Overwhelmed

[jranso]

Every single day, whether when I'm at work, or in any situation where I'm depended upon for my judgement, panic and a twisted self-cynical self-imposed empathy grips me to where I am sweating and my heart almost bursts. This is not an exaggeration. How in the whole universe am I to take mastery over this? I'd do psychic shielding if I was able to use my third eye to visualize things (which I'm getting better at) and I've also analyzed myself in these situations and have done my best to quell my rumbling paranoia at its source, but I don't know if my chakra dis-balances take over or what, but I have absolutely no superman to stop the train, if you will. I know through the higher self all things are possible, but I'm having trouble distinguishing between real emotions, emotions of myself, and self-imposed empathic assumptions of other people's views of me. Clearly I feel like a straight jacket is in order, but I know my gifts, if harnessed, could greatly change this world, even in the little radius of influence I have. Not to be conceited. I feel like it gets worse with every mistake because then that memory of failure adds another car to the train. Someone hit the nail on the head here when they said I cry over the darndest things. They couldn't be more correct. Every pain I've ever had comes back when some other mistake I've made in the present moment with overwhelming magnitude. How might I even begin to bring about respect for my spineless ego?

[StormGirl Blue]

Hi Hun,
I feel for you, empathy can often feel more like a horrible infliction than a blessing.
However I believe your empathy may be one thing while also possibly suffering a panic disorder type of thing.
I strongly recommend that you discuss this with you GP if only to rule out possibilities.
You will also be asked about a family history of panic attacks, depression and bipolar.

I am also reading that you are horrible to yourself, never ever be any harder on yourself than you would a friend. You need to be your own best friend and take the advice you would give here should she be confining in you these same feelings.

call your angels in , we are human not celestial beings.
You could use some grounding,  some relaxation techniques and a positive daily affirmation.

BUT do speak to a doctor to address the possibility of panic attacks and such. Why suffer needlessly.

[jranso]

Hi Hun,
I feel for you, empathy can often feel more like a horrible infliction than a blessing.
However I believe your empathy may be one thing while also possibly suffering a panic disorder type of thing.
I strongly recommend that you discuss this with you GP if only to rule out possibilities.
You will also be asked about a family history of panic attacks, depression and bipolar.

I am also reading that you are horrible to yourself, never ever be any harder on yourself than you would a friend. You need to be your own best friend and take the advice you would give here should she be confining in you these same feelings.

call your angels in , we are human not celestial beings.
You could use some grounding,  some relaxation techniques and a positive daily affirmation.

BUT do speak to a doctor to address the possibility of panic attacks and such. Why suffer needlessly.

The only reason why I don't do that, is because I've researched what most medications really do to you, and experienced the zombifying effects from zoloft. I feel that medication would only make me worse, and cause more imbalance. Most of mainstream psychology is only theoretical in nature, (that is, in the Corporate world) and is highly risky to tamper with...

[StormGirl Blue]

Are you serious!!
You will play hit or miss with various new age techniques, ancient arts, natural sciences, etc etc .
You will place your trust in (often self professed ) healers.. You will consider ritual and or therapies self researched ( believe me as a freelance writer I have written many articles a web master puts on his page claiming to be the knowledge of a life time training, often these articles are not checked for accuracy.. Ive even written to a web master with information on the inaccuracy an article I provided, that remains up as fact ) on the internet  
BUT you refuse to consult with a trained licienced professional because you think its theatrical.. STOP.. try another one, that excuse is poor as.
I dont think you have any understand what main stream psychology is.  It is not all class room clap trap.
In fact I have professional (registered psychologists ) friends who are also certified reiki masters, angel healing therapists, students of tao Buddhism philosophy  and so forth, yet without even a thought you consider professional main stream services useless.

 Your not a client of mine, but if you were I would refuse to continue working with you on ethical grounds until you have consulted with a doctor. If you find someone that does, I have no hesitation in openly warning you that you are potentially at risk.

You are presuming that you would be treated with medications, without even a professional diagnosis.

*Shakes head in bewilderment *

Sorry if I sound harsh, believe me, my rant comes from a loving place who understands you , and feels you, but is also frustrated.

Take care, I wish you the very best in finding a solution to this.

