I have recently realized two of my best friends have mental illnesses (or something -- I'm not a doctor) which makes them extremely odd and off-putting to any other friends I might make. I completely cut one of them loose, because she essentially treated me in a subhuman manner and guilted me into everything (which I don't think a real friend would do). She was just an all-around bad person to be around with extremely negative energy (she almost seems like an energy vampire) and she was bringing me down, which was sad, because we've been friends for fifteen years, but I guess people change.
The other friend, I had a falling out with last night. She's one of those people who won't take no for an answer and is extremely pushy. She always wants to hang out and be around me to the point where she keeps me up all hours of the night and wakes me up early in the morning. I've tried telling her in nice ways that I would like to be alone and even that she is wearing me out, but she just wouldn't listen.
Last night, I had to take my mother to the ER and myself was very ill (and am facing the prospect of surgery soon). I did not feel like going to the party she wanted me to go to and she wouldn't take no for an answer. In my distraction with everything and my complete and utter lack of care over the entire situation, I just blurted a lie before I could stop myself. I told her I was going to hang out with my ex later.
I know it was wrong to lie and I am by no means a big liar. Frankly, I really don't have anything to lie about and even if I did, I think I'm brave enough to tell the truth. I just did it out of recklessness and exasperation.
So, my friend, being extremely pushy, looked up my ex's work number in the phone book, called him at work, and asked him if what I said was true. He told her it was a lie. Fair enough -- it was. Then she went on to tell him that he was leading me on and that I think we're getting back together, which is a major lie on her part and I think there is a drastic difference to the lie I told and the one she did, because now my ex thinks that I'm still in love with him, which is awkward because we decided to just be friends.
So, now he has it in his head that we should be more distant to make sure I'm over him (which...I am for various reasons, though I do wish more than anything to be his friend, as he is the person I am closest to in this world). I don't know what to do, because she has further strained our relationship and apparently has him thinking that any time I wanted to spend time with him after we broke up and anytime I told him I valued his friendship were just ploys to get back together. So, now he feels betrayed and so do I.
I feel very alone, because I can't be close with my three best friends (two of them being my choice -- my ex being his). I feel so lost, especially since my ex is one of the most important people to me in this world and I love him dearly in the platonic sense. He is usually the one who guides me through times of trouble and now my friend, out of her pushiness, has pushed him away from me.
And I suppose it was my own fault for lying. I feel stupid for doing it. But at the same time, I shouldn't have been pushed to my wit's end by her, especially after all of the times that I have tried telling her in a nice way to calm down and give me peaceful time.
But what she did? I am finding it hard to forgive her. Mainly because it's hard maintaining a friendship with exes for many reasons, but he and I had an amicable one because of the general understanding that we could be friends after the romantic relationship was over. And now all of it is just smashed. I feel very hurt and betrayed and stupid. And very much alone.
So, I really do need a hug. I'm sorry it's so long. It's just such a long ridiculous story, I just had to get it out there somehow. Hopefully just getting it out will help! And so would any advice from someone to help me through this. I have to wonder if I'm outgrowing certain friends in the maturity department.
