Feeling like I really need to open up now.

Here is the place to share your life's problems and questions, and to offer you possible answers and real, practical solutions. The best place on the internet for all members to exchange general advice, healing and support, and to help each other to get through at least to the next day. No readings will be given on this board.

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Miss. A
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Feeling like I really need to open up now.

Post by Miss. A » Sat Aug 23, 2014 8:32 pm

Hello everyone,

First off I want to apologise if this post becomes long but i'll try to make it as short as I can.

My life to date has never been a very positive experience for me and it was only of late that I decided enough was enough and I turned to spirituality looking for some kind of guidance, positivity, love, peace etc.

I have always done my best to be polite, respectful, kind to others and I know I am a good person at heart. I am a double pisces and I am quite extra sensitive and have had a lot of bad experiences in my past in regards to this and my good hearted nature. I was constantly bullied at school to the point of severe depression (though I never told anyone at the time), feeling like a disappointment to my family and I felt extremely misunderstood and out of place in almost any scenario.

Leaving school and turning 18 I felt like a weight had been lifted. No more school, no more childish behaviour from other peers, no bullying. I was out in the real world now thinking I had a brand new start ahead of me but I couldn't have been more wrong. I was bullied still and I was fired from my first job (if you can believe it) for being too "hospitable".

My next job I had heard before starting work there was that the boss was anything but nice. Of course, I soon found this out right after meeting her! I politely introduced myself and immediately she decided she did not like me. I was constantly verbally abused and even on one account it got a little physical. After her I had many bosses who all in turn found something they didn't like about me and would try to do everything they could to make my life a living hell. My family were proud of me for the first time in my life so I stuck it out and stayed there. What kept me going was my pride in the job itself and my love and care for the other staff, customers and guests. In the end I couldn't take it anymore I could feel myself getting back to being severely depressed so I quit.

In between all this, I have had many bad relationships involving manipulation and mind games resulting in me having not much confidence these days and not mush self esteem.

My mother has Parkinson's disease, depression and anxiety. My fathers business started loosing clients and so... my current situation is me living at home with my parents helping take care of my mother and trying to ease the weight off of my father. It's hard to see my mother decline the way she is, and its hard to see the sadness in my father because his wife is changing drastically day by day. My mother rarely has a good day so it's all tears most of the time in our house and the negative energy felt all around is quite immense.

Since I turned to taking this spiritual journey, I feel like it helps me cope but just as soon as I get somewhere with it all and because of my situation, I feel like it's no sooner here then gone. Lately things have changed even more and I find that I am okay during the day time but come night, things turn bad. I haven't truly slept for quite a few months now as I feel a very strong negative presence all around me and I become restless and unable to sleep. The thing is....I wake up and put a smile on my face and I pretend everything is okay yet nobody knows whats really going on. Everyone thinks I am this happy go lucky girl and whilst I do have my moments of joy (which usually comes from the joy I get in helping/giving to others) I am filled with such sadness.

Finding this site has really helped me not only learn more about spiritually and find my true self. All you lovelies here are just amazing people and a true inspiration. Being a part of this community does give me hope.

I know this has been terribly long I really do apologise but this is the first time I have been able to get all this off my chest. After being a part of the community for a few days now, I felt comfortable enough to take this leap and open up and talk about everything.

You are all wonderful people and have all been so kind and helpful to me and I sincerely hope I can do the same in return.

As this is the hug exchange I open my arms to you all with much love. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and for your love and care. <3

P.S

EoT if you are reading this, I hope this post was appropriate/acceptable for this thread and if not, my apologies.

HUGS TO YOU ALL!!!!! &nbsp;:smt052 &nbsp;

Abbey.
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Aug 24, 2014 1:38 am

Abbey,

I was deeply moved as I believe many other member will equally be by your courage and honesty in opening up what has up until now been very private, on this public forum.

