Stuck in a swamp...unwilling to get out

Here is the place to share your life's problems and questions, and to offer you possible answers and real, practical solutions. The best place on the internet for all members to exchange general advice, healing and support, and to help each other to get through at least to the next day. No readings will be given on this board.

Moderators: eye_of_tiger, shalimar123

Post Reply
User avatar
stephybabes92
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri May 25, 2012 8:41 pm
Location: Glasgow

Stuck in a swamp...unwilling to get out

Post by stephybabes92 » Tue Jun 26, 2012 11:44 am

This is probably a long shot. But I don't know what else I can do just now.

I have no energy for life. At all.

You might want to grab a cup of tea. I would love for someone, anyone, to really read this carefully and try to help me solve what it is I need to do. And there is a lot of information coming up so bear with me, and only read if you really do want to help (what I mean by this is it's quite long and something I've been trying to work through for years).

It has been like this for a very long time, but more recently, "it" (or, my situation) has also been diagnosed as depression and so I am currently taking anti-depressants. The anti-depressants are helping but they ware off after a while and don't affect you. It's like treating the symptoms but not the cause. I like things to be perfect, I like to feel secure and I want to be happy. This situation, whatever it is, is blocking me from true happiness.

Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm severely unhappy. Maybe I am, but I just don't feel it anymore. But it's more likely that my mind is in a safe happy state at the moment because I subconsciously try and stay in my little bubble of room, tv, food, internet, odd drink with close friends, retail therapy and whatever else doesn't require me putting myself out there. I don't like going out of the house by myself if I don't have to - there's this belief I have that people are judging me all the time, looking at me and not liking me. This has built up over the years.

As I am a student, it is currently the summer holidays. My next academic year begins shortly in September and requires a move to Barcelona to study there for a year (it's a compulsory part of my degree but I'm very much looking forward to it as I love Spain, it is a country very close to my heart even though I have never been to Barcelona itself). So, until then, I have nothing to do but wait for this massive change. Many people have been saying to me that I should get a job, as not only will it give me experience and something to do, but will help me save money for Barca! Now that is a great idea, but I keep putting it off. Not because I'm "lazy". (Now, if someone watched me living my life as it is just now I'm SURE I would appear as lazy). It's because of the whole confidence thing. I'm sick sick sick to teeth of myself (basically annoyed at myself whilst also feeling sorry for myself). I'm sick of feeling not as good as everyone else, I'm sick of constantly expecting people not to like me, and therefore it resulting as true, and im sick of just trying anymore. I have tried hypnotherapy, and it has actually worked quite well for me but then I couldnt be bothered doing it anymore cos like I said ive no energy. It's kind of like deep down I know why I'm unhappy - the confidence thing and it preventing me living life to the full - and I know that I need to try and change both my behaviour and beliefs, but I just cant seem to raise the energy to actually properly tackle it anymore. Maybe I'm scared and I don't think I'll ever be normal. It's just  in the past I've experienced a lot of situations of being hurt or rejected or judged and its resulted into a very self-conscious young lady. I thought that as I got older my self-confidence would improve but it's just gotten worse. I have 2 friends, neither of which are very genuine. My good friends from school left to go to another university and stopped talking to me. I have moved to a new town where I don't know anybody but have seen the young people and know they are also the typical kind I don't like socialising with. (Very judgemental and horrible, I know. I just dont like the attitude of young people in this country at all).

Also as a side note I tend to go from one obsession to another, for example boyfriends. I knew my last boyfriend wasnt right for me and yet I stuck to him because I liked the love and having a fuller life. It's like i'm avoiding something and I know I should tackle it to be happy but I don't know how.

Now Barcelona is coming up and I have a chance to make a fresh start and be happy...but I know I'll just mess it up as I'm overweight from all the eating in my little bubble and my self-consciousness is sky high.

Phew! Ok that probably wasnt very structured or clearly explained at all but thats all the pieces of the puzzle. Can anyone help me solve it? Why do I have no energy, how do I start over and forget everything bad and just be happy?!!!

Thankyou so much for reading all of this and I hope to hear answers or advice or insights soon.

