This forum is so friendly and loving, I too need a hug

blueeyesflashing · Post by **blueeyesflashing** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:29 pm

I joined this board when I saw this forum.  

I do believe sending love and light out helps everyone.

Right now, I am feeling down.  I'm trying to rebuild my life after losing my oldest son in accident, finding out that my husband has been unfaithful with friends of mine  over the past few years and now going thru divorce.  My other kids are devasted,  I want to start over but the pain can be intense.  I need to let that negative part go.  I want to really live the life I thought I was living; one full of love and laughter.

Thank you in advance for your hugs,

Doe · Post by **Doe** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 6:45 pm

Hi, BlueEyesFlashing (pretty "name"!),

I read the first line of your post and immediately wanted to write.  First, reading that you'd lost a child is heartbreaking and unimaginable (I have a 9-year-old son, so it's difficult for me to even think about such a thing happening).  How long ago did it happen?  How old was he?

And to read that you're dealing with your husband's infidelity (especially with friends--I had a somewhat similar situation happen recently, and, even though my husband and I were already in the process of parting ways--at least as husband and wife--it was an incredibly painful betrayal from both sides) on top of that...It's hard to know what to say.  "Letting the pain go" from either incident is no doubt more easily said than done--it can take a very long time, and there's no need for you to rush it.  No matter what anyone tries to tell you, you need to work through things in own your own time and in your own way.  The love and laughter will come back when you're ready.

But I'm glad you "found" us.  There are some wonderful people here, and you should feel free to write any time you want or need to.

Please take care (and here's a hug),

Doe

blueeyesflashing · Post by **blueeyesflashing** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:05 pm

Thank you for sending hugs so soon!  I knew I'd like this place.

My son 16, died 4 years ago in a car crash.  He lost control of the car and it a tree at the end of our street.  I have three other children, they were 15, 14 and 6, when he died.  I tried to help each one of them and my husband.  I thought my husbands lack of responsiveness to counsel for the family was due to his grief.  I just found out it was because he was hiding one of his affairs.  He had been caught in bed with a friend by her husband they week before my son died.  I had no idea about this until I was told after I found out about another affair which ended our marriage.  

My heartbreak is wrenching.  But I realize that he was and is not the man I thought I married.  I'm trying to get on with my life.  I pray, I know that there is a divine power out there I can call on.  I think that's what has gotten me this far.  But it all hurts when I least expect it.  Today is one of those days.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I feel locked at times.  I know I have such love inside of me.  It confounds me that it was casually dismissed.

Thank you for writing back to me.
I will send you love and light too

Doe · Post by **Doe** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:22 pm

The pain sounds as if it would be unbearable--now as well as then.  Four years is not a long time to grieve a child's loss; you don't sound as if you're "wallowing" or not letting it go (I don't know if anyone has said that to you; I just mention it because I know that some people can make you feel as if you need to "get over" grief sooner than you're ready to--more for their comfort than yours, I think).  You sound hopeful and open to getting on with your life in spite of your sadness.

It's also kind of terrifying when someone you thought you "knew" and trusted pulls the rug out from under you like that.  Especially after a long marriage (I'm assuming that you were married for a long time because of the ages of your children), I get the impression that you feel as if you need to start your life over almost from scratch.  That's scary (especially when you're taking care of children as well as yourself), but it can be done.

But I'm glad that praying has gotten you this far (it always helps me, even if I'm not sure exactly who it is I'm praying to--what form he/she/they/it takes!), and I'm glad that you're comfortable "reaching out" (I always hate that term...sounds kind of sappy, but you know what I mean!), because that will help you too, I'm sure.  

Again, write any time, as much as you need to.

Doe

Rhutobello · Post by **Rhutobello** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:45 pm

I will send you a lots of Big Grandpa hug and all those positive energies you can manage to receive.

I have few words to add, since my language skill are not high enough, but I think Doe has said much of it.

But the most important thing is that you manage to find something positive, even in this darkness, because negativity consume your "power", and everything become so much harder to carry, and you need positivity  for building a new life and new connections.

You are still young, don't go in the trap to sit alone at home, make yourself the goal to show your husband what he lost!

I wish you and your family all luck and happiness for the future

blueeyesflashing · Post by **blueeyesflashing** » Sat Mar 29, 2008 7:58 pm

Thank you so much!!

I guess I really need to hear and feel the compassion others feel for people they don't even know.  It humbles me.

Thank you for helping me get through this gray day.  I wanted to just curl up and cry today, but I can't.  I need to get up and out and thank God for all of the blessings I have received.  Sometimes, it sounds forced to me. But I do have blessings.  

For the first time in my life, I recognize that I don't have control of anything.  Letting that go is freeing, but scary.

I do ask for divine guidance, I know that I have received help during my darkest moments.  I just have to get on with living, loving and accepting.

I need to just accept.  

I will take in all of the beautiful positive love and light and hugs.  I need them all.

Thank you so much

karlenespellman · Post by **karlenespellman** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 12:20 am

Hi Eyes,
I can just feel them from your words, they are what your are most proud of???

I have lost a lot of people in a lot of ways(thank god/goddess/diety/ect..), not my kids. The closest thing I can imagine to this was my nephew. Born on my birthday, died 2 days after X-mas a year later, and buried on my brothers birthday. I was very close to him. Cut deeply. I see that you are a srtong person that has dealt with it much better than I could ever imagine. HHHUUUGGGSSS to you.

I have been divorced 3 1/2 times. You are a very special person to be able to go on, and you will, very succesfully. You know who you are now, that is all that matters. You will come out on top, and like Grandpa said, he will be sorry for his loss.

Doe, once again you amaze me. You gave "eyes" the best advice!!!!!!

Eyes--A HUGE HHHUUUGGG, Positive energy, and love to you.

Karlene

soul_flower · Post by **soul_flower** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 1:07 am

Im so sorry to hear that,i cant give much advice as i havent gone thru anything like that...Having a little boy myself i cant even imagine what you're going thru,only that it hurts deeply......Time heals everything and you just take as long as you feel you need to...Take small steps,slow and you will be free of the pain,it will get easier.........You Will be happy again,i know it,you're strong and if you believe and have faith you'll get there....

Heres some of my *huggles* positive energy and love going to you.

Tamara :o)

blueeyesflashing · Post by **blueeyesflashing** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 2:31 am

Thank you, thank you all for your support, your good wishes, your goodness!

It's what really matters at the end of the day anyway.  

Thank you for your hugs, your love and light sent this way. I will send the love I feel out to you all as well.

I knew this was a good place.

soul_flower · Post by **soul_flower** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 9:54 am

This is a great place and you're very welcome. :D

Tamara :o)

dhav · Post by **dhav** » Sun Mar 30, 2008 11:36 am

Hi Blueyes,

It really hurt to learn about all the bad incidents occured in your life.All of them here has given the best word.I would like to say your son is always there with you watching over.Hugs,light and healing to you and your children.I am sure you will get out of this positively.These a great place to hang out.and you will meet many friends here.

taraprincess · Post by **taraprincess** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 3:31 pm

sweetie here is a huge hug,...im sorry u had to go thru so much pain...and i will send u some positive energy...i know its hard but stay strong...just remember u will always have love and support here...much love and huggies

blueeyesflashing · Post by **blueeyesflashing** » Mon Mar 31, 2008 5:04 pm

Thank you,

I feel your compassion.  I am awed.  

No matter what language we speak, you are able to convey and send such healing prayers.  

I will continue to to the same.

This is nice, so very comforting.

Thank you,
Blueeyesflashing

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This forum is so friendly and loving, I too need a hug

This forum is so friendly and loving, I too need a hug

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