I had been going out with this girl for about 5-6 months...Everything was great. We clicked so well. We could spend so much time together and were never sick of eachother. Our first 2 coffee dates were about 6 hours each. We made each other laugh, went out together, hung out about 3,4,5 times a week, had sex 2-3 times a day, played games, workout, swam...you name it we did it. However, we only went out with friends like 3 times total (she was really shy) and was not really a fan. She also was a Very jealous girl and always asked if I was talking to other girls (no) and was soooooo insecure about herself. At around 4 months into this relationship RJ(best friend) helped a ton with any questions I had and talked to her a lot while I was at work and that how she met RJ. They hung out about 4-5 different times and would drink while I was waiting to get off work. He plays a key role much later in the story
So after high school to about last year I have a little bit of an interesting past...stuff some people know and evidence is in my email (important later on). Well when I first started dating her we laid nearly everything out on the table. We thought that an honest relationship was the best. So I told her everything that I thought was relevant... From relationships to past jobs #s of women I have been with, personal insecurities, etc.
I had a great relationship with her mother and her mom’s boyfriend. Talked countless time and they took us out to dinner about 9 times…insisting they pay every time. Her sister was shy around me at first but we became much closer and she became much more comfortable around me…proclaiming: “You are the best bf Jen has ever dated…hands down”.
So we had our share of fights mainly about stupid things and a lot of them about me offending her. For instance…I took her to France this summer for 2 weeks vacation. Well at some point she asked me…if I passed away how long would it take for you to get over me. I was like wtf!? I dunno. A year…maybe 4-8 months even a year (we had been dating about 3ish months then). She was so offended by my answer that she thought it would be best if we broke up! i explained to her that one of my good friends had passed away and months later I still think about him. There were like 4 instances where she would ask a question similar to that and was offended by my answer and stated that we should break up, but we didnt.
We had one really big fight, which was my fault and the worst thing ever…I lied. There was a girl whom I had worked and known for 2 years prior to Jen. Well we were friends and we happened to be drinking before my France trip at a friend’s house. Well I got to drunk and ended up streaking. Well I told Jen everything about streaking and hanging out except for mentioning Claire (the girl). I figured that it would cause more harm than good to tell her (as she is very jealous) and since there were only 3 of us total. Well it bit me in the ass and she found out somehow (by logging into my facebook account ,which she denies, and reading my inbox...i found out later on as she told me) and that nearly broke us up. Well I learned that it is sometimes best to hurt someone’s feelings rather than lie.
Well this thing that I was involved in was public knowledge at my old job and at the beginning of our relationship I had mentioned it on the second date while talking. So I held nothing back. When I did this thing a couple of my friends wanted to see so I sent them some photos via email. Well recently like 4 weeks ago she started inquiring about this gig again (not the first time since we were together) and asking if I still was sending pictures out to people. I said no and that was the truth. I offered to show her my email sent box and she accepted and I showed her the recent ones. She then asked for me to scroll down which I did and she inquired about some other things and I answered honestly. She asked about a total of 7-8 questions and finally gets down to a set of pictures which I had sent a while back…before her. She asked to see the pics and I told her no, they are old before you and something that I told want to neither show you nor want you to see. Keep in mind that these are in my SENT folder and something I do not care to hang on to. She pressed the subject further and I then proceeded to lie about it (which I should not have done, but thought was necessary).
A couple of days go by and she comes over on a Saturday night after work and at my request and I mention that we are nearing our 6th month together and to point out any questions or comments or concerns that you have about each other and if there were 3 things that you would change what would they be. She then talks for about 2 min then pauses and says, “I do not think I can trust you anymore. I think it is best that we break up.” No reason what so ever was stated as I asked her. She just asks about the email (the one I ended up lying about and I told her she doesn’t need to know, doesn’t involve her, and used the original story. She then leaves.
I contact her that night and ask her to meet me for coffee so we can talk. We meet and then discuss everything. She then confesses that my password was saved in her computer one day, went through my inbox and sent box, and looked at every picture and file there. There are things from 4 years ago that are utterly embarrassing and since then. So basically she quizzed me on my email (everything of which was scandalous/bad was before her) to see if I would lie to her. I felt violated, mad, angry, and shocked. We broke up that day. I went over to her house 2 days later to try to patch it again and I told her that I might feel differently around her and I might need time to get over it. We have sex that night and I leave for work that morning. We were supposed to hang out and talk things over that night, however I felt that I needed opinions and friends to help me make sure that I am making the right decision. So I told her that I could not meet her and we can other night. She cries, pleads with me, and tries everything but I told her no. I told her I need some space to think and if she could respect my wish. The next day after work I found a 4 page letter in my car…breaking us up. I called to confirm and to understand the letter and said goodbye. Her point of view is that I chose my friends over her and to see other girls...which was not my intentions at all.
