Need a hug 2

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bettyboop19
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Need a hug 2

Post by bettyboop19 » Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:53 pm

This is very hard to write. I've Been diagnosed with major depression for over 20 years. I've tried the unthinkable at least 6 times in my entire life.
After my mom passed away, I tried 3 times. By taking over 135 pills at once, I'm lucky that I survived. I've been in and out of hospitals 4 times just because about 4 months ago the warning signs there, and I didn't want to die.
I still struggle with depression every day, and this is no way to live.
Recently about 3 people that I thought were my "friends" told me they should have locked my up for my entire life. And the other comments were, "next time you try to kill yourself, do it the right way"! I no longer talk to those people anymore. I haven't done anything to deserve that. I can't understand why people use my illness against me?
I don't want to leave my house anymore and I'm afraid to meet new people.
Like I said this isn't living.

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eye_of_tiger
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Re: Need a hug 2

Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Jun 20, 2014 1:42 am

bettyboop19 wrote:This is very hard to write. I've Been diagnosed with major depression for over 20 years. I've tried the unthinkable at least 6 times in my entire life.
After my mom passed away, I tried 3 times. By taking over 135 pills at once, I'm lucky that I survived. I've been in and out of hospitals 4 times just because about 4 months ago the warning signs there, and I didn't want to die.
I still struggle with depression every day, and this is no way to live.
Recently about 3 people that I thought were my "friends" told me they should have locked my up for my entire life. And the other comments were, "next time you try to kill yourself, do it the right way"! I no longer talk to those people anymore. I haven't done anything to deserve that. I can't understand why people use my illness against me?
I don't want to leave my house anymore and I'm afraid to meet new people.
Like I said this isn't living.
Betty,

Depression is called the common cold of the mind, but it does take great courage for us to admit this in public as you have done here. I have also had suicidal thoughts at times in my nearly 62 years, suffered at least one major stress breakdown and struggled with chronic depression and anxiety for most of them. I was trapped in a vicious cycle of taking Valium and tricyclic antidepressants for 8.5 years, when they were only meant to be used for a maximum of 6 months, and said to be non addictive. Definitely not true.

So even though I cannot know exactly what it feels like to be you I do have enough in common with you to at least begin to understand what it is like to be told such hurtful things by people who claim to be your friends. I was constantly bullied in primary school, then basically ignored in high school, then went on to become a teacher because I felt that I could make a positive difference in the lives of students who were equally damaged. But chronic illness ended my working life at the age of only 30, and I am now increasingly housebound myself for medical reasons.

Places like Mystic Board provide a relatively safe environment for people like us to open our hearts and lighten our emotional load, without having to worry that we are going to be ridiculed, criticised or pre-judged as being weak or pathetic. We need to meet new people, but new people who have some understanding and empathy with our situation. Helping people like yourself over the internet has increasingly become my window to the world where I feel that I no longer belong.

Yes it is nowhere near as good as meeting lots of new people in my local area (a suburb of Adelaide, which is the capital city of South Australia) but there are great rewards in doing this spiritual work that no amount of money could ever hope to buy. My internet friends on Mystic Board have become like a second family to me (after my wife of over 35 years, and two adult children), and I hope that you will also eventually regard us as your second family as well.

With "friends" like those you have just described to us, who needs enemies? It is always easier said than done, but ignore them and start listening to the healing words of comfort and solidarity which we have for you in bucket loads. Listen to people whose words nourish your soul, and not to people with small and closed minds. It is my feeling that if you do this and visit us on a fairly regular basis, that you will be well on the way to recovering most of the self esteem and self respect that has been stolen from you over those years.

I think that it is far too early for you to dismiss the idea that one day you will once again feel strong enough to leave your house and meet new people, but at the moment your defences are down and you will need to give yourself enough time to properly recover. Reaching out for help if or when needed is NOT a sign of weakness, but rather it is a sign of your immense inner strength and your determination to get better.

The same immense inner strength which you have been forgetting you had all along. If you had not had that inner strength all along, I do not think you would still be here with us on Earth. My task is NOT to give you inner strength, but instead it is for me to help you to rediscover the incredible strength and power which lies within all of us to turn our lives around in a positive direction. Beating up on yourself for not being currently able to leave your home (possible agoraphobia - see your doctor), or being afraid to meet new people is only likely to reinforce the behaviour.

