I Need Advice on How to Handle an Issue with a Scorpio - Long Post

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KepiGirl
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I Need Advice on How to Handle an Issue with a Scorpio - Long Post

Post by KepiGirl » Mon Feb 10, 2014 2:52 am

I'm hoping to get some advice on a situation that occurred with my daughter last summer and has escalated to a situation where she has demanded no further contact.  I'll present the situation and then ask for advice.

Sitting at work last summer, my daughter contacts me via email and announces that she's had it with her brother and then goes on to explain the situation.  She asked him a question about getting a passport.  She could have gotten the answer from the internet.  Her brother gave her the correct answer, but she didn't like it and got into an argument with him via text.  Eventually she reaches out to me for . . . support?  validation?  I'm not sure.  Anyway, I could tell she was still upset.  I tried to diffuse the situation and told her I would talk with her later.  I contacted her brother to find out what was going on and he told me that she was threatening him with the police.  My son was not doing anything illegal, but was at that moment, involved in a legal battle with the city he lived in in Illinois regarding 2nd Amendment rights and was vulnerable.  My daughter started blowing up my work email, so I blocked her email address from coming in.  After that, she immediately blocked my phone calls and emails as well.  So, I wrote her a letter and explained that I had to block her because everyone's work activities were being monitored.  In this letter I reminded her that she could not contact me to work out her problems.  I explained to her that she was 30 years old and that she should be able to work out her issues with her siblings and that I had not control over my grown children for their actions.  Then, I told her that it seemed that her way of dealing with issues was to always look for a person's vulnerability and to use that against them and suggested that she talk out the problem.  Immediately after she received my letter, she cut me out of her life, but didn't tell me. At the end of July, I lost the job I had held for more than 7 years.  The reason cited was my daughter's emails.

After several weeks of not reaching my daughter, I went to her Facebook page and found that she and her husband had just announced they were expecting.  Because she had cut off communication, I did not reach out and congratulate her.  I was afraid she would cut me off from FB.  I monitored her page out of concern because my daughter had been on mood stabilizers and has a hyper-clotting disorder.  Now that she is pregnant, she has to be off of mood stabilizers, so I was very concerned.  I was sure that her being off of mood stabilizers and the onslaught of new hormones from the pregnancy were affecting her as well.  In November I send her a birthday present -- a cookbook signed by Ann and Mitt Romney.  She immediately went on FB and announced that I had sent her a religious book and that I was trying to force her into a religion she didn't want.  She told her friends she had cut me out of her life because I said something to her that hurtful a few months earlier.  I believe it was my comment about her using a person's vulnerabilities when she has a disagreement with them.  Her FB friends encouraged her to throw the gift away.  That really hurt, but I said nothing and continued to monitor her with her pregnancy.

In December I sent her and her husband their Christmas presents.  Hers came late as it was sent late from the manufacturer.  I followed the UPS tracking saw that it was left on her doorstep.  Knowing my daughter and the state of mind she was in, I was concerned that she would leave it there to be stolen, so I contacted her husband.  He confirmed that she received the gift and encouraged me to contact her.  I thanked him and, because I felt he was being cooperative and helpful, I told him I knew about the baby.  The next thing I know, my daughter was blowing up my phone.  The next day via FB messaging, she told me she wanted me out of her life because I "always hold things over her head" and that she had planned to cut me out of her life in June.  I wondered why she contacted me in July if this was the case.

So as it sits, I have become estranged from my daughter by her choice.  I've thought this through and have visited many websites seeking advice.  The most logical advice I've found is to apologize to my daughter for hurting her feelings but not assert my side of the situation because as a Scorpio, she will never accept anyone else's perspective other than her own.  I have also been advised to let her know that I love her, which I do very much, but that I need let her know that I accept her decision to no longer be in contact.  I've been advised to do this without explanation as to why I accept her decision, but to also let her know that if she chooses to contact me, the door will be open with no recrimination.  This last one I will have to work through but I think I can do it because I'm a Libra with Aries rising.  The only thing that holds me back from doing this is not knowing what the probable outcome would be.  I am trying to diffuse her.  