If I ever needed to be further convinced what a beautiful person you are inside deep down where it really counts (and I do not), and the significant challenges which you face on a daily basis in learning to love (value and appreciate) yourself more, then this moving personal account of your journey towards greater self understanding fits the bill rather well in my opinion.
First off I want to apologise if this post becomes long but i'll try to make it as short as I can.
It was not too long, and you succeeded with flying colours in your attempts to say what needed to be said, but not at the same time overdo it or bore us with useless and irrelevant chatter.
Finding this site has really helped me not only learn more about spiritually and find my true self. All you lovelies here are just amazing people and a true inspiration. Being a part of this community does give me hope.
I rarely find myself feeling as though I have nothing more to say, but this is definitely one of those rare occasions when I am left speechless. I do not know what else to say that would do your personal story the justice and respect which it deserves to be given, but I am feeling happy and very appreciative that you expressed so well in words what so many of us also feel about how important MB and its members have become in our lives. It definitely makes me feel that I am making a positive difference in other people's lives. Readers are still only human, and kind comments like yours help to neutralize the times when we feel that we have nothing more of value to contribute.
You are all wonderful people and have all been so kind and helpful to me and I sincerely hope I can do the same in return.

As this is the hug exchange I open my arms to you all with much love. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and for your love and care.


BUCKETS OF TEARS OF ENDLESS AND UNRELENTING JOY, IS MY ONLY RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE!
EoT if you are reading this, I hope this post was appropriate/acceptable for this thread and if not, my apologies.
This is what THE HUG EXCHANGE is meant to be about and used for. Nothing you wrote could be more appropriate to or more acceptable in this forum, when compared to anything else which you could have written in its place. Instead of asking for your apology (you have nothing to apologise for) I would like your permission to incorporate those words into a formal statement of the board's intended purpose. Nothing I could come up with in a million years could I feel better summarize or encapsulate the atmosphere of mutual love and caring which I want to create on this forum. Opening up and really saying what you think or feel is a valuable form of therapy for self healing.

Have I your permission to use only the following words in such a &nbsp;mission statement, but with no mention of your name associated with it (anonymously)?
After being a part of the community for a few days now, I felt comfortable enough to take this leap and open up and talk about everything. You are all wonderful people and have all been so kind and helpful to me and I sincerely hope I can do the same in return. As this is the hug exchange I open my arms to you all with much love. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this and for your love and care.
I look forward to your response.

Love, Light and Healing,

eye_of_tiger &nbsp;:smt007 &nbsp;:smt007 &nbsp;:smt007

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Miss. A
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Post by Miss. A » Sun Aug 24, 2014 4:07 am

EoT,

Okay I had to take a few minutes to compose myself after reading your response because you got me all teary. I feel like i'm a bit speechless now myself lol.
Firstly thank you, thank you, and thank you on so many levels for your support and for your kind words and compliments. Nobody has ever said such nice things to me and with such love. I not only want to thank you, but highlight what an incredible person you are with such a big heart. You are helping to change peoples lives and give them comfort in the knowing that they are not alone, that they are appreciated in this world, that the support is here, a real COMMUNITY is here and within it all can be found an endless source of love, compassion, acceptance and guidance. so THANK YOU, EoT. <3

I must say it was a nice release to finally let my thoughts and feelings come out in a way that, for once, has been fully understood and without any judgement. I am often told by people that I am hard to understand and that I never really get my point across. Anyhow, I thank you once again for giving me the assurance that my words are in fact, doing my stories and my attempts at sharing my thoughts, justice.

My reason for writing this post was to not only release what I have been bottling up for so long (in the hopes of taking some weight off), but to really embrace this journey of self discovery even more and of course, the healing process. I admire and offer my love to those on this forum who have already spoken out before me because it does take a lot of courage to do so. Reading some of their stories really touched my heart and I think its truly wonderful that this "Hug Exchange" exists.

EoT I would be honoured for you to use my words here on this forum and I can't even explain how emotional I am over you asking me. Thank you and thank you again. I can only hope that more people discover the love and joy of this site and it's forums just as I have in the past few days. This place certainly feels like my second home. <3

Much love, Much light and many, many blessings to you and everyone else on this forum. :) <3

Abbey.
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:17 am

Abbey,

You have not only summarised the reason why I recently suggested that the I Need A Hug forum should be renamed to The Hug Exchange,  but you have at the same time summarised the main reason why I first came to this site, and why I continue to carry out my spiritual labour of love within this online community.

