How do you know when to stop being friends with someone?

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bewitchingbecca013
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed May 01, 2013 5:38 am
Location: living in my first apartment :D

How do you know when to stop being friends with someone?

Post by bewitchingbecca013 » Sun May 26, 2013 5:57 pm

 There is this woman named *Amanda that im friends with (she will be 40 this year) When I first met her, she became my belly dance instructor in exchange for transportation to belly dance classes and I learned she was going through some rough stuff. I was apprehensive about being Amanda’s friend, because 1 she was my belly dance instructor & 2, I had just gotten over someone else who I thought was a friend but was really fake and I wasn't up for meeting any new people yet, however I was still pretty new to the area just like Amanda and we both needed a friend and we both have been hurt by people we thought were "friends".

  So I figured ‘why not’ & was hoping this friendship & this person would be different and of course I naively assumed that after I helped her with all her problems, that we would both still be friends. Apparently amanda has had a rough life, I won’t go into too much details, but she basically had bad experiences with people screwing her over in the past along with other things she experienced in life which were not good & I got to hear all about that stuff during the first few months of getting to know her and while mainly doing whatever I could to help her move on from her ex girlfriend & just show that im a good friend & genuine person and to cheer her up (she really needed a friend at the time): offer transportation (she doesnt have a car because the one she had got stolen & rarely offers to give me gas money because she doesn't make a lot money and I feel guilty asking her for money because of this), pay for groceries, take her out to eat (she "lets me pay" most of the time although recently she has been paying for some things herself), we would even go out to clubs & shopping & just random walks because she didnt want to be at her place or sometimes id even stay over late just so she wouldn’t be alone.  But get this: all the places we “hung out” at were spots where her & her ex would go, & Amanda would always take pictures of me & her & put them on facebook so her ex girlfriend could see us hanging out. Recently I realized that in some weird way she was using me to make her ex girlfriend jealous. I swear it’s like night & day the difference between how she was then & how she is now, especially after we have been going out & meeting A LOT of new people, which she hangs out with now & rarely calls me, except when she needs a ride to belly dance class or the grocery store when she can't get transportation from them or when she wants to go for a walk.  She sometimes talks with me about hanging out with her new friends like she’s trying to make me feel bad or just being spiteful or whatever. Sometimes she does invite me to do things with them but I decline most of the time. But I don't care, im glad she is meeting new people, I WANT her to meet new people and hang out with them, especially after what I went through when I first met her. (but lately she is thinking of kicking a couple people out because she thinks they stole her daughter's credit card and other stuff..)

  Since she met them & since her daughter moved down here with her (guess who had to drive her to the airport to pick her up!) she's been acting different kind of, I don't know if it's on purpose or not, but she hangs out with all her new friends & gets transportation from them & gets financial help from them (help pay for groceries and help pay for bills) & hang out with them & gets them to help her out around the house (they are living with her this summer because she needs extra help paying for things). She doesn't contact me much anymore. She even told me that now her daugher is back in her life that her whole world is better and perfect now, she's even doing things with and for her daughter that she said she would do for me (she hasn't seen her daughter in a year but i don't care, don't act like im chopped livers or whatever that saying is lol). Despite all of this im trying to see the good in her but im not so sure if I should continue to be “friends” with her…im not even sure if taking belly dance lessons should be an option for me anymore either.   But what im worried about by not possibly being friends with her anymore, is she might try to mess things up for me belly dance wise. I can easily get another instructor, one that's more professional. I just don't want her to bad-mouth me & make me look bad in the belly dance community or to talk bad about me since we live kinda in the same area, im not sure what to do here. We got into a tiff once & it was because she was afraid of losing me as a friend, she thought that I would take her ex-roomate’s side instead (who was a bad person and was also pagan, but used magic for bad things not good) & be friends with her ex girlfriend & all the friends that they once had that now aren’t on “amanda’s side” , and this was during the beginning of when I was still trying to get to know her (she doesn't even know me that well)! Plus I also feel that there could be more I could learn from her in a spiritual way despite all of what's going on if that makes sense. Sometimes I feel like amanda was meant to be more of an instructor/teacher/guide than a friend for me....but i don't know :(

 If I wasn't going to be "Team Amanda", I wouldn’t have wasted all my time on her or continue to get to know her & take belly dance lessons from her and help her better adjust from moving from up North. What should I do? She doesn’t give off the “genuine friend” vibe but im trying to see the good in her and beleive that she will be a better person as time goes on. What really blows my mind is that now Amanda is on a "higher vibrational level" than her ex, yet she is doing what she's doing to me. She's a bellydance instructor, she is going to be a Reiki Master soon and also learn how to read people...I would think that someone who can do all of these things would be more....considerate and care about people. I don't like being used by people. It just irks me how all these new people are suddenly her good friends when they weren't there for her like I was even if she didn't know them at the time.   They didn't go through what I went through, they didn't see sides of her I saw or spend time with her when they didn't feel like it or felt uncomfortable or out of place or just got tired of being around her and listening to her talk and just wanted there own space. And I sure as hell don't like to be forgotten about or unappreciated especially when i go the extra mile for someone I want to be friends with! Seriously this is the second time something like this has happened to me...wtf!? The interesting thing, is that I told Amanda all about the previous friend I had how she ended up being fake and after talking with me about it and going over it, Amanda told me that I was willing to be the sacrificial lamb when it comes to friends, that I would rather keep people around me when I know they aren't really here for me instead of having no friends at all, she then told me that I don't deserve any of that (yet look at what she is doing to me). She is a Leo and im a Virgo incase anyone is wanting to know our signs lol....does she seem like a loyal friendly leo?

   Im really at a loss of what to do here...I kinda feel in a "damned if I do damned if I don't" scenerio. But I am naive when it comes to people and there intentions, because im so naturally good natured and I see the good in people, sometimes too much hence what you have just read above, but I would like to learn how to better protect myself and learn who I can trust better. Like I litterally assume that just because im nice and sweet that others around me will be the same way even if they don't know me and even though I know there are bad people in this world who don't always have the best intentions. And even if I kinda know that someone isn't being real with me, I still want to beleive that they are my friend, I want to beleive that sad sad illusion. I know, im surprised at this realization too :( Has anyone else gone through simular situations, what would you do if you were in my shoes? Any advice about my situation or anything else I have written is welcomed too, please help and share if you can :)
Last edited by bewitchingbecca013 on Sun Jun 16, 2013 5:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

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suzisco
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Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2007 6:34 pm
Location: UK

Post by suzisco » Tue May 28, 2013 12:52 am

To be honest I would drop her and move on. Life is short and difficult for most of us and having that kind of car crash hanging around will pull you down. (((Hugs)))
Enjoy when you can and endure when you must.
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smurfinaus
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 10:50 pm
Location: Sydney

Post by smurfinaus » Sat Jun 22, 2013 9:06 am

Like the previous post, i would drop her. Life is too short to be worried by all the drama's someone else gets into or causes. Too much thinking about this causes u a lot of stress.Either let her go, or try distance your self from her. And yes ive been in situation where new friends have been like this. There is a point where it gets too much.. the negative stuff, just walk. imho :) *hugs*

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