Please hug me - Im losing hope....
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
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Elisechaina
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:19 pm
Please hug me - Im losing hope....
Hello, I am a new person here, and I just love it. You all seem really lovely and friendly. Please if there are any spare 'hugs' going please could I have one? today Im feeling particularly low. I've lost a few jobs recently due to bullying - Ive had it all my life and it gets me down. Im a loving,giving, gentle person, but people feel that they can say and do anything to me, ive stuck up for myself and I seem to be the one who gets into trouble and has to leave. Iam now in a bit of financial trouble, debts are mounting, and I am so worried that I am going to lose my flat, and other bills to pay - I have a son and a daughter, but my daughter lives away at college, and I am finding it sometimes difficult to sometimes feed ourselves...I cried today, because I am a good person and have NEVER ever done anything horrible to anyone in my life. I lost my dad to cancer last year and since then my world has crumbled...my son has also been bullied in the place we live, and its such a horrible and violent place to live - and has had bike stolen recently, which I cant replace...I cant see the wood for the trees, but one positive thing is that I managed to get myself a job...I am praying that the people in this job like me so that I dont have to leave...I am so ashamed to be so miserable and moany, and I know there are so many other people with worse problems, but today I just need a hug, cos I havent many family left, only mum, whose getting on a bit, and dont like to worry her with my troubles. I dont have any good friends, and feel so lonely..my ex husband isnt much help, and doesnt contribute financially to anything, never has and he is a cold and heartless man...,and I find it very very hard managing absolutely everything, and feel like sometimes running away, so please if you've got a spare minute, give me a hug please? thank you x
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Rhutobello
- Posts: 10724
- Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm
A big Grandpa hug to you.....your story is sad and you need a lot of love to cope with this.
I might also suggest that you take up meditation as a daily 1 or 2 time task....this will calm you and make you endure more.
Since you state you have lost several job because people are bulling you, I will recommend that you start to work with your self-esteem and self-respect.
Many times when you start to investigate yourself true meditation, you find "sides" that need to be changed.
If we are easy "hurt" by words, then we might work with our ego, which is the one who tells you that you have been misused.
If our Ego is on "look out" and our self-esteem is low....well then almost everything become an attack on our person.
I am not saying that this is what happen to you....I am just telling in general terms.
Such persons will easy be "frozen" out from work situation, because few are willing to go around explaining that they mean no harm and other might use it in a way to hurt the person because that is their way to make a dull day more colorful.
Normally is the one who become bullied, the one who keep the job, but if like described over..no one can point a finger on the "bully thing" and then there is only one left....who must carry it all.
Another Big Grandpa hug to you....and Good luck!
I might also suggest that you take up meditation as a daily 1 or 2 time task....this will calm you and make you endure more.
Since you state you have lost several job because people are bulling you, I will recommend that you start to work with your self-esteem and self-respect.
Many times when you start to investigate yourself true meditation, you find "sides" that need to be changed.
If we are easy "hurt" by words, then we might work with our ego, which is the one who tells you that you have been misused.
If our Ego is on "look out" and our self-esteem is low....well then almost everything become an attack on our person.
I am not saying that this is what happen to you....I am just telling in general terms.
Such persons will easy be "frozen" out from work situation, because few are willing to go around explaining that they mean no harm and other might use it in a way to hurt the person because that is their way to make a dull day more colorful.
Normally is the one who become bullied, the one who keep the job, but if like described over..no one can point a finger on the "bully thing" and then there is only one left....who must carry it all.
Another Big Grandpa hug to you....and Good luck!
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lunarcraft
- Posts: 1274
- Joined: Sat Apr 21, 2007 9:20 am
- Location: South-West England
- Contact:
Big Hug
I am sending you one of my HUGE hugs - I can relate totally to the position you are in but you have to believe in yourself and draw on your inner strength. You are a very special person who deserves to have a full and happy life with your family. I am sure the new job will work out for you ... stay positive.
Here's another HUGE hug for you ... and ones for your kids also.
Come back later and let us know how things go for you.
Brightest Blessings
Sarah
Here's another HUGE hug for you ... and ones for your kids also.
