I'm so in love, but he doesn't want me...

sadoangel · Post by **sadoangel** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 6:30 am

I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, and I know I shouldn't be.  Our relationship ended because he cheated on me, and certainly not for the first time.  Well, that's not entirely fair, a smaller problem we had that I was beginning to lose my mind... so, he said that if I got better, we could get back together.

I've gotten better, and he broke up with the rebound girlfriend, but he still won't come back, and he says it's because he doesn't want me, and he wants to be single.  Yet, he has a crush on another girl at his school.  He claims he doesn't want to pursue, he just wants to deal with it until it goes away, but who is he kidding?

What's so wrong with me that he doesn't want me?   I'm smart, funny, kind, and loyal.  I have all of these good qualities, but yet he has a crush on a girl who is avoiding him and treats him differently in front of her friends.  Great, I'm unwanted while Miss Two-Face is "totally hot".

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:37 pm

First of all, I'd like to ask you to stop beating yourself up, cut yourself some slack, and love yourself..

Here's one example of beating yourself up..  "I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, and I know I shouldn't be."  It is OK to be in love with him still..love is all there truly is in this world when you take everything else away.  

Next, it isn't about him....it is about you........ "What's so wrong with me that he doesn't want me? "  The answer?  Nothing.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  You are a growling, living soul on this earth, young and tender, here to learn the lessons life has to teach, and this ex-boyfriend is a teacher.  He is teaching you to learn to love yourself first.  Happiness comes from within.  Does it matter what he thinks is wrong with you?  No..that is about him, not you.  What is about you, is why you think there is something wrong, or why you care.

Take a class that improves you, like photography or dance,  writing, something creative you've always wanted to do.  Pour yourself into learning a new skill.  Repeat daily to yourself when you wake up and before you go to bed looking into the mirror "I Love Me" until you can say it with confidence and truly believe it.  Soon your light inside will shine so brightly, you will attract new partners into your life....and allow for change..Partners may come and go, and trust me after 50 years, I know...but each one is a blessing and bring a gift that you learn from, thank them for, and if need be move on..allowing for change and growth.

Best Wishes.

firetopaz · Post by **firetopaz** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 1:45 am

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you!?  Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants!  kgirlsmomma is right....when you love yourself you will be amazed how many people will be drawn to your light...like moths to a flame.  

HUG!

soul_flower · Post by **soul_flower** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:42 am

Nothing is wrong with you.. Sometimes things are just not meant to be.. I used to think the same thing about me when i split up with my ex.. It was very hard on me.. But never think something is wrong with the person you are.. Never let another person and more so a man make you feel worthless or whatever.. People change,move on,do their own thing and it seems your ex has taken another turn in his life.. Don't think badly of the other girl either,it's not her fault and its bad karma on your part.. kgirlsmomma is totally correct.. I still havent learnt to love myself and im going around in circles here,but its true.. You need to love yourself and it will be much easier.. Thats right,you have all these GOOD qualities,so don't waste your time wanting someone who doesn't see them.. There are plenty of fish in the sea,you're still so young.. Live,learn and have fun.. We all get broken hearts in life and we all mend.. Things just take time and sometimes alot of work to get there...

Take good care of yourself.. *huggles*

Mandimedea · Post by **Mandimedea** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:22 pm

I know you probably hate hearing this, but you are soooooo young.  I know it feels so strong, the feelings that you have for him, but in time they wont be so strong.  You need to love yourself just like the other advice on here.  When you love youself and who you are and you are confident, you will attract people.  It is true that you find someone when you are not looking, so don't go looking for it, you should work on yourself and being happy and it will happen.  He doesn't deserve you, and you should move on.   Just move ahead and see what the future holds and you will probably look back on this and say the best thing he ever did was not come back because my life is so full of happiness without him.

taraprincess · Post by **taraprincess** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:52 pm

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

azurestar · Post by **azurestar** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:06 pm

Eesh, relationship problems. Love sometimes gets us down, and I've been there. The truth is that he might not be mature enough to see what a wonderful person you are. There's nothing wrong with you; instead, you should stop and breathe, realize that he unfortunately he might not be interested. If he can't appreciate you, maybe that's for the best. It's never a really easy decision, and we tend to not make them anyways. All in all, I've got to agree with everyone else. Love yourself and have faith in yourself, take comfort with your friends, and if a boy likes you he'll make that abundantly clear. Much love and hugs. <3

Medical Astrology · Post by **Medical Astrology** » Thu Mar 26, 2009 9:04 am

A day seems like a very long time at your age.
Emotions are volatile too and can peak fast, because they have been tempered with time.

You are young, life is calling out to you..... whether it is a temporary separation or otherwise, do not sit in a corner and moan.
After all, Tomorrow is another day...................

Perhaps you will not appreciate this advice now, but if you remember, please look back at this dialoge about 5 years from now and you'll see what I want to say!

gina_love_21 · Post by **gina_love_21** » Sat Apr 04, 2009 4:39 am

I know exactly what you're going through. Love is a strong emotion. But the fact is, you need to learn to love yourself before your can truly love anyone else. If you learn to love yourself first, you will be open to love in life.

