I have been dealing with a lot the past couple of months and it has really done a number on my spirit. At times I feel like I am okay, but lately I am so depressed. All I do is cry and lay in my bed! I don't want to go to work, and sometimes I would like to go out with friends but nobody seems to be around for me. I feel so ignored and abandoned by the people I thought were my friends. I'm so tired of telling the ones who will listen how I'm depressed, they must have gotten tired of me. What sucks is I keep feeling suicidal and I don't know what to do.
I told one of my friends, or someone I was involved with....and thought would be my friend.... that I want to die and he was so hurtful he just said, "Oh god get over yourself." I can't handle that, he has never said a harsh word to me like that before.... that cut me like a knife. How can somebody be so cold? :(
But the thing is something is missing and I know all those spiritual laws like the law of attraction and the fact that we create our own reality but I feel so trapped by this heavy burden because nobody here seems to really care. I'm sorry that this is so long, it's not my intention to drain anyone's energy. I feel more hopeless than I ever have in my life. I've been going through so many changes and clinging to whatever I can only to find it all ripped away from me in the end, regardless of how. Man what do I do? How can I stop feeling so desperate and lonely, especially when everybody's gone to bed and there's no one to talk to? That's the worst.
Thank you all so so much for taking the time to listen. I love this board because everyone on it seems to have such a good heart.
So Much Grief
Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123
Hey Markitta,
light and love to you.I know how hard it is when we are depressed and no one seems to care.I think when we cut ourselves from people we tend to think they don't care about us.Forget about your past.Live your life to the fullest.Enjoy every moment.If things begin to get gloomy try to overturn the situation and make it joyful.Sometimes we have to make effort to keep us happy.The hole in the heart will remain but with time it will subside and felt less and less.If someone seems to project negativity in your life it's better not to interact much with that person unless you feel strong enough to be with that person.
In short bring light and love in you life all by yourself
light and love to you.I know how hard it is when we are depressed and no one seems to care.I think when we cut ourselves from people we tend to think they don't care about us.Forget about your past.Live your life to the fullest.Enjoy every moment.If things begin to get gloomy try to overturn the situation and make it joyful.Sometimes we have to make effort to keep us happy.The hole in the heart will remain but with time it will subside and felt less and less.If someone seems to project negativity in your life it's better not to interact much with that person unless you feel strong enough to be with that person.
In short bring light and love in you life all by yourself
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taraprincess
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coloratura
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2008 8:43 pm
- Location: Lost in thought.
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Marquitta,
For me personally, don't even worry about rambbling on! You need to vent, and in the end, venting and getting it all out there will be good for you.
I've been depressed and have felt some of the feelings that you've described, and i know that for me to tell you that it will all smoothe out soon would be cliche. Just know that I feel your pain because I, too, have been there.
It's hard to see any kind of hope when you feel utterly alone and deserted, and it's even harder to learn to stand on your own two feet under that huge burden.
Hang in there! There are angels surrounding you at this very moment. Reach out to them and know that it's not a sin or unspiritual to be depressed.
Your guides and angels don't love you any less because of it.
Oh, btw, rant and vent on if it helps you!
Huge hugs and will be thinking of you!
Coloratura
For me personally, don't even worry about rambbling on! You need to vent, and in the end, venting and getting it all out there will be good for you.
I've been depressed and have felt some of the feelings that you've described, and i know that for me to tell you that it will all smoothe out soon would be cliche. Just know that I feel your pain because I, too, have been there.
It's hard to see any kind of hope when you feel utterly alone and deserted, and it's even harder to learn to stand on your own two feet under that huge burden.
Hang in there! There are angels surrounding you at this very moment. Reach out to them and know that it's not a sin or unspiritual to be depressed.
Your guides and angels don't love you any less because of it.
Oh, btw, rant and vent on if it helps you!
Huge hugs and will be thinking of you!
Coloratura
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Cali4niaGirlz
- Posts: 86
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 4:15 pm
Marquitta,
I completely understand what you are feeling.