Come back later and let us know how things go for you.
Brightest Blessings
Sarah
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Elisechaina
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:19 pm
BIG HUG FOR YOU!!!!!
I am sending you a really big hug. I have been where you are and am going through a really rough time myself right now. Do not lose hope, things have a way of working out.
I would like to suggest one thing though. People sense when they can push someone around. I use to be one of those who let people push me around. The reason I'd let them is because my self esteem was very low. These people usually do it to those of us who are kind hearted and do not hurt anyone. They do this because they are insecure with themselves. You are letting others bring yourself esteem down. Do not allow this, try and work on this. I know it is hard, but you have made it this far already. So, that should tell you something about yourself. You are already strong, you just need a gentle reminder. When you feel like you are losing it, think about what you have already accomplished. :smt002 You will then see that strength in yourself and will feel better. We can be kind hearted and gentle and also be strong at the same time. Actually the kindhearted and gentle is our biggest strength. Being mean to people is really easy. Being gentle, thoughtful, loving, and kind no matter what life throws at us is hard.
Another BIG HUG!
Leslie
I would like to suggest one thing though. People sense when they can push someone around. I use to be one of those who let people push me around. The reason I'd let them is because my self esteem was very low. These people usually do it to those of us who are kind hearted and do not hurt anyone. They do this because they are insecure with themselves. You are letting others bring yourself esteem down. Do not allow this, try and work on this. I know it is hard, but you have made it this far already. So, that should tell you something about yourself. You are already strong, you just need a gentle reminder. When you feel like you are losing it, think about what you have already accomplished. :smt002 You will then see that strength in yourself and will feel better. We can be kind hearted and gentle and also be strong at the same time. Actually the kindhearted and gentle is our biggest strength. Being mean to people is really easy. Being gentle, thoughtful, loving, and kind no matter what life throws at us is hard.
Another BIG HUG!
Leslie
HUGS FOR ELISECHAINA
Hi Elisechaina :smt006
I have great sympathy for your situation. Similar patterns of bullying have occurred in my own family. For myself I believe each problem presented to us in life has a spiritual lesson for us at its root. I am going to suggest a possible escape route for you from these situations and I pray that it will be of use and empower you.
Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy, is an old joke but there is grand truth in it.
Bullies project their own self-hatred outwards and place that hate onto others. If your reaction is anywhere in the negative range, fear, anger and resentment, feelings of spiritual superiority and judgement of them as bad or stupid or worthless persons, or any similar opinion, then what you project back to them only adds fuel to the fire of their own damaged self-esteem and self-hate. This can then only escalate into a worsening retaliatory situation. Bullies look for and feed off negative reactions. Don't give them any and you will regain your personal power.
The reaction of most organisations, especially small ones is to shoot the messenger when bullying is reported. You in fact can be treated as the problem and be bullied in turn by the management or the very same entity which is legally supposed to defend you. You may have already found that this has done you little good.
I believe that a better method is to start sending love to your enemies or those that seem to want to do you wrong. In fact he or she may be a friend in disguise. They may have made themselves available to you in this role in order that you have the opportunity to learn something spiritually valuable which in the end will result in your own greater awareness and freedom. They may likewise learn something wonderful from you.
Now you may not feel any true love at this point for such people. You will probably feel de-energised or exhausted by their behaviour and the feelings they have sent to you. They may have made you fearful and have humiliated you. It is understandable that loving them may not be on your immediate agenda
Elisechaina I am hoping that you have a good imagination.
I am going to suggest to you a framework to work from in planning your Great Escape. It is up to you of course to use or not use anything as you see fit.
First of all you will need to make a decision.
Find a place to sit quietly where you won't be disturbed for a few minutes.
(1) Think abour the bullying situations you have encountered and how you have felt during them. In your mind, try to remember how bad it has been for you. Now notice how your body feels while you are remembering these bad times. Do you feel disturbed anywhere inside? And how do you feel emotionally?
Now wipe all that. Sit quietly till the intensity subsides.