Love Stephanie xxxx


Further information has came to my mind's surface that I should include. My intuition tells me that I don't feel fully alive, fully awake of what is going on around me or fully "in the moment". It's like my mind has selective thinking/observing. When I wake up and for most of the day I feel dreary and tired all the time, constantly yawning with no energy. Then at night I am able to think more deeply about things and come up with ideas, because I don't need to do anything at night and the day is over. I am also prone to anxiety at night but the anti-depressants have been helping that.
I've lost who I used to be thanks to not being myself around people. When I see other girls who have achieved things that I know deep down I could have or achieve it makes me so jealous cos I think if I had stayed authentic and not got lost I could have this/that. I'm rediscovering myself in the safety of my bubble.

User avatar
eye_of_tiger
Site Admin
Posts: 8490
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 12:47 am
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Contact:

To my good friend Stephanie

Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Jun 27, 2012 1:40 am

Dear Stephanie,
I have no energy for life. At all.
One of the most common symptoms of medically diagnosed depression. No surprises there? Lack of motivation to do anything to try to help yourself goes hand in hand with a serious shortage of this divine energy or life force, or chi or prana or mana, or whatever else you prefer to call it.

higherawareness.com/manifesting-abundance/life-force-energy.html

This is mainly a comfort, healing and support forum, and is not designed or intended to replace you consulting a qualified and fully trained doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist counsellor or spiritual advisor in your local area, with regards to helping you to better manage your numerous emotional and other difficulties, most of which appear to stem from your extremely low sense of self confidence, and you continually being too hard upon yourself for being human.

Intuitively you come across to me as an old soul in a young body, bringing with you beliefs and values which seem to belong to earlier generations and historical periods. Some of your attitudes especially your dislike for the values of your peer group suggest that you may have internalised or absorbed as your own the values of either your parents or grandparents, as is quite common for human beings, whether or not they are still alive.

In addition to your treatment sessions with qualified professionals, we can all work together to help you with your low self confidence, but you have practised and reinforced these avoidance behaviour patterns for most of your life, and there is therefore unlikely to be only one simple solution to every single one of them which can be found all at the same time and effectively overnight.

Just to know that the problems, thoughts, doubts and fears which you are having are being shared with many other unhappy and lonely and dispirited people on these MB forums should eventually give you a renewed sense of confidence and hope for the future, but it would be irresponsible or cruel for me to try to convince your that finding the right answers is going to be either quick or easy.

Be aware that the side effects of some antidepressants in certain people is even more depression than when they started taking them. Prozac for example can lead to thoughts of suicide in some sensitive individuals who were previously only suffering with a case of "the blues", but regardless of what medication your doctor has legally prescribed for your symptoms of depression your blood levels and moods must be continually and carefully monitored for warning signs of developing problems.

I humbly request a healing in body, mind, and spirit for my dear friend Stephanie, and I ask that she will be guided to get the best help available and affordable to her where she is living, I also ask that she will in time with the assistance and support of both qualified professionals and her many friends on Mystic Board that she will come to value and respect the beauty and wisdom and incredible inner strength which already exists within her, waiting patiently to be released.

I realise why you felt you needed to talk about every aspect lf your problems you could think of at the time in one posting, and I hope that knowing that someone out here in the form of myself has read it in its entirety and deeply cares about what is happening to you has been good therapy for you by itself. But you are doing exactly what I have done for almost 60 years, which is to try to look at every problem you are having all in one go and try to over analyse everything in minute detail, which is almost guaranteed to quickly overpower even the most confident and strong person's ability to cope with the challenges of her life.

If we work closely together on the low self confidence problem and temporarily forget all the others which flow from it, once your confidence in yourself is stronger, many of them will tend to get better without any further intervention on your or our parts. Do not if you start to feel better about yourself completely stop taking your antidepressant medication without the knowledge and/or supervision of your treating doctor, as this could rapidly undo all the good healing work which has been done up until then.

