How to deal with an aging and changing mother?

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tyleremory
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:07 am
Location: San Juan Puerto Ricon

How to deal with an aging and changing mother?

Post by tyleremory » Sun Aug 05, 2007 1:48 am

Hey Guys: :smt017
I love my mother dearly however either she has changed or I am just now opening up to her behavior.  I am a single parent and I am selling my home and moving.  My mother agreed to keep my eight year old son for six weeks so I could pack and get organized and also take a solo vacation before we move.  I will not have the support in my new community so I won't be able to take the little breaks that I usually do.  At anyrate in the middle of the second week my mother informs me that she can't keep him for the whole six weeks and I need to bring home around week four.  When I informed her that I would be out of the country she just started saying that she is 67 years old and blah blah blah.  I sent for him that weekend this really hurt my feelings that she would not keep her commiment.  This is her only grand child and we are moving out of the country.  I got pass that and today she just called me and asked me to borrow money because she doesn't want to touch the money she has in the bank.  My mother knows that I closed my business and I am living off of the sale of some real estate.  What is this about?  I told her that it is not about the money.  Why is she asking to borrow money when she already has money.  Just recently she loaned me money for my sons school tutuin which I just paid back.  I do not understand this behavior.  The sum she wanted is small and not the point I told her that when I sell my house I would loan it to her but also told her that it doesen't make since that some one with money in the bank is asking to borrow money so they don't have to touch theirs.  By the way the money is for her burial plot.  Thanks for letting me get this out..... :smt009
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Rhutobello
Posts: 10724
Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm

Re: How to deal with an aging and changing mother?

Post by Rhutobello » Sun Aug 05, 2007 8:57 am

tyleremory wrote:Hey Guys: :smt017
I love my mother dearly however either she has changed or I am just now opening up to her behavior.  I am a single parent and I am selling my home and moving.  My mother agreed to keep my eight year old son for six weeks so I could pack and get organized and also take a solo vacation before we move.  I will not have the support in my new community so I won't be able to take the little breaks that I usually do.  At anyrate in the middle of the second week my mother informs me that she can't keep him for the whole six weeks and I need to bring home around week four.  When I informed her that I would be out of the country she just started saying that she is 67 years old and blah blah blah.  I sent for him that weekend this really hurt my feelings that she would not keep her commiment.  This is her only grand child and we are moving out of the country.  I got pass that and today she just called me and asked me to borrow money because she doesn't want to touch the money she has in the bank.  My mother knows that I closed my business and I am living off of the sale of some real estate.  What is this about?  I told her that it is not about the money.  Why is she asking to borrow money when she already has money.  Just recently she loaned me money for my sons school tutuin which I just paid back.  I do not understand this behavior.  The sum she wanted is small and not the point I told her that when I sell my house I would loan it to her but also told her that it doesen't make since that some one with money in the bank is asking to borrow money so they don't have to touch theirs.  By the way the money is for her burial plot.  Thanks for letting me get this out..... :smt009
First of all I will give you a big Grandpa hug and maybe also a big hug to your mother.

It's hard for us to evaluate this situation....because we don't know how active your son is or the state of your mothers health.
I am 63 and when we have two of our Grand children for a weekend  (5 and 8)....I am almost ready to collapse even if they are 2 nice children.

To say that since you shall move then she shall endure more is just what I will call a "wild thought", we are not any battery that can be charged.

Ultimate is you as mother the one that must look for your child, just like your parents did for you.
A vacation is no valid reason, if you put your mother in a bad situation...then you better stay at home...or take your son with you...like many other parents.

I am not doing this to "scold" you....I am doing this in order for you to give your mother another thought and maybe see it from another view.
After all she is the one who have brought you up and it seems she have given you much love....maybe time to pay some of it back :)

Good luck :)

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lunarcraft
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Location: South-West England
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Post by lunarcraft » Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:30 am

I am sending you a HUGE hug - I do hope you find the inner strength to cope with the situation.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

Meganlee
Posts: 4
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 4:35 pm

HUgs!