A few years ago I felt the same way. I no felt happiness in anything I did. I remember walking my kids to school and thinking how I wanted to end my pain, but that no one notices. I felt like my life was a black hole. Every thought, every day, every image was like having a black cloud enclosing me. I couldn't shake it. I felt worse for wanting to leave my kids and just go away..... It lasted over a year until I realized that I was hiding all of this. I wouldn't open up to anyone. I could hide my pain behind a smile in front of people. I decided to see my doctor. I was given medication, and I will say, that is what helped me. I don't like taking medicines, but in this case, it was truely life or death.
Each day I was more and more able to not let anything deepen me. I wasn't numb, but just wasn't able to feel pain anymore. I took this medication for over a year, then decided to stop. I knew I was strong enough. I've been okay since. When I feel myself being sucked back into that black hole, I MUST shake it off. Music and walking have helped with that....
I would suggest you see your doctor first.
But know that this place is a place to vent -- and there are many caring people here that have time to listen! Don't ever feel alone - you are never alone.
I completely understand what you are feeling.
A few years ago I felt the same way. I no felt happiness in anything I did. I remember walking my kids to school and thinking how I wanted to end my pain, but that no one notices. I felt like my life was a black hole. Every thought, every day, every image was like having a black cloud enclosing me. I couldn't shake it. I felt worse for wanting to leave my kids and just go away..... It lasted over a year until I realized that I was hiding all of this. I wouldn't open up to anyone. I could hide my pain behind a smile in front of people. I decided to see my doctor. I was given medication, and I will say, that is what helped me. I don't like taking medicines, but in this case, it was truely life or death.
Each day I was more and more able to not let anything deepen me. I wasn't numb, but just wasn't able to feel pain anymore. I took this medication for over a year, then decided to stop. I knew I was strong enough. I've been okay since. When I feel myself being sucked back into that black hole, I MUST shake it off. Music and walking have helped with that....
I would suggest you see your doctor first.
But know that this place is a place to vent -- and there are many caring people here that have time to listen! Don't ever feel alone - you are never alone.
Thank you all sooo soo much!! I definitely appreciate and felt all of the positive energy you kind souls sent my way! :D I felt a lot better today... I think I'm starting to come to terms that it was time to let go of a bad situation. And I think I'm supposed to learn at this time to stand on my own feet. Hard as that may be surely I will end up doing it in the end lol! Hopefully.
I feel like I've learned a lot about myself lately , it's been illuminated for me that I have a deep fear of being alone and maybe that fear has driven me to accept less than ideal and less than worthy situations and negativity from people who take advantage of my vulnerability. I'm a little scared of getting sad again but I know that if I do, even if I get extremely sad again, it'll be okay in the end.
And Cali4orniaGirlz, it's funny you mentioned the thing about medicine helping you. I've been thinking of seeing a doctor but I've been hesitant because the idea of taking medicine to help really bothers me. I feel like I don't want to have to take a pill to get on the road to getting better you know? I know it's a two-part process, changing my body chemistry but also the situation, but I'm scared of getting addicted to the medicine as well. Can anyone give me any advice on that?
Thank you all so so much I'm so glad you all are there for me!! <333
I feel like I've learned a lot about myself lately , it's been illuminated for me that I have a deep fear of being alone and maybe that fear has driven me to accept less than ideal and less than worthy situations and negativity from people who take advantage of my vulnerability. I'm a little scared of getting sad again but I know that if I do, even if I get extremely sad again, it'll be okay in the end.
And Cali4orniaGirlz, it's funny you mentioned the thing about medicine helping you. I've been thinking of seeing a doctor but I've been hesitant because the idea of taking medicine to help really bothers me. I feel like I don't want to have to take a pill to get on the road to getting better you know? I know it's a two-part process, changing my body chemistry but also the situation, but I'm scared of getting addicted to the medicine as well. Can anyone give me any advice on that?