(2) This time, think of a happy time that you have spent with someone you love, when you also felt safe. Or any uplifting experience you have had. (If you haven't got such a memory then make it up as you would like to have it.) Keep this in your mind for a minute or two. Notice how this feels for you emotionally. How does your body feel inside?
Now compare how you felt both times.
In a nutshell I'm guessing that the first was lousy and the second good.
You can now make a decision as to how you want to feel for the rest of your life. Is it lousy? Or is it good?
I'm sure it is perfectly clear to you that it is loving feelings either within yourself or sent to you by someone else that make you feel good.
Making a decision to feel good and to continue to feel good can assist you and give you the strength to pursue the avenue of loving your tormentors.
This is a simple way to go about doing that (you may think of something better to suit yourself). You have nothing to lose by trying this method. Do it at least once a day until your situation is satisfactorily resolved.
(1) Choose a quiet time of the day for you when you are free to spend a little time on your own. Try to make it the same time each day so that you creat a little routine for yourself.
This may be just before you go to bed.
(2) Sit or kneel and ask for assistance in how best to deal with the bullying matter which is confronting you, from the God that you pray to. If you have no God, sit or kneel and ask for assistance anyway even if you do not know the name of the being that will respond to your request. Say to your God or this being, that you want to be uplifted from your misery and that you desire the best possible outcome for everyone concerned in this matter. Thank them for their assistance and tell them that you will accept their will in this matter.
(3) One by one, visualise the people with whom you are experiencing relationship and communication difficulties. Suspend your judgement of them. One by one visualise sending love parcels, hearts, flowers, presents, anything which is loving to you, to them. Speak with your mind to each one in turn and tell them that you love them, that you forgive them for anything they have done to you and ask for forgiveness from them for anything which you have done which may have offended or hurt them. Ask them to be patient with you for any bad feelings you may still have towards them. Tell them that you are working to get rid of them. State to each one that you mean them no harm. Ask for peace to be between you. Be sincere.
In the beginning, when you first start doing this you may have difficulty in being totally sincere as other feelings may intrude. Do not worry about this or think that you will fail because of it. You will not fail. You simply need to persist in doing it each day and each day it will get easier and your thoughts will begin to be more and more truthful.
I have given this method to other members of my family. It has worked for me and it has worked for them. I have been told many times of amazing things which have happened to them after they have used this method even only one or two times. I hope that you will find it of use.
To help you maintain an even keel emotionally in your difficult situations, what follows is a description of a simple but powerful technique (created by the Institute of Heartmath) that you can use to release stress, produce positive feelings and feel calmer and more energised.
The Quick Coherence Technique
Step 1. Put your attention on your heart area, in the centre of your chest.
Step 2. Now breathe in and out, as slowly and deeply as you can manage.
Imagine your breath coming in and going out through your heart area.
Step 3. Think back to a time when you felt good inside yourself. As best you can,
remember what that felt like while you keep on breathing through your heart
area. (If you have trouble producing any happy memories, make some up
instead.)
Do this for one or two minutes several times a day or whenever you feel the
need. You can use it before any kind of test or exam, in a difficult business
meeting, to calm down when you are stressed. It may take a little practice at
first. If your attention strays, just bring it back to the heart area and start again.
A fuller description of this wonderful technique can be obtained on the internet at
http://www.heartmath.org/free-services/ ... hnique.htm
In addition here are a few body tricks which come from a natural therapy system called Jin Shin Jyutsu. Practised daily while you watch TV or chat with someone, they will help you to maintain calm. Also you can unobtrusively use these when you are having to deal with an unpleasant situation in person.
(1) Thumb – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of WORRY or ANXIETY.
(2) Index finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings associated with PANIC or
FEAR.
(3) Middle finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of ANGER or RAGE.
(4) Ring finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of SADNESS or GRIEF.
(5) Little Finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of JUDGEMENT (either
judgement of yourself or judgement of others by criticism,
comparison, competing, labelling, asking why) or PRETENCE
(trying to (be something you are not)).
(6) Prayer Position – hold your hands in the prayer position for harmonising of all body energy flows. Alternatively clasp them together in your lap or interlace the fingers of each hand.
