Hi all, :smt006
I've been with this guy for the past 11 months, have tried over and over again to keep him happy and it seems like it's never good enough. We got into a huge fight two weeks ago (on Wednesday) and he's been ignoring my calls and text messages as if I no longer exist. At least the last time he had the decency to tell me it was over, this time, just the complete silent treatment. No matter what I say or do, apologize, beg for forgiveness, absolutely nothing. On top of that I found out last week that my dads cat scan came back with a black cloud over his heart being a tumor. He needs to go for surgery to have a biopsy. My friends don't seem to be around much for support and tried reaching out to the guy and nothing. I've sunken into a deep depression where I don't have the energy or desire to do anything and I feel completely and utterly hopeless. I tried seeing a therapist, that didn't do anything except make me realize how much of a mess things are even more. I just wish I knew if my dad will be okay, if the guy will come back. So much stress right now and no-one to turn to.
I need a hug, perhaps several.
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
I will give you a hug
I am sorry to hear about your situation. I am no psychic but I can tell you that things will get better. I think you should give your boyfriend some space. I think he is still angry over the fight but he may cool down in the upcoming days. Wait for him to contact you. Give it about a week. If he doesn't contact you assume its over and focus on your dad. He is the one you should be spending time with. I hope he will be ok. Pray for him and be there to support him. He needs you to take care of him and may be feeling depressed right now too. If anything happens to him, God forbid, you will regret if you don't spend time with him now. my father died when I was 5 so I know the feeling of losing someone and feeling like I could not be there for him. May everything work out in your favour. 
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StormGirl Blue
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- Location: Australia
- Contact:
Hi littledee..
this is posted in i need a hug, so this is not a reading...
But you should ask yourself this..
Do you really want that cold, selfish, inconsiderate jerk back, or would you be far better of leaving the door open to accept a lover that you deserve.
what would your father think about a man who treated his little girl so appallingly. I'm sure he would be less than impressed. His advice would likely be something along the lines of kicking his pathetic butt to the kerb and telling you that you can do better.
This man being out of your life right now frees you up to give your attention to the things and people in your life that really matter.
Much love to you littledee you are far stronger than you know, .. you wont know your true strength until you wean yourself off this feeling of need for that unhealthy relationship.
Life may not deliver what we want, but it will give you what you need.
Its time to embrace the awesomeness of littledee.
Doors are open to you right now, its just up to you what one you want to take, the healthy one or the one that you really should step out of.
this is posted in i need a hug, so this is not a reading...
But you should ask yourself this..
Do you really want that cold, selfish, inconsiderate jerk back, or would you be far better of leaving the door open to accept a lover that you deserve.
what would your father think about a man who treated his little girl so appallingly. I'm sure he would be less than impressed. His advice would likely be something along the lines of kicking his pathetic butt to the kerb and telling you that you can do better.
This man being out of your life right now frees you up to give your attention to the things and people in your life that really matter.
Much love to you littledee you are far stronger than you know, .. you wont know your true strength until you wean yourself off this feeling of need for that unhealthy relationship.
Life may not deliver what we want, but it will give you what you need.
Its time to embrace the awesomeness of littledee.
Doors are open to you right now, its just up to you what one you want to take, the healthy one or the one that you really should step out of.
My dad dislikes the mere thought of him and has from the beginning. He also doesn't know him, he just knows what I tell him when we're fighting. Although me and my father live in the same house, it might as well be two different planets. He never took care of himself in the first place and also is a smoker with a drug problem. I've been spending as much time as possible with him but it's hard to be strong right now when I don't have the boyfriend to lean on, my closet family is on vacation, my parents are divorced and it seems my mom is rather angry I'm going through this with the boyfriend, and my friends are very wrapped up in their own lives. I'm sick of feeling weak and I'm not use to it either. I'm trying to stay strong for my dad but he's acting like it's not even a big deal when I think it's the end of the world. He understands what I'm going through and wants to go kick this guys ass which is what he deserves. I will leave the guy alone and give him space, I'm just afraid it's too late. I wish I didn't have so many things going on at this one time, it seems as if everything is just crashing down around me and there's no sense of relief in sight.
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StormGirl Blue
- Posts: 346
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:42 am
- Location: Australia
- Contact:
yea it is hard to see the positive in a situation when your heart is breaking. I know I have been there myself.
