He says its not true

[positivelove]

A big rumor has come out a few months ago but it still bothers me. I asked my father was it true but he promised me it wasn't. I want to believe him, but I find it hard to trust him because of all the problems the family has been having these past couple of years. I feel no one understands my hurt and worry and it's really starting to affect me.

[Rhutobello]

A big hugggg and some words.

Our mind is our strongest tool....it can bring you to the highest peak, or down in the deepest void, just by letting it speculate.

Take a calm breath, and think.

Do you love and respect your father?
Do you think you are able to support him, even if he do wrong thing from time to time....after all....are you always innocent....there is difference if something is done with purpose to hurt someone one love, or if an action leads to hurting someone you love ?

Do you know who put out the rumor about him?
Are you so confident that you will support him/her?

You as person will never know the real truth behind any of the above statements,(rumors or Fathers deny) so you have to let your heart decide.

If you still feel like you feel now, then you hurt yourself, you hurt your father, you hurt your family, because you have doubt, and that thought will always do it so you trust your father less and less.

The whole question is....are you able to forgive completely...or is the "crime" he has done so big, that you are willing to destroy the time you have left with him.

I have said the same thing to people who are married, where one have got doubt about his/her partner, if You don't manage to forgive completely..your thought will grow and make small accusations,from time to time, and that will crumble the marriage...or love.

So my advice is....love your father...support him until wrongdoing is proved...then forgive him again, if he not with purpose has damaged his own family....or if this is not possible....move out and start your life without him.

A biiggg Grandpa Huugg!!

[positivelove]

Hi,

Thanks for respnoding. That's what makes this hard because I have different answers to every question. Yes, I love my father but do I respect him, unfortunately not now. I know he has done wrong just like everyone does but he continues to and then becomes in denial and makes excuses for his actions. The rumor was he cheated with a family member. I asked him about this and he swears it's not true. Not only does this rumor hurt me, it would also hurt my mother if she found out. The person that told me about the rumor is my cousin me and her has fallen out because she has lied before so I really can't trust her stories either. I think I'm a very forgiving person and I try not to judge. I also heard a rumor about him being on drugs, I asked him about it, he denied it, a year later I found out its true. That's why its hard to trust and let go because I care about my family and my father's health but I can't forgive and let go when I found out in the future something that has come out in the past is opposite of the answer he told me.

Thanks for the Grandpa Hug I will try to use your questions to ask myself as something that can help me cope with my problems.

[StormGirl Blue]

Parents are human too. Our children are too often the most enthusiastic judges of our human mistakes. We are our childrens most enthusiastic forgivers and understanding supports.
This is something best left between your parents IMO.
I cannot comment on the truth of the rumor or not.. that would be prying into a 3rd persons business, so my comments are only for you.
Grandpa is clearly a very wise man.

[positivelove]

I feel like I play some part in this situation because it effects the whole family. I'm very close with both of my parents. My parents come 2 me about the situations they have in their marriage. I know stuff about both of them that neither one of them know about each other.I  was once told to not worry about my fathers addiction when I was the one supplying the money 2 him, which made me feel like I was supporting his habits. The same with this rumor. My mother came 2 me asking if I felt she should divorce my father due to another accusation and vise versa with my father. I feel I'm put in the middle of their marriage due to the things I know and the answers they seek frm me. But when my mama asks about divorce when I knw this rumor is something that she wouldn't tolerate I feel as if I'm telling her to work out a situation I wouldn't even want to tolerate myself. Talking to other family members doesn't work because they all point fingers at the in law from each side. This has caused me to move back home because I feel like I help them with what is needed at home (emotional support, financial support, etc.).I'm not judging my parents I just don't knw what to do or say when they ask if they should separate. I feel I have a lot of responsibility on me as a young adult.


Thanks for responding!

[Rhutobello]

Well....to be parents are not the same as being "fit" to it.

To me it sounds like they put way to much pressure on you, which are not good, because in a way they transfer their own insecurity over on you.

You are still way to young to carry their burdens, and I feel very sorry for you.

On the other hand, I am also sure your parents love you, they might see you as "adult", and in their "eager" to please you, they might ask those questions from you.

I think you shall say; If you both have felt grown-up enough to get me...then I also think you both are grown-up enough to take the decisions about how you will live, I will still love you both, but this is something you two must fix!

I think you shall try to think less on your parents, and a bit more on yourself....this I say because I can see you are speculating a lot around around them, and that downgrade your own life quality.

Love them...but say to yourself that this is something they have to fix...you can't live their life....you can't fix their life.....you can only support them....and that is all.

For your parents to keep together just to please the kids, is may times a slimmer option then to take a brake, because even if a brake hurt, such insecurity make it so much harder on all parts, and it is seldom it will be fixed.

So another big Grandpa huggg....try to relax....try to clear your mind for these things....enjoy your youth....the hardship comes fast enough so don't carry others burden, even if you love them!

[positivelove]

You're so right!!! Thanks for the advice.

[Stephys_cool]

i didn't read the others so sorry if i repeat anything. i bet i will.
so this may not need to be said, but I guess it's like a survey and it's nice to hear more of the same opinions so here it goes!
you want to believe him, right?
so do it.
because all in all !! It's best the truth is kept in. and you know that when you do something stupid you wish no one will know because you don't want a part of you that you wish to be hidden, to be visible to the whole world.
just make peace with it.
it may take some time, but even if it were true... you must tell yourself how you could forgive him. because even if it isn't true... you're going to suffer over even the idea, and the only lesson here is ~ Are you going to be able to forgive him??
And you will keep feeling this way, until you realize what he means to you, and what he did, really is just what life is.