I need a hug because my dad wont talk or accept my boyfriend.
All you girls know how dads are protective but as you get older, esp turning 18 in a matter of days, it gets tiring. I've been best friends with my boyfriend for almost 2 years before we started going out. in November he asked me out . Well hes a bit older, we're 6 years apart, he being 25 and im almost 18 (feb 25) I told my mom abut him and she asked how old he was (before we were going out) and i lied and said 19, to save all the drama, not knowing we were gonna go out someday. well when it came time, my mom found out by looking on his myspace and saw the age but didnt tell me. She wanted me to confess it first. I did and she didnt say anything besides the "whats he doing talking to you??" well we have everything, i mean, EVERYTHING in common, even the same disability. and we compRomise, not fight. We didnt look at age as a problem. Well, my mom started getting use to it, seeing how much he made me happy, but Theres my dad... he doesnt want to discuses it, or talk to him. iits really frustrating, even my mom was like "talk to her about him, she wants to talk to you" and he doesnt want anything to do with it. Well my boyfriend is now living in NY and I want to go see him in March. I got money, and my own transport, but my parents are stopping me, which is not fair, cause ill be 18 at the time.
AND in June, Im moving in with him, but my parents dont know it yet, I dont know how theyre gonna take it. :(
Dad wont accept boyfriend
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WhoseLineBabygirl
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pinkspikes
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Well, parents not liking a love interest never ends up well. It really sounds like your boyfriend hasn't made much of an attempt to get know your parents well. Even at 21, my parents, who are not over protective in the slightest would appreciate and want my love interest to be able to have a conversation with them. They would not like me going to NY with someone they didn't like.
They wouldn't have a right to stop me, just like your parents can't really stop you. You're 18 so if you just leave, they can't legally go find you.
It's more of an issue of respect. If you respect your parents wishes, you won't do it.
If you really like this guy, instead of just going "Hey mom and dad I'm moving in june and you can't stop me" You should make your boyfriend come down to where you live and sit your parents down with him and both of you tell them.
Even if they freak out, they will really respect the fact that you and him had the common sense and maturity to bring it up to their faces.
Instead of you going to new york why don't you see if your parents would be more comfortable with him coming to you first.
If he is serious about it, he would make time for it.
If you really want a future with this guy it is important for you to help cultivate a positive relationship between him and your parents.
Trust me.
This comes from a girl who was in your boyfriends position.
That ended horribly because he would not make the time for us to all sit down together.
They wouldn't have a right to stop me, just like your parents can't really stop you. You're 18 so if you just leave, they can't legally go find you.
It's more of an issue of respect. If you respect your parents wishes, you won't do it.
If you really like this guy, instead of just going "Hey mom and dad I'm moving in june and you can't stop me" You should make your boyfriend come down to where you live and sit your parents down with him and both of you tell them.
Even if they freak out, they will really respect the fact that you and him had the common sense and maturity to bring it up to their faces.
Instead of you going to new york why don't you see if your parents would be more comfortable with him coming to you first.
If he is serious about it, he would make time for it.
If you really want a future with this guy it is important for you to help cultivate a positive relationship between him and your parents.
Trust me.
This comes from a girl who was in your boyfriends position.
That ended horribly because he would not make the time for us to all sit down together.
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soul_flower
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 5:00 am
- Location: Australia,Vic.
Oh i have been in this position.....I met my now ex bf when i was 16....We were friends for about 2ish years before we sort of hit it off....He was alot older also......My mum was a little shocked but i have always been more mature than anyone my age back then so she sort of expected it......At that time my mum and dad had split so i didnt have to tell him right away because i am his only child and he really does protect me,but if he didnt do that id worry......My mother then told my dad when most the family knew anyway and he went off his rocker,but then he cooled down and they both told me they want to meet him in person first before i go and see him etc......pssst i think my dad knew long before lol.....All was ok in the end,took a long time for my dad to let him into his life.....Now 5yrs later,with a child and being single again my dad and my ex get on great,my dad got to make a relationship with him.....I gave my dad a chance to meet this man before i went off and did my thing,it was important for them to know who this guy is that is dating their child.I probably should have listened to them more now,but thats in the past.
I told my mum the truth because its important when you are 17 going on 18 or any age for that matter whats happening in your life.....Its important for your parents to meet this man before going to see him,they are your parents and they need to feel involved.....I understand where your father is coming from,you're 17 and there is this guy who is in his 20's,he just is worried,thats all......Our parents have been around alot longer than us so they know more about life and what its about......If they dont meet this guy before you move in with them i think they will be very hurt and feel like you couldnt go to them.......Lies can get you deeper into trouble,your mother sounds like an understanding person,if you have her support she will help you with your dad......Just be open and honest......It is a tough position to be in,but its not the worst,you can get past it....Sometimes dads are a little hard to work with but they do come around.
Heres some *Huggles* for ya.
Tamara :o)
I told my mum the truth because its important when you are 17 going on 18 or any age for that matter whats happening in your life.....Its important for your parents to meet this man before going to see him,they are your parents and they need to feel involved.....I understand where your father is coming from,you're 17 and there is this guy who is in his 20's,he just is worried,thats all......Our parents have been around alot longer than us so they know more about life and what its about......If they dont meet this guy before you move in with them i think they will be very hurt and feel like you couldnt go to them.......Lies can get you deeper into trouble,your mother sounds like an understanding person,if you have her support she will help you with your dad......Just be open and honest......It is a tough position to be in,but its not the worst,you can get past it....Sometimes dads are a little hard to work with but they do come around.
Heres some *Huggles* for ya.
Tamara :o)
I agree with Tamara, better to be honest straight up.
Your parents still see you as a little girl and they feel the need to protect you and whilst 7 years is not a huge difference when your 30 and 40 it will feel a huge difference to them cos they see you as 17. Relationships with family are incredibly complex and difficult to navigate. There will be a storm for a while but it will die down when they see that your both together because you love each other and have much to offer each other.
What i will say to you is that when you look back on this time when your in your 80's and nearing the end of your life, have no regrets, so think long and hard about what your doing with your life. He may in fact not be the one for you and if you've not had more than a few boyfriends and only sex with 1 guy then you can't always make a good comparison. In this day and age settling down at 18 is not the only option you can have. You could go to college or uni and have some fun and date a few guys. Dating is a fun thing to do and gives you a chance to test out your independance etc.
I wish you well and a huge amount of hugs and i know that whatever you do you will have fun and be strong minded.
Suzi XXX
Your parents still see you as a little girl and they feel the need to protect you and whilst 7 years is not a huge difference when your 30 and 40 it will feel a huge difference to them cos they see you as 17. Relationships with family are incredibly complex and difficult to navigate. There will be a storm for a while but it will die down when they see that your both together because you love each other and have much to offer each other.
What i will say to you is that when you look back on this time when your in your 80's and nearing the end of your life, have no regrets, so think long and hard about what your doing with your life. He may in fact not be the one for you and if you've not had more than a few boyfriends and only sex with 1 guy then you can't always make a good comparison. In this day and age settling down at 18 is not the only option you can have. You could go to college or uni and have some fun and date a few guys. Dating is a fun thing to do and gives you a chance to test out your independance etc.
I wish you well and a huge amount of hugs and i know that whatever you do you will have fun and be strong minded.
Suzi XXX
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taraprincess
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Well yes he really DOES want to meet thhem and get them to like him, he even told me dont move in with me if you're pissed at your parents. What i cant stand is they dont want to talk to him because of his age. And im sorry but if thats the reason, then its stupid, and im packing my stuff and heading out. He wants to talk to them and always up for it too. Hes coming down here yes to meet them and help me move out. I kept changing the dates because I was getting mad at my parents. So the date now is, hes coming down for my graduation, I havent told my parents yet but im gonna give them an old tomato....If I make it through graduation, hes coming down to see it. And I hope they dont say no, or theyll say yes but he cant stay at the house, if they say that, then he'll only stay at least 2 nights at a motel cause he really cant afford that then Ill quickly pack my stuff after graduation because again, id be really upset that he cant even stay here.
I know im 18 and young. we were just talking about this last night, Im not like any other 18 yr old (go out and meet guys) I like to usually stay home and he gives me that teenage freedom, I can flirt or hit on other guys and he doesnt mind it because he trusts me so much. But i only go so far because further than that, i get really uncomfortable and im not gonna fall in love with them like I love him. Its impossible. When I see and meet a man who loves and respects me so much, Ill only have eyes for him. So I dont mind not meeting or dating other guys, its just a hassle to me.