From my own experience it would have been far easier had I made the choice myself to get rid of "him" without anyone else's input.. Unfortunately it diddnt go like that, and I also had to suffer the long drawn out wishing he was back..
then I realized the main thing I really wanted was just for him to care enough to feel remorse for treating me badly... nay.. I needed for that..
In fact it took me many years for me to truly thank god for unanswered prayers ( and wishes and spells, chant and rants and all the rest of it )
You could take my experience and save yourself eons of pain.. in fact given all that is going on with you, your plate of emotional matters spilling over you really should.
Karma is a patient teacher, have faith and know deep in your heart that one day he will know that he wronged and feel it.. But give that up to the angels to be dealt with accordingly.. You really do have enough on..
as for dad.. he seems to need you to lighten up. You feeling sick over him is not what he needs, regardless of his history, he is a loving father to you and does not want you to suffer. Im feeling he would sooner avoid a drama. Pushing him into a confrontation with this isnt an ideal way to go.
OO and forgive him his self negligence, as I hope one day my kids will forgive me,, it sucks knowing they judge me .. hey parents are human too, and sometimes we do silly things, things that we hope our kids dont do. On one hand we love that our kids chose a healthy path on the other we hate that they form an opinion of us based on our stupid choices, and not on our love for them.
As you said this is a real mountain of heartache.. lets try breaking it down into bite size.. Deal with each thing as it comes. the verdict isnt back yet..
You can get though this.. you dont have a choice in that. Put your faith in you, trust in you and be a friend to you.
From my own experience it would have been far easier had I made the choice myself to get rid of "him" without anyone else's input.. Unfortunately it diddnt go like that, and I also had to suffer the long drawn out wishing he was back..
then I realized the main thing I really wanted was just for him to care enough to feel remorse for treating me badly... nay.. I needed for that..
In fact it took me many years for me to truly thank god for unanswered prayers ( and wishes and spells, chant and rants and all the rest of it )
You could take my experience and save yourself eons of pain.. in fact given all that is going on with you, your plate of emotional matters spilling over you really should.
Karma is a patient teacher, have faith and know deep in your heart that one day he will know that he wronged and feel it.. But give that up to the angels to be dealt with accordingly.. You really do have enough on..
as for dad.. he seems to need you to lighten up. You feeling sick over him is not what he needs, regardless of his history, he is a loving father to you and does not want you to suffer. Im feeling he would sooner avoid a drama. Pushing him into a confrontation with this isnt an ideal way to go.
OO and forgive him his self negligence, as I hope one day my kids will forgive me,, it sucks knowing they judge me .. hey parents are human too, and sometimes we do silly things, things that we hope our kids dont do. On one hand we love that our kids chose a healthy path on the other we hate that they form an opinion of us based on our stupid choices, and not on our love for them.
As you said this is a real mountain of heartache.. lets try breaking it down into bite size.. Deal with each thing as it comes. the verdict isnt back yet..
You can get though this.. you dont have a choice in that. Put your faith in you, trust in you and be a friend to you.
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Rhutobello
- Posts: 10724
- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm
A hug from me too....and some of my thoughts.....hmmmm
You are not alone when you state that you try to please him all the way...that you do everything for him in order to get him back....that you even might forgive the unfairness he do to you.
My thought is.....is this the right way to go?
Put yourself into this guys shoe....with the action you get from your "sacked" partner, you have no need to evaluate your relationship further.you might even start to be annoyed..you can do as you like....because "the lady" are sitting there waiting..begging to come back...whatever.
Let say there is a spark of interest back in the "Partnership" feeling....by doing it this way you might give him time to let this spark burn out...because he can all the time investigate with other partners, and still know he has a backup...
This can be both good and bad....good if it is an unfaithful partner...better not be hooked up with him/her....sad if our eagerness move him/her away.
Most take a broken Relationship for what it is, and go on with their life at once...some struggle a bit more....and for them it is important to put up "goals" so they can end it inside themselves.
What if?
You say okay...end is end....it hurt but if he/she don't find me worthy, other might.
You give a clear message(either to your partner...OR to your MIND!) that you don't find yourself in the position to waste your life waiting for him/her to make a decision, and if one not inside a certain time have reach an agreement, then you also see the relationship as ended.
It is important that the partner (or YOU)understand that the relationship will be ended, because then you put on them the need for evaluating of the relationship.