HUGS!

Songstress · Post by **Songstress** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 5:24 am

sadoangel wrote:I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend, and I know I shouldn't be. Our relationship ended because he cheated on me, and certainly not for the first time. Well, that's not entirely fair, a smaller problem we had that I was beginning to lose my mind... so, he said that if I got better, we could get back together.

I've gotten better, and he broke up with the rebound girlfriend, but he still won't come back, and he says it's because he doesn't want me, and he wants to be single. Yet, he has a crush on another girl at his school. He claims he doesn't want to pursue, he just wants to deal with it until it goes away, but who is he kidding?

What's so wrong with me that he doesn't want me? I'm smart, funny, kind, and loyal. I have all of these good qualities, but yet he has a crush on a girl who is avoiding him and treats him differently in front of her friends. Great, I'm unwanted while Miss Two-Face is "totally hot".

I've been where you are before.  It took me years to get past that.  There is nothing wrong with you.  The relationship just isn't meant to be.  You can't force a relationship where it doesn't exist.  I learned that the hard way.  You could miss out on a great guy if you're too focused on your ex.  If you focus on him too much you will become obsessive and possibly start to develop the behavior of a stalker.

If he cheated on you in the past, why would you want him back?  No one deserves to be treated like that in a relationship.

Some guys tend to want what they can't have, girls do it too.  Just focus on having fun and enjoying life and before you know it the right guy will come along.  One that won't cheat, and will appreciate who you are.

hope999 · Post by **hope999** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 11:09 am

All the posts i have read are great advice as always in this forum.I just wanted to give an example form a 'real life' perspective that may help you to move on. I wasted 5 years of my life in total greiving relationships that i now see were totally  pointless, but i was too young to know otherwise.

My point is i know it sounds/may seem like it is very easy to say - but the worst thing you can do is greive something that really you have no idea would have been 'perfect' had it continued. I spent ages fantasising about perfect days we would have had etc etc...to wake up one day and realised how much of my time i had wasted and oppurtunuties meeting other people - bfs and otherwise. I know you probably feel like you cannot help your emotions- they are driving you to feel like you cant move one and let you psyche recognise that this guy is just immature and not in a space where a) he could apprecaite you as he should b) the relationship would not work out even if he wanted one - it sounds to me like the problem is just his total immaturity. Even if he manages to get the girl he wants- i bet you anyhting he will do the same thing to her within 6 months time (or at least eventually).

So take from my experience - i wasted 5 years of my life in the space you are in. And now i see that these men would have hurt me more had i have stayed in a relationship with them aka continued to take their bad treatment.I wish i had allowed the greiving, but simulatneously taken active steps to enjoy my life (which helps you move on)i.e a class you really like, anyhting in your spare time that teaches you an new skills and ideally to meet new people.It just subtly helps you focus your energies on better things and ensures you do not get caught up in the pain for too long (you dont have to make such a conscious effort).i hope none of this sounds too cliche- i remember when peopel said this stuff to me when i was going through it - i just thought 'same old' but i promise- it really does work. just take my omen of 5 years wastes and how much i wish i could get that time back.

Good luck.
Anyway

freda · Post by **freda** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 7:09 pm

Hug first of all!
Please do yourself a favour and leave a guy who does not love you, care about you and does not spoil you.
Yu a vulnarable at the moment so do not make decisions in a hurry.  Be thankfull for that which is in your life which does make yu happy and wait for the good things to follow.
Yea sure shame on this guy, but he is making you sooo miserable.  That is not healthy for you.  You deserve to feel good about yourself.  And if it does not make you feel good about yu self you ignore it.
Hug Hug

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 10:04 pm

While I completely sympathize with being in love with someone who doesn't love you..let us remember No one can make you feel anything but you.  This gentleman is not making her miserable..she is allowing it for herself...choosing to do so by staying, and thus there is a valuable lesson here for her to learn.  Or many valuable lessons.  My hope, prayer, and belief is that she will find them, discover the joy and love that is in her to do what is in her greatest good.

thegirl · Post by **thegirl** » Mon Jun 15, 2009 10:23 pm

is happening exactly the same with me right now.. but there is not that we can do, so just move on and soon you will find someone.. everyone will,for sure

sabbath siren · Post by **sabbath siren** » Mon Jun 22, 2009 11:08 am

When things don't work out in a relationship it doesnt mean that you weren't good enough or that you failed.  Individually, you are both great people.  Together, maybe you just didn't compliment each other or bring out the best in each other.  This takes nothing away from either of you individually- absolutely nothing.  New doors can't open sometimes till old ones close- start getting excited about the future!!
Loving, gentle consolation to you, sweetheart.
Peta

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I'm so in love, but he doesn't want me...

I'm so in love, but he doesn't want me...

Re: I'm so in love, but he doesn't want me...

sadoangel in love

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