Thanks again for everything, and a special big thank you for being you, and for being with us.

Blessings in abundance to your whole family,

EoT  :smt020

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Miss. A
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Post by Miss. A » Sun Aug 24, 2014 7:12 am

Awww I'm so very touched. You are most welcome.

Thank YOU EoT. :D

Love and blessing to you and your family as well. :) <3

Abbey.
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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Rook
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Post by Rook » Mon Aug 25, 2014 10:10 am

Hi Abbey

I just want to say that this story really upset me. &nbsp;I feel a combination of frustration and anger directed at the perpretrators of this on you. &nbsp;I could really go on a rant here, it is very prevalent in our Australian society to my eyes. &nbsp;Here we are going through a public outcry about bullying, confronting the issue, but if anything it seems to be getting more prevalent - and not just limited to the schoolyard. &nbsp;I simply don't understand it, I never have, who are we to judge others by what they do, or how they act? &nbsp;This is simply the way that person is, and in your case it should be applauded. &nbsp;The victims usually seem to be the kind-hearted good-natured folk too! &nbsp;It makes my blood boil.

The thing is, in the whole bullying scenario it is almost always that the person who is doing the bullying who is the one who has the issues, not so much the person who is being bullied. &nbsp;Having recently been promoted to a leadership position I have also learnt how unfortunately sociopaths are usually seen as good bosses to those above them, never to those below them, and usually get promoted! &nbsp;I hope that doesn't reflect on me...

Abbey, it says a lot about the strength of your character that you haven't gone all emo and turned your back on the world. &nbsp;Despite all your experiences you still seem positive and energetic, I don't know how I pick this up considering its an online environment but I do sense it. &nbsp;I don't think it is just something that is on the surface, I think it is an inherent part of your being.

I feel such sorrow at what you are going through. &nbsp;I have been through difficult times, but not for as long nor as in depth as you. &nbsp;I hope things turn around for you, life is certainly not easy. &nbsp;Difficulty and sorrow are integral to being alive, just as is joy and love is. &nbsp;I hope you find balance in these. &nbsp;I hope you find the light of your life.

Big hugs.

Rook

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Miss. A
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Post by Miss. A » Mon Aug 25, 2014 1:00 pm

Hi there Rook! :)

I am touched by your care and concern and thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Going through my school years was tough for me because I felt so terribly alone and somewhat defeated. Sad to say that even the teachers and principles at this school gave me a hard time. I wanted to work in hospitality and I was told by the teachers that it wasn't a proper nor respectable career. I was told that I was nothing and that I would amount to nothing. It even got to the point where in my last day of collage (this school accommodated kinder up to grade 12) I was presented with an award from the principal (school logo and all) with the words "fruit loop award" on it - which is what the classmates would call me because they thought I was crazy and strange!

I went to TAFE and got into a chef school (at the time I wanted to be a chef) and I felt like a new girl. I was excited, I was adamant that this was a brand new beginning and that all my worries were behind me. I figured hey, everyone here are adults so there's no bullying, no rudeness no... anything. Heck I might even makes some friends! Wrong, wrong and wrong again. My very first day there two of the classmates decided they didn't like me and literally told me to my face that they were going to make school hard for me. I found myself retracing my words, my actions thinking did I offend them in some way? What had I done? Please tell me that this isn't happening to me all over again... but sure enough, it was. To cut it short, they did manage to upset my days and my progress at that school even to the point where the teachers there had started to dislike me also. It got that bad that I felt I had no choice but to abandon the course and so I did. The lady at registration stopped me as I was about to leave and said "You know, you're very polite and seem like a lovely lady, have you tried front of house hospitality?" She directed me to a course and I enrolled. Guess what? outcast again. Got a job at a hotel in banquets and of course, all the bosses hated me there. I was even locked in a room once while they questioned me and proceeded to demote me for something I did not do. One of my old school teachers turned up to a function I was running and waited till the rest of the guests had left before turning to me in front of my boss and saying "I can't believe you actually got a job and made something of yourself. I will have to go back and tell the rest of the teachers about this!". My boss clued onto the fact that I had even more buttons he could push and so .. on and on it went with more bullying. I would get some good feedback letters from clients of the functions I ran, and he would throw them in the rubbish not letting me see them. I wouldn't have known I was getting them if I hadn't decided to empty the office paper bin one day.