If "partner" still say ..I want to end..then...well...it is very sad if you still love him/her....BUT it was VERY nice it happened now...that you have time to take your life back...that you again can be open for the "prince or princess "
Many state that this is my soul-mate(or love of my life)....what crap....how can anyone be a soul-mate if they haven't interest for you? It is only an egostic thoughts, that will prevent you from happiness, because as long as it stay in your mind, you will always imagine how good....how special...your relationship with your """SOUL_MATE""" would have been if they just had stayed with you...........it is daydreaming....it is an escape from reality......it is self hurting thought that SELDOM can be achieved.
I am NOT saying this is an easy task...because it is not....but if we don't try to accept the loss, and start to heal from it...we will suffer a long time to no use.....because each, and one of us have lots of Princes and princesses that can make us happy....it is only we who must allow our-self to spot them, and that is hard to do when our focus is on a lost case.
I fully agree with StormGirl Blue...what on earth do you need this guy for?????...he has proved that he is nothing for you....you better raise your BAR for who shall accompany you for the rest of your life....don't become a doormat!
A big Grandpa huuggg and a smile
You are not alone when you state that you try to please him all the way...that you do everything for him in order to get him back....that you even might forgive the unfairness he do to you.
My thought is.....is this the right way to go?
Put yourself into this guys shoe....with the action you get from your "sacked" partner, you have no need to evaluate your relationship further.you might even start to be annoyed..you can do as you like....because "the lady" are sitting there waiting..begging to come back...whatever.
Let say there is a spark of interest back in the "Partnership" feeling....by doing it this way you might give him time to let this spark burn out...because he can all the time investigate with other partners, and still know he has a backup...
This can be both good and bad....good if it is an unfaithful partner...better not be hooked up with him/her....sad if our eagerness move him/her away.
Most take a broken Relationship for what it is, and go on with their life at once...some struggle a bit more....and for them it is important to put up "goals" so they can end it inside themselves.
What if?
You say okay...end is end....it hurt but if he/she don't find me worthy, other might.
You give a clear message(either to your partner...OR to your MIND!) that you don't find yourself in the position to waste your life waiting for him/her to make a decision, and if one not inside a certain time have reach an agreement, then you also see the relationship as ended.
It is important that the partner (or YOU)understand that the relationship will be ended, because then you put on them the need for evaluating of the relationship.
If "partner" still say ..I want to end..then...well...it is very sad if you still love him/her....BUT it was VERY nice it happened now...that you have time to take your life back...that you again can be open for the "prince or princess "
Many state that this is my soul-mate(or love of my life)....what crap....how can anyone be a soul-mate if they haven't interest for you? It is only an egostic thoughts, that will prevent you from happiness, because as long as it stay in your mind, you will always imagine how good....how special...your relationship with your """SOUL_MATE""" would have been if they just had stayed with you...........it is daydreaming....it is an escape from reality......it is self hurting thought that SELDOM can be achieved.
I am NOT saying this is an easy task...because it is not....but if we don't try to accept the loss, and start to heal from it...we will suffer a long time to no use.....because each, and one of us have lots of Princes and princesses that can make us happy....it is only we who must allow our-self to spot them, and that is hard to do when our focus is on a lost case.
I fully agree with StormGirl Blue...what on earth do you need this guy for?????...he has proved that he is nothing for you....you better raise your BAR for who shall accompany you for the rest of your life....don't become a doormat!
A big Grandpa huuggg and a smile
Thank you guys. I received a text message from him at 4:41 Tuesday am saying "Hey, just got back. Got work tomorrow. Sorry I didn't answer before/during I was away. Just didn't wanna talk. Will call you at some point tomorrow." Woke me up and I called him saying that, he apologized and acted as if nothing had ever happened. And than said he'd call me the later and I went back to sleep. And now he's back to ignoring me. Tried texting him to see if he was still coming to the wedding in September so I knew what color dress I was suppose to get, and doesn't answer. Tried calling and nothing. If we're back to ignoring me, than why bother in the first place? This all just seems like one big game to him at this point just to hurt/anger me and it's not right.
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StormGirl Blue
- Posts: 346
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 11:42 am
- Location: Australia
- Contact:
Littledee
You are absolutely correct!!
Its NOT right..... stop accepting it.. stop wanting that for yourself.. stop allowing yourself to be his doormat.
You asked the universe for a sign, you got it.. clear and painful as it is, here is your snapshot.
I mean honestly hun, what sort of man knows someone is going though a traumatic time but doesn't even care enough to call you when he said he would. I don't give a flying fox that he thinks he has been busy. He is saying that you don't matter so much, and you leaving the door open to him is saying that this is ok, I dont matter so much..