Thank you all so so much I'm so glad you all are there for me!! <333
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Cali4niaGirlz
- Posts: 86
- Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2008 4:15 pm
I am glad your spirits are lifting!
You will be just fine on your quest in independence. Doing it on your own is very hard, no doubt about that! But that's what makes you appreciate it more. You did it!
All it takes is time.
As far as medication goes, I too hated the fact..... But I will tell you, without it, I wouldn't be here today. Just think of it as a jump start. You only have to continue medication for as long as you and your doctor say. It just gives you a head start in recovering. About the addiction part-- well I believe each person has their own level of addictive personality. It's hard to say. I'm not sure what medications out there are non-addictive. You can definatley bring up your concern to the doctor. They will be able to guide you correctly.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help. Sometimes we need that extra hand to give us the strength to pull ourselves up. You are doing something to help yourself, and that is very important right now.
Keep smiling - it lifts your spirits!
You will be just fine on your quest in independence. Doing it on your own is very hard, no doubt about that! But that's what makes you appreciate it more. You did it!
All it takes is time.
As far as medication goes, I too hated the fact..... But I will tell you, without it, I wouldn't be here today. Just think of it as a jump start. You only have to continue medication for as long as you and your doctor say. It just gives you a head start in recovering. About the addiction part-- well I believe each person has their own level of addictive personality. It's hard to say. I'm not sure what medications out there are non-addictive. You can definatley bring up your concern to the doctor. They will be able to guide you correctly.
There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help. Sometimes we need that extra hand to give us the strength to pull ourselves up. You are doing something to help yourself, and that is very important right now.
Keep smiling - it lifts your spirits!
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PrettySiren
- Posts: 103
- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2008 8:24 am
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Marquitta,
I am sending very warm wishes your way and hope you are feeling better!
About the medication thing, I can sympathize. I have always been able to manage stress and depression through exercise and other natural means, but by this past September, it grew to be too much. I just couldn't function, even though I have many people who depend on me. If exercise, for instance, does not cure the blues, there's no shame in taking medication. Everyone's body is different. Some people do really well on it. I was worried I wouldn't, as I don't generally do well with meds (and avoid taking them if at all possible), but I've found I tolerate Zoloft well and it has helped me a lot. I haven't had a bad experience with it. I just feel more like I used to feel -- better able to deal with what's going on.
Anti-depressants aren't addictive. Instead, they work to boost certain levels in your brain to lessen the feeling of depression (if you are depressed). A doctor can decide if it's needed. I am of the opinion there is a difference between very sad and depression. I thought I was sad, so I decided to just buck up (as I too had a fear of changing my chemistry). And I think that someone who's sad (like over a death or loss of job/friends) doesn't necessarily need to be medicated unless that sadness turns into real, true, depression. And a doctor can decide the difference (though it's best to go to a mental health doctor as opposed to a general practitioner, as they GPs are more likely to give anti-depressants for any old reason).
All of that being said, I noticed you are my age. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, please feel free to PM me. It's good to have support. Through my depression, I found that my online friends were there for me more than the ones I saw in everyday life.
Much *hugs*.
I am sending very warm wishes your way and hope you are feeling better!
About the medication thing, I can sympathize. I have always been able to manage stress and depression through exercise and other natural means, but by this past September, it grew to be too much. I just couldn't function, even though I have many people who depend on me. If exercise, for instance, does not cure the blues, there's no shame in taking medication. Everyone's body is different. Some people do really well on it. I was worried I wouldn't, as I don't generally do well with meds (and avoid taking them if at all possible), but I've found I tolerate Zoloft well and it has helped me a lot. I haven't had a bad experience with it. I just feel more like I used to feel -- better able to deal with what's going on.
