I need a hug and a slap in my face for letting myself feel down

[_Patt_]

Thanks dear .

And....God... What's going on with my life... Tonight was my parents fighting with each other, not a normal neither healthy fight between couple... Again my mother threatning to commit suicide and disappear... I went on a rampage throwing a bottle of water, throwing chairs to the ground and screaming to her "life's sacred". God... Since my grandmother died, my mother never was the same, I think she really need a psychologist but she never went to one, although I have been telling to go to one for a long time.... I'm also afraid of my father, he once talked about suicide too... Oh God protect them... If they only know, how much they hurt me and break my heart with the things they say and also to each other...


Now I'm here trembling, crying, afraid and at same time trying to keep myself strong and positive... I don't know what the hell is going on with my life... It look like a freaking movie... I want to believe things will change, but I'm starting to loose my strength... My parents now is just too much... I hope they solve their problems in the a good way and everything will be okay. I also hope I stop updating this topic, then it means the bad stuff stopped....

I need help...hugs...light...and travel far way of this life...Sometimes I wish I could born again....

[tourbi]

Am sending energy from before I started typing.  
Please call an talk to someone for yourself.  
Call a suicide watch group, or an older friend, a friend of your parents.
Let them know that you need to share and need some assistance.  
Here in the states, there are sometimes resources thru the police to get assistance in knowing what to do with people who are going thru what your parents are and what you are experiencing.

It is important for you to not take on their stuff. It is theirs.  I know, it's hard. When I was seeing my therapist, my mother was drinking heavily and taking sleeping pills, sometimes together.  She wanted to die. My therapist was very clear that it wasn't mine.  It would hurt if she did it, but I had no control to stop her if she wanted to be dead.  You can't rescue them. You can take care of yourself. find people around you who you can talk with who are older, come here for support and share with people.
I feel so badly that you are going thru this dear.
Just know it isn't your fault.  Be grateful that you care enough to get angry and upset and try to help them.
Be grateful you are the person you are.  
YOU ARE OK!!!!!
Take good care.  Sometimes you just have to let the people you love do what they need to do.  Sometimes you can move them enough to make another choice.  You won't know which choice they make. Just know you are doing the best you can and it is their choice.


added: cleanse yourself, don't think that their emotions and feelings are yours.  Keep your self protected and turn down your empathic abilites. Use them for yourself and keep yourself cleaned out.

[_Patt_]

Thanks dear.

I hope it's just hot headed speech... I also hope evrything wil be okay.. I don't have anyone else, just my parents... I don't feel enough comfortable to talk with anyone else older in my family, because I think I'd be bothering... I was talking with my cousin, she is a little younger, but I have a very close relationship with herbut she stopped answering to my messages. (she had a dream with teeth recently and she already dreat with teeth when our grandparents died, I hope this time she's not right and nothing bad happens...) I'm scared, but I'll keep my faith that God will protect my parents and everything will be fine and this is just one more of their big fights...
I have a friend, but I don't feel comfortable in talking with her about this too.... Then I just know peopl, I don't have any friendship... So basically, if I don't come here, I don't have anyone, I'm completely alone. My parents are everyting to me, besides we don't have a very good relationship...they are still my parents and I love them...

This is one more night I almost don't sleep... (1:39am here at the moment)


I will try dear to turn them down and try to not feel as if the problem was mine, even if they are my parents, I cannot let myself suffer and be affected so much for something it's not my fault, besides it's pretty difficult to do that... I just have my parents and I need both of them so much in my life, specially now... I'm going to try to have happy thoughts to distract my mind a bit.


side note: my dog always makes me cry (like a happy cry) at this times... he is so sensible to me and me to him, he doesn't let me be alone, he sees me crying and he stand right next to me, his expressions, everything...it's so amazing... My dog is a bless for me..

[soul_flower]

Oh noooo you dont deserve a slap,not at all......All i can offer is some loving positive *huggles* for you.

Everyone has their down and out moments and im sorry to hear you're going thru a tough time.It always does get better,in time.I laugh when people around me say stay positive and just take one step at a time.But it does work,altho today i dont feel that way.Just another day with one of my many moods and a battle with myself.

Hope you feel better soon.

Tamara :o)

[Psychic Chef]

Time for more hugs
You know Patt if i give you any more hugs i will have to marry you.Then you will have to save me from my wife
Just kiddng

Well lets start with (((((HUG))))))) and then hand on shoulder and shoulder for leaning on.
What ever happens with your parents will come to there own conclusion,
Its not because of anything you have done or not done.
Or tried or not tried. The heart is always heavy when you look from the outside in and see the battle rage.
Hang tight and a shoulder or a hug is always there for you from me.
Cheers Pete.

[dhav]

Hi Patt a very big hug to you.and sending light to straighten your life as much as possible.Some these hardships are meant for us to grow stronger so that in later life we can deal with much bigger issues to help out people.So keep your faith into God.

[_Patt_]

Thanks tamara a big hug to you dear, Pete and dhav. =)


Pete you made me laugh, you are funny! Thanks! =). You and dhav are right, I keep my faith on God and I just try to get stronger with these less positive situations. Fortunately,  I have you all that makes my way easier, because I have your friendship and support.  :)


I also want to tell, I'm feeling better also thanks to you all. Things at home are calm, they just don't talk to each other what I think it's normal.
But I'm also trying to keep myself focus in other things, like getting solutions to my own life and in things that makes me feel good. I don't want to get caught in their negative wave...


Cheers Pete and Cheers everyone! Thanks with all my heart, love you all.

[karlenespellman]

Hi Patt,
pm me if you want. I have a few suggestions for you.
HUGE HHHUUUGGGSSSS to you.
I'm here for you just like all of these people who love you.
Kar

[_Patt_]

Thanks Kar .

[CaraCat]

Those dark days will pass... The sooner you lift up your ass (sorry for these hard words), the sooner your life can change to the better. Stay positive, no matter how hard it is.
Take care,

CaraCat  :smt006

[lluvia]

GOOD N POSSITIVE ENERGY WITH HUGE HUGS YOUR WAY DEAR LLUVIA

[_Patt_]

Thanks CaraCat and don't worry about the words ;), I got your point. Thanks also lluvia, great to see you are back!


Finally I can upgrade this topic with good news, I found my way I think. I'm going to finnish my graduation in other university. I'm going to fullfill all papers on monday and I'll be already in a other university and I can start studying again... Things at home are good too, my parents are normal with each other, so that has passed too.


I want to thank with all my heart to everyone that cares about me and helped me find my way and also that believed in me, plus to evryone that came here giving advice and insight, all very precious to me. I can never thank you enough. God bless you all.  :)


Big group hug with evryone now ((()))  :smt005

Love you all.


Side note: I give a special thank to karlene, tourbi, taraprincess and psychic chef (I admit your reading helps me keeping the hope, thanks again )

[tourbi]

I'm so glad things are better.  You can do anything you set your mind to do.  Be the best you can be.  

[Psychic Chef]

Thats great news
Thats a big high five and a huge hug from me .
You are going to do great.
Cheers Pete

[karlenespellman]

Thank you Pat for the thanks,
but you are the one who fought the battle.

You are a great person.

Lots of love, positive energy, HHHUUGGGSSS to you.

Love you lots. Karlene