Get off that endless merry-go-round now, its not where you should be.
Ok, so saying it is one thing, doing it is harder..sooooo plan for it..
Your assignment begins..
Over the next 11 days you are required to give this project some serious thought...
Take a piece of paper write out the modules required to build a stronger, healthier, happier you- mind, body and soul.
You have 11 days to complete this part of the assignment, so you are able to give this some real thoughts.
Here are a few ideas to help you determine what this should include.
self confidence
prioritise you above others
self respect
improve cardio vascular system
great skin
enjoy life
learn something new
these are only a few ideas off the top of my head. what you choose to include is completely your own choice. this is your journey..
On the 12 th day you begin part B of this assignment.. the action plan.
You have 11 weeks to install the action plan into your life.
You will record your actions in a note pad, I suggest that each of the modules you have decided upon should have their own page.
write on the top of the page the module you are concentrating on..
under this write out the steps required to achieve the desired outcome.
eg Self confidence..
now think about what you need to DO, what ACTION you need to take to fulfil this aspect.
Im thinking acknowledging something you are good at, or have shown aptitude for in the past. Write at least a paragraph on this, include many things or just a few and write at least a paragraph on each of them.
Now dont stop at the writing DO something on the list,
You are required to record what it is you DID, to fulfil this.
eg 2 better fitness..
write what you need to do to achieve this. research ways you can achieve this by looking up fitness classes in your area, sports you could participate in, clubs associated with something that will improve your fitness level..
finally DO, something..
record what you have done.
eg3 enjoy life..
write a few things that you would enjoy doing.. this could include an activity you thought you would like to try one day, or anything at all that you would find fun..
DO something.. again do some research on how you could go about getting actively involved in doing one of these fun things.. but then you must complete the task by taking the steps to participate.
Lets see what happens.. its worth a try.. nothing ventured nothing gained.
Love to you littledee.. and ty for inspiring my thoughts.. It takes a very special person to be you.
You are absolutely correct!!
Its NOT right..... stop accepting it.. stop wanting that for yourself.. stop allowing yourself to be his doormat.
You asked the universe for a sign, you got it.. clear and painful as it is, here is your snapshot.
I mean honestly hun, what sort of man knows someone is going though a traumatic time but doesn't even care enough to call you when he said he would. I don't give a flying fox that he thinks he has been busy. He is saying that you don't matter so much, and you leaving the door open to him is saying that this is ok, I dont matter so much..
Get off that endless merry-go-round now, its not where you should be.
Ok, so saying it is one thing, doing it is harder..sooooo plan for it..
Your assignment begins..
Over the next 11 days you are required to give this project some serious thought...
Take a piece of paper write out the modules required to build a stronger, healthier, happier you- mind, body and soul.
You have 11 days to complete this part of the assignment, so you are able to give this some real thoughts.
Here are a few ideas to help you determine what this should include.
self confidence
prioritise you above others
self respect
improve cardio vascular system
great skin
enjoy life
learn something new
these are only a few ideas off the top of my head. what you choose to include is completely your own choice. this is your journey..
On the 12 th day you begin part B of this assignment.. the action plan.
You have 11 weeks to install the action plan into your life.
You will record your actions in a note pad, I suggest that each of the modules you have decided upon should have their own page.
write on the top of the page the module you are concentrating on..
under this write out the steps required to achieve the desired outcome.
eg Self confidence..
now think about what you need to DO, what ACTION you need to take to fulfil this aspect.
Im thinking acknowledging something you are good at, or have shown aptitude for in the past. Write at least a paragraph on this, include many things or just a few and write at least a paragraph on each of them.
Now dont stop at the writing DO something on the list,
You are required to record what it is you DID, to fulfil this.
eg 2 better fitness..
write what you need to do to achieve this. research ways you can achieve this by looking up fitness classes in your area, sports you could participate in, clubs associated with something that will improve your fitness level..
finally DO, something..
record what you have done.
eg3 enjoy life..
write a few things that you would enjoy doing.. this could include an activity you thought you would like to try one day, or anything at all that you would find fun..
DO something.. again do some research on how you could go about getting actively involved in doing one of these fun things.. but then you must complete the task by taking the steps to participate.
Lets see what happens
.. its worth a try.. nothing ventured nothing gained.Love to you littledee.. and ty for inspiring my thoughts.. It takes a very special person to be you.
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ConfusedMind
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