Been crying nonstop these past few days

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Aiyu
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 11:04 am

Been crying nonstop these past few days

Post by Aiyu » Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:13 pm

Hi,

I'm already in my 7th year in uni. Yep, you've heard it right: 7 long years, and I'm not even in my final year yet. Am taking an arts course, to be specific design and animation related, and it's been one long struggle with having to start on the assignments, let alone submit them.

So after one too many failures, my parents finally took me to see the doctor last year, and I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Took time off from uni to go on medication for a few months, and then suddenly quit because of the side effects; they made me gain weight (which reduced my self-esteem and induced more depression), and there were no significant improvements to be seen, not to mention that it was expensive.

Am back at uni now, and this is already the last week of the semester before the final exams start. I just had my final presentation yesterday, and have got two assignment submissions this Friday, in addition to another two this coming Monday, and let's not forget the pending four I haven't submitted previously.

I'm sick of running away from the problems at hand, and I'm sick of giving up without even an effort. It's a vicious cycle really: I run away from doing the assignments coz of fear of inadequacy (what if I'm just not good enough to live up to the lecturer's expectations?), lack of focus and poor time management, and when I escape from the submission dateline I just end up feeling worse and worse. It was something close to a miracle that I actually showed up in class for the final presentation, albeit with one of the worst works around.

I wouldn't have made it through yesterday if it weren't for my family's support. They've been incredibly supportive of me these past few days leading up to the final presentation; they've placed so much faith in me, and I love them so much, that my greatest form of gratitude would be to let them see me receive my scroll up there on graduation day. But at this rate, I'm so scared of failing my core subject, and I know that my dad will force me to quit uni for good if it happens.

I'm crying even as I write this for I've reached an absolute crossroad in life. I fear that it may have been too late to rectify my current situation, and I keep vacillating between thoughts of passing and failing. I can't imagine how disappointed my family's faces would be if I failed this time after all they've done for me. At the same time, if I did pass and continue, I fear that the same vicious cycle will repeat itself over and over again.

I honestly need of a hug. Thanks for hearing me out here.

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Rhutobello
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Joined: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:39 pm

Post by Rhutobello » Wed Sep 26, 2007 7:55 pm

You need a very big Grandpa hug a verry big one and all the comfort and "love" I can give you.

If you have got the diagnose Bipolar Disorder, then there is only one thing that works....treatment.

I am fully aware that you will "suffer" more from the medicine and that some of the bi effect might be not that favourable, but if you don't take them you will be more and more eaten by the illness until you have no control over yourself and your actions.

You need to take contact with all that can help you....you need to put your life into regularity.....you need to have much  training....relaxation...regular sleep and so on.
You must be open to try out different kind of medicine and try to approach this illness with what you can manage of positivity and fighting spirit.
There is a lot of people who get it...and many people have lived with it in an almost normal life situation.
The hard part is to admit that you need the treatment and work with the helpers and not against them.

I include a link to a forum which can give support and where you can read about it.

http://www.bipolarsupport.org/modules.php?name=Forums

I give you all my best wishes, I even have tears for you.....must you get the power to fight it!

taraprincess
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Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:57 pm

Post by taraprincess » Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:05 pm

here is a huge hug for u sweetie i know u can do it i have faith in u keep your head up and keep reaching for the stars and u will succeed in everything u do..im sending u some positive energy, stay strong and believe in yourself, just remember we here at mystic board and your family have lots of love for u and believe in you. huggies

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lunarcraft
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Big Hugs

Post by lunarcraft » Thu Sep 27, 2007 8:22 am

I am sending a whole package of my HUGE hugs for you, hun - I truly believe that you CAN and WILL succeed with your dreams and ambitions.  Make sure that the Uni are fully aware of your situation and call on them for help with getting organised.  Would it help you to look at the mass of work that is facing you not as a whole but rather as smaller, easier to manage, tasks?  It works for me and I don't feel so overwhelmed by everything if I break things into small (very small) steps.

My thoughts are with you and am sending positive energy your way to try to help you through ... You are very special and strong ... believe in yourself.

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

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ResQDonna
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Location: Ohio

Post by ResQDonna » Thu Sep 27, 2007 12:33 pm

Here is a BIG HUGE ((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))) from me!
I agree with Sarah...you are VERY special and strong!
Believe!!!!

MangoMom
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Location: Central Texas
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Hugs

Post by MangoMom » Thu Sep 27, 2007 3:22 pm

Here is more hugs and loving, healing light to help you through this.  You have made the first step by reaching out.

Love, Light and Laughter
MangoMom

IRIS_1of4_ON
Posts: 10
Joined: Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:21 pm

Post by IRIS_1of4_ON » Fri Sep 28, 2007 5:33 am

oops
Last edited by IRIS_1of4_ON on Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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soul_flower
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Location: Australia,Vic.

