i dont know what to do :(

running_free · Post by **running_free** » Tue May 12, 2009 6:10 am

ArcticDreams wrote:
I dont get why you are rejecting a man who treats you beautifully.

i dont get it either, theres something almost trying to 'stop' me...i dont get it either, i am trying

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Tue May 12, 2009 11:20 am

You hold the answers, running.....You are the only one trying to stop you.   What 'permission' does rejecting this man give you?  Permission to avoid an intimate relationship.  Permission to actually be unhappy?  Keep searching....YOU have the answer.

running_free · Post by **running_free** » Wed May 13, 2009 6:18 am

i think im scared....  :smt009

Rook · Post by **Rook** » Wed May 13, 2009 6:54 am

I am glad I jumped in on this post.  Like ArcticDreams I don't often come here.  But this is filled with such insightfulness and wisdom, it has been a joy to share.

running_free, I had people tell me that I could 'do better' than my partner.  They said this before they so much as talked to her.  And like you should do, I ignored what other people thought.  It is when I have cast others opinions aside and followed my heart that I have made the best decisions in my life.  Three years later I have the makings of a beautiful family and happiness for years to come.  But then I see my partner as beautiful and always shall, she is attractive to me, it is society who has deemed her to not have model looks (the kind of girl my EX-friends used to expect me to be with).  So I suppose my circumstance are different to yours.

I think you should look into your heart and see if you see that light shining.  Forget physical impressions, for even good looking people change and age.  To be honest, you don't have a lot to lose.  If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out and that is that.  You learn and move on.

And remember, there is nothing to fear but fear itself.  No matter what happens, you will learn and grow.  As long as you have your health and love, what else matters?

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Wed May 13, 2009 11:22 am

Ok, running..that is a start..what are you scared of?  What permission does being scared give you to be? Alone?  Feeling like a victim?  Feeling unloveable?  We are here ..and mostly learn lessons of life thru dichtomy..if you 'feel' unloveable..you are really quite LOVEABLE!  See?  Keep searching...keep following the trail.

J&A_Hernandez_2007 · Post by **J&A_Hernandez_2007** » Wed May 13, 2009 7:18 pm

running_free wrote:I'd also like to bring to this discussion one other factor that is worrying me. this guy is about 5 years younger than me. im worried hes too young? what people will think?

It really shouldn't matter what people think. What matters is what makes you happy. Although not quite the same situation as yours, my husband is of a different race than myself. Sure, we get looks, etc. but it really doesn't matter to me. He makes me happy and is a very loving man, husband, father and friend. I wouldn't give him up for anything. My advice: do whatever makes you happy because you deserve the best.

running_free · Post by **running_free** » Wed May 13, 2009 9:00 pm

oooo i dont like trails! im just scared of being with someone i guess, well half of me likes the thought of it, the other half isnt so sure. iv blocked myself off from hugs and kisses from even my mum since the last bf, iv just gone not cuddly anymore.

also, this guy is being sooo amazing, not pushing, rushing, totally understanding everything yet still promising hes waiting until im ready.
but i just dont get it. a guy i meet, met up a fair few times now, says this to me. im thinking, why does he think that, im not even that special. and because i dont really believe that i think hes lying but i KNOW hes not. in the past i would have jumped at this straight away and without hesitation, now im being so doubtful and dubious. i dont know what happened to me, its weird. its so confusing, my head hurts

ETA: As i was falling asleep last night i was thinking about this saying, whats the point. iv trusted people before and its going wrong, never again is someone going to hurt me, whats the point...on the other had  i do want a relationship but...

Rook · Post by **Rook** » Thu May 14, 2009 3:00 am

Your trust has been broken by the ex.  Is this why you are doubtful?  I think pretty much everyone would react in a similar fashion.  But not all people are like that.  It sounds like perhaps you are not ready to trust again?  Do you need more time?  Or is it time to open back up to the world?

And I have a secret I learnt when I was down on myself and at rock bottom.  I am awesome.  I only had to realise it, which I did in a moment of utter dispair and self-hate.  My life changed then.  A lot of people call me arrogant because I will willingly admit that I am awesome.  They think that I believe I am better than everyone else.   But they don't understand what I believe - that everyone is awesome ie I am awesome, but no better than anyone else because everyone is awesome.  They just haven't realised it yet.  It is not a lot of use me telling them they are awesome, they won't believe it because I say it.  They have to realise it for themselves.

But I think your negative view of yourself is coming out in the phrase "im not even that special".  Truth is you are.  You just haven't realised it yet.  Turn that around and you will realise you are worthy.

loauluon · Post by **loauluon** » Thu May 14, 2009 6:29 am

All I am saying is that physical attractions still do play a big role when it comes to love.  However, people at the younger age, that would definitely applies.  I am 30 years old, and man let me tell you, looks still is the first thing I look in men.  If you are not comfortable being with him, then don't, because you can't be with a guy just because he is super nice.  You can still find someone who you would love and would be super nice to you too.  Maybe it is not your time yet.  If physically he is not attractive enough for you, and if you are decided to be with him, you might ended up leaving him for someone else someday, and that wouldn't be fair to him.  So why hurt yourself or him.  Just be friend with him.  Tell him that you are not into any relationships  right now.  He would understand.  Love can't be force, and you can't tell your heart what to do if it doesn't feeling it.  By the way, almost everyone get cheated on.  I hope you would heal soon and find the love of your life.  You are still young, you'll find your other half.  So dont' rush into anything that you dont' feel right.  Good luck  :smt006

running_free · Post by **running_free** » Mon May 18, 2009 7:14 pm

he knows exactly what i think iv been straight with him from the very start. iv met him a few times now, things are going well and i think i am growing to like him more. everything is just going steady im not in a rush for anything.

still very worried though :(

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Mon May 18, 2009 10:47 pm

The Law of Attraction..what you fear and worry about the most, is what you bring into your life.  So whatever your fear is about this relationship, if you want that to happen...keep worrying..keep fearing.  It will eventually come true.  Then you get to say 'I told you so."  But, if you want to sit back, relax and enjoy it, then do that.

GavinKabal · Post by **GavinKabal** » Tue May 19, 2009 2:15 pm

You sound like you are an Angel looking for your light.  you are obviously interested in the esoteric, hence your being on this board.  If you have studied at all you will know that doubt and vacillation are a result of our ego or lower self.  As is judging a group (men) by one of it's members- your comment you were cheated on in the past.  

It really seems like what you want is to pursue something with this new man, yet your holding the idea of a previous individual and what he did, as well as your interest in the physical, is holding you back.  What harm will come of seeing what would happen if you proceed?

I would also suggest that you seek a way to advance your consciousness towards your hiher self, such as meditation.  This can remove alot of the hang ups with the physical and lower self.

Good luck on your journey, may it be filled with enlightenment and ambrosia for your soul!

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Tue May 19, 2009 2:54 pm

You learn to re-write your 'history'.  You can change the outcome of this experience for yourself.  Good luck!

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i dont know what to do :(

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