A week goes by and at this point im thinking of calling her. No contact since. Well from all what her parents did for us I had wanted to thank them so I sent them cards. I guess upon recieving them she thought the same thing and was the first to call me. She asks how I have been and what I have been up to. I tell her mostly work at the new job and some prep. for school. She then inquires if I have been with any women since then and I reply no..which is true. Never did I think about moving on to another person so fast. Well I ask her and apparently she had...already had been on a date with 1 guy from work and kissed him and touched his dick. I was angry that she would tell me the detail upon what I did not ask for. So being pissed off i told her to ^%(* off and I was dropping the rest of her stuff by the next day.
Well I get over there and about to drop the last of her belongings and while I do so she asked if I would like to come in and talk. I said yes. We ended up talking for about 4 hours finally making out at the end and then later on having sex at my place after dinner that her parents invited me for. Well I dont see her for a couple of days when finally she calls me after her parents are not home and asks if I want to watch a movie together and hang out. She yes yes and I head over there. While hanging out with her I notice that there is a hicky on her neck and I became upset and told her so. She apologies prefusely and says that she will try to keep them at a minimal. So at this point she is still seeing this guy...named greg and me. According to her this stuff with greg is just a fling b/c we are not back together yet. I then ask her if she would like to get anything out of her system before we get back together...such as ^%&*%^&% him or dating him or w/e. I knew I was better in bed and I was confident i would be able to save us so it didnt bother me that much...as long as she still wanted to get back with me. She then states that until we get back together she doesnt not want to stop seeing him. I said okay... and I understood too b/c if she needed time to think about getting back with me thats fine...as long as we worked on it...and for me i was still there too.
So about a week goes by and she wants to hang out again and I said okay...how about lunch. At this point im nervous...Its been sometime since we talked and I know she was still seeing greg and it started to bother me more, and at arriving at lunch I stated so. I told her that I was ready to get back with her and asked her to stop seeing greg. She did not like that idea. She then says that she has started to get feelings for him and refers to our relationship as a broken car vs. a new one. I am a little upset so I told her goodbye and was about to leave when she asks where im going. I told her that I was unprepared for this as I was planning on getting back with her and her choice was unexpected. Well she tells me to sit down and that she had made her choice to choose me. That she will tell greg that night and after we will see each other as together again. She kisses me..comforts me..consoles me...and hugs me...telling me everything will be alright and that she loves me.
Later that night she calls at around 9:30-9:45pm. tells me that she is going to see greg as he just got off work to tell him. I told her to please call me no matter what and good luck and I love you. She says i love you back and I wait.
1:30 comes around and I have not heard 1 word. I call once..decide to give her more time. 2:30 comes around and I call twice. She then calls back and says that she and greg were still talking. I was upset at this point as she knew I had to be up for work @ 7:30. I went off on her telling her she was bing inconsiderate by not keeping me updated and tell her to spend as much time with him..im through. Well I immediatly regret that and call her back...she never picks up. I call her 120 times...60 of those went through..the rest did not as she had turned her phone off. I have never cried b/c of a girl. I cried b/c of her. I left her 2 hateful messages that night and 1 sorrowful one. I didnt get to bed until 5:30 am. I spent most of the night talkling to RJ...as he was helping me.
The next day I work then leave early as Jen then calls me and apologizes for last night. I go over to her house and ask to talk. Then I went off on her.. i was stern and firm the entire time... I cry..I ask why...because in my mind her doing that to me..meant that after everything she said and did, chose greg over me. I felt maipulated, cheated, heartbroken..etc. Well then towards the end of our discussion she then has something important to tell me. I ask her what.
One day on a sunday when we broke up for the week after the 4 page paper she went over to Rjs house to talk to him about me. At somepoint they drank and at some point they slept together and preformed oral on eachother ( they say that it ws the extent of theirsexual activites but i dont know who to believe). RJ never told me. After feeling as I didi called him up and asked him...and he confirmed it. I dont think I can/will talk to him again... I feel so betrayed. My best friend down here....christ.
Well 1 1/2 weeks have gone by and I have talked to her sister for 3 hours... I talked and had a meeting with her mom for 2 hours...and I talked to her ex via phone for 3 hours. I told them everything There is a part of me that hates her so much. But i still love her. After that day she calls me up and we talk. One night i went to a concert...and she called me and felt bad and she made the wrong choice and that greg will never be me and could never replace me... Then friday night comes and we talk for 2 hours. before bed. Then the next day I had a wedding to go to and I call her and tell her that she should have been here with me (we had planned for her to go earlier on) so she could dance and be with me...she then proclaims that she hates me and I am trying to ruin her life...I told her to ^%(* off and hung up on her. Thats the last time i have talked to her. A part of me still hates her for what she did...and I planned on using payback to make me feel better..ie bringing a friend in acting like a date she doesnt know and flirting kissing you name it...but i cant do that. Another part me of me loves her and still wants to be with her. I tried called twice last night asking her the feelings she had when she did the things she did and a third time telling her I talked with a fellow girl last night who is an Aries sign as her and who made me rethink everything and see it from how she sees it. I am now trying to not have any contact with her for a little while and then trying something awesome to try to get her back a mailed card with a teddy bear that sings with my voice...to a Collective SOul soug but with the lyrics in what I want to say ( those are my feelings now). She never answered my calls and she has yet to call me back...ileft vm's.
please help
...thoughts.. opinions ..feedback