Post by soul_flower » Fri Sep 28, 2007 6:07 am

Heres another *Huggle* for you.......Having a illness isnt good,makes life hard....I know all about gaining weight.Im on anti depressents and i have IBS,so with both them it makes my life hell at times and plus i now feel like a blimp....In some ways it has made me have no life.....I feel for you!
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

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Aiyu
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Joined: Tue Sep 18, 2007 11:04 am

Post by Aiyu » Fri Sep 28, 2007 8:37 am

A big,
BIG,
BIGGGGG,
ULTRA,
SUPER,
MIRACLE,
SPECIAL,
MEGATON,
((((((((((HUUUUUUGGGGGGGGZZZZZZ))))))))))
and THANK YOU!! to everyone here for the love, support, positive energy and huggies~~  :smt049

I'm glad to say that things have turned out much better than expected :smt003 Behold the power of belief and positive thinking! Whatever work that was due today has been submitted on time, and my lecturer has actually agreed to allow me to extend the submission dateline for the other pending assignments. So seeing that there's soooooo much time left, I'm off to have an anime marathon hahaha... nahh, just kidding, I've learned my lesson, honest! :P

Reading back on my post, I'm finding it somewhat difficult to relate to it now seeing that it was written in such a negative frame of mind. I've learned and grown tremendously within the past few days, and I'm actually grateful for the experience. It has enabled me to grow closer to my family and the community here, and never will I view setbacks and hurdles in the same light again.

All through the tough times, I kept holding on to this quote I found in a book: Nothing is as hard as it looks; everything is more rewarding than you expect; and if anything can go right it will and at the best possible moment. -- Maxwell's Law. How true it is!

I'm determined to do whatever it takes to pass this semester. Once again, my biggest gratitude to all of you, and I'm keeping in my heart all that I've learned from everyone here :)

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soul_flower
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Location: Australia,Vic.

Post by soul_flower » Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:41 am

Aiyu  :smt006

Im so glad your feeling better,coming here can boost ones spirit i think.....About you saying  that you were finding it somewhat difficult to relate to your post now seeing that it was written in such a negative frame of mind,i can so understand you on that note.I have done the same,with my blog,not so much here but on my myspace.I had a time when i was very down and out,i wrote alot of negative,sad and angry stuff.When i looked back on the blog after i was feeling better i couldnt believe i had written all that  :smt103 it did not sound like me,the depression talking .So i deleted my WHOLE blog because i was really shocked and thought people would think i was nuts or something,i started again on a positive note.I guess i needed to get all my hurt out and i didnt have anyone to listen so i let my blog have it lol....

But we often think the worst at times,im really happy it all worked out for you  :smt023 ,goes to show we shouldnt always think the worst hey  :smt002

And im also in a way glad i have had this illness,but not the ibs lol, as i have grown alot as a person to,i  used to not understand how people with depression just couldnt get over it and get on with life,i now have respect for people suffering anything in life.

We can really do anything and get through anything if we are positive and believe that all will be ok,because at the end of the day it could be worse....I like the quote,very true!


Cheers Tamara  :smt051
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

Lila
Posts: 23
Joined: Sat Sep 22, 2007 12:01 am

hugs

Post by Lila » Fri Sep 28, 2007 4:12 pm

{{{{{{{{{Aiyu}}}}}}}}}

A warm and loving embrace for you. You are not alone. Bipolar can be a scary thing but at least you have the knowledge to deal with it. Keep working with your doctor to find an appropriate med and dose that works for you. There are also some wonders being done with vitamins and supplements (Omega-3 Fatty acids from salmon is important). Talk to a nutritionist to determine what foods, supplements will help you maintain. When you are cycling it can be difficult to keep control, especially if you have studies and assignments to think about.

Find a support group through Mental Health in your area or online, you will see others share your issues.

Keep a regular sleep schedule. When I am feeling "up" I used to stay up all night, no more, or when I was "down" I slept 15 hours a day. I keep a regular sleep schedule now and it helps me to maintain greater control. I still have the ups and downs but I have learned to recognize and work with them.
I know I can do more in a hypomanic phase and get a lot accomplished, but I am realistic now to know this phase will pass so I don't take on more than I can handle in the moment. When I'm in a depressive cycle, I try to limit myself to the bare essentials to get me through and I've learned that it is okay,, I don't beat myself up anymore with the negative self talk.

This is a disease, a brain chemistry imbalance. Would people expect someone with a broken leg to run a marathon?? Of course not, but we sufferers of Mental illness are expected to pull up our socks, smile when we are crushed inside. The hardest thing for me was to learn to say 'NO" to people and not feel guilty.

Sorry that was a bit of a ramble, just wanted you to know, you will work through this and finish your studies.

Blessings,

Lila
You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star
                                                            -Nietzsche

theodorus
Posts: 9
Joined: Sat Sep 15, 2007 6:07 am
Location: Africa

A thought for you, the depressed.

Post by theodorus » Sat Sep 29, 2007 6:39 pm

A big hug from me with all the love and warmth I have to share. You must not stop finding and searching for help. The right medication will help you, your will power and your ability to have come this far, is a proof of your inner strength to become well again. It may take some time for treatment and medication ot show signs of improvement, but many people live with your and similar conditions and have good healthy and happy lives, as long as they remain on their medication. Know that you can and will win. We all carry our burden and so must you. Do not give up Uni. This is something you must conmplete no matter how long it takes. Look ahead, expect to become better as you read this, Warm regards as I present you and your pain to the Gods of Africa.
The Teacher
Virtual claaroom

symulhaque
Posts: 1204
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:41 pm

Post by symulhaque » Fri Mar 29, 2013 7:43 pm

Big hugs to you. Be patient. I pray for you so that everything will going to be okay.
symulhaqu07eee

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