Learn to value and respect yourself more (the definition of self love) by listening to and asking questions of people who are on a similar wavelength to yourself. This will immunise you against the harshness of the outside world and people like your so called "friends" in the future. When you start to feel better about yourself, you are then more likely to want to make the effort required to heal your emotional wounds.

I admire and respect your inspiring courage in posting this, and I have already had the privilege of giving you a reading. Your second family is hoping that you will stay with us for a while, and keep making significant progress in your almost inevitable recovery, after having made such a major leap of faith into the unknown by revealing what up until now has been your heart's best kept secrets.

The longest journey often begins with the smallest of steps, but the step which you have just taken by reaching out for our help i BOTH ENORMOUS AND PROFOUND, as well as incredibly encouraging about your chances of being successfully healed.

Love, Light and Healing from your brother in spirit,

EoT  :smt049  :smt049  :smt049

bettyboop19
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Post by bettyboop19 » Sat Jun 21, 2014 6:49 pm

Eye_of_tiger,
Thank you for sharing that with me and everyone. I'm not ashamed to admit, that I have major depression. Hopefully people will read what we have written, and can feel safe to talk about on this forum. I had regrets after I posted my story, and I don't feel alone anymore on this forum.
I often feel like a burden to everyone I know, that may explain why no one wants to talk to me anymore.

This statement really jumped out at me! you wrote " world where I feel that I no longer belong". I thought that I was the only person who felt that way. I don't know if it's has the same meaning as yours but, I have said those exact words for a few people but they didn't understand it. I thought I was crazy to think such things. My whole life, I've been struggling to find that "place" where I do belong. I've been to many different states and countries, and I haven't found it. I move every 3-4years because I just don't quite fit in. I want to go home, but I don't know where it is.

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:21 am

Betty,

If something I type on these forums even temporarily lifts your spirits and gives you more strength and courage to keep going in spite of the many challenges which all of us to some extent face during our current lifetime, then I feel both excited and spiritually refreshed in knowing that I have made a positive difference in someone else's life. There are rich rewards in doing this work which far surpass financial compensation or making a material profit from our collaboration.
I'm not ashamed to admit, that I have major depression.


Then you are closer to your recovery from the shadow of depression when compared to the large number of people who constantly go through their lives being ashamed or embarrassed for whom they really are deep inside, and waste so much of their valuable time and energy trying their best but usually failing miserably to be who another person wants them to be. We hide our true identities even from ourselves because we want people to like us, so we feel that the price of being a bad copy of someone else is worth it, if it gets us a "friend".
This statement really jumped out at me! you wrote " world where I feel that I no longer belong". I thought that I was the only person who felt that way.
I believe on the other hand that we are currently experiencing an explosion in the number of people who feel alienated by this world and especially their own society and culture. Alienation literally means that rapidly increasing numbers of us feel like we have been marooned on an alien planet where nobody speaks the same language as us and nobody believes what we do. Some more extreme critics have compared it to feeling as though we are living in a lunatic asylum or madhouse where everyone is madly running around in all directions with absolutely no idea of what they are doing, or why they are doing it.

If you ever begin thinking that you are in a minority in feeling alienated, isolated and spiritually impoverished by the world around you and especially by other people including in many cases members of your own family and close friends, there are many places on the internet where you will soon if you read what others like yourself have written realise that you are part of an exploding majority of us who feel exactly the same.

Please read if you can (as some of the language used in this article is long winded and more complicated than I feel is necessary, in my humble opinion)..........

"TEN SIGNS OF SPIRITUAL AWAKENING"
BY CATHY ECK

http://gatewaytogold.com/signs-of-spiritual-awakening/

I especially like the parts which say..........
Many people around the world are in the process of spiritual awakening.  They look at the civilized world, produced by the wealthy élite; and they just know that it is all a bunch of lies.  They see holes in the logic of politics, religion, and education.  They listen to the news and recognizing the bias with which it is presented.  They are tired of superficial conversations and people with socially proper masks.
AND
Sadly, many of the signs of spiritual awakening have been labelled as problems or diseases; this causes us to get trapped in the false world again and again.  We think there is something wrong when there is actually something right.
AND
We go to the doctor and feel like we don’t belong.  We don’t.  We go to church and feel like we don’t belong.  We don’t.  We go to the club looking for fun and feel like we don’t belong.  We don’t.  We take a class and find the information doesn’t feel good.  These were all places that we previously went to feel safe or included.  They are hang outs for false selves.

