What can I do to make things gentle an calm?

Here is the place to share your life's problems and questions, and to offer you possible answers and real, practical solutions. The best place on the internet for all members to exchange general advice, healing and support, and to help each other to get through at least to the next day. No readings will be given on this board.

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PeopleWillBeYou
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What can I do to make things gentle an calm?

Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:23 pm

Well this about a guy an me. (I know you can't do third parties without the person permission). But I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really depressed an it's really taking a hold of me. I can't stop thinking about him (My ex) E. Every time I have a hold of me, he slips through my fingers. If you say the wrong words, he would most likely explode. The other day I sent him a message saying "Can we talk, I need to say something" and he ignored it. I find out afterwards he was looking through my pictures.. I don't know if I was ugly or something, but I tried to be gentle. I keep feeling that I shouldn't give up yet an I don't know why. :( I've never felt this way before an when I say never, I feel like I can just reach out an hug him or lay close to him. :/ Is there anyway that I can be gentle? :smt010

PeopleWillBeYou
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Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Wed Feb 18, 2015 11:24 pm

Just so anyone knows. I really do care about this guy.

PeopleWillBeYou
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Re: What can I do to make things gentle an calm?

Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Thu Feb 19, 2015 9:47 am

EDIT: I decided to not get a reading because I wanted to just do this on my own an see what happens, sorry. :/ I really wish I could delete the post lol

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Feb 19, 2015 11:29 pm

As you are currently feeling so depressed and confused as to deciding what you could reasonably do about this sensitive situation, I feel that the type of help which we could offer you in The Hug Exchange would be far more effective than any reading.

http://mysticboard.org/viewforum.php?f=84

If it had not been my regular weekly day off on Thursday I would have already moved this to that board and have answered it for you by now.

Please therefore let me know in your response to this message whether you would prefer to have this thread moved (by me) to The Hug Exchange and answered (by me) there, or if you would still like to have it completely removed (by me) from the boards.

Your wish is my command. :smt002

Feelings of depression about some aspect of a person's life situation (often related to relationships) is one of the most common reasons why our members come to us looking for guidance and support. I myself suffer from moderate depression, related to a chronic illness.

You are NOT alone, and you deserve to get all of the help which you are able, in successfully reestablishing the channels of communication with him.

Blessings in abundance,

EoT :)

PeopleWillBeYou
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Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:40 am

Thanks. I wouldn't mind if you moved it. I'm just tired of trying to see if I can get anything out of him.  :)

PeopleWillBeYou
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Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Sat Feb 21, 2015 12:27 am

i also wanted to say sorry that you have depression (I think that's what you have) :(

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Sat Feb 21, 2015 1:34 am

PeopleWillBeYou wrote:i also wanted to say sorry that you have depression (I think that's what you have) :(
Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Feeling depressed can be terrible, but I believe that it gives me an advantage in helping other people who are also depressed to start to feel better about themselves.

Even if the reasons why we are each feeling depressed are very different.

Possibly it is easier for me to begin to understand what it is like for you to feel depressed because of my own depression, but in order to know exactly what it is like for you to feel depressed, I would have to be you.

But let us now get back to your original question.

Which was then and still is...........
Is there anyway that I can be gentle?

Meaning how can I be more gentle with (my ex) E?

Now clearly although he is your ex, you have strong feelings for him.

I do not know how long you were together before one or both of you decided that it was better that you parted, but a relationship like that forms an energy connection or cord between you, which is still there when you separate.

I also do not know the reason or reasons why he is your ex (why you broke up), but the reading is saying that whatever the reasons were, nothing has changed since. If you decided to get back together and give it another try, if nothing changes you are likely to keep getting the same result.

A reading can give you insights and suggestions as to how  confront these issues in your own life and hopefully increase your chances of healing the rift which has developed between you, but no reading can force him to change, if he or his issues are the main problem which is holding your relationship back from moving forwards.