A professional may take this process one step further and help you to understand why your self confidence ever got as low as it has. You might think that you have all the answers and can see the compete picture, but these people may convince you otherwise. If you think that you have a complete understanding of why you are feeling so unsure about yourself, you are very rarely correct. There are often unconscious forces at work behind the scenes, which cannot be got at by other than a professional person with the proper techniques to bring them closer to the surface of your consciousness. Where they can be revealed for what they they truly are - self sabotaging beliefs which have no basis in reality.
http://www.befrienders.org/  is a very good link for those who are in need of help and who are feeling suicidal and require help now.
Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt054

User avatar
stephybabes92
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri May 25, 2012 8:41 pm
Location: Glasgow

Re: To my good friend Stephanie

Post by stephybabes92 » Wed Jun 27, 2012 1:09 pm

Hi EoT,

Thankyou for reading everything I have to say and for your very nice and thought-out reply.
One of the most common symptoms of medically diagnosed depression. No surprises there? Lack of motivation to do anything to try to help yourself goes hand in hand with a serious shortage of this divine energy or life force, or chi or prana or mana, or whatever else you prefer to call it.
I am aware that I am indeed missing some form of energy, but I really don't know how to get it back apart from trying to raise my self-confidence.
This is mainly a comfort, healing and support forum, and is not designed or intended to replace you consulting a qualified and fully trained doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist counsellor or spiritual advisor in your local area, with regards to helping you to better manage your numerous emotional and other difficulties, most of which appear to stem from your extremely low sense of self confidence, and you continually being too hard upon yourself for being human.
It is absolutely true that I should be trying to see a professional for my problems. The doctor has referred me to the in-house self-help counsellor as well as prescribing me 1 (now 2) pill(s) a day of prozac. It is taking forever as the counsellor is not getting in contact with me, I have been told there is a huge backlog of people to be seen before me but I am assured that I will be seen before I leave for Spain.
I realise why you felt you needed to talk about every aspect lf your problems you could think of at the time in one posting, and I hope that knowing that someone out here in the form of myself has read it in its entirety and deeply cares about what is happening to you has been good therapy for you by itself. But you are doing exactly what I have done for almost 60 years, which is to try to look at every problem you are having all in one go and try to over analyse everything in minute detail, which is almost guaranteed to quickly overpower even the most confident and strong person's ability to cope with the challenges of her life.
Yes it is very true that I am a deep analyser - but in my opinion how else am I to sort it otherwise? I have made a little progress and it has been a bit of a rollercoaster. I do feel like there so much more work to do on my self confidence and its so difficult.
If we work closely together on the low self confidence problem and temporarily forget all the others which flow from it, once your confidence in yourself is stronger, many of them will tend to get better without any further intervention on your or our parts. Do not if you start to feel better about yourself completely stop taking your antidepressant medication without the knowledge and/or supervision of your treating doctor, as this could rapidly undo all the good healing work which has been done up until then.
Definitely. The other problems will improve just by tackling this main self-confidence issue, it's the biggest thing in this situation that is complicating everything else in my life! I just don't know how to get rid of it once and for all! I am stuck in a bubble that I don't want to burst, and if I do get the courage to burst it (which I do sometimes) it is unburstable!


Stephanie xxxx
x x x x x x x x Stephanie x x x x x x x x
             Live a life of love
                  Jesus is Lord! †

Cyrenius
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:13 am

Post by Cyrenius » Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:45 pm

I am also prone to anxiety at night but the anti-depressants have been helping that.
anti-depressants have the side efect of making you tired, without energy and dull.
You may need to treat your depresion with more natural remedies.
Also you need to do more exercises, this will lift your spirit. :smt041  
Start your day with jogging, go for walks, go to swim.
Suround yourself with friends, family, pets, positive people.  :smt055
Watch comedies laugh a lot, love a lot , do charity. :smt043
And above all get rid of the thought that you are not well.
You are perfectly well, you are happy, you are fullfield.
Stop feeding the thought that you are low on energy and strat feeding the thought that you are well and happy   :smt023

Cyrenius
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:13 am

Post by Cyrenius » Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:47 pm

P.S. pls be WILLING to get out

*Happi*Happi*Joi*Joi*
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 2:47 am

Post by *Happi*Happi*Joi*Joi* » Mon Aug 06, 2012 7:51 am

When I was 14, I was pretty much the same except the anti-depressant pill. Then my dad moved me to Alaska, 3000 miles away from where I grew up. On the plane I made a decision to quit being depressed and have a happy fun life and to find one good thing in every bad situation. I began school and my dad forced me into P.E. From then on I became the girl who all my friends knew as confident, bubbly, and the one who always found the positive. I don't know why moving so far away made it so much easier.
  About 5 years ago I moved back to Oklahoma. And have steadily declined back to my 14 year old self. But I'm fighting to climb back out. Anyway, hope it helps. I believe this move to Spain could be a miracle for you.

