I just have a lot on my mind..

Sapphire927 · Post by **Sapphire927** » Sat Feb 28, 2009 6:31 pm

I was hesitant to come on here, because my situation compared to other people's posts seem small, but this is really bothering me so I hope it isn't selfish. I feel extremely frustrated because I can't seem to move on from someone I thought was truly a nice guy. I thought I could handle this because it was for a short time but my mind wanders off to him. I feel so ashamed, because it was my fault to allow myself to be used. I thought he was kind, humorous and mature but in the end I was being naive.

I have talked to other family members about my situation, but I stopped because I don't want to annoy them with my issue. To go from being in a relationship with someone that in the end wasn't right for me and then meet another and he vanishes is hard to swallow. I tried to talk it out, cry, and pray but nothing seems to work. I hope I don't become scorned, but the embarrassment & hurt I feel is still present. I hope someone can give me some honest, helpful advice because right about now...I feel like a big fool.

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:02 am

First of all, stop beating yourself up.  Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to be a fool and niave, like we all can be, and learn your lessons from it...What did you learn?  By your allowing him to use you...what did he teach you?  We create all of the circumstances in our life, to learn lessons...Starting here with, no one can use you if you don't let them.  Also, be gentle and loving to yourself.  There's no need to beat yourself up.

Sapphire927 · Post by **Sapphire927** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 4:59 pm

kgirlsmomma wrote:First of all, stop beating yourself up. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to be a fool and niave, like we all can be, and learn your lessons from it...What did you learn? By your allowing him to use you...what did he teach you? We create all of the circumstances in our life, to learn lessons...Starting here with, no one can use you if you don't let them. Also, be gentle and loving to yourself. There's no need to beat yourself up.

I just want to thank you for responding to my post. Sometimes I can be pretty hard on myself. I know the next I get involved with someone, I need to be wise and be aware of red flags. By doing this it will give me the opportunity to walk away with confidence and self-respect.

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Sun Mar 01, 2009 7:47 pm

Another little 'check in' I use, which is applicable in all situations..is to stop and ask "Is this loving me?"  It can be about food, drink, trip, travel, spending money, lover, anhthing.  Are you honoring and loving yourself, by doing this thing.  Treating yourself with dignity and respect...Taking care of yourself.......Try it, and let me know.

firetopaz · Post by **firetopaz** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 1:16 am

take some time to be with yourself...feel what you feel, cry, scream, punch something....but put a time limit on it. Mourn for your loss...but don't torture yourself with it.  Every time you catch yourself dwelling on this, remind yourself that you are not the first or only one who has gone through this and not only will you be happy again..you deserve to be!  You are strong!  This is not going to beat you.

Big Hug!

soul_flower · Post by **soul_flower** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:55 am

No ones situation is ever "small",we are all different and have different issues and problems so please dont ever feel selfish in asking for advice,help or a hug.. Sometimes its the smallest things that can cause us the most pain.. We all feel like fools at times when it comes to love etc.. I had let myself down in the past.. I thought i was smarter than i was and didnt ever think i would end up single with a child.. Not that i'd change it now,i love it.. In the end you are not a fool,it was all meant to be.. There is always something good in what seems bad... As you said,now you will notice the red flags when they are there,if it happens again.. My mind wanders off too *sighs*,but you need to focus on something else.. Try doing something you really love to keep that mind of yours busy.. Push yourself to do things that make you smile.. Do not dwell on what has happened as its in the past.. You can work from the past but dont let past events ruin the now or future.. And what you think is your mistakes are not mistakes,they're just lessons to be learnt.. Everyone has moments like this,so you're very much NOT a fool.. You're human...

*huggles* to you... xxx.

Mandimedea · Post by **Mandimedea** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 4:26 pm

We all make mistakes with relationships. I look back and cringe on some of my choices in relationships and though I feel like a fool with some, it made me who I am today.  I learned from the mistakes and moved on.  No problem is too small, especially when it is affecting you in a big way.  In time, it will seem less important and you wont think about it like you do now.

kgirlsmomma · Post by **kgirlsmomma** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 10:06 pm

The main thing, in the short term, in the here and now..in this moment...is to stop beating yourself up. Love yourself for who you are..who you are becoming. Life isn't about finding yourself..it's about CREATING yourself.

Sapphire927 · Post by **Sapphire927** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:34 pm

Oh wow, I wasn't expecting any more replies, lol. Thanks to everyone that replied to my post and for the hugs! Your words of encouragement are helping me and the advice I'm receiving are so valuable. I'm just going to focus on school and my hobbies...probably go back to crocheting..lol who knows. I have to keep saying to myself..things happen for a reason. These lessons are showing me that I need to focus on loving me. I've put myself on the back burner, so I need to start asap. If I do cross paths with someone and IT LASTS (lol), I'll be willing to share...

ammo · Post by **ammo** » Mon Mar 02, 2009 11:35 pm

Honestly now, everyone is entitled to their issues, there is always someone who has it better or worse.

taraprincess · Post by **taraprincess** » Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:51 pm

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

azurestar · Post by **azurestar** » Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:13 pm

I can't say I haven't been in the same situation in the past, and I felt just as you felt. Like it was my fault, as if I was the foolish and naive one who should've known better. But, just focus on the good and the now and you'll probably see that you have many other blessings in life besides that relationship. It's painful, and definitely bruises the pride and ego, but in the end you learnt from it, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about that at all. I've been there.  Hugs, hugs, and hugs galore. <3 I hope you feel better.

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I just have a lot on my mind..

I just have a lot on my mind..

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