Love and hugs, trust that others will care about you, I see that you have already received some loving responses.
Ayla :smt051
I have great sympathy for your situation. Similar patterns of bullying have occurred in my own family. For myself I believe each problem presented to us in life has a spiritual lesson for us at its root. I am going to suggest a possible escape route for you from these situations and I pray that it will be of use and empower you.
Love your enemies, it will drive them crazy, is an old joke but there is grand truth in it.Bullies project their own self-hatred outwards and place that hate onto others. If your reaction is anywhere in the negative range, fear, anger and resentment, feelings of spiritual superiority and judgement of them as bad or stupid or worthless persons, or any similar opinion, then what you project back to them only adds fuel to the fire of their own damaged self-esteem and self-hate. This can then only escalate into a worsening retaliatory situation. Bullies look for and feed off negative reactions. Don't give them any and you will regain your personal power.
The reaction of most organisations, especially small ones is to shoot the messenger when bullying is reported. You in fact can be treated as the problem and be bullied in turn by the management or the very same entity which is legally supposed to defend you. You may have already found that this has done you little good.
I believe that a better method is to start sending love to your enemies or those that seem to want to do you wrong. In fact he or she may be a friend in disguise. They may have made themselves available to you in this role in order that you have the opportunity to learn something spiritually valuable which in the end will result in your own greater awareness and freedom. They may likewise learn something wonderful from you.
Now you may not feel any true love at this point for such people. You will probably feel de-energised or exhausted by their behaviour and the feelings they have sent to you. They may have made you fearful and have humiliated you. It is understandable that loving them may not be on your immediate agenda
Elisechaina I am hoping that you have a good imagination.
I am going to suggest to you a framework to work from in planning your Great Escape. It is up to you of course to use or not use anything as you see fit.
First of all you will need to make a decision.
Find a place to sit quietly where you won't be disturbed for a few minutes.
(1) Think abour the bullying situations you have encountered and how you have felt during them. In your mind, try to remember how bad it has been for you. Now notice how your body feels while you are remembering these bad times. Do you feel disturbed anywhere inside? And how do you feel emotionally?
Now wipe all that. Sit quietly till the intensity subsides.
(2) This time, think of a happy time that you have spent with someone you love, when you also felt safe. Or any uplifting experience you have had. (If you haven't got such a memory then make it up as you would like to have it.) Keep this in your mind for a minute or two. Notice how this feels for you emotionally. How does your body feel inside?
Now compare how you felt both times.
In a nutshell I'm guessing that the first was lousy and the second good.
You can now make a decision as to how you want to feel for the rest of your life. Is it lousy? Or is it good?
I'm sure it is perfectly clear to you that it is loving feelings either within yourself or sent to you by someone else that make you feel good.
Making a decision to feel good and to continue to feel good can assist you and give you the strength to pursue the avenue of loving your tormentors.
This is a simple way to go about doing that (you may think of something better to suit yourself). You have nothing to lose by trying this method. Do it at least once a day until your situation is satisfactorily resolved.
(1) Choose a quiet time of the day for you when you are free to spend a little time on your own. Try to make it the same time each day so that you creat a little routine for yourself.
This may be just before you go to bed.
(2) Sit or kneel and ask for assistance in how best to deal with the bullying matter which is confronting you, from the God that you pray to. If you have no God, sit or kneel and ask for assistance anyway even if you do not know the name of the being that will respond to your request. Say to your God or this being, that you want to be uplifted from your misery and that you desire the best possible outcome for everyone concerned in this matter. Thank them for their assistance and tell them that you will accept their will in this matter.
(3) One by one, visualise the people with whom you are experiencing relationship and communication difficulties. Suspend your judgement of them. One by one visualise sending love parcels, hearts, flowers, presents, anything which is loving to you, to them. Speak with your mind to each one in turn and tell them that you love them, that you forgive them for anything they have done to you and ask for forgiveness from them for anything which you have done which may have offended or hurt them. Ask them to be patient with you for any bad feelings you may still have towards them. Tell them that you are working to get rid of them. State to each one that you mean them no harm. Ask for peace to be between you. Be sincere.
