Post
by Brightwater » Fri Feb 01, 2008 9:23 pm
UR all real sweet, thanks. I know what you mean about it being "easier," trust me. Yes, of course it is easier but there are so many ramifications. His health-- he's 62 and had 2 heart attacks, 2 strokes, is pre-diabetic and pre-cancerous and has a chronic B12 deficiency I give him monthly injections for. I've always felt that to send him packing is to send him to his death. I will not be responsible for this. We did separate once. It was a disaster as he would not care for himself-- he never has, going from mama, to wife 1 to wife 2 (me). He still works-- he's not decrepid, just a horrid bear, but not even all the time. Add the kids in the mess, 17 y/o drug addict in and out of jail and 15 y/o just had a baby- we are raising. He's a living doll. Me, with minor, long passed issues have never had a high paying job. To divorce we would lose the house and the kids and I be on welfare. I could go on and on. It works together. He watches over me and protects me/us. He isn't abusive physically nor a drinker nor a bad gambler-- LOL, a bad Dunkin Donuts habit. Frankly, the wee-wee is non-functional anymore anyhow. But, fact is, with all these financial issues-- did I forget to mention we are in the process of claiming bankruptcy and defaulting on the 2 home equity loans and losing the house?....we just aren't in demand for friends.
I look at this a lot like a devastating cancer-- you do what you have to and don't let it destroy you. He doesn't care if I seek outside interests, but at 51, frankly there isn't much out there that I really care to pursue for the most part. No, I don't have any friends anymore, nor family that wants anything to do with this seemingly horribly family- drugs, the police, unwed mothers, etc. The pretension is rampant and heaven knows I have needs. Conversely, I felt more lonely and stressed when I was younger and single and lonely.
Put it this way-- everyone in the house has wonderful hearts and good intentions, are caring and loving but stressed to the max in a financially broken and emotionally broken environment.
I had a lot of psych training when younger, and EMS, where my husband still works. We hold our own. It's just tough. Yes, I ALWAYS am looking for friends. Bright Blessings and thanks all!
Brightwater
