My life has changed drastically, very confused and scared

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prettpink29
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Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2014 2:47 am

My life has changed drastically, very confused and scared

Post by prettpink29 » Sun Mar 09, 2014 3:11 am

I have a 2 year old son. His father and I were together for 5 1/2 years but our relationship was riddled with problems from the beginning. He was a terrible addict and I thought I could help him, but he did not want to help himself. I stayed with him for the sake of our son, but realized that it was doing more harm to him than good. So for the first time in several years I am alone and have many emotional wounds. I worry about raising my son alone. I worry about him not having a strong father figure. I am confused and terribly afraid of the future. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

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eye_of_tiger
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Re: My life has changed drastically, very confused and scared

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Mar 09, 2014 11:48 pm

prettpink29 wrote:I have a 2 year old son. His father and I were together for 5 1/2 years but our relationship was riddled with problems from the beginning. He was a terrible addict and I thought I could help him, but he did not want to help himself. I stayed with him for the sake of our son, but realized that it was doing more harm to him than good. So for the first time in several years I am alone and have many emotional wounds. I worry about raising my son alone. I worry about him not having a strong father figure. I am confused and terribly afraid of the future. Any words of advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
Dear Pink,

The first thing which you need to do is to convince yourself or be assured by someone such as myself that you did everything which could be ever reasonably expected of you in attempting to help his father to fight his habit, when it was clear to everyone else after all of your courageous efforts that his addiction had too strong a hold on him for him to be able to or want to help himself out of the mess. For I sense that the writing had been on the wall for your relationship not to survive for some considerable amount of time, and you can lead an addict towards recovery, but in the end you cannot force him to accept treatment or expect miracles.

While there can be no excuse for the pain which he has caused you as a result of his addiction, I do feel a great sense of compassion for him in his suffering as underneath it all he is still I believe very much the man you fell in love with those five and a half years before now.

Without his addiction I feel that he would have made an excellent male role model for your son, but now that you are on your own to bring him up by yourself, you have to find some better role model for your son from among your own family, from professional agencies in your local area, your church and later possibly a male teacher. You come across to me as highly intelligent and intuitive, and I have every confidence that you will know when you have found the right person to provide your little boy with that special male bonding which I feel is necessary for his personality to be well rounded and balanced.

Note that I am not saying that without such a male role model that you could not do anything as his mother to fill in the gap, or that children of single mothers who do not have access to male role models for their children for whatever reason do not do the best job which they are capable of to provide what is missing from the child's life, or that children of single mothers are all maladjusted and are somehow destined to have serious behavioral problems as a result of this happening.

BTW similar nonsense is often circulated about single fathers bringing up their daughters. Usually such rubbish is spread by people who have absolutely no idea of the damage which they are doing to a single parent's self confidence, and in turn to the self confidence and self respect of any innocent child who is affected.

Any method which is available and affordable so that you can increase your own self confidence that you are being the best mother whom you can be will have wonderful healing effects upon how well adjusted your child will turn out to be, so I believe that is the best plan for you attacking and eventually overcoming these feelings of inadequacy which are constantly eating away at your fighting spirit.

Am I correct in assuming since this is not a reading that your former partner move out of your home and that you still have a place to live with your son which you can finance? Who does the baby sitting while you go out to work and earn enough to keep both your bodies and souls together? Are you eligible to receive financial support or welfare, if you are currently unemployed or as a supplement to very low wages from your existing job?

I see your self confidence and ability to last the distance as being closely tied to your financial security and your willingness to ask for and get practical outside help with rearing your offspring when you feel that it is needed, although obviously there are also many other factors in whether or how much you will practise self love. Self love means to value and respect yourself for being the loving, caring and excellent mother whom you already are, and a very nice lady that anyone would be lucky and proud to have as his or her friend.

That having been said it is my belief that it is very important to you to do as much as you feel capable of doing for your son, and only reach out for help as you have done when posting this to the forum if or when it is felt that you need the extra guidance and support. Only you will know when this point has been reached, but it must be seen as a sign of your great inner strength and enduring love and determination not to allow your critics to discourage or diSPIRIT you, and NOT as a sign of weakness or surrender or failure as many parents single or otherwise frequently punish themselves with.

Nobody could have adequately trained or prepared you for what happened, with most of it being completely beyond your control and there is therefore no person or God who is expecting you to do this all perfectly completely by yourself, all of the time. So my question to you as a father of two adult children who has been married to and lived with their mother for over 35 years, is what right do we have to appoint ourselves as our own judge, jury and executioner?

Even a serial murderer or child abuser has the right to a fair trial according to the law, so why do we often deny ourselves of the same right? Are we really as bad people as a psychopathic killer or child rapist is, just because being human we are far short of being perfect and we make some mistakes now and then.

Only people who never do anything important in their lives do not make a mistake, other than of course not doing something which is important to them which is the biggest mistake of all, as to live  and die regretting that you never tried is probably the most extreme form of torture that any person could undergo in this world or the next.

In summary I believe that the solution to your complex problems with single handedly bringing up your son and providing him with everything which he needs to grow and develop as both as both a human and spiritual being and independent adult, are not going to be all found in one place or in one person.

The answer or answers to your questions will come instead from a large variety of different places and different people: professional or non professional, family or non family, close friends or otherwise complete strangers who will hand you one or more of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle which you will need to be able to recognise the bigger picture, and move forwards in your role as his mother with increased self confidence and your head held high with justifiable dignity and self respect for the excellent job you have done so far, and will undoubtedly continue to do in the future.

Thank you for the pleasure and privilege and opportunity to be able to be of some assistance to you and I hope that the worst is now behind you and that there will soon be a light at the end of your tunnel. If I have played any minor role whatsoever in helping to bring that light a little closer for you as the result of my efforts on your behalf, then I will feel that at least three people's lives and happiness (yours, your son's and mine) will have benefited as a direct consequence of you seeking this help when before you posted it here you may have felt there was very little reason for hope or healthy optimism.

The good news is that there is plenty of both!!!!!!

Loving regards to you and your son,

EoT Image

prettpink29
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Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2014 2:47 am

thank you so much

Post by prettpink29 » Mon Mar 10, 2014 7:33 am

EoT, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. You were correct about the living situation, he is gone and I am without a job but have had some interviews in previous weeks. So hopefully I will be working soon to help alleviate the financial pressure. My mother has moved in with me and is an invaluable help. I enjoyed your post so much, would you be willing to do a reading with me? I would love some deeper insight, as we have just scratched the surface. My mother is very ill, I worry much about her as well.
Thanks again,
Ashley

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Mar 10, 2014 10:14 pm

Dear Ashley,

You are very welcome!

I was delighted to hear that there may soon be some better news for you employment wise, and that your mother has moved in with and is helping and supporting you through these difficult times in bringing up your son.

Your mother's serious illness and the extra stress which her condition must already be placing upon you however significantly increases the urgency for you to find outside help both for her as well as for yourself, if her living with you and continuing to be able to baby sit for you while you go to work is going to be possible and safe at least until your son begins his schooling.

Not that I am for one second suggesting that you only want her there for what she can give you, as you are effectively each other's carer. It is a mutually beneficial living arrangement, and at least you know where she is and that she is OK. Better than her living alone and you having the constant worry that something bad has happened to her, and that there was no way for her to let you know about it. So her living with you in one way increases the amount of stress upon you, while knowing where she is at all times and that nothing bad has happened has quite the opposite effect.

Of course I would be more than willing to give you a reading about this situation, and I noticed that you have already posted a formal request on the psychic reading forum, which is a critical requirement for such a reading to go ahead.

I am moving over to that forum now, as there are several outstanding requests for readings and feedback in addition to yours on that board, for me to attend to.

Loving regards,

EoT :smt031

Ketan1234
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Post by Ketan1234 » Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:17 pm

you have to Face problem very tactfully. You have to talk about the problem.

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