She is a lesser developed Scorpio who is out of control and living with anger.  This anger seems to be feeding on itself.  She has become dark and vindictive.  I don't have access to her FB page anymore, but I can tell she's living with anger because her profile icon changes on my messages page periodically -- it's usually a sardonic cryptic message.  Her last one was, "Dear Karma, There's a Few People on My List You Missed".  This anger can't be good for her and can't be good for the baby.  She is all alone now.  Her husband deployed to the Sinai a few weeks ago and will return briefly for the birth of the baby, but will have to return to complete a year of deployment.  

Please give me your thoughts as to whether you think writing a letter apologizing to her and accepting her estrangement will help her out of this spiral she's in.  I'm her mother and will always love her.  We have been close friends in past years, but now she literally hates me.  If you are a Scorpio and can provide some insight as to what she is dealing with, I would appreciate your comments.  I just want to help my daughter as this spiral she's in can't be good for her or her baby and I fear that she may become rooted in this spiral for a long time.

Thanks for your help.

Kepi
There is no greater reward than living your life on your own terms.

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eye_of_tiger
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Are you only interested in hearing what other Scorpios think?

Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Feb 10, 2014 10:19 pm

If you are a Scorpio and can provide some insight as to what she is dealing with, I would appreciate your comments.
Dear Kepi,  :smt017

Can I first please check with you that because I am not a Scorpio (being born under the sun sign of Sagittarius) that you would not wish to hear any insights which I may have into your family problems with your daughter, and that you would not value or appreciate my comments if I were to do so?

In other words are you only interested in hearing what other Scorpios think that you could do in order to bring healing to your mother daughter relationship, and are not interested in what people born under one of the other eleven signs of the Zodiac might advise?

Because only a Scorpio could understand what it is like to be a Scorpio?

If this was not your intention, the above quoted sentence certainly gives that impression to people wanting to help you.

Also I want to make clear from the beginning that I am not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter-Day Saints (the Mormons).

Does this similarly disqualify me from making any valued contributions to this discussion?

I would not wish to be seen as forcing my non Scorpio self onto you uninvited, or want to unknowingly offend your religious beliefs by making an assumption that you did not mean to give anyone that impression, without first checking these things with the source, out of my respect for you as another parent (my wife and I have two adult children).

If you do indicate in your feedback that you would after all like me to help you, then I would prefer to continue this conversation through the private messaging system, as it would require us to talk about personal matters which I think that you would feel uncomfortable discussing on the open forum.

Once again I am respectfully considering your beliefs and feelings, before taking any further action which might be regarded in any way as being unwanted, disrespectful and improper.

Regards,

EoT (male)  :)

KepiGirl
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Responding to Eye of the Tiger

Post by KepiGirl » Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:26 am

Thanks for responding.  I was asking for perspective from Scorpios because I wanted to know if they could predict how my daughter might react if I sent her a letter of apology.  That said, I sent the letter and apologized but also advised her that I was respecting her request for no contact and make it clear that my apology was not to be construed as a request to be in her life.

As her mother I worry for my children and always will, regardless of their age.  However, I feel that my daughter, an undeveloped Scorpio, will be teaching herself some hard lessons -- as it should be.  Still, as a parent, it is hard to watch your children go through hard times.  If she and I are meant to be in each other's lives, then that will happen -- whether it be now or in some distant future.

The Mormon aspect does not apply here.  I am not LDS and have not raised my family in the church.  My daughter uses it as camouflage to create a reason to cut me out of her life.
There is no greater reward than living your life on your own terms.

kattie
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Post by kattie » Thu Feb 13, 2014 6:34 pm

Hugs and kisses with the stress and upset in your life x

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eye_of_tiger
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Re: Responding to Eye of the Tiger

Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Feb 13, 2014 9:32 pm

KepiGirl wrote:Thanks for responding.  I was asking for perspective from Scorpios because I wanted to know if they could predict how my daughter might react if I sent her a letter of apology.  That said, I sent the letter and apologized but also advised her that I was respecting her request for no contact and make it clear that my apology was not to be construed as a request to be in her life.