Oh we definitely DO belong in the world.  The world was designed for the spiritually awake.  But we no longer belong in a place because we fit in.  We no longer belong because we need something.  We no longer belong because we have flaws to fix.  We no longer belong because of traditions or ancestry.  We belong because we are authentic and real and living the life we are born to live.

It is the false self that doesn’t belong.  Often it is very hard to remember that when we see how well the world accommodates false selves.
BTW here comes the BIG HUG which you were originally asking for by posting this.

L&L,

EoT  :smt056

bettyboop19
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Post by bettyboop19 » Sun Jun 22, 2014 1:55 am

I'm crying, but I did click the link and I've bookmarked it.
I'll read the rest when I feel better.
Thanks :)

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jun 22, 2014 11:32 pm

Betty,

I know that today is not your best day and that you are understandably feeling very emotional, so there is no need for you to hurry in your response.

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt055

Dulcineaa
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WOW

Post by Dulcineaa » Thu Jul 03, 2014 12:41 pm

You are BOTH very courageous people, and kind spirits.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
:)

bettyboop19
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Need a hug 2

Post by bettyboop19 » Fri Jul 04, 2014 1:19 pm

Dulcineaa,
Thank you for your kind words.
"You are BOTH very courageous people, and kind spirits" and praying always help :)
As for me, I'm still depressed, I do have hope, and that's why it keeps me going.
I'm trying to put the unkind words behind me. I'll just going to stay alive, just to aggravate them.
I'm still grieving over the passing of my mom. She passed away in October 2012.
I know they have meetings for that, but I'm not one that goes to meetings.
Eye_of_tiger, I'd like to thank you as well, for understanding.
Thanks again,
Betty

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Jul 05, 2014 2:01 am

Betty,

It is always my pleasure to help a friend in need.

L&L,

EoT  :)

Pravin Kumar
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Post by Pravin Kumar » Sat Jul 05, 2014 5:15 am

Betty,

I have read all that you have posted and also the responses of EOT and am sure you will now feel you are now alone. We are never alone in this world even in this difficult situation for HE sends someone to give you company and comfort. Our strength lies within us -- Inner Conscience -- where many say God is. Once you reach there you will be the person helping others to come up in life.

In addition to what EOT has written I would add this: S I L E N C E for as long as you can for it heals and gives strength and then you start realising your true self. On the nett you will find beautiful soothing music which if you listen to will smoothen your nerves and make you stronger. Nobody is against anyone. It is we who think everyone is against us and the day you go out in this world with complete confidence you will find yourself in a very comfortable position.

Keep in touch and do write how you are doing. That will dilute your pain and you will gain more confidence in yourself.

God Bless You.

P.K.
For detailed palm reading and spiritual guidance Consult at: pravinjsoni97@hotmail.com

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Jul 05, 2014 11:23 pm

Pravin,

Thanking you for your contribution.

Although I hope that after reading what I have written that Betty now recognizes that she is NOT ALONE, as there are other people out there like the two of us who care deeply about what happens to her, and that we are here to help and not judge.

Regards,

EoT  :smt003

Pravin Kumar
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Post by Pravin Kumar » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:12 pm

Dear EOT,

We are never alone in this world. During daytime it is our shadow and in the night you have just feel within and you can hear the voice within guiding you which we sometimes call "Angel is guiding us". I have been travelling extensively throughout India and have such experiences that any ordinary person would get frightened. I have been stuck right in the middle of the night very far from where I wanted to reach as the Bus would not drop me in the city. It was lonely, no help whatsoever and it started raining and I had luggage with me. In this way I just walked into the city and stood at a Petroleum Junction to avoid the rains and I found a rickshaw with a passenger coming there at the middle of night at about 1.30 a.m. and even another Bus coming from the Direction I came and this bus came to the Petrol Pump for a refill and I got a lift.

So you never are alone. Help always comes. You need to wait patiently and think positively.

P.K.
For detailed palm reading and spiritual guidance Consult at: pravinjsoni97@hotmail.com

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Never alone because of both our inner angel, as well as because of living persons who care

Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Jul 06, 2014 11:13 pm

So you never are alone. Help always comes. You need to wait patiently and think positively.
Pravin my friend,

We are never alone. We all get that.

