.
Karlene
Serigate Mom stepping in.
I know you won't do anything to hurt Johnny. I am very proud of you for continuing on in your mom's footsteps for him.
I know you won't forgive right away, you have to grieve first. All I am asking you to do right away, have NO regrets. Throw regrets away, greiving will be much easier when you actually get the time to do it. After the greiving, which Johnny will see is OK to do, you both will be able to move on.
Unfortunatly for you, you are one of the few teenagers that have to go through this. But always remember, God only gives you what you can handle. He/She knows you only have the best intenstions, you are a great and careing person who puts others first. He/She just wants you to remember that you have to stay true to yourself. If you don't, nothing you do will matter in the long run for anyone.
The only touching I ever do with peolpe are hugs. Very powerful. I am very glad you can give and accept them now. This is the most important human bond everyone has. Hugs are not selfish, they are giving. Good for you. Keep giving and recieving. You deserve them.
The "social butterfly" effect your feeling, ( I am assuming-yes I know what that means- that you don't like the attention), I hate it.
But at times like this, it is your best friend. I know this will sound harsh, but it is meant with only love and expireince.
People need to help people. You are a young man(barely and only leagally), hearts will bleed for you and your family, human nature. But you need to actcept all. This will help with all the money issues. Don't think of it as charity( my son would), know that this is genuine human compassoin for a family trying to stay together. This ties in with CPS> They were great to you today,(not harsh) because they can't afford to put kids up in homes. They need to do the best to keep families together because of budgets. I know they were the bad guys when your mom was here, but now they will be your best friend,( especially if you are willing to work it from the start, and not live off of welfare).
It also sounds to me, that your sister is a little more careing. My opinion only, but now there is no more conflict between her and your mom. From your words, my opinion, she wants the family to stay together. Put your defense for your mom aside, and take the help. This will help Jenny and Johnny greatly, no CPS. Let her deal with her issues with your mom herself. You can only controll you. Your actions and your thoughts. You CANNOT control hers. If you can do this, she will be one of your biggest allies in keeping your family together. The neighbor will have to live with her actions and your moms conciquences now. Not so sorry for her, but she will be. Let your Mom take care of this. Just sit back and smile. You will understand.
I'm glad you have a lake, please for all of us, go there. and go often for a while. Your mom will be there and love all the time your spending with Johnny. I know she(like I) wished we would have done it.
Follow Pete's advice. He is the man to listen to here. He has helped so many. PM him. He has a great protectin shield that will help you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but people love DRAMA. Learn to ignore it!!!!!!!!! Or you will go nuts.
Thank you for appologizing to your Mom. This was for you not her, she already knew. But the effect is a great one, you can move on, so can she. Great Job.
I'm not sure what your breathing and head ache thing is, but you should PM Spiritalk. I hope this is ok Spiritalk, but I have learned alot from Spiritalk. I am not one to meditate, but I have learned that my idea was not the right one on meditation. I am learning, I am old, you are young, you can learn much easier, and you will benifit greatly and lose the headaches. Just a suggestion.
We will watch for the blogs, but my suggestion only, the more advice you need, I would keep it her for now. More people read this.
either way, I will serigate-mom you till you tell me to but out.
Lots of love to you. Your are the best.
Thanks for all you do.
Karlene
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Zoddn Drak
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:11 am
Thank you Mr. Chef, the White Sage helped, and I wondered what that strange (not exactly unpleasant but not pleasant) smell was. I unfortunately couldn't get all the windows open but all the ones that I could were. (I think it worked anyway), the house is now livable again, I haven't touched Moms bed, but will in time. I did set up my bed again (in what used to be my sister's room) so I'm happy(ish). It felt a little bit like I moved in to a new house today, except I knew where everything was.
One of my neighbors told me today that I was taking this MUCH better than he would have, and I responded with "I just keep on keepin on" one day at a time, but I also want to point out that Mom did make me a Tough Cookie. Still wondering how I'm gonna pull $1,725 off but as they say "The Lord doth Provide" hope he provides soon though, I'm more than a bit antsy about this one.
I realized today that none of us Guys are good at doing dishes, James is sort of, but you have to take a red-hot poker to him before he'll do them. Atleast I'm good at cooking and general cleaning (sweepy and moppy), I just have to remember to thaw the hamburger the day BEFORE I want to eat it, It helps a bit. Other than that, I believe we have every ability to survive on our own, and as such, we will. Plus I have the added bonus of knowing Mum's watching over me. ^^
P.S. I looked at the pudding today, and for once it was just pudding. I'll probably make it for tomorrow. Hmmm... tasty pudding.
Almost a week has passed now and I'm actually feeling good about life (mostly thanks to ya'll, letting me say what's on my mind, knowing you won't look at me funny, and all the great advice you gave, helping me deal).
