My girlfriend of three years said this to me six days ago on Monday. Things were fine. We never argued or fought. I never cheated on her. She never cheated on me. She'd spend a few days at my house every week and I'd spend a day or two at her house every month. She said I was too distant and she loved me but didn't think she was IN love with me. She felt like she was holding me back and didn't make me happy anymore and it killed her to see me change so much. I don't feel like I have changed. I've had a very bad year. Lost a lot. Two of my best friends. My little brother went crazy. My dog of 13 years died. She was the most important thing in my life. I was completely blindsided by it. I admit to being a little distant though, but we spent every day together even if we weren't together in person we'd talk online or on the phone for several hours everyday. My work is very draining at times and I know that's no excuse. We agreed to end it on Monday, and I was composed. I tried to talk her out of it but when she said she thought it was too late I said okay if that's how you feel I'll let you go. She started crying and said "No Don't say that"
Tuesday she texted me and said I'm sorry I still love you. I know you probably dont want to talk to me but I am here. I want to see you for Valentine's Day. Call me. I called her and we talked. She seemed like she was hurt but calmed down, I was hurt too. We made plans then she said she was gonna go get something to eat. Two hours later her mother called me and said she wasn't letting me see her, and it was over. She didn't love me anymore. I felt her mother had no place making that decision for her or telling me if it was her decision.
I decided to surprise her on Valentine's Day and try to sweep her off her feet and got some flowers and a teddy bear, wrote a note in a card and went to her house. Maybe that surprise romance was what she needed. Her mom said she wasn't there and wouldn't tell me where she was. She said she'd give her the gifts and my message, but she didn't think she would change her mind. I always heard passion in her words and felt it in her actions and saw it in her eyes. I don't know if she found a new guy, if she was out with her friends, or if she was there and didn't want to see me.
A month ago her and her mother asked me to move in and I said I couldn't leave my brother alone in his state of mind just yet. Her mothers husband died 5 years ago and shes been miserable ever since and tried to drag Shai down with her. Whenever she is with me her mother texts her non-stop talking about how lonely and miserable she is. When I said no I think her mother got scared I was going to have her move in with me and as soon as Shai felt a little unhappy she started feeding into it. Relationships have worked through cheating, constant fighting, etc etc. We never did any of that stuff, and now she just seems to have given up on it. I've been on a waterfast since Tuesday. I can't eat if I wanted to. Whenever I try to sleep nightmares of her wake me up, or random voices screaming do.
I just needed a hug, and to rant. It'd be better if I saw it coming but I always felt she and I were supposed to stay together.
I love you but I am not in love with you.
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taraprincess
- Posts: 1249
- Joined: Mon Feb 26, 2007 3:57 pm
sounds like she does in fact want out, but after 3 years she can't do it "cold turkey"
Sounds like she wants to wean herself off of you.
Walk. Don't look back. If you drag this out it will crush you.
I have been there and I know the pain you have. That awful pit in your stomach. The sleeplessness. That lack of appetite. This is going to hurt for a very long time.
Hug for you friend.
Sounds like she wants to wean herself off of you.
Walk. Don't look back. If you drag this out it will crush you.
I have been there and I know the pain you have. That awful pit in your stomach. The sleeplessness. That lack of appetite. This is going to hurt for a very long time.
Hug for you friend.
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lilium_muilil
- Posts: 3
- Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2010 4:14 am
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ConfusedMind
- Posts: 650
- Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 11:55 am
No doubt that you feel bad about what has happened to you. but, one who can name the id as 'unfallen' should not feel so much dejected. i think you should know certain things, though they may be hard to accept. try a trick. this will help you in similar cases - if, of course, you are in such conditions again. Be not surprised at anything. since human hearts can make out anything and everything - nothing is impossible. so, try to convince yourself - all iz well.