Anti-depressants aren't addictive. Instead, they work to boost certain levels in your brain to lessen the feeling of depression (if you are depressed). A doctor can decide if it's needed. I am of the opinion there is a difference between very sad and depression. I thought I was sad, so I decided to just buck up (as I too had a fear of changing my chemistry). And I think that someone who's sad (like over a death or loss of job/friends) doesn't necessarily need to be medicated unless that sadness turns into real, true, depression. And a doctor can decide the difference (though it's best to go to a mental health doctor as opposed to a general practitioner, as they GPs are more likely to give anti-depressants for any old reason).
All of that being said, I noticed you are my age. If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, please feel free to PM me. It's good to have support. Through my depression, I found that my online friends were there for me more than the ones I saw in everyday life.
Much *hugs*.
Thank you all so much! Yeah I have also found that my online friends were there for me more than the ones I saw in person every day. It's strange how that works. But I am starting to feel super depressed again. It's like this every night, if not during the day sometimes as well. I feel like I need some advice on a situation, one that is definitely helping to perpetuate these feelings of loneliness and hopelessness. It's a long and complicated story and I don't want to drain anyone's energy with it so I'll try to make it brief even though I'm really terrible at that. :/ Thank you and bless you all for reading this and having such patience with me.
I was dating a guy, we'll call him A, on and off for two years, and before I got with him I had been seeing this guy named J. Well I had some trust issues with J because I didn't know him well enough and he seemed distant and preoccupied with other girls. So I left him behind to be with A. But a few months after I left J we started talking again and had become very close friends almost the whole time I was with A. I ignored J all summer (mostly) for some reason...I guess I was just being apathetic and it was such a mistake. :( So when A and I ended in September I was so depressed and hurt. I ended up turning to J again, and we were together again romantically.
Well that was good and he has always been sooo sweet to me, I got to see a new side of him once he and I started talking a couple years ago. I got to know the real him and he is so extremely nice and sweet. Always thinking of me. Always wanting to see me...he was always very desperate to see me it seemed. Well when I didn't ignore him we had a lot of fun.
Anyway so I was with J again this fall and I still felt sad over A, but I wanted to make it work with J anyway. Then A comes back into the picture after abandoning me, saying he might want to be with me, to just "see how things go." So ithat really messed my head up because I had spent so many nights crying and feeling so alone..... and when I was trying to be honest and do the right thing, I told J I couldn't be with him because of A.... and he was so hurt. This would be the 2nd time I left him for A. So of course it would sting. Well I wish I had not done that now. I really really do.... because now J wants nothing to do with me. I keep saying "let me have the chance to show you that I'm sorry and to make things better" and trying to make things right with him again because he is a lot better for me than A ever was... well I was going through a really panicky time when I dumped J for A....I wish I hadn't. :( Now he won't come back...and he barely talks to me....
He had never said anything mean before to me, literally... he was so scared of saying anything bad and I was too. But when he told me that night to get over myself, when I said I wanted to die...that cut me like a knife. It shocked me. This isn't like him. None of this is. I know he still has feelings for me he is just scared. I have a feeling his mom and friends are also in his ear telling him things like, "Don't go back to her" etc. (His mom makes a lot of decisions for him.) When I know he would come back if they weren't saying this stuff. This just isn't like him to be so cold with me and want nothing to do with me. After he said to get over myself Tuesday night, we didn't talk but he texted me on Thursday...and I ignored it because I didn't know how to deal with it or respond. He seemed to be acting like nothing had happened, like he hadn't said those harsh words to me. :( Should I have ignored it?
I'm sorry this is so long I just felt it needed the whole story, so one could make better sense of it. Well thank you all SOOOOO much. This has helped me to tell it to somebody and I would really appreciate any advice. What do you all think? Thank you all, you are angels.
I was dating a guy, we'll call him A, on and off for two years, and before I got with him I had been seeing this guy named J. Well I had some trust issues with J because I didn't know him well enough and he seemed distant and preoccupied with other girls. So I left him behind to be with A. But a few months after I left J we started talking again and had become very close friends almost the whole time I was with A. I ignored J all summer (mostly) for some reason...I guess I was just being apathetic and it was such a mistake. :( So when A and I ended in September I was so depressed and hurt. I ended up turning to J again, and we were together again romantically.
Well that was good and he has always been sooo sweet to me, I got to see a new side of him once he and I started talking a couple years ago. I got to know the real him and he is so extremely nice and sweet. Always thinking of me. Always wanting to see me...he was always very desperate to see me it seemed. Well when I didn't ignore him we had a lot of fun.
Anyway so I was with J again this fall and I still felt sad over A, but I wanted to make it work with J anyway. Then A comes back into the picture after abandoning me, saying he might want to be with me, to just "see how things go." So ithat really messed my head up because I had spent so many nights crying and feeling so alone..... and when I was trying to be honest and do the right thing, I told J I couldn't be with him because of A.... and he was so hurt. This would be the 2nd time I left him for A. So of course it would sting. Well I wish I had not done that now. I really really do.... because now J wants nothing to do with me. I keep saying "let me have the chance to show you that I'm sorry and to make things better" and trying to make things right with him again because he is a lot better for me than A ever was... well I was going through a really panicky time when I dumped J for A....I wish I hadn't. :( Now he won't come back...and he barely talks to me....
He had never said anything mean before to me, literally... he was so scared of saying anything bad and I was too. But when he told me that night to get over myself, when I said I wanted to die...that cut me like a knife. It shocked me. This isn't like him. None of this is. I know he still has feelings for me he is just scared. I have a feeling his mom and friends are also in his ear telling him things like, "Don't go back to her" etc. (His mom makes a lot of decisions for him.) When I know he would come back if they weren't saying this stuff. This just isn't like him to be so cold with me and want nothing to do with me. After he said to get over myself Tuesday night, we didn't talk but he texted me on Thursday...and I ignored it because I didn't know how to deal with it or respond. He seemed to be acting like nothing had happened, like he hadn't said those harsh words to me. :( Should I have ignored it?
I'm sorry this is so long I just felt it needed the whole story, so one could make better sense of it. Well thank you all SOOOOO much. This has helped me to tell it to somebody and I would really appreciate any advice. What do you all think? Thank you all, you are angels.
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PrettySiren
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Firstly, take a deep breath. Relationship problems are always the worst, because we tend to put all of our heart into them. I am going through a similar thing myself, so I hope my insight will be of some help to you, deary.
There are many things to consider when having to choose between two guys. Number one: who do you really love? And by that, I mean who are you IN LOVE with? You could love both, but I find it hard to believe that people can share a sincere romantic love with two people at the same time. Secondly, is the one you love good for you? Even if we are in love with someone, they are not always the best thing for us mentally, emotionally, spiritually (and those can trigger physical problems too!).
For instance, I love my ex-boyfriend very much. He broke up with me without warning and for no reason, after telling me he loved me everyday and furthermore showing me he loved me. After that, he essentially cut me out of his life (even though he still vows we are friends). Now, I don't believe he's trying purposely to hurt me. But he's definitely not being good for me or good to me at the moment. So, I've recently decided to take a step back, even though I love him and hope we are the friends he says we are.
I can't tell you who to be with and I can't tell you who you love. But what I can tell by your description is that A does not seem to be treating you right...possibly in the same manner as my ex is treating me. Whether he has problems or if he's a jerk -- I can't say. But whatever you decide -- don't let anyone bring you down. You have to look after you and heal, which is something I've learned the hard way quite recently and have received encouragement for on these boards today, actually.
It is natural for J to be upset right now. He seems to really care for you. It's not wrong to leave him for A, if that's what your heart told you to do. J might lash out out of hurt and this is natural.
Also, you need to ask yourself what you are looking for right now. Are you looking for a partner to share your life with (meaning a steady relationship or marriage)? Or are you looking to date someone for companionship? Figure out what you're looking for and ask yourself if the one you are in love with fits what you are looking for. I can't tell you what to do when you reach that conclusion, but these questions are merely tools to help you figure out what you need.
It's also reasonable to ignore his text. Him not acknowledging his harshness to you is probably a sign he feels guilty and can't admit it (something my ex does from time to time). This, of course, would be upsetting to you and it would definitely upset me. But I sense it's not from him being insensitive, but rather him being unable to recognize and apologize for the way he spoke to you.
And remember, a guy who really loves you will do his best to treat you right and let nothing stand in his way (be it his own stupidity or his mother telling him what to do). And if neither of these guys is appreciating you, then they don't deserve you! I know you care for them both, but you can't let them drag you down. (Again, it's something I've had to learn the hard way recently.)
I really do hope things work out for you and you find what you are looking for. I hope that the guy who is right for you makes himself known and that the two of you are deliriously happy. Keep your chin up and your head held high. You will get through this and from my first hand experience (even though I am quite new), I know that the people on this board are very kind and only too happy to lend a shoulder when you need it.
I think I speak for all of us when I say we are sending warm thoughts your way! *hugs*
There are many things to consider when having to choose between two guys. Number one: who do you really love? And by that, I mean who are you IN LOVE with? You could love both, but I find it hard to believe that people can share a sincere romantic love with two people at the same time. Secondly, is the one you love good for you? Even if we are in love with someone, they are not always the best thing for us mentally, emotionally, spiritually (and those can trigger physical problems too!).
For instance, I love my ex-boyfriend very much. He broke up with me without warning and for no reason, after telling me he loved me everyday and furthermore showing me he loved me. After that, he essentially cut me out of his life (even though he still vows we are friends). Now, I don't believe he's trying purposely to hurt me. But he's definitely not being good for me or good to me at the moment. So, I've recently decided to take a step back, even though I love him and hope we are the friends he says we are.
I can't tell you who to be with and I can't tell you who you love. But what I can tell by your description is that A does not seem to be treating you right...possibly in the same manner as my ex is treating me. Whether he has problems or if he's a jerk -- I can't say. But whatever you decide -- don't let anyone bring you down. You have to look after you and heal, which is something I've learned the hard way quite recently and have received encouragement for on these boards today, actually.
It is natural for J to be upset right now. He seems to really care for you. It's not wrong to leave him for A, if that's what your heart told you to do. J might lash out out of hurt and this is natural.
Also, you need to ask yourself what you are looking for right now. Are you looking for a partner to share your life with (meaning a steady relationship or marriage)? Or are you looking to date someone for companionship? Figure out what you're looking for and ask yourself if the one you are in love with fits what you are looking for. I can't tell you what to do when you reach that conclusion, but these questions are merely tools to help you figure out what you need.
It's also reasonable to ignore his text. Him not acknowledging his harshness to you is probably a sign he feels guilty and can't admit it (something my ex does from time to time). This, of course, would be upsetting to you and it would definitely upset me. But I sense it's not from him being insensitive, but rather him being unable to recognize and apologize for the way he spoke to you.
And remember, a guy who really loves you will do his best to treat you right and let nothing stand in his way (be it his own stupidity or his mother telling him what to do). And if neither of these guys is appreciating you, then they don't deserve you! I know you care for them both, but you can't let them drag you down. (Again, it's something I've had to learn the hard way recently.)
I really do hope things work out for you and you find what you are looking for. I hope that the guy who is right for you makes himself known and that the two of you are deliriously happy. Keep your chin up and your head held high. You will get through this and from my first hand experience (even though I am quite new), I know that the people on this board are very kind and only too happy to lend a shoulder when you need it.
I think I speak for all of us when I say we are sending warm thoughts your way! *hugs*
Aww thank you so much that is very sweet of you, I forgot to add some in to that story..... well I had left J for the possibility of something happening with A but I ended it with A ...I am over A now, and I only want to be with J. I knew all along that he treats me better than A. But now he says it's too late, that he's too hurt.
But I just know that if he would come over and talk with me about this, he would see my sincerity and be able to make a choice then and there without other people telling him what to do. And follow his heart because I feel like we should still be together. I love him a lot .... I feel very lost without him.