Post by Meganlee » Sun Aug 05, 2007 5:57 pm

How exciting for you to be moving and getting a fresh start in a new country.  Can i ask where you are going for your vacation!? Sounds like a blast and a great opportunity to relax and explore the world and yourself! Might i suggest that perhaps you can find annother person to watch your son for a week? That way your mom can rest after watching him for a couple weeks and then after a week or so she can finish watching him for the rest of your time away? There is always a way to make every problem a win-win situation if you are willing to compromise.
Love and good luck!
~MeganLee

taraprincess
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Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:57 pm

Post by taraprincess » Wed Aug 15, 2007 3:11 pm

here is a huge hug for u sweetie gd luck

creolelatte
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:11 am
Location: The Big Tomato

Poor Grandmother

Post by creolelatte » Thu Aug 23, 2007 1:39 am

Oh Dear, you left your 8 year old with grandmother for six weeks...part of the time so you can enjoy a vacation alone.  That to me is asking a lot.  I wonder what is the longest time your mother has spent with the child prior to this?  She may have had good intentions and found that 24/7 child care is a bit much even for when it is your own grandchild.  P.S.  Did I read this right, your mother is 67 and you are 44, so she is only 13 years older than you?  If so she missed out on the "carefree" teen years and went through a lot at a young age.   Regarding the $$ and the burial plot, I sense that she is needing affection and attention.  Peace Out

Peter Colin Watson
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2007 2:45 pm

Post by Peter Colin Watson » Mon Aug 27, 2007 2:30 pm

Hi tyleremory,
                   As a G'Dad I help my wife care for her 94 yr old father four evenings a week and take him out all day on a Saturday, my wife is still in full time work. During the week I baby sit twin 4 yr olds for six hrs a day, two sometimes three days a week, at 67 believe me its no joke as beautiful as they are. It sounds to me like your mother doesn't want to lose you and is desperatly trying to change your mind from moving to a different country, because she justifiably fears she may never see you or her grandson again.

Its not as if she will be able to catch a bus or drive down the road to see you, niether will she have her daughter to have those girly chats or to go out shopping with. I suspect you are her best friend with whom she can confide in. My advice is for what it is worth, think a bit more about your intentions and of the implications it will create for your mum who's been there for you all your life, she isn't getting any younger and when you reach her age you will be surprised how much quicker time seems to go by. To her it is like only yesterday that she was bringing you up, teaching you things and helping you to be aware of the world about you.

How will you feel when your son grows up and say's well I'm off mum I'm going to Woop Woop to live? I don't know the full circumstances but if I were you I would sit down and have a good think about the situation as there is nothing more important in life as family. I hope this may be of some help to you. Soapy R.N.
soapy R.N.

Kath
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:26 am

I understand!!!

Post by Kath » Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:43 am

My mom is also "up there" in age.  I, however, have 6 siblings and my mom has 11 grandchildren.  She has almost alienated every grandchild by her rude manners.  She seems to believe that she can say anything she wants, whether or not it hurts others feelings.  Her response is alway "Oh well. It's the truth!"  

I hate to see my mother getting older, but I can see that she is not as spry as she used to be.  I'm not sure if it is her body or mind just giving up.  

I love her dearly, but sometimes feel that the saying about the parents and children exchanging roles is true.  I find that I must have more patience with her than I did with my own children.

Oh, well.  Considering the alternative to that (not having her around at all), I'd rather just deal with it.

I hope you are able to put aside any frustrations, as your mom probably did many times in your life, and just show her your love and respect.

Griff2j
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Sep 16, 2007 5:38 pm

Dealing with an aging Mother

Post by Griff2j » Sun Sep 16, 2007 6:38 pm

Hi, I'm new here but the simple truth for this question is this.
No matter what you only have one Mother, and she should be shown nothing but respect, and Love. Regaurdless of if she is right about something or not. Because before you can blink an eye, they can be gone forever, and then its to late.
James :smt002

Delirium
Posts: 22
Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2007 8:58 pm
Location: UK

Post by Delirium » Mon Oct 01, 2007 7:09 pm

Hi Guys and Girls!
Heres a Huge hug coming your way!

If it helps I've been in a similler situation, I work full time and when I went back to work after having my little girl(who's 5 now!) my mum said she would look after her for me as we dont agree on babies in daycare unless totally necessary.It lasted 6 month before my mum started asking for cash to look after her,after afew weeks of this my mum and I sat down and i asked her what was going on and oh my word she told me!!!  In the end it turned out that she couldnt cope and at about 20 month my little girl went into day care 3 half days a week and my mum had her the rest of the time I was working.

I think to feel settled when you move you'll need to resolve this with your mum before you go, My advice would be to sit down with her over a cup of tea/glass of wine and chat with her about how she feels about you moving away also seeing her grandson before you guys leave.

Hope that helps
Luv delirium xxx

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soul_flower
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Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 5:00 am
Location: Australia,Vic.

Post by soul_flower » Tue Oct 02, 2007 6:31 am

Heres a *Huggle* from me to you........I have a different situation with my mother which makes our relationship a little bit difficult,it makes it hard to even deal with her at times....I dont have any advice etc but i hope all goes well and everything is ok.



Tamara :o)
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

symulhaque
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Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:41 pm

Post by symulhaque » Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:41 pm

I have nothing to say to you as I have no words to say. I am just sending you a big hug.
symulhaqu07eee

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