Forgiveness

[tepidautumn]

Three years ago, I met a man who I fell in love with for the first time. And it was a good relationship in the beginning. But then we started to fight constantly because of our big differences. Hence, instead of compromising he chose to break up with me every time and then come back to me when he felt he couldn't be without me. And I kept on forgiving him, thinking that something would shift in the relationship. Along the way I met a friend who was going through the same problem as I was. One day she broke up with her boyfriend because she couldn't take it anymore. The next day my boyfriend broke up with me. It was kind of ironic, same problems, similar timing. But we were there for each other, which was easy knowing that we were going through the same thing. At one point, she was able to mend her heart (if not completely, close to it) and she found a great boyfriend for herself. I was still not over my old boyfriend and kept him close to my life in hopes that he would come back to me again and that at last we would make things right. She kept on saying I shouldn't go back to him, but it's not something I was ready to accept at that point. And so one day he asked for my forgiveness and told me he would make things right again. And I foolishly believed him. It was fine for a month and then he became cruel with me, manipulative. But I kept on believing that maybe I was the main problem, so I tried to bend myself as far as possible to please him, but lost myself and my health included along the way. At the same time, me and my friend were fighting a lot as well. We were realizing that we were becoming different. I was ready to accept this difference, but she was not. I tried to be patient and the best I could, but she kept on reproaching me constantly and trying to judge the way I am. I just couldn't handle that anymore. I silently closed my door on her. And she deleted me from facebook (yeah kind of a detail important for what's coming later). A while later, I also realized that my relationship was going nowhere, but I was so weak to break up myself. He did it for me. I was relieved at first. But then I was angry, there was a lot of anger I kept bottled up inside me all through the years for being mistreated. But at last I was ready to move on and focus on my health (which is still after all this time not good but there is a lot of progress I have made...it's my chakras that hurt - my heart chakra, my solar plexus especially, and the lower chakras a little bit too). At one point I found out through facebook that my former friend had a birthday party and she invited him there. I was so upset. I know she has every right to be friends with whomever, but it was still heartbreaking for me. I wouldn't ever do that to a person who used to be my best friend just out of respect and compassion for that person's pain. At one point she called to invite me for coffee to talk things through. I thought that maybe at last she was ready to let go and give this thing another try. But it was a mistake in the end, I thought. We tried to talk about what happened and we were both so firm about our beliefs. So we decided to avoid the subject. But I did ask her why she invited him and she said, "Well he's good friends with this guy, so I couldn't invite one and not invite the other. I didn't mean to hurt you." I guess I could accept that. Some time passed by, she decided to add me back on facebook. I thought maybe it was to make peace. So I added her back. And then a few days later, I saw recent pictures again with her and my former boyfriend together at her boyfriend's party. I guess they are good friends now. And it still wounds me to this day although they have every right to be friends. But it feels like it's as if she wants to rub it in my face knowing how much it would hurt me and knowing that me and her would never be friends. At this point, I don't even think I can be acquiantances with her (if I meet her on the street then I will be polite and kind and say hello, but that is all) just because she is friends with the person who broke my heart. And I don't know why I added her back. I was thinking positively. I should have known better. And now I don't know how to get out of the situation. The right thing to do for me would just be to delete her, especially since she's not writing to me, seems she just added me for the hecks of it. I want to forgive, both of them, but it is difficult even after all this time. And to let her in my life knowing that it was dragging me down and still will be draggig me down, I cannot do that, it's too painful. Please tell me what I can do. Thank you all so much.

[Rhutobello]

First a BIG Grandgpa HUUG....then my thoughts

You state that you are 21, and by that you are on the door step to adulthood.

I think the best benefit you can have, is to work with yourself to increase your self confidence, and understand your own worth.

Your story is not unique, it happen all the time, even if we (and I am sure if you read your own post as an outsider) who see it from outside can't understand why a person "downgrade" oneself so much as this.

It is not said in any Negative way, but I think the urge to get something like this to work, is the "scary thing" to be left alone, to the unknown.

If our self confidence and trust is increased, then we will not tolerate such an behaviour.

You can never change any other being then yourself, it must be a will to change, and you two have tried more then enough to understand that this is not the right partner.

When a relationship develop like this, in the early stage, then how will it be later, is this a partner and a situation you will grow old with?

The same goes for your girl friend, why do it hurt you that she is together with him?.....you have seen how it works with you....so the hurt must more be a hurt self image that they might get something function that you did not.

Again will self development, increase your strength, and maybe make you understand that we all are different, and since we are different we can make different thing to function.....now let me at once state that I don't think this relationship will last either, for me it seems the guy is on exploring, jumping from flower to flower, and maybe he one day will find the one he will settle down with, but don't let it be YOU!

Let him go, you are still very young, let life unfold, be happy and positive, and that will attract similar people, and you might soon spot your prince.
Life are as a beautiful rose, when everything goes our way, then the flower blossom and we can smell and adore it, when life is cloudy we might grab around the stalk in order to fetch something, and that might hurt us by the stalk's thorns.......but the flower and the smell are still there....just take another approach and understand it all is about learning.....what a dull life it would be if everything was a success....you would never know you had it...because you never have discovered the opposite....so make yourself strong....and life will more easy smile to you.

Good luck