So what should I do? Should I keep trying, or be his friend and give him space (which I worry may be just him playing games while I wait around), or just never talk to him again? I'm so not sure. But I feel so strongly that I have to keep trying. Because I feel like if I do he will come back. Does the whole situation with him seem like he is struggling for power? Because he never would have treated me this way before.
How can I get him back? And make him see that I really do care!
Thank you so much, your advice is great and I hope that you are having a great day free from worry!
But I just know that if he would come over and talk with me about this, he would see my sincerity and be able to make a choice then and there without other people telling him what to do. And follow his heart because I feel like we should still be together. I love him a lot .... I feel very lost without him.
So what should I do? Should I keep trying, or be his friend and give him space (which I worry may be just him playing games while I wait around), or just never talk to him again? I'm so not sure. But I feel so strongly that I have to keep trying. Because I feel like if I do he will come back. Does the whole situation with him seem like he is struggling for power? Because he never would have treated me this way before.
How can I get him back? And make him see that I really do care!
Thank you so much, your advice is great and I hope that you are having a great day free from worry!
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PrettySiren
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- Joined: Sat Dec 06, 2008 8:24 am
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Your J. sounds like my ex and because of this, I want to pass along some words of wisdom that Cedars gave me in the readings forum, because it has really helped me and that wisdom is: healing.
It sounds as though you have healed over your turmoils with A. and that you are ready to devote yourself to J. But J. still feels hurt and it sounds to me as though it's his turn to heal now. I don't know J. and I don't know what his healing process will involve. Maybe he needs time? Maybe he just needs a friend? Those are things to think about.
You have expressed your desire to get back with J., right? J. knows what you want. Perhaps the safest route would be to simply tell him you are there for him if every he is ready to talk or listen. I have had to do that with my ex. I can't tell you how things work out when you say that, because I don't know yet. But it is a way to let him know how sincere you really are. And if he cares about you, he won't abuse that and he will remember you are there, waiting.
J. is wounded and needs time to heal. You weren't trying to hurt him. And if he has some time to heal, he might very well see that. Because if he's still hurt over what has happened, you can never have a normal, happy relationship. He has to accept what has happened, do some "J. time", and forgive. Then, after that is over, you just got to take it from there. And that's only something you and him can work out together.
And this healing path has helped me a great deal and I know it will continue to do so. I hope it works out for you too!
It sounds as though you have healed over your turmoils with A. and that you are ready to devote yourself to J. But J. still feels hurt and it sounds to me as though it's his turn to heal now. I don't know J. and I don't know what his healing process will involve. Maybe he needs time? Maybe he just needs a friend? Those are things to think about.
You have expressed your desire to get back with J., right? J. knows what you want. Perhaps the safest route would be to simply tell him you are there for him if every he is ready to talk or listen. I have had to do that with my ex. I can't tell you how things work out when you say that, because I don't know yet. But it is a way to let him know how sincere you really are. And if he cares about you, he won't abuse that and he will remember you are there, waiting.
J. is wounded and needs time to heal. You weren't trying to hurt him. And if he has some time to heal, he might very well see that. Because if he's still hurt over what has happened, you can never have a normal, happy relationship. He has to accept what has happened, do some "J. time", and forgive. Then, after that is over, you just got to take it from there. And that's only something you and him can work out together.
And this healing path has helped me a great deal and I know it will continue to do so. I hope it works out for you too!
Thank you sooo so much PrettySiren! I totally agree that it is his time to heal. However, I think maybe it's time to free myself from worry and harsh words as well. So I'm just going to take care of myself while he takes care of himself and whatever happens will be most certainly for the best. You're a sweetheart and you can always PM me anytime if you ever need anything!!
And thank you grrrlriot! :D Lots of love and hugs to you too. :D
And thank you grrrlriot! :D Lots of love and hugs to you too. :D
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PrettySiren
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