.... divorce sucks.....

konfucist · Post by **konfucist** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 3:50 pm

I am close to getting divorced and as much as I know it should be the best decision for me and my wife and also our daughter I still can't get past the feeling it isn't right thing to do  :smt009
We have a beautiful 3 year old girl and we both love her very much. But as we just can not get in normal conversation, to many bad things have happened between us, and the divorce seems inevitable. We have been separated for a over a year now and I still get those crazy feelings and thoughts... What if and why can't we...?
And why on earth did she decide that the best way to get over me is by taking away my daughter. I barely see my baby 4-5 days a month and I can't do anything about it  :smt010

Crazy world full of crazy people I guess  :smt009

SeekingHelp · Post by **SeekingHelp** » Mon Apr 18, 2011 4:13 pm

Sorry to know about your state. Hugs love and light to you.

AmandaM · Post by **AmandaM** » Mon May 16, 2011 2:38 am

Divorce DOES suck,,, but sometimes I do believe that it is necessary. My parents went through pretty much the messiest divorce possible, but now that I'm older and more mature, I see now how it was the best possible outcome for the situation-- despite the hard road it took to get there.
Coming from the child's perspective--- when me and my brother were about 8-10, and our parents first told us that they were breaking up... you do go through a sort of grieving period.. like sort of a death of a family.... but after that you know what, we went through that necessary transitionary grieving period and got over it. The problem was after that- our parents stayed together more out of obligation to "stay together for the kids" (which I don't agree with at all) and sort of swept things under the rug for many years. Eventually and inevitably, let's say the shit hit the fan after things were drug out for maybe 10 years, and it ended up hurting everybody a whole lot more.
They weren't happy together, and my mom ended up cheating (with my dad's brother, and then one of his best friends later on, who is now my step-dad I guess haha)  My mother was extremely manipulative at the time, and both of my parents would bad-talk eachother and try to sort of get me and my bro on someone's side. Now that much time and issues have past, I see that as a result of insecurity coming out of the fear that they would lose us and the pain caused from the situation. It took me a long while to forgive and realize that my parents are human beings too, that they're not perfect.

Now, they are both really happy, and both are with who I believe and perceive to be their soulmates.  I have a very close relationship with them both now

Just let your kids now that you love them more than anything, and trust that sometimes the universe tends to work out in our best interests, sometimes whether we like it or not. As a kid who has been through a divorce, trust me they'll be okay. I find that I have learned a lot about relationships and how to learn from my parent mistakes, so that I can in turn have healthy happy relationships in my own life.
There's a light at the end of the tunnel, trust that. I'm sorry that you have to go through what you are-- this period of pain will pass however. Sending you tons of positive energy in the meantime!

mom2ericha60 · Post by **mom2ericha60** » Tue Jun 07, 2011 11:29 pm

Yes, it does suck. I missed my ex for ages after, and we had problems because we have a daughter who was five at the time. We finally came to an agreement. We started having a 2 family flat and he was up and I was down, so she would not have to run back and forth between us. It was very confusing for a young chlld and I could see it was leaving her with problems. So it worked well. Eventually he moved in with my mother and I, rented the basement. Now since my mom has passed, we split the rent, he is in the basement and I have the upper and she runs back and forth any time she wants. It is hard on us at times, but it works well for our daughter. We have to remember we did not divorce her, and she is a part of both of us, and not something to be owned or a pawn. WE call it co-parenting. It works well for the most part!

misty sur · Post by **misty sur** » Thu Jun 16, 2011 4:55 am

lots of warm hugs to all of you who are going through tough times.

niona678 · Post by **niona678** » Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:02 am

big hugs xxx

symulhaque · Post by **symulhaque** » Tue Jan 29, 2013 8:56 am

A big hug to you.

symulhaque · Post by **symulhaque** » Tue Jan 29, 2013 3:20 pm

Feeling so sad hearing at you.

George · Post by **George** » Wed Jan 30, 2013 11:36 pm

CMyst77 wrote:need I say any more? <pouting>

although i have never been married nor will i ever be married but i can say this i have felt the pain of losing a loved one and that relationship so i can easily say big hug because i know it hurts!

symulhaque · Post by **symulhaque** » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:15 pm

Divorce has a very unavoidable worse situation upon the children. We should try our very best to solve the problems together and not to take a divorce.

Duchess1964 · Post by **Duchess1964** » Fri Mar 01, 2013 11:28 pm

Honestly I counsel people ... It's what I do.  I've seen much divorce thoughts based on some kind of cheating.  My question to these people is ... what exactly is cheating?  Cheating is doing something without permission.  Okay ... give permission.  Tell the spouse person to go out and do anything they wish and when they feel they have it just right, bring that experience back to you.  After a blood test for disease of course *lol*.  My suggestion usually gets them to quiet down.

For you I will say that time gets better.  Decide what is more important ... you or you with someone.  Can you be with just you and like it.  If not, you're not ready to add anyone else you'll end up needy and hurt again.

Mystic Board

.... divorce sucks.....

it really sucks

Hugs your way

~sending hugs~

divorce

Re: .... divorce sucks.....

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