Thanks much and *Huggles* to you,
Tim
One of my neighbors told me today that I was taking this MUCH better than he would have, and I responded with "I just keep on keepin on" one day at a time, but I also want to point out that Mom did make me a Tough Cookie. Still wondering how I'm gonna pull $1,725 off but as they say "The Lord doth Provide" hope he provides soon though, I'm more than a bit antsy about this one.
I realized today that none of us Guys are good at doing dishes, James is sort of, but you have to take a red-hot poker to him before he'll do them. Atleast I'm good at cooking and general cleaning (sweepy and moppy), I just have to remember to thaw the hamburger the day BEFORE I want to eat it, It helps a bit. Other than that, I believe we have every ability to survive on our own, and as such, we will. Plus I have the added bonus of knowing Mum's watching over me. ^^
P.S. I looked at the pudding today, and for once it was just pudding. I'll probably make it for tomorrow. Hmmm... tasty pudding.
Almost a week has passed now and I'm actually feeling good about life (mostly thanks to ya'll, letting me say what's on my mind, knowing you won't look at me funny, and all the great advice you gave, helping me deal).
Thanks much and *Huggles* to you,
Tim
Last edited by Zoddn Drak on Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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soul_flower
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 5:00 am
- Location: Australia,Vic.
hi tim sending you hugs n good energy n some angels your way,love n light lluvia-
Zoddn Drak
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:11 am
***Really, really good news (finally)!!! 
***
I start work Saturday. Morning shift, Cooking at a Sports-Bar-esq Restaurant in Downtown.
I had to go to Walmart tonight and get tennis shoes and a baseball cap (work uniform.)
School is letting me do night classes, and/or summer school.
I found out I only need 2 1/2 credits to graduate, so I figured I'd just postpone until everything settles down then go back to get my diploma. Which the school Administrators are completely fine with, (I'm glad they're working with me.)
***Not So Good News***
Cremation, huh, yeah, um.... still not sure bout that...
But other than that, things have been decent around here, I tried really cooking for the first time without Mum's expert guidance, and Bland doesn't begin to describe it. It's so bad even James didn't want any, but I made him eat it anyway.
I think it started as vegetable soup, but it morphed into a kind of rice-based mush. Hmmmm..... mushy.
One person I didn't really want to let know Mum passed was our former landlord who 99.99999% of the time is a Grade A J*ck*s*, but today he was different. I think it was because he had his girlfriend with him, but he may have changed in the last few months since I saw him last. My sister (not sure which) Emailed him. I didn't even know he knew where we were.
He did offer to help though, but I'm a bit wary of him because of past actions, including (but not limited to) not paying me for some of the freelance I.T. work he had me help him with. I did "backup" his extensive collection of Music from his computer before I left.
His girlfriend (who I'd met once before) was very supportive, and actually was the one who asked if we needed things like beds and furniture. Which we don't, but the thought remains.
It's now time to wrap it up, *Huggles* & Goodnight,
Tim
*** I start work Saturday. Morning shift, Cooking at a Sports-Bar-esq Restaurant in Downtown.
I had to go to Walmart tonight and get tennis shoes and a baseball cap (work uniform.)
School is letting me do night classes, and/or summer school.
I found out I only need 2 1/2 credits to graduate, so I figured I'd just postpone until everything settles down then go back to get my diploma. Which the school Administrators are completely fine with, (I'm glad they're working with me.)
***Not So Good News***
Cremation, huh, yeah, um.... still not sure bout that...
But other than that, things have been decent around here, I tried really cooking for the first time without Mum's expert guidance, and Bland doesn't begin to describe it. It's so bad even James didn't want any, but I made him eat it anyway.
I think it started as vegetable soup, but it morphed into a kind of rice-based mush. Hmmmm..... mushy.One person I didn't really want to let know Mum passed was our former landlord who 99.99999% of the time is a Grade A J*ck*s*, but today he was different. I think it was because he had his girlfriend with him, but he may have changed in the last few months since I saw him last. My sister (not sure which) Emailed him. I didn't even know he knew where we were.
He did offer to help though, but I'm a bit wary of him because of past actions, including (but not limited to) not paying me for some of the freelance I.T. work he had me help him with. I did "backup" his extensive collection of Music from his computer before I left.
His girlfriend (who I'd met once before) was very supportive, and actually was the one who asked if we needed things like beds and furniture. Which we don't, but the thought remains.It's now time to wrap it up, *Huggles* & Goodnight,
Tim
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Psychic Chef
- Posts: 701
- Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2007 8:02 am
- Location: Perth, Australia
- Contact:
-
karlenespellman
- Posts: 2246
- Joined: Tue Oct 23, 2007 3:38 pm
- Location: colorado
Hi Tim
So gald to hear. Your job and Psychic Chef will help with the cooking.