[jranso]

I didn't mean all psychologists, I thought you were only referring to someone with a psychology degree. Words are fickle. It's just that I don't believe in medication, because I've had terrible experiences with it, and I don't wish to further experiment, at least with things like lithium, and "mood balancers". I am enthusiastic about holistic healing, in every form. I honestly just don't have the funding right now, as I'm barely scraping to pay rent. So, because of that, I can't throw money around, nor do I wish to. And as a child, I tried many various psychologists, mainstream, by that I mean psychologists with only a basic degree, no other credentials. I'm not saying they aren't capable, but from what I can tell from studying various phobic disorders, I've come to the conclusion that something very traumatic from my childhood has seeped its way into my coping mechanism, and has, over time, caused a development of phobic neurosis. I fear that if here in America, I go to a "shrink", they will just throw pills, a straightjacket, or both at me, if I were to be completely honest. Hypnotherapy, reiki, and holistic medicine are a completely different story, but again, I'm not financially fit to afford it at the moment. I meant no offense whatsoever to anyone under any particular degree or education. I just feel that with this type of development, I need someone more than a P.H.D. therapist to talk with. And again, I mean no offense by that. From my experience, they misdiagnosed me at least 3 times before I just tried to deal with it myself (over literally a 10 year period), now I understand how hard it is to correctly diagnose someone, but I just feel that I can't take that chance. And again, I would get professional help from someone licensed in some form of holistic medicine, not an internet ad mind you, but I am truly starved for funds, and will be for quite a while. Sorry I came off as an ignorant prick, I wasn't trying to be. I had had a really bad panic attack and posted without thinking it through as I should have. My apologies. Have a nice day.

[StormGirl Blue]

Hey
Absolutely no need to apologize.  Not even a little but. Your feelings on the matter are based on your own experiences. It is your right to have them and your right to express them.
I was telling that you that you need to consult with someone with a degree..
remember now that Doreen Virtue herself is a doctor of psychology, and has been a director and administrator of psychiatric hospitals.

I know my reply came over as harsh, I just come across as a big meany, I really am soft inside. I do say what I say with love in my heart.

When your ready to find a licienced registered professional you have to shop around a but for one, just as you would when looking for an alternative healer. Many are clinical and closed to possibilities that were not in the text book. If you would like to look up a friend of mine Kathleen E Finnegan, you will find someone registered and licensed to counsel, who is big supporter of spiritual healing methods, there are many many like her.
Do some homework by looking up people near to you, a face to face visit is best, and find out more about them.

Thank goodness mental health is coming out of the dark ages.

I can relate to being misdiagnosed and inadequate care from professionals..
I actually had one that I contacted make me feel worse because he belittled me having had contacted professional help because it appears I am better off than him.. ( i happen to live in a beautiful area near a lake and a beach and have a kayak and things, Im not rich, but not exactly completely poor either ) Just as well it was a phone consultation because the man was an idiot I dont care what his piece of paper says.

And would you believe it twice how I have had two different hospitals misdiagnose broken bones. The first time they told me  my leg wasn't broken.. Ive since recovered from a major tibial plateau FX that required surgery with bone grafts and hardware. the second my daughter was sent to a surgeon because the hospital told us, ( and wrote ) that she has a comminuted ( shattered ) fracture on part of the shoulder blade..the operating surgeon looked at the same xrays in a consultation a few days latter in the pre op consult that there is  no fracture at all ( let alone a shatter ) and charged us a small fortune for the first doctors inability to know the difference between a piece of bone and the adjustment piece on a bra strap.


To me right now I would have to say that the financial problem is the biggest problem blocking your way. Im not sure how medical insurance and the likes works there, but its worth looking into. You might find that a referral from a GP can open the door to financial aid. In any case its worth looking into.

You do have a superman to stop the train. call your angels in, learn to distinguish between angelic encouragement and that other noise we create, then choose to hear only your angel..

Your not at all spineless, In fact I hear a very strong character coming though your post. You have kept yourself well though a whole lot, thats an accomplishment, you should be very proud of yourself.
 Your angels are with you, when the panic comes know that your not alone or isolated.   Let your angels guide you in your mediations, especially at these moments.

You just take care of yourself, your a special person, and you are loved completely and unconditionally.

[jranso]

I have an update. I have also been doing research on empathy, and synesthesia. It appears that I have a very complex form of emotional synesthesia, where I can almost for lack of better words "mentally-time-travel". Not astral travel, but it's almost as if my emotional body has a rewind button, of course causing chaos in my life. Now that I know the problem, I can begin looking into how to heal myself. Thank you again for your support.