As her mother I worry for my children and always will, regardless of their age.  However, I feel that my daughter, an undeveloped Scorpio, will be teaching herself some hard lessons -- as it should be.  Still, as a parent, it is hard to watch your children go through hard times.  If she and I are meant to be in each other's lives, then that will happen -- whether it be now or in some distant future.

The Mormon aspect does not apply here.  I am not LDS and have not raised my family in the church.  My daughter uses it as camouflage to create a reason to cut me out of her life.
KG,

I have just returned from my regular weekly day off from giving any readings and thank you for that vital information.

I do not think anyone Scorpio or not can predict exactly how your daughter will respond to the letter, because I believe that your current state of mind is highly unstable due to her mood disorder, which as you suggest she also uses to get what she wants from you as much as the LDS which is not an issue.

And what I feel she wants from you is for you to feel guilty for something of which you could never be fairly accused of: being a bad mother.

Honestly at this stage anything which you do or do not do is going to be twisted around in her mind as evidence that her accusations have a valid basis (they do not), and I feel that her husband is the only way to get her back to the doctor as soon as possible to get her restabilised (which may involve her having to be temporarily admitted to hospital).

I cannot legally diagnose her condition or give you a medical reading about her, but my personal opinion is that she is paranoiac, and therefore not fully conscious of the pain which she is inflicting upon someone who loves her intensely, and who has always been there for her through both the good and bad times.

Her so called friends advising her to throw away your gift makes me wonder if in fact they actually did this. Is there any possibility that she has got mixed up with a religious cult in addition to her illness (she would be particularly vulnerable to their persuasion), as she seems to be coming up with any weak excuse to distance herself from you like cult leaders often encourage their members do?

Also is it possible that you have been over protective of her with very good reason, but that she has taken that protection as suffocating her right to live her own life and make decisions within her marriage? In other words she may see your protection as you wanting to have complete control over everything she does, when she is a big girl now and wants to be more independent of you without losing her mother in the process.

People with conditions such as hers (the medication could also be partially responsible for her mood swings, which is why getting her back to her doctor to perhaps adjust the drug or dosage is so urgent) often go from one extreme behavior to another. They either get clingy and become totally dependent upon you if you show any sign of sympathy, or do what she is doing now. Become so painfully independent that she will not accept any help and want to break all contact with you, rather than facing the truth about the seriousness of her situation.

There are some very difficult lessons still to be learned by all three of you (your daughter, her husband and you) about letting go and that over protection can do more harm than good when it comes to mother adult daughter relationships.  Please note that I did no formal reading with reference to your posting, but my intuition is not turned off between readings.

I feel hesitant to be seen as takings sides with either of you, as I believe that your relationship with her is both complex and difficult to analyse. I would leave that to a family counselor, if her husband can convince her to go once she has had the medical side looked at. If she thinks for one moment that you put him up to it, you will have lost her  so tread carefully. I only wish that you had not sent the letter yet, but that is your prerogative, and I feel that your intentions to make the peace with her were genuine and  thought to be in her best interests.

Which is consistent with everything you have done for her over the years. You always did what you felt was the best for her, and I wish you all the very best in being able to resolve your differences and perhaps agree to disagree about certain things in your lives, without any bad feelings. As a parent I feel a high degree of empathy with all of you, but I am at at a disadvantage because I do not have the complete picture.

I do not have her side of the story, or what she perceives is the case. Not that with her mood disorder, her story would be reliable or logical. The medical aspects of her dysfunctional behavior can only be properly looked at by her doctor, and only her husband has any real chance of getting her there. I hope for all your sakes that their marriage is strong, as this is not going to be easy or pretty. Everything is made much more urgent and important because of their baby

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt049

CuriousKat12
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Post by CuriousKat12 » Sat Feb 15, 2014 3:25 pm

Gosh, this sounds such a painful situation. My thoughts are with you

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