Can anyone spare a hug for moi?????

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soul_flower
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Can anyone spare a hug for moi?????

Post by soul_flower » Wed Oct 03, 2007 6:03 am

I just really need to get this out.....


My partner and I have chosen to have a break,split for a while,i dont know how long for but yeah.....It was my choice and i feel very guilty now for wanting some time for myself,to sort my head out.He is a great man,he has a heart of gold,but why then arent i happy??? I mean whats my problem,if he is such a great person why leave him to maybe never have a connection like that again.Saying that the past 8 months havent been easy,we have had alot of problems,we argue alot,angry alot and just not happy.....We do love eachother but things seem to have changed....

Some people i have told have put all the blame on me and have made me feel pretty bad.They have been saying because we have a child together that i should stay with him for our son.They say if i want to be a good mother i should put my son first,it doesnt matter about my happiness as i have 3 lives in the palm of my hand not just my own.....Is that true,should i forget about what i want for my son? Im very confused right now,i dont even know what happiness is or what i want....

He was my first real love,i havent known anything else,am i just in a comfort zone,where do i go from here?
Do i stay with him and try to be happy or walk away so to speak and find out what i want.....My son does deserve to have his mummy and daddy together and that is what has made me feel awful.I didnt sleep all night because my head has been spining,am i doing the right thing,what if i leave him then regret it,am i a bad mother for not trying to sort things out and blah blah blah.

It really is doing my head in.....I just dont know what i want and i wish people wouldnt sift the blame on me and say im selfish.I thought a relationship was two people working at it,its never just ones fault,so if things arent peachy then it cant be just my problem,can it????

I feel like the person who recks anothers life,all i know is im not happy and i dont know why...... :smt022  I mean do other people think i like feeling like this and hurting someone???? Im not that much of a heartless person,geeezzzzzzzz......

Well thanks for that....I just needed to vent and get that out.....

Can anyone spare a hug for me??  :smt009


Thanks,Tamara  :smt051
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

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Rhutobello
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Post by Rhutobello » Wed Oct 03, 2007 7:12 am

A big big Grandpa hug to you.....and I think also a confirmation that you are doing the right thing.

I find it very hard to understand that a marriage that produce "bad feelings" and "quarrels" shall keep going in order to help the child to have a "good family life".
It is the opposite that will happen...Even a very young child will pick up such disharmony and will think they are what cause it.

A broken marriage is never good for any part....but the main goal is to be able to brake out as "friends".
This way you both will be able to produce a good relationship that benefit the child and it will not become a mean to hurt the other part in the name of "love".

You are both young....and you must have started this relationship in your "teens".
This is a period of time where we grow mentally....and the fact that you become a mother...will make your view on life and what is important more mature.
This might lead to the thought that you he has changed, but in reality you might have changed most and he has not managed to follow up.

It's hard for many a man when the couple get a baby. He is not longer the focus for the relationship....he might feel that he is in the background and so on.
This will then lead to quarrels that again lead unhappiness.

As I have said to many before.....before you take the decision....think it true.....be sure that this is what you want...if you find it broken whiteout  repair...well then better leave in order to establish harmony for your baby.

Good luck to the 3 of you and another big Grandpa Hug!

Nicole
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Post by Nicole » Wed Oct 03, 2007 9:51 am

Morning on my end..lol

Maybe this is the time you needed to sort things out..
Sounds like your doing just that...

Give him a call see how he's doing~?
Have dinner and still have your times apart for a week or 2~?
It takes 2 to work things out...

Just a though is all..  :)

{{{ Hugs to you both & your son }} :smt006

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swetha
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Post by swetha » Wed Oct 03, 2007 10:04 am

hello,
a warm hug for u:))
take time to reevaluate with a clear mind and i am sure u will reach the right decision

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ResQDonna
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Post by ResQDonna » Wed Oct 03, 2007 11:30 am

ahhh Tamara! BIG ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) from me to you!
I agree that time out may be needed to see with fresh eyes...
Remember...you're not alone! Listen really listen....the answer will come


I will be thinking of you and sending you lots of love and light!!!

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Samson
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Post by Samson » Wed Oct 03, 2007 11:49 am

Hi Tamara, I'm not going to give you a Hug here, I'll come around to your place and give you HUG there instead and then we can sit and talk.

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lunarcraft
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Big Hug

Post by lunarcraft » Wed Oct 03, 2007 1:14 pm

I am sending you one of my HUGE hugs - hope it helps you a little through this difficult time

Brightest Blessings

Sarah

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soul_flower
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Post by soul_flower » Wed Oct 03, 2007 1:30 pm

wow,thankyou all for all your Hugs,thoughts and positive words.

You have made me feel much better about all this as i havent been to good,with feeling bad about my decision making. *Sighs* i hope i make the right choice and i hope i dont hurt my sons father to much  :smt009

I do need time to sort through things as this isnt good for my health.It was lovely to hear that all of you agree and that lets me know im doing that right thing.I really do feel much better after reading all your replys,im scared to make change but its for the better.

