Trying to keep it all together.

[Leslie]

Hi Everyone,

I hope yall are having a wonderful evening. I do not post often, but I really think I need a really big HUG! I am a single parent, trying to take care of my son, fiance, and mother all by myself. My biggest support is my fiance, but he is really ill and has been for months now. So, now I feel a little lost. I almost loss him 4 weeks ago in the hospital. He has severe chrohns and his intestine burst. His kidneys also shut down. He was suppose to come home that week after spending 2 weeks already in the hospital. The surgeon did not think he was going to make it through the surgery and if he did he would come out with an illiostomy bag and probably kidney dialysis to come. He is severly malnurished because he has not been able to eat anything for months. We were doing what we could before he got put in the hosipital to try and get this under control, But money became scare and he had no insurance. But, he fooled us all and made it through the surgery and his kidneys jump started themselves a few days later. He just came home a few weeks ago. The problem is his insides are all infected. They sent him home with a PICC (IV in Chest) and a drainage bag in his intestine. I have been mixing and administering all his antibiotics all by myself. I have also been taking care of the tube inside his intestine. I had just started a new career in sales around the time he got really ill. I was trying to work 12 hour days and take care of him. Of course I had to resign from my job because he needs me most. I am trying to find something with normal hours.

What really is scaring me though is he is not getting any better. I went to change and clean his drainage tube today and it is now infected. He has been running a tempature and in a lot of pain. I contacted the surgeon and nurse that comes once a week to see what i need to do. They just told me to take him to radiology tommorrow to have them take a look at it. We normally do this on Tuesday's when he goes in for his abcessograms and catscans. in the last six months he has lost 30 lbs and is not gaining it back. He looks like death. I do not know how much more of this I can take without losing it. I am soooo tired and still have to take care of him, my son and mom who has has health problems. I also have to take care of the house and everything else. I just wish I new whether he would be okay or not. I do not think that I will be able to go on much longer without any help from the outside. I also need to find another job so that I can make sure all of our needs are met.

Anyway, I just needed to talk about it. I do not talk about things like this often. I try to take care of everything on my own. I am not wonder woman as much as I wish I were. But, I am not sure how much more i can take without snapping. Any advise or anything else someone can offer, please feel free to share. I just do not want to lose him and I feel like I am.

Thanks for the kind ears.
Leslie

[Rhutobello]

OHHHHH a big big Grandpa Huuuugggg to you......this is a hard time for you both and it takes a great toll on you since you many times can feel your limitation.

It's important that you manage to keep a "positive" feeling because then you transfer this to your fiance.
I know this can be hard to do.....but anything else will just eat more of your surplus and also smitten to your surrounding.

I think it's very important that you look out for yourself....take a walk...try to get some of your thoughts away.....look at something beautiful, don't sit at home.
And yes....I believe you have made a good move by expressing yourself like this....get it out of your chest....don't let it burn inside.....you need every good impulse you can get.

Another Big hug and a hope for a speedy recovering.....and an urge to all our Reiki people to send healing thoughts to this family.

[Breena]

Hugs to you Leslie.  

I will gladly send healing Reiki energy for your family with permission.

Your family will also be held in the highest, loving light in my prayers.

[lunarcraft]

I am sending you one of my HUGE hugs - hope it helps a little.  I would also like to send healing Reiki energy to you all - if you would like that.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

[Evie]

Hello Leslie  

Here's a (((hug))) for you.  
It sounds like you are a wonder woman to me. Blessings to you. You are going to come out on top... I know that so much is sitting on your shoulders and you are not seeing positive results and so I understand how frustrated and afraid you are.  

It is amazing how a half hour walk outdoors will revive you and give you the energy you need to get through this. Rhutobello's advise is very good.   I know you are strongly and proudly doing this without asking anyone to help you.  I am glad you came here... and reached out.

Please keep in touch... Lots of people are praying and sending healing energies for you, your fiance and your Mother.  MAY everyone be well!  SOON!  

P E A C E
Evie

[Leslie]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you all very much for the hugs and advise. I am glad that I finally posted and let everything out. I will do my best to remain positive. I try to when I am around him especially. I haven't fallen really apart in front of him yet. If i get the urge it is usually when he is not around. He is on me all the time about taking care of myself, but there are just not enough hours in the day at the moment. Plus, I am afraid if I slow down that everything will really fall apart or maybe I will completely lose it. I will try and do my best though, I need to stay healthy for us all.  

To everyone who offered healing Reiki engeries, they are more than welcome. Please do send.

Thank you all again.

Leslie

[taraprincess]

here is a huge hug from me sweetie

[symulhaque]

I am sending a big hug to you. I feel so sad that you are passing a hard time now. Hope you will overcome it