Cyrenius
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:13 am

Post by Cyrenius » Sun Aug 12, 2012 11:46 am

It helps to move away, some times places are filed with bad memories, and going back awakes those bad memories

User avatar
AquaMyst
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 5:37 am

Acceptance

Post by AquaMyst » Mon Sep 03, 2012 8:53 pm

I'm not sure how it is for you, as everyone is different...but when I read a lot of what you have written it reminds me of myself when I was going through depressive times...I think what causes the depression to begin with is when you are not living life or being the type of person you know you are deep inside. Basically when you are not being true to yourself. That discrepancy with how you want to live your life and how you are living your life builds up over time and you become more and more discontent. For me it was not taking full responsibility for how my current situation was a result of my actions or inaction...I had kind of let life happen to me and began to feel victimized when things weren't going well...then when I would try to make changes or do quick fixes and it wouldn't work I would get discouraged. There is no quick fix I've come to find out...but one way I was able to pull myself up out of my 'funk' so to speak was by accepting myself and my life exactly the way it was, realizing how my actions/inaction had led me to that point, realizing the things that were beyond my control, and forgiving myself for the mistakes I had made...realizing that those mistakes were made because I was not ready at the time to act any other way then the way I had and that this was okay. I started to see my discontent with my life as a blessing, because it was better to be discontent and aware that change was needed then it would have been to be complacent with a life that was not what I desired or dreamed. I wrote myself a kind of love letter...consoling myself for the mistakes I had made, pointing out all my redeeming qualities and encouraging myself with the knowledge that I had the power to change the course of my life. It took time but my attitude and productivity levels started to increase more and more as I made a conscious effort to redirect negative thoughts and started changing the cant's and should haves into can's and will do's. One step at a time is all you can do. When I was at my lowest point...just over a year ago...I wrote a letter to God, just brief and simple telling him that I felt unable to carry the burdens of life anymore and that I was humbly asking him to do for me what I felt I could not do for myself. I made a list of all the basic things I thought I wanted and needed in my life to be happy...it was maybe 5-6 things and all very basic needs. Then I let it go and forgot about it. I trusted that it would happen. I opened this letter up for the first time about a week ago and I was surprised to see that everything on that list had been granted, with the exception of 1...but even the seeds have been sown in that area and it is up to me to water and nourish them.

I trust that you will get out of this depression. The fact that you are here talking about it...that you want to change it...that you know you deserve more out of life is proof that you are the type of person who will not stand still and sink further into it beyond repair. (((hugs)))) to you and I hope you find the inner drive and determination you need!

User avatar
AquaMyst
Posts: 58
Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 5:37 am

My letter to God

Post by AquaMyst » Mon Sep 03, 2012 9:08 pm

I don't know if you believe in God...but thought maybe it would help for me to post the letter I wrote...maybe for inspiration if you decide to write your own letter!

Here's what I said

"Dear God,

I would like to make a special request for my life. I would like you to take control of it. I need you to step in and do for me what I have been unable to do for myself. I humbly ask your assistance in the following areas:

Financially: Please provide for my basic needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, transportation. Please enable me to bring in the income required to secure all of these basic necessities.

Parenting: Please allow my child and I to have the relationship that we once had. I would like her to be living with me and be in my care as we used to be, in our own home and on our own.

Relationship: Please give me a loving and caring partnership with a man. I would like a relationship that is based on love, trust and respect...and founded in deep spiritual faith.

Health: Please keep my mind and body healthy and free from episodes or defects.

Love: Please help me to be more loving and giving in everything that I do.

Faith: Please keep my faith strong and continue to work within me as you have been doing. Please help me to turn to you in my times of need as opposed to turning to the world.

Hope: Please keep my hope alive.

If you could please take the reigns and provide all that I have asked, I would be very grateful.

Thank you lord."