Another problem for college, I have a settlement coming when I turn 18, for my disability. They give me a certain amount each year until it runs out. well. I want 108 dollars from it to see him in march, then put the rest away for education and college. My mom doesnt seem to get that. Shes threating me that shes gonna take it away because im not mature enough to have it. I want to call my attorney but I dont know how to reach him. She says she has control over it. I think shes bullshitting me because when I offered her to come with me one time, she was all up for spending over 1000 dollars of it on the tickets. I cant tell my boyfriend about this so Im asking you guys, if you know anything about settlements.
I know im 18 and young. we were just talking about this last night, Im not like any other 18 yr old (go out and meet guys) I like to usually stay home and he gives me that teenage freedom, I can flirt or hit on other guys and he doesnt mind it because he trusts me so much. But i only go so far because further than that, i get really uncomfortable and im not gonna fall in love with them like I love him. Its impossible. When I see and meet a man who loves and respects me so much, Ill only have eyes for him. So I dont mind not meeting or dating other guys, its just a hassle to me.
Another problem for college, I have a settlement coming when I turn 18, for my disability. They give me a certain amount each year until it runs out. well. I want 108 dollars from it to see him in march, then put the rest away for education and college. My mom doesnt seem to get that. Shes threating me that shes gonna take it away because im not mature enough to have it. I want to call my attorney but I dont know how to reach him. She says she has control over it. I think shes bullshitting me because when I offered her to come with me one time, she was all up for spending over 1000 dollars of it on the tickets. I cant tell my boyfriend about this so Im asking you guys, if you know anything about settlements.
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soul_flower
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- Joined: Mon Nov 06, 2006 5:00 am
- Location: Australia,Vic.
A big hug coming your way 
.
Stacers, parents just want the best for us and a father is much more protective to a daughter than to a son, just because it's his "little girl" always and forever. They don't do with bad intention (however sometimes they show in a wrong way), in the other hand it's just for loving you unconditionally, they just want the best for you.
So try to be patient, I know it's hard sometimes and frustrating, but it's the best you can , because if you rebel, it's gonna be worst.
Give time to your father see you are happy and that your boyfriend has good intentions with you. When your father realise he can trust your boyfriend, he will accept him, believe me. Until there be patient dear.
In what concerns moving in with your boyfriend, in my opinion you should think if it's that you really want. Think deeply to yourself if you are prepared.
I wish you good luck and lots of happiness. :smt002
Stay well.
.Stacers, parents just want the best for us and a father is much more protective to a daughter than to a son, just because it's his "little girl" always and forever. They don't do with bad intention (however sometimes they show in a wrong way), in the other hand it's just for loving you unconditionally, they just want the best for you.
So try to be patient, I know it's hard sometimes and frustrating, but it's the best you can , because if you rebel, it's gonna be worst.
Give time to your father see you are happy and that your boyfriend has good intentions with you. When your father realise he can trust your boyfriend, he will accept him, believe me. Until there be patient dear.
In what concerns moving in with your boyfriend, in my opinion you should think if it's that you really want. Think deeply to yourself if you are prepared.
I wish you good luck and lots of happiness. :smt002
Stay well.
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karlenespellman
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tourbi
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- Location: tourbiland, at the foot of Pikes Peak, USA
May I suggest: Sit down and meditate. 
Let yourself go to your safe place within, maybe a pretty park, a temple in the Himilayas, ( you get the idea)
Be comfortable where you are and then request the presence of your Higher Self, the Higher Selves of those involved. The introduce them to each other. Let them meet and chat a moment then let them all know your needs, then LISTEN very carefully to the conversation. You may learn something. Let them know that in physical reality you would like them all to be able to meet and to hear and discuss together. You have to be committed to hearing what is said and why they are saying the things they are.
I have found it to work well for me. Others have also.
Sometimes in the meditation time you hear what the issues are and get solutions. Other times you find in physical reality the people concerned are willing to work things out because they have heard the Higher Selves.
It may not turn out the way you wanted, often it brings solutions that help all in the long run.
Give it a try, you have nothing to loose.
Let yourself go to your safe place within, maybe a pretty park, a temple in the Himilayas, ( you get the idea)
Be comfortable where you are and then request the presence of your Higher Self, the Higher Selves of those involved. The introduce them to each other. Let them meet and chat a moment then let them all know your needs, then LISTEN very carefully to the conversation. You may learn something. Let them know that in physical reality you would like them all to be able to meet and to hear and discuss together. You have to be committed to hearing what is said and why they are saying the things they are.
I have found it to work well for me. Others have also.
Sometimes in the meditation time you hear what the issues are and get solutions. Other times you find in physical reality the people concerned are willing to work things out because they have heard the Higher Selves.
It may not turn out the way you wanted, often it brings solutions that help all in the long run.
Give it a try, you have nothing to loose.
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Cosmiceyes
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2008 8:47 pm
- Location: Sedona, Az.
It's a valid concern.
I have a different input to this discussion. Have you discussed with your father what his concerns are about you getting involved with someone 26 when you are barley 18? There may be some wisdom in his reasons, based on his love for you. A lot of changes happen to us in our personal development between the ages of 18 and 26. We often go from being "at home" to striking out on our own.
This time in your life is the best opportunity you have to create a foundation that you can build upon for over the rest of your life. Demostrate to yourself, your parents, and your bf that your decisions are emotionally mature and well thought out.
Otherwise your parents may view your decision as "rebellion" (there may be some truth to your actions being premature to want to move in with your boyfriend before you have established a history of stability in your romantic relationship with this man. Look inside of yourself on a deeper level at all of your motivations for wanting to move out of state with him, without being defensive. This is all about YOU and your life.)
If I may offer some insight, be smart.....go to college. Better yourself, now. Work with your disability so that you can financially take care of yourself over the long term.
Making sound decisions now, will give you confidence in your decision making.
If this bf is a long term keeper, then there is no rush to move in together. Plan a life together that makes sense. Share those plans with your family so that they will not worry. Demonstrate to yourself and your family that this is a relationship of mutual integrity and committment. Over time, (a few years) if the relationship is stable and healthy, age will no longer be a factor.
Your father is concerned with the type of man you are getting involved with. Remember HE IS ALSO A MAN, and he is watching the choices the two of you make. Let your bf be a man of honor with your family. Don't run off half cocked into a live in relationship prematurely and bite your nose to spite your face.
Successful intimate relationships take a lot of effort, at any age. Make sure you are really ready for the real life obligations the two are getting yourselves into.
This time in your life is the best opportunity you have to create a foundation that you can build upon for over the rest of your life. Demostrate to yourself, your parents, and your bf that your decisions are emotionally mature and well thought out.
Otherwise your parents may view your decision as "rebellion" (there may be some truth to your actions being premature to want to move in with your boyfriend before you have established a history of stability in your romantic relationship with this man. Look inside of yourself on a deeper level at all of your motivations for wanting to move out of state with him, without being defensive. This is all about YOU and your life.)
If I may offer some insight, be smart.....go to college. Better yourself, now. Work with your disability so that you can financially take care of yourself over the long term.
Making sound decisions now, will give you confidence in your decision making.
If this bf is a long term keeper, then there is no rush to move in together. Plan a life together that makes sense. Share those plans with your family so that they will not worry. Demonstrate to yourself and your family that this is a relationship of mutual integrity and committment. Over time, (a few years) if the relationship is stable and healthy, age will no longer be a factor.
Your father is concerned with the type of man you are getting involved with. Remember HE IS ALSO A MAN, and he is watching the choices the two of you make. Let your bf be a man of honor with your family. Don't run off half cocked into a live in relationship prematurely and bite your nose to spite your face.
Successful intimate relationships take a lot of effort, at any age. Make sure you are really ready for the real life obligations the two are getting yourselves into.
