Being a step-parent is way too difficult

[claireinnes1982]

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to have a rant....

My fiancee has 2 kids from a previous relationship, they are 8 and 11. They are grown kids basically. If that wasnt hard enough, their mother is mentally ill and has no idea about being a mother so they are being shipped to us for periods of time. Its just constant drama. the youngest has anxiety disorder and possible dyslexia - we are awaiting test results from his speech and writing tests that he went for. He is a nightmare, he cant have hardly any sugar because then he starts bouncing off the walls, he behaves like he has ADHD most of the time although they have said that is the anxiety disorder now but even so. My fiance of course doesnt want to think that anything is wrong with his child (youngest one is biological the eldest isnt) and so is in a constant state of denial/guilt that its his fault. But mostly denial. He has what I call "wild stallion" phases where he is like I want to drive into a cliff or just go away from everyone and everything, I dont want kids, I never wanted them in the first place etc.

He thinks because he was a step parent to a baby that he knows how I feel. Its just completely different from a baby in a million different ways. He wants me to be their mum but I dont want to be and Im pretty sure they feel the same way because they already have a mum no matter how many mistakes she makes. I wash their clothes, make food, lunches, take them to school half the time, make sure they get to bed etc. I think he just wants me to do everything.

So tonight he calls me after working all day - he is away every other week for 4 days. and says something about his mum being better than my mum and I was like I dont want to get into this, my mums great. And he says, with regard to housework? and I said well she works full time - the house is clean by the way just so you know - and I got a bit pissed off and said my mum was nicer than his mum (which she is obviously because shes my mum) and he said well why didnt she want to come over when the boys were here? and I said that she just wanted us to herself basically, we have a daughter together and my mum, dad and sister are coming over in April - I would rather go to England but apparently they need a change of scenery. Then he says he was only joking to begin with and I said no you wernt I can feel you and he said no I really was joking (didnt sound like one to me). Then he says god your so young, basically insinuating that I am immature. And Im soooo annoyed. Could a child deal with all this drama bullshit????I mean seriously, I get no credit, just moaning. Im just so annoyed right now I needed to get it out before I sleep. As I said before, he thinks he knows how Im feeling because he was a step-parent to the eldest one from a baby. Difference between a baby and 2 grown children anyone? huge is it? I thought so.

Okay thanks. feel a bit better now. Going to sleep - I hope.

light to everyone
Claire

[taraprincess]

sweetie here is a huge hug...much love and huggies

[Prof. Akers]

Have a sgtrictly platonic grandfatherly hug

[ammo]

I know how you feel doll. I helped raise my 9 very young siblings through my adolescence because they had an incompetent mother and wandering father. It is a very unfair situation to be "stuck with" caring for children that simply are not your own especially when you feel as though they have no one else.

[claireinnes1982]

Thankyou for your support guys xx

[kgirlsmomma]

Here is a hug, that all involved will work toward a healthy resolution.