At the time I wrote this I was out of work, my unemployment had run out, I had been evicted from my apartment, lost custody of my daughter, was sleeping on an air mattress in my overbearing mother's living room, could not seem to find a job for the life of me no matter how many applications I put in, had had my heart broken horribly when the love of my life abandoned me and had lost it mentally on 2 occasions and been hospitalized as a result which prompted my daughters father to not allow her to see me anymore without supervision. As it stands now I've been employed at the same place for over a year, have custody of my daughter, rent a home, and have gotten back together with my daughters father and am working on rebuilding our relationship...life's not perfect by any means but I've come so far from where I was back then.

Cyrenius
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Jun 21, 2012 10:13 am

Post by Cyrenius » Wed Sep 05, 2012 2:43 pm

Thats very inspiring snwdream how you managed to shift your situation, and the idea with the letter to God was genial. Thumbs up for you and a big hug

symulhaque
Posts: 1204
Joined: Thu Jan 03, 2013 3:41 pm

Post by symulhaque » Sun Jan 27, 2013 7:14 am

Be confident. One day you will meet the success surely.

User avatar
stephybabes92
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri May 25, 2012 8:41 pm
Location: Glasgow

Re: Acceptance

Post by stephybabes92 » Fri Mar 08, 2013 12:48 pm

AquaMyst wrote:I'm not sure how it is for you, as everyone is different...but when I read a lot of what you have written it reminds me of myself when I was going through depressive times...I think what causes the depression to begin with is when you are not living life or being the type of person you know you are deep inside. Basically when you are not being true to yourself. That discrepancy with how you want to live your life and how you are living your life builds up over time and you become more and more discontent. For me it was not taking full responsibility for how my current situation was a result of my actions or inaction...I had kind of let life happen to me and began to feel victimized when things weren't going well...then when I would try to make changes or do quick fixes and it wouldn't work I would get discouraged. There is no quick fix I've come to find out...but one way I was able to pull myself up out of my 'funk' so to speak was by accepting myself and my life exactly the way it was, realizing how my actions/inaction had led me to that point, realizing the things that were beyond my control, and forgiving myself for the mistakes I had made...realizing that those mistakes were made because I was not ready at the time to act any other way then the way I had and that this was okay. I started to see my discontent with my life as a blessing, because it was better to be discontent and aware that change was needed then it would have been to be complacent with a life that was not what I desired or dreamed. I wrote myself a kind of love letter...consoling myself for the mistakes I had made, pointing out all my redeeming qualities and encouraging myself with the knowledge that I had the power to change the course of my life. It took time but my attitude and productivity levels started to increase more and more as I made a conscious effort to redirect negative thoughts and started changing the cant's and should haves into can's and will do's. One step at a time is all you can do. When I was at my lowest point...just over a year ago...I wrote a letter to God, just brief and simple telling him that I felt unable to carry the burdens of life anymore and that I was humbly asking him to do for me what I felt I could not do for myself. I made a list of all the basic things I thought I wanted and needed in my life to be happy...it was maybe 5-6 things and all very basic needs. Then I let it go and forgot about it. I trusted that it would happen. I opened this letter up for the first time about a week ago and I was surprised to see that everything on that list had been granted, with the exception of 1...but even the seeds have been sown in that area and it is up to me to water and nourish them.

I trust that you will get out of this depression. The fact that you are here talking about it...that you want to change it...that you know you deserve more out of life is proof that you are the type of person who will not stand still and sink further into it beyond repair. (((hugs)))) to you and I hope you find the inner drive and determination you need!
This was an amazing answer, thankyou :-) xxxx
x x x x x x x x Stephanie x x x x x x x x
             Live a life of love
                  Jesus is Lord! †

User avatar
stephybabes92
Posts: 218
Joined: Fri May 25, 2012 8:41 pm
Location: Glasgow

Post by stephybabes92 » Mon Apr 25, 2016 10:02 pm

Wow, looking back on this is strange. It wasn't even that long ago. Spain was a disaster and things got a little worse after I made that posting.

But I'm so grateful for the changes that happened after that, things gradually got better over a couple of years, and then this year has just been phenomenal. I'm living in the south of England. I love it.

So maybe if someone else reads this and was feeling like I was back then four years ago, they will see that things got better for me and will for them too - time changes many things.
x x x x x x x x Stephanie x x x x x x x x
             Live a life of love
                  Jesus is Lord! †

Post Reply

Return to “The Hug Exchange”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests