Just needed to vent......

[Cali4niaGirlz]

Not really sure where to start....

I think I just need to put a voice to my feelings. To write it, instead of just thinking of it in my head.

I've been married about 13 years. Have 2 young children. My husband is what you would call a functioning alcoholic. I came to this reasoning many years ago, but never did anything. I don't bring up the subject to him, as I just don't want to go down that road anymore. He is who he is. His father is an alcoholic, his sister is one, and his brother is a heavy drinker as well. All of our friends drink. Socially, drinking is acceptable. I'm okay with having a drink every now and then. He has taken that away from me. The thought of making plans with friends just depresses me. He can't just have a drink, no, he must keep up. It's just after midnight now, and he was so drunk, he passed out. Thank goodness. But here I am, making sure the house is locked up, kids are tucked in and dogs are let outside to go to the bathroom. How sad. Another year of telling myself that I can't go through this anymore. If I weren't here, who would make sure the kids are safe? I question his ability to take care of the kids if I am not here to pick up the pieces......  I dread going out. I don't want to go camping anymore. I don't want any celebrations where he will overdo his consumption of alcohol. And he took that from me.

So here I am. Broke and in debt. I am a stay at home mom, and have been for quite some time now. My skills are minimal. We rent our house. If I left, I would have to uproot my kids. Is that fair to them? One will be in middleschool next year. If I stay, then what am I teaching my kids about marriage? What am I teaching them if I am so sad? Do they see my sadness? If I leave, then I will spend sleepless nights wondering if they are safe when they are with him. I just don't know what to do. There is no easy choice. Both choices will make huge changes and sacrifices for my kids. Is that fair to them? I don't want to continue my life like this. But on the other hand, I have a roof over my head, and I can stay at home to be with my kids while they are little. He makes it work everyday, and brings in a steady paycheck. But I have a desire, and dreams. I truely believe there is someone out there to love me and treat me they way I desire and need to be treated.

Thanks for letting me vent. I try not to bad-mouth him. That's not my style.

[coffee.cake23]

I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you're in. I've been around alcoholism and I know from experience that it's not easy on those people who have to sit back and watch their loved ones take that route. I'm not married and perhaps too young to comment on your situation, but here's a big HUG from me and just by the sound of your post, I know you've got the strength to get through this and make the right decision on what's best for you and your children

Take care xxx

[ammo]

I cannot offer advice in your situation. My approach with people who are in the grips of controlled substances is usually to just let them fall hard and hope they realize what's important. That does not work in every situation though. It sounds like you really need alot of strength right now, you need the strength to change the way you live and create a stable environment for your children.

[taraprincess]

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

[Nyteshadecreed]

Hey honey!! *huge hugz* I am sorry to hear about your pain and frustration.... My b/f's mom is an alcholic also, and has two younger kids... We are blessed in the fact that her b/f is very understanding and loves the kids (not his though) So we know that they are safe, She makes bad choices for herself ALOT, but always makes sure that she makes fairly good choices for the kids... I  am not telling you what to do, But I would suggest trying a baby sitter for your kids... even if he is home. So you can get out... cuz no matter how much you love your kids you need some me time!!
Next, I would start telling my friends I am not coming to anything where there is drinking. He has a problem and I am not going to watch him do it anymore. If they are truly good friends then they will understand and support you. If not then what are you losing by not being around them?? Also I would tell him, if you are going to drink then you can go alone. I would rather stay home then watch you get drunk and have fun, which for me is no fun at all. (This is me personally, me and my b/f's mom love each other, even though we don't always like each other). I have told my b/f that I do not like him very much sometimes... although if you feel that you are not willing to try to help him stop, then you should leave... If you don't love him then leave, if he is in anyway not nice to you when he is drinking then you should leave. Also I would like to point out that if you stay, no matter your reasons you are helping the pattern that your hubby is suffering with right now.... Not all kids follow the pattern of abuse/alcoholism, (They are linked and that is why I added abuse, not saying there is any, just that the patterns are the same) but it is more likely to happen if you stay. Which I don't think you want for you kids... *sighs* this is hard, but you need to make a choice... stay and try to help him or try to find a safe place for you and your kids to go... Heck even if it is only for a few days to let him know you mean it!!

*hugz* Lots of love and best of luck
                                                     Nyte

[swetha]

hey,
a huge HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

maybe at some point in your life.. you need to give an ultimatum. one thing i do when I am confused is put down all the pros and cons of a situation and see where I stand. makes things so much simpler.

i think you deserve more than a hug

[Psychic Chef]

Hugs from me as well
And now you need to stop the bull and make the choices that you know are aready made, but you refuse to admit that you have to do them.
Your life is about to take a paradiam shift regardless of weather you want to exercise free will or not.
Love and support are your gifts and please use them wisely.
Good luck and hugs
Pete

[Prof. Akers]

Go for it, feel free the vent until that volcano is empty. Then vent a bit more, then look at your options (if you have any).
Only one piece of advice, I would gladly swop you (including having the op. to temove my bits if it meant I still had my son.
Revel in your children.

[surinder]

a big hug and lots of positive energy for you