I'm weird
I'm very sorry you are going through this, but I have to agree with the advice others have given. It seems a little cowardly for her to act through her mother, which is what it really sounds like she is doing. If she did not understand all that you were going through and felt driven away by it rather than rallying to support you, then this is for the best. But it's still horrible and painful and I am sorry. :
:
:Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us. Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind.
-Henri-Frederic Amiel
-Henri-Frederic Amiel
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ginnysgems
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2010 3:13 am
- Location: ohio
- Contact:
I"m so sorry, here is a HUGE hug for you {{{{{{{{ 
}}}}}}}}
I heard the same thing many years ago from my husband. I knew things weren't right and I kept pushing for answers and that is what I got. Then a few years after that time, things got better. But then I found out that during that time when "He loved me but wasn't in love with me" he was having an affair.
It totally broke my heart, but I stayed and we made it back from there. It's not always hopeless. It just depends on what you BOTH want and are willing to do to fix it......
But I am truly sorry that you've found yourself in this situation....
}}}}}}}}I heard the same thing many years ago from my husband. I knew things weren't right and I kept pushing for answers and that is what I got. Then a few years after that time, things got better. But then I found out that during that time when "He loved me but wasn't in love with me" he was having an affair.
It totally broke my heart, but I stayed and we made it back from there. It's not always hopeless. It just depends on what you BOTH want and are willing to do to fix it......
But I am truly sorry that you've found yourself in this situation....
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Hello, Here' s big HUG from me!! :smt007. I am still new to this forum and can appreciate the hurt and pain you are going through as it is always hard when things happen in life that leave us wondering why life has to be so hard. Believe me, I have been there sooo many times and I can honestly say that "I am still standing" :) xCarla
Your dream life is always within reach. All you have to do is believe in it and visualize it and it will become a reality.
She needs you more than ever, and her mother has issues of loneliness which are affecting the situation. Her mother needs a boyfriend who will dote on her.
You could give your g/f the gift of "missing you" and even letting her date other guys to see where her heart truly is.
If she moves out of your life, could you find someone else to date fairly quickly?
If you decide to start dating someone else, let go of the emotional baggage or she may feel you are wanting to get back with your ex because you can't stop talking about her.
There are 3.3 billion females in the world, so if your relationship is becoming "too hard", then you should let your g/f know that you are not going to wait forever for her to sort herself out.
You might cry your heart out if you lose your g/f, but if she can't decide you are the best thing that ever happened to her, then she dosen't deserve your loving.
Give yourself lots of Hugs from this board, and don't rush your decisions. Follow your heart.
If your g/f does not respond to your gifts, don't give her any more. If she wants you still, then let her work hard to keep you. You should not have to bribe a girl with gifts to "keep her".
A girl who loves you won't need any gifts, she will just want to be with you every minute she can (because she truly loves you).
At the moment, your g/f may be confused because of her mother's insecurities, so be patient because a lot of people rushed out of a relationship and regretted later that they did not wait a bit longer for emotions to be sorted out.
You could give your g/f the gift of "missing you" and even letting her date other guys to see where her heart truly is.
If she moves out of your life, could you find someone else to date fairly quickly?
If you decide to start dating someone else, let go of the emotional baggage or she may feel you are wanting to get back with your ex because you can't stop talking about her.
There are 3.3 billion females in the world, so if your relationship is becoming "too hard", then you should let your g/f know that you are not going to wait forever for her to sort herself out.
You might cry your heart out if you lose your g/f, but if she can't decide you are the best thing that ever happened to her, then she dosen't deserve your loving.
Give yourself lots of Hugs from this board, and don't rush your decisions. Follow your heart.
If your g/f does not respond to your gifts, don't give her any more. If she wants you still, then let her work hard to keep you. You should not have to bribe a girl with gifts to "keep her".
A girl who loves you won't need any gifts, she will just want to be with you every minute she can (because she truly loves you).
At the moment, your g/f may be confused because of her mother's insecurities, so be patient because a lot of people rushed out of a relationship and regretted later that they did not wait a bit longer for emotions to be sorted out.
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