No offence was intended by my comments to the commonly held faith and belief that a person's inner voice is ALL the help that they will ever need in ALL situations, but if my appendix was about to burst/rupture and I was given the choice between an often small and vague inner voice and a qualified surgeon, I know which one I would pick.  

Help can arrive in many forms and from many different sources, including from our inner Self as well as from living persons. Most of us are unfortunately not yet adequately attuned to and trusting enough of our own inner guidance in order to be able to depend entirely upon it for whatever help that we need, particularly if that help is needed now and not sometime later (emergency).

The helping hand and comforting words of a living person are often more accessible and direct in getting us through our most difficult challenges when compared to our inner teacher, whose voice is frequently drowned out by mental static and our fears and doubts at the very times when we could most use its advice and support.

Also remember that our inner source often helps us (indirectly I grant you) through living people in the here and now. When we pray for healing from our afflictions, some of that help may be provided through the channel of our doctor/surgeon who has been given the necessary skills and resources (by God?) to greatly accelerate and enhance the healing process, which many people believe was initiated by advanced spiritual beings upon higher planes of existence.

So in a nutshell our inner angel and living persons can often complement and magnify each other's way of giving us help, rather than them being two separate alternatives. This approach respects both the divinity of that small part of God which exists within all of us, as well as respecting the skills of our doctor (given to him or her by God to help the healing along), who God and his healing angels can often work at least partially through in bringing about our overall healing on all levels (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually).

EoT   :smt024

Pravin Kumar
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Post by Pravin Kumar » Mon Jul 07, 2014 12:06 pm

EOT,

What I am writing and what you are writing is one and same. No Difference. Maybe my way of explaining is different. I said I was stuck at 1 a.m. in the midnight at a very small town in North East which at that hour was without any person or cab or autorikshaw on the road. The Driver refused to take me in the city as other Drivers do so I had to get down with luggage and raining drizzling outside. Now how I got help. I simply was calm, walked into the city only about 50 steps and found another Petrol Pump where another cycle rickshaw came with a passenger who got down at the Petrol Pump and another bus came from behind for a refill of Diesel to the same Petrol Pump. Now these were 2 Doctors to attend to me. This is how Divine works. It is not as if an Angel comes from somewhere and helps you out. We explain such things by saying that there is some superior power that helps you out.

I give another example. I was only 14 and did not even now what Suicide was at that age. I was to travel from A to B , A being where my Grandparents stayed and B was where my parents stayed. I am usually first to board the train and get off too. I was waiting for the train to come. As the train entered the Station a Lady was slowly walking towards the edge of the platform. As the train was approaching this lady was quite near the edge of the platform. Something pushed me from within and I ran and pulled that lady to safety. After that I was shocked why did I do it. I could have killed myself if I had just not pulled in time  or stopped myself.

Now how will you explain this. This happened two more times in a different situation on Railways and I happened to be there where the man got saved from certain Death.  

P.K.
For detailed palm reading and spiritual guidance Consult at: pravinjsoni97@hotmail.com

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Jul 08, 2014 4:18 am

Pravin,

No, we are talking about something different.

You are defending your beliefs about divine assistance, when there was never any argument from me that this happens.

I have personally experienced this several times in my own life including on two occasions where someone unseen took over the control of my car and saved my life when the car's tyres lost their grip on the road surface and the vehicle went in to a spin, and just over two years ago when an inner voice not my own urged me to call my wife's doctor to sound the alarm and this resulted in her being diagnosed with an advanced stage of bowel cancer which fortunately was localised and after radio and chemotherapy has been in remission over that period. So as you can see I do not need any convincing that what you are telling me is the genuine article.

No, I was just trying to make the point that in some emergency situations divine assistance by itself is not enough. We were not going to wait for divine assistance to save my wife's life, as it had already arrived and it was telling me in no uncertain terms that she required urgent treatment from a doctor, if I was not going to lose her. Often divine assistance combined with a living person or persons following that divine guidance and taking positive practical action is required to effectively end an emergency.

Whether that person is a psychic reader, doctor, plumber, electrician, lawyer, tow truck operator, or the person whose problem it is, divine assistance also sometimes requires human intervention(professional and non professional), or a combination of different people living on this physical level to actually do something in the present moment to help each other or help themselves, in order to achieve the desired outcome.

Cheers 2U,

EoT  :smt003

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