need advice.. :(

[nechu123]

HI,

I am very new to this board.. so please bear with me..

wel i need advice.. and surely a hug..

I am married for 1 and half year.. but we both have stayed together just around 6 months because of our jobs. But now we have decided to stay together as i am quitting my job. Wel the problem is tht whenever we are not together all we do is fight over the phone...

I think i ask for a little more attention.. i call him once/ twice a day.. and want to talk a lot.. but he is always busy.. i know he is managing a lot of things.. even in the night or weekends.. he is out or with friends or something or the other..... but then it drives me crazy when he hangs up on me.. or does not answer my calls...

Its 90% times me who calls him.. i hardly get a cal from him...

Its not tht he doesnt love me.. i know he does..
our major fights are because of this..

am i not giving him enough space? am i being too demanding?

I dont know wat to do....

[dhav]

My Greatest Hug to you.


what i have seen is it happens to most couples who are in a distant relationship.Mostly the girls are the most demanding ones.This i would called as insecurity and fear of losing the person we love.But i will ask you,you said that you know he loves you,then why you feel insecure.The major problem with girls is that they think giving attention to them means that the person loves them.i think you should put your trust in him and give him space.like this he will be happier and will not feel pressurize(which guys normally don't like).And also give yourself an air of mystery to him.Add spices in your romantic life.this will keep him wonder about you in positive way.Don't give most attention to him.Give yourself part of the attention.enjoy yourself.Do what you like.man like positive and happy woman.lol
Stop treating this problem of attention as a problem.take it as the other way round.make it that you can be happy without his attention.

[eelimak]

I'm certainly not the best giver of relationship advice as I just finished my divorce last week.  But I can give hugs and it seems you can use one.  Hang in there. (((((HUGS)))))

[karlenespellman]

Follow dhav's advice. Very true.
Learn to love yourself, and remember why you fell in love in the first place.
It's still there. Get a hobby or another job. Stay busy.

A HUGE HHHUUUGGG, positive energy and love to you both.
Karlene

[tourbi]

Agreed, listen to dhav.  
Do things for you, love yourself.  Meditate.  Appreciate the beauty in nature.  Fill yourself with the things you love and the love of the Universe.  Appreciate him and his needs too.  Don't base all of your life on him right now.  Create your own interests, make yourself a really interesting person.  Have lots to keep you happy.  

[soul_flower]

I agree with everyone else....Heres some *huggles* and my love going to you......


Tamara :o)

[Ani]

well said dhav! all I wanna add is that marriage is a complicated thing: sometimes you will have to put up with something you dont like about your partner, sometimes he will have to do the same for you, we always have to make some concessions if we want to make our relationships work. if you are really upset about your husband not giving you enough attention, talk to him and tell him how you feel - not over the phone, but when you see him personally, just dont pressurize him. lots of huge hugs to you and good luck!  :smt006

[dhav]

yup Ani.well said.I forgot to add this one.lol.
In every relationship there should be talking.If nothing comes out of it then you should take appropriate action as stated in my first post.lol



dhva

[nechu123]

hey u all guys... thanks a lot..

i will surely work on ur advice.. and hope for the best!!

By the way.. ihave already started working on it  :smt003 !!

[dhav]

Hi nechu,



i am happy you already started working on it.Giving us feedback how it went would make us feel more confident here.lol.Hope to hear from you soon positively.

dhav

[taraprincess]

here is a huge hug sweetie...much love and huggies

[hope704]

Congratulations on your new marriage and welcome into a new and beautiful world if both of you choose to work together. The Biggest thing in the marriage is communication. Communication on both parts. How do I know this? I was married for 20 years. My husband died a year and a half ago. I still cry. We definitely had our problems, his death was sudden and our marriage wasn't perfect and Please believe me when I tell you that.....No marriage is. Marriage is not an artifac that just is. It's an evolving, phase changing, mulitfacited diamond that is forever molding into something that is spiritually breath taking.

With this I can say you and your husband are in a new phase of your marriage. We were there before. My husband worked day in and day out and there were sometimes, even though he lived at home, I really didn't see him for days. I started taking flute lessons and started to "think" I was becoming infatuatated with my teacher. This scared me. I stopped abruptly, got a female teacher and explained to my husband that I was lonely and that I needed him. I needed more of him. It's not the amount of time it is the quality of time. He began to call me whenever he could sometimes 5 to six times a day. I also got busy.

We can love anyone we choose to love BUT it's even harder to be Best Friends.    :smt008  :smt007

I hope I helped. Here is a GREAT BIG HUG and a SQUEEZE! The answer is always: Talk about it.

[nechu123]

Firstly.. i am really sorry for your loss....Thanks a ton for your advice...  i completely agree tht no marriage is perfect.. I had a arranged marriage..  and after which we both are trying to understand each other and stuff... since the start we always talk to each other abt wat we feel.. it was always helpful... but now i feel i am being taken for granted... i have tried to talk abt this to him.. but have always got a very bad reaction.. which ended in fights.. i tried explaining tht i need his time.. more attention... i do get a call in the evenings at times.. but its just so short.. tht i dont feel like telling anything.. at times i feel we are just casual friends.. its getting worse day by day..

Now i am trying to divert my attention somewhere else.. but i dont know how much will it help.. or just increase the distance..

[ammo]

I suppose the best that you can do is let him be alone for a while. In a close relationship, personal space is a crucial element. Don't be so hard on yourself. Not all situations require you to look for someone to blame and you certainly should not feel bad about the way that you have handled things so far.