In times like these, even the most unlikely people step up and want to help.
I'm very happy about the shool working with you.
That was my biggest worry for you(mom issues). You need the education.
It will work out great for you.
A HUGE HHHUUUGGG, positive energy and love to you.
Lots of love to you both.
Karlene
So gald to hear. Your job and Psychic Chef will help with the cooking.
In times like these, even the most unlikely people step up and want to help.
I'm very happy about the shool working with you.
That was my biggest worry for you(mom issues). You need the education.
It will work out great for you.
A HUGE HHHUUUGGG, positive energy and love to you.
Lots of love to you both.
Karlene
-
Zoddn Drak
- Posts: 55
- Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2008 3:11 am
It's not that I'm unfond of the whole Idea of Cremation, It's just I'm not sure still if I'll be able to pay it in a reasonable enough time frame for the funeral home to not not do it. They only hold the body for so long. Diane's church's pastor is away on some business, or something, My pastor just came by today to let me know they moved their Love Offering to THIS Sunday, and my sister's church is waiting on the other two so they can (hopefully) pickup the difference. Hmmmm....
Thank you Chef I may need you, I think I just need a recipe or something to follow, rather than just throwing random ingredients into a Crockpot and hoping for the best... (what, It could work... maybe...)
I'll give Verne another chance (that's the Landlord's nickname), just in case, (I'm not overly picky about who helps me any more either). I stopped by the work of one of my friends' mom today. Told her what happened and asked for her help getting Sport's paraphernalia (fun word to say) T-shirts for work (the other part of the uniform, not very uniform is it?) I only did this because she actually worked at a Sporting Goods store (I got lucky on that one). I'm gonna try and pay her back after a few paychecks, but I'm actually not sure if she'll let me. But in doing so, She called one of my teachers who I'd informed mom had died, but didn't tell him about postponing school, or having to get a job to support my brother and I, he was a bit irked but I believe he understands why I didn't tell him right off, I didn't really want to tell anyone anything right off. Still trying to get used to the idea of so many people willing to help me. Hmmmm.... It's not so bad.
I did do alot of running around in town today... Dollar Store, Walmart, Food Bank. Got some of the essentials, like laundry soap, ziplock bags, aluminum foil.
Hmmm.... Drinking tea is a brilliant way to relax, especially if you listen to good music also. Not that I've been able to do that since Mum passed, but the thought still remains. I keep waking up at night every few minutes (12-18 minute interval) It may be because I'm trying to wake up earlier than I normally would and not used to trying to listening for the alarm clock, because when I actually sleep, I don't hear nothing (atleast externally, anyway.) But I gotta learn if I'm gonna wake up in time to get to work.
Hmmm.... Goodnight Ya'll, gonna go drink Tea (and maybe even get to listen to music too....
),
Tim
Thank you Chef I may need you, I think I just need a recipe or something to follow, rather than just throwing random ingredients into a Crockpot and hoping for the best... (what, It could work... maybe...)
I'll give Verne another chance (that's the Landlord's nickname), just in case, (I'm not overly picky about who helps me any more either). I stopped by the work of one of my friends' mom today. Told her what happened and asked for her help getting Sport's paraphernalia (fun word to say) T-shirts for work (the other part of the uniform, not very uniform is it?) I only did this because she actually worked at a Sporting Goods store (I got lucky on that one). I'm gonna try and pay her back after a few paychecks, but I'm actually not sure if she'll let me. But in doing so, She called one of my teachers who I'd informed mom had died, but didn't tell him about postponing school, or having to get a job to support my brother and I, he was a bit irked but I believe he understands why I didn't tell him right off, I didn't really want to tell anyone anything right off. Still trying to get used to the idea of so many people willing to help me. Hmmmm.... It's not so bad.
I did do alot of running around in town today... Dollar Store, Walmart, Food Bank. Got some of the essentials, like laundry soap, ziplock bags, aluminum foil.
Hmmm.... Drinking tea is a brilliant way to relax, especially if you listen to good music also. Not that I've been able to do that since Mum passed, but the thought still remains. I keep waking up at night every few minutes (12-18 minute interval) It may be because I'm trying to wake up earlier than I normally would and not used to trying to listening for the alarm clock, because when I actually sleep, I don't hear nothing (atleast externally, anyway.) But I gotta learn if I'm gonna wake up in time to get to work.
Hmmm.... Goodnight Ya'll, gonna go drink Tea (and maybe even get to listen to music too....
),Tim
Last edited by Zoddn Drak on Sun Nov 25, 2012 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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