The people doing the bullying seem to show no remorse whatsoever yet how would they feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Have they been bullied in the past and perhaps this is their way of coping in the present? By becoming the bully themselves thinking its a mere question of survival? Anyone who says that a person can not be severely affected by bullying is wrong. Emotional pain is one of the worst kind and it's sadly ever present.

You're right Rook, it is a public outcry and yet nothing is changing. Here's me thinking in my teens that it was due to acts of immaturity and yet this behaviour still prevails in adult life! What is the real cause here? Why is this happening in society and to quote, "where's the love?". Still, even though this is happening, I can't help but smile the next time I pass a stranger. To laugh when the time is right, to put trust in people because I know there are good people in this world just like you, EoT and all the other good-hearted people within this community. I refuse to give up, I refuse to change who I am because through all this I am learning to be proud of who I am and I know that I am here for the greater good. Bullies aren't just in the classroom, they are on the news, starting world wars....it's sickening.

Everyone's commitment in this life be it good or bad, shapes the world of tomorrow. I'd like to think there is more good than bad and I would like to see society move forward into a brighter future. If I quit now, I'll miss out on seeing all hope in change because it's not about me, its about the greater good. I still sit and cry now and then, I still feel sad, and lonely at times. However there's something inside me that I cannot deny and that's love, and LOVE as I am now understanding, is the meaning of life. Monty Python eat your heart out! :P

Rook I am sorry that you say you have been through some tough times too and if you ever need someone, I am here for you. You my friend, are so genuine with a big heart and I thank you for your kind, kind comments and your support. It is people like you, EoT and this community that gives me the strength not only carry on, but to be the best person I can be not for myself, but for humankind.

I feel an urge to quote Frank Zappa here so I'll leave with this...

"I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird." - Zappa.

HUUUUUGS!!!  :smt052

Abbey.

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:43 pm

Abbey,

There are upsides and downsides of everything which we do in our lives.

The upside of you posting what almost amounts to your whole life story on this board is that it helps us greatly to learn to better know and understand you as a person, as well as being an excellent form of self talk healing therapy and a golden opportunity for you to open up to people who you trust will not use this private information against you for their own benefit.

But just as you not giving us enough basic information to base an effective reading upon can be counterproductive, sometimes giving us too much information too quickly can unintentionally cause problems when a reader begins to psychically tune into his or her client. Because he has already been told so much about you before the reading started, anything which comes through it could be easily explained by cynics and critics as already having been obtained by non psychic means.

If I was one of those people who wanted to impress future clients with my advanced and highly successful reading skills, with the intention to establish my reputation as being one of the most gifted readers in the world, you giving me so much information beforehand would pose a serious problem as it could expose me to accusations of trickery.

Fortunately in my case as well as with all the other readers on Mystic Board, I have no interest in impressing anyone or wanting to blow my own trumpet. My only reason for giving readings is to help the person to whom I am giving the reading to have a happier, healthier and more successful life. That is all.

Therefore your practice of opening up to us on this forum will not usually be a problem at all, as long as I do not look at it during the reading.

The potential downsides of me being unfairly accused of already having gained this information by normal everyday means is I believe greatly outweighed by the huge benefits it can be to that individual's healing, as well as to the all important working relationship between the reader and his or her client/querent/sitter.

Just me thinking out loud,

EoT &nbsp;:smt008

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Miss. A
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Post by Miss. A » Tue Aug 26, 2014 12:07 am

EoT, thanks for sharing your thoughts and I do understand what you're saying completely. :)

Abbey.
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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Hugs

Post by ribbon100 » Fri Sep 05, 2014 1:21 am

Hang in there darling. How strong you are. I could resonate with a lot of what you wrote and wish you the very best for the future.

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Post by Miss. A » Wed Sep 10, 2014 1:41 am

Thank you very much Ribbon. :)

I hope you are taking care and I wish you well for your future also.

Love and hugs,

Abbey.
"Be yourself, everybody else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde

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