Soooooo thanks all *Huggles* back to you.


Tamara  :smt051

Ok Samson,sounds good,maybe you could come over for dinner and give me some company while we eat  :smt003
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

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Psychic Chef
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Hugs and healing

Post by Psychic Chef » Thu Oct 04, 2007 12:01 pm

Hi Tamara
Huge hugs from me as well. you already know what you needed to do and  standing back from the scene helps you see clearly.
Samson please give ahuge hug for me when you see her.

Cheers Pete

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soul_flower
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Post by soul_flower » Thu Oct 04, 2007 3:59 pm

Thankyou Pete.....Yes standing back does let me see it more clearly.



Tamara :o)
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

Lila
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Hugs

Post by Lila » Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:23 pm

Dearest Tamara,  Many warm hugs going your way,

I know what you're going through. I've been with my partner off and on for 17 years. We both realized long ago, we need space from each other for growth, for ourselves. This is not being selfish, your mental, emotional, spiritual health needs this time for soul searching etc...
DH and I would be apart for weeks at a times and come back together loving each other on a much deeper level. The longest we were apart was 8 months, but we still "dated" and got to know each other in a new way. Now, if one of us needs space, we let the other person know in a gentle, conscious way, rather than pick a fight. It is amazing how an afternoon by myself, doing things for me can lift me out of resentment and I love my sweetie all the more for offering to take the little ones out for a while.
Kudos to you for having the courage to name what you need. I hope you discover the answers you are seeking. I have great faith in you.


Brightest Blessings,

Lila
You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star
                                                            -Nietzsche

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suzisco
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Post by suzisco » Thu Oct 04, 2007 4:51 pm

I just wanted to stop by and tell you i was thinking about you. Relationships are so complex along with the feelings they engender.  I wish you well on your journey.  A hug from me.

Suzi XXX
Enjoy when you can and endure when you must.
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taraprincess
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Post by taraprincess » Thu Oct 04, 2007 5:51 pm

here is a huge hug for u sweetie huggies

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Aiyu
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Post by Aiyu » Fri Oct 05, 2007 8:51 am

*tight hugs*

I've never been particularly adept at comforting someone in distress, so what I can do is to offer a different perspective that would perhaps lessen your sadness I hope :)

It's ok to be confused and sad at such a time :) I don't see any right or wrong choices for you here, seeing that if you were to keep away permanently from him you might find someone else, and if you were to stay together instead you might establish an even deeper bond with him and find renewed happiness. Either way, it really is up to you to decide. You seemed to have been weight down heavily by other people's opinions, so maybe it's time you honestly ask yourself: what do I want? what do I want?? what exactly do I want??!!

My guesses are that you want to be happy in life, you want your son to grow up in a loving and stable environment, you want to finish your studies, you want to care for as many animals as you can, you want this you want that etc. etc. etc. It really is not a bad thing to ask yourself what you really want and then follow your heart rather than giving in to pressure from other people :) Who's to say that your son would end up worse off without a father around, and who's to say that he'd be better with one? I believe you when you say that your partner's a terrific person; sometimes though, relationships just boil down to compatibility, regardless of how perfect the other person's character or looks are. Well, there are so many possibilities in life, and it's up to you to make the choice and make a difference.

All the questions you've been asking yourself shows that you're doing your best to be aware of your situation and the repercussions of your action, and while that's not necessarily bad, you're being awfully afraid of making mistakes and that itself can really hold you back from taking a step forward. So maybe you can view it this way: that every mistake you're gonna make is a chance to start off again more intelligently next time. Even if you were to suffer, the lessons learned mentally, spiritually and emotionally would only make you a better person. So it's ok to make mistakes.

You're such an incredibly loving person Tamara, so what's holding you back from giving that love to everyone and everything without restrain? Letting go of one's ego, image and pride could be an incredibly liberating experience.

Please believe that you are a stronger and better person than you think you are *huggles*

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soul_flower
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Post by soul_flower » Fri Oct 05, 2007 4:42 pm

Thankyou Lila,Suzi,taraprincess and Aiyu for the hugs and kind words  :smt058  :smt041

They really do mean alot to me,to know i do have some support and there are people who understand me and whats going on.......I still struggle with this as it hurts and all that stuff.But all of you have put faith into me that what i am doing is ok,im strong and will be better at the end of this all.And i now know its not bad to have a rest and figure out what i want in life.I guess i have always had people tell me what to do or look over me and kindly push me into things.Thats why its scarey,standing on my own to feet,i have no one to get upset at if things dont work out,but me lol.But thats when this saying comes into place> you never make mistakes in life,they are just lessons to be learnt.

I still miss him and feel alone without him,im so used to everything about him.But all will be ok in time.

I think it will be a little while for me to feel %100 good again but you all have been wonderful and have put a smile on my face,truly.You have all made me feel at peace and more positive.

So thankyou Suzi,Lila,taraprincess and Aiyu  :smt003

And of course thanks to everyone else and BIG *Huggles* back to everyone for your support.

Tamara  :smt051
~*~* May the God and Goddess within you shine*~*~

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