In the beginning, when you first start doing this you may have difficulty in being totally sincere as other feelings may intrude. Do not worry about this or think that you will fail because of it. You will not fail. You simply need to persist in doing it each day and each day it will get easier and your thoughts will begin to be more and more truthful.
I have given this method to other members of my family. It has worked for me and it has worked for them. I have been told many times of amazing things which have happened to them after they have used this method even only one or two times. I hope that you will find it of use.
To help you maintain an even keel emotionally in your difficult situations, what follows is a description of a simple but powerful technique (created by the Institute of Heartmath) that you can use to release stress, produce positive feelings and feel calmer and more energised.
The Quick Coherence Technique
Step 1. Put your attention on your heart area, in the centre of your chest.
Step 2. Now breathe in and out, as slowly and deeply as you can manage.
Imagine your breath coming in and going out through your heart area.
Step 3. Think back to a time when you felt good inside yourself. As best you can,
remember what that felt like while you keep on breathing through your heart
area. (If you have trouble producing any happy memories, make some up
instead.)
Do this for one or two minutes several times a day or whenever you feel the
need. You can use it before any kind of test or exam, in a difficult business
meeting, to calm down when you are stressed. It may take a little practice at
first. If your attention strays, just bring it back to the heart area and start again.
A fuller description of this wonderful technique can be obtained on the internet at
http://www.heartmath.org/free-services/ ... hnique.htm
In addition here are a few body tricks which come from a natural therapy system called Jin Shin Jyutsu. Practised daily while you watch TV or chat with someone, they will help you to maintain calm. Also you can unobtrusively use these when you are having to deal with an unpleasant situation in person.
(1) Thumb – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of WORRY or ANXIETY.
(2) Index finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings associated with PANIC or
FEAR.
(3) Middle finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of ANGER or RAGE.
(4) Ring finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of SADNESS or GRIEF.
(5) Little Finger – hold on each hand in turn for any feelings of JUDGEMENT (either
judgement of yourself or judgement of others by criticism,
comparison, competing, labelling, asking why) or PRETENCE
(trying to (be something you are not)).
(6) Prayer Position – hold your hands in the prayer position for harmonising of all body energy flows. Alternatively clasp them together in your lap or interlace the fingers of each hand.
Love and hugs, trust that others will care about you, I see that you have already received some loving responses.Ayla :smt051
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Elisechaina
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:19 pm
Just a quick 'thank you' for all my hugs - I feel so much better. and Wingmaker's advice was absolutely fantastic, I shall be carrying out the exercises when I have a spare moment. The bully at work at the moment is actually being kind of nice to me, (dont know what she's up to though!)..but I shall only send her kind thoughts as you say. Thankyou again everybody x ps I hope this message doesnt repeat twice on the posting,its embarrassing, as Im a bit of a tecnophobe! please bear with me xx
Cheer up
I am truly sorry that people misunderstand your gentle nature worngly, but it does happen to very many people who are good.
I am from India and our Bible which is Geeta .in this book lord krishna says ," Do your Karma ( Work) with honesty and hard work and don't worry about the Fruits of your labour.
Another Great man from India Mahatma Gandhi said that if some one slaps you , offer him the other cheek . the victory of love over hate , justice over injustice will eventually win, however the others might put you down and yes one more thing Dont ever expect any thing from others . Do good and it will come back to you in ample measure .
I am with you in spirit and send my love filled Hugs . May God Bless you .
Sarbush
I am from India and our Bible which is Geeta .in this book lord krishna says ," Do your Karma ( Work) with honesty and hard work and don't worry about the Fruits of your labour.
Another Great man from India Mahatma Gandhi said that if some one slaps you , offer him the other cheek . the victory of love over hate , justice over injustice will eventually win, however the others might put you down and yes one more thing Dont ever expect any thing from others . Do good and it will come back to you in ample measure .
I am with you in spirit and send my love filled Hugs . May God Bless you .
Sarbush
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Elisechaina
- Posts: 49
- Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2007 11:19 pm
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