Accordingly you have two options or choices available to you. But I am almost certain that one of them will be immediately rejected (it should instead be put on the shelf for later, as a backup if needed).
1. Work upon your own life issues, particularly if they were responsible in part for your relationship breaking up, and hope and pray that he will recognise that you are making these efforts because you still have feelings for him, and respond more positively to you in the future.
2. Have no further contact with E, try hard to put him completely out of your mind, and use special decording visualization techniques which are designed to once and for all break any remaining energy connections with him.
The reading's advice is to go first with option 1, but if after six consecutive months you are not making any progress in the desired direction, option 2 may be your only valid choice if you want to preserve your sanity.

You must not apologise for feeling depressed, as this is completely unconscious. You did not consciously decide to feel this way. But when you are feeling depressed, nothing that anyone else can say to you or do to help you is right, and everything that anyone else says to you or does to help you is wrong.

Living or interacting with someone who is depressed is said to be like walking on egg shells or running through a live minefield. You feel that you can never say or do anything right for the depressed person, so many people choose to do or say nothing with the intention to keep the peace.

Perhaps E is ignoring your need to talk to him, because he does not want to unintentionally light your fuse.  If he is still looking through your pictures, this suggests even more that he is still keeping the door slightly open to you making your peace with each other, which may in turn eventually lead to you staying good friends or once more being a couple.

Have you considered that treating your own depression (possibly with the help of a doctor or counselor) might remove one of the major barriers to your ultimate reunion as friends or lovers?

Another common potential problem is that one of you may believe that the breakup was entirely your responsibility.

IT NEVER IS ENTIRELY EITHER PARTNER'S RESPONSIBILITY.

EACH PARTNER IS PARTLY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHATEVER HAPPENS IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR ONE"S ACTIONS IS ALWAYS POSITIVE, AND PROMOTES SELF GROWTH.

MAKING EVERYTHING YOUR FAULT AND BLAMING YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE, AND PROMOTES SELF HATE AND DEPRESSION.

Hoping that this helps,

EoT  :smt008

cathleenwitmer
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Post by cathleenwitmer » Wed Feb 25, 2015 8:13 am

Thank you both for contributing!

Keeping going and hanging on are both noble ideals, but many people who visit Mystic Board are hanging on only by a thin thread, which is likely to break at any time without warning.

Keeping going and hanging on fortunately does NOT mean having to completely deaden all of your feelings, or keep them buried inside of you for a long time.

Buried and ignored for too long feelings are poisonous, both to the body as well as to the spirit.
imran

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Feb 26, 2015 11:44 pm

Welcome Cathleen,
Buried and ignored for too long feelings are poisonous, both to the body as well as to the spirit.
You have made some very important and excellent points.
many people who visit Mystic Board are hanging on only by a thin thread, which is likely to break at any time without warning.
We are constantly aware how desperate some of the members are to get help before it is too late, but if a person is severely depressed or are about to suffer a major stress breakdown, then a reading or the other services which we offer will not be enough by themselves to reverse their decline.

We do not claim to be medically qualified, or be providing a suicide counseling line on this site.

While we can and will of course continue to give our more desperate and depressed members intuitive advice and emotional support, we are simultaneously very conscious of the legal and other restrictions which are placed upon us by helping people via the internet.
http://www.befrienders.org/  is a very good link for those who are in need of help and who are feeling suicidal and require help now.


Blessed be,

EoT :smt059

PeopleWillBeYou
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Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Fri Feb 27, 2015 12:46 am

Sorry for the late reply. I actually found out more things. :/
Anyway, thank you for trying to help. A lot of information, but it gave me some things to think about.

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Post by eye_of_tiger » Fri Feb 27, 2015 3:55 am

PeopleWillBeYou wrote:Sorry for the late reply. I actually found out more things. :/
Anyway, thank you for trying to help. A lot of information, but it gave me some things to think about.
The more we learn, the more we realise that there is still left  to be learned.

Questions often lead to more new questions, than they ever provide us with satisfactory answers.

EoT  :smt002  :smt002

PeopleWillBeYou
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Post by PeopleWillBeYou » Tue Mar 03, 2015 7:05 