Thats good advice Cosmic. Im really really thinking about it and I think about financial deals and insurance with that and every that works the Real World with him on the phone and we've been planning it out for months now. He works at a 5-star resturant and told me when I move in, if i cant find a job in a matter of months, the owners are real cool and will let me host. And if not, I can always get on disability if thats the case. In August I wanna start college. THeres a tech college by him because I wanna be an Med. assistant. I think he wants to go with me to college too. After my college, his mom is a physical therapist who works at a hospital so Im hoping and ill talk to her about getting me a job there. so it kinda all comes together. His parents have no problem with my age and cant wait to meet me. I get along with his family and friends fine.
Thats why im kinda rebelling. I get along so well with him and the people he loves that Im finally happy with a guy but my parents are being so so immature. Like today, i leave my phone at home sometimes and he called me in the morning when i was gone, he thought i called him, so he left a voice mail. My mom or dad picks it up, LISTENS to the voice mail and I had like 5 others by him saved on my phone because when i cant talk to him, I listen to them when I miss him. they deleted them all. ALL. Now when I came home, OF COURSE they didnt tell me. So they talked to me like nothing happen, they didnt even tell me he called. So its 9:30 at night and im waiting for him to call. I check my phone and I see the missing call from this morning and then a call made at my mail box. I thought that was strange. I called it again and it said I had one message. Him saying he only has 2 minutes left on his phone. So i called him to see if i got through, I did. The thing he told me....sent me off the wall. He told me after he called, my dad called him...chuck answered and my dad says is this chuck? chuck says yes sir (knowing it was my dad) My dad says Hey I just found out your age and you smoke pot. Back off of my daughter! And realizing chuck only had 2 mins on his phone, he hung up. But he sent a text to him saying "Sorry sir but i just cant do that"
After he told me, I was pissed and stormed up the stairs and said to my dad "you talked to my bf today? when you had GOOD chances to talk to him? You YELLED at him today??" and my dad says "hes a stupid drug addict (he isnt) Yeah you picked a real loser stacy!" I said " i dont know why you can control me" "Im calling the police on HIM!" I said "for WHAT! ill be 18 and itll be NO reason" and i ran down the stairs and I started crying in my room. and Chuck was saying that my dad is trying to scare him off and no way in hell its working.
Im not worried, im not scared, Im ready to move out and start something with him. Im amused at my parents, theyre the ones pushing me away. I told the truth about him, I did my part. Theyre too stubborn to do theirs. And Im moving away with him because im happy not because I wanna rebel. Its a sad sad shame that they wont accept him, so Im staying with him until they do.
Thats why im kinda rebelling. I get along so well with him and the people he loves that Im finally happy with a guy but my parents are being so so immature. Like today, i leave my phone at home sometimes and he called me in the morning when i was gone, he thought i called him, so he left a voice mail. My mom or dad picks it up, LISTENS to the voice mail and I had like 5 others by him saved on my phone because when i cant talk to him, I listen to them when I miss him. they deleted them all. ALL. Now when I came home, OF COURSE they didnt tell me. So they talked to me like nothing happen, they didnt even tell me he called. So its 9:30 at night and im waiting for him to call. I check my phone and I see the missing call from this morning and then a call made at my mail box. I thought that was strange. I called it again and it said I had one message. Him saying he only has 2 minutes left on his phone. So i called him to see if i got through, I did. The thing he told me....sent me off the wall. He told me after he called, my dad called him...chuck answered and my dad says is this chuck? chuck says yes sir (knowing it was my dad) My dad says Hey I just found out your age and you smoke pot. Back off of my daughter! And realizing chuck only had 2 mins on his phone, he hung up. But he sent a text to him saying "Sorry sir but i just cant do that"
After he told me, I was pissed and stormed up the stairs and said to my dad "you talked to my bf today? when you had GOOD chances to talk to him? You YELLED at him today??" and my dad says "hes a stupid drug addict (he isnt) Yeah you picked a real loser stacy!" I said " i dont know why you can control me" "Im calling the police on HIM!" I said "for WHAT! ill be 18 and itll be NO reason" and i ran down the stairs and I started crying in my room. and Chuck was saying that my dad is trying to scare him off and no way in hell its working.
Im not worried, im not scared, Im ready to move out and start something with him. Im amused at my parents, theyre the ones pushing me away. I told the truth about him, I did my part. Theyre too stubborn to do theirs. And Im moving away with him because im happy not because I wanna rebel. Its a sad sad shame that they wont accept him, so Im staying with him until they do.
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