Sending out a hug because I need one myself

[Eithne137]

Salaam all!
I have been going through some tremendous turmoil over the past two years and I feel like I'm barely keeping it together.  My goal for this year is to find myself and what my direction is.  

I've been battling a bit of depression and am trying to deal with it without meds.  I'm tired of medications, doctors, etc.

I think my answers might be found in getting back in touch with my spiritual self, which has been dormant for years due to my marriage, subsequent divorce, and bad decisions on my part.

But in turn, I'd like to send out a hug to all those who need one as much as me.  Who am I to merely ask without being willing to give all the same.

Much love to all of you.  Thank you for listening.

[monkey2010]

Hi Eithne137,
I am sending you a big hug. I am starting a journey myself to rediscover happiness and battle depression. It is tough. Now that you and I have made this journey our 2010 goal, we have taken the first and the biggest step. Just take it one day at a time. Know that love is all around us; we just need to reach outside of our grey selves and grab it. Hang in there.

[AyeCantSeeYou]

Eithne, I'm divorced myself (for over 9 years now) and can tell you I wouldn't and haven't ever thought twice about that decision. I'd rather be happy and single (with my kids) than married and miserable. When you start feeling down about something, get busy doing something - cleaning, cooking, volunteering, working. I wish you luck and happiness.

[Eithne137]

Thank you all for the kind words.  They mean a lot to me.  It seems like it is everything for me right now, my job, my relationships (both friends and romantically), etc.  I'm getting hit from all sides.  I first and foremost need to learn to detach and not get so emotional over stuff that happens (my job is very stressful and I often clash with people on a daily basis) in work and in life in general.  

I need to learn to see the brighter side and keep in mind that some things in life aren't worth internalizing.  It's making me sick!

Again, thank you so much for the support.  I really appreciate it.

[monkey2010]

Eithne,
I smiled reading your response. It appears that you are too passionate about your work-- passionate enough to disagree with your colleagues and to make the statement that you need to dissociate yourself. I have found myself in your shoes so many times in my career. Yes, it is important to take a step back and tell yourself that life is bigger than the 9-5 job. I just reiterated this reminder to myself this morning. I have made up my mind to seek a different job-- albeit one that may pay less-- so that I can find myself again. I am calmer today after having made this decision. It just feels so right.

I hope you will find enough courage to make a life change, whatever that may be. That should be our next step. Remove ourselves from the situations that make us miserable and that which trigger our depression.

[Eithne137]

Eithne,
I smiled reading your response. It appears that you are too passionate about your work-- passionate enough to disagree with your colleagues and to make the statement that you need to dissociate yourself. I have found myself in your shoes so many times in my career. Yes, it is important to take a step back and tell yourself that life is bigger than the 9-5 job. I just reiterated this reminder to myself this morning. I have made up my mind to seek a different job-- albeit one that may pay less-- so that I can find myself again. I am calmer today after having made this decision. It just feels so right.

I hope you will find enough courage to make a life change, whatever that may be. That should be our next step. Remove ourselves from the situations that make us miserable and that which trigger our depression.

I've considered many times leaving my job.  In fact, I had just put in a letter of resignation that was to be effective the first of the year.  However, when I took a good look at the experience I was getting and my ultimate goal of law school, I knew to leave my job now would be a big mistake.  So, instead of quitting, I recommitted.  But I went the additional length to register for my LSAT (law school entrance exam) and made a list of schools to apply for in the fall.  I just need to keep telling myself this job is only a piece of my foundation on my way to a better career.  It's still hard to detach myself from the personal attacks and criticism (I work in zoning and code enforcement in a very small town so the politics are unavoidable), but I just keep telling myself that when I'm in law school, it will have been worth it.
At least that is what I keep repeating in my mind  :smt003

[monkey2010]

Hey, If you tell yourself it is worth it and the waiting time for LSAT is bearable, then it must be worth it.  :)

You are still young, and the political environment will thicken your skin to prepare for the real deal.

I have read on this MB some self-protection/strengthening exercises that may help you. One example is visualizing the white light protection, whereby you stand/sit up straight and imagine a circle of light above your head that slowly envelopes your whole body and travels through your chakras to protect you from and cleanse out negative energies. I tried it yesterday and again today when I felt most stressful. I actually could feel my body "shudder" out the bad vibes and immediately calmed down. This exercise really worked for me. The advice is to practice this technique once in the morning and once at night. You may want to check it out and see if it helps, especially against those negative jibes.

Good luck with the LSAT. I know you will find a way to make it happen.  :smt006

[taraprincess]

sweetie here is a huge hug....much love and huggies

[Eithne137]

Yay! I love hugs...thank you!!!  I'm practicing emotional detachment from issues on a daily basis.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Today, it's so-so.  

But I keep moving forward.

Have yet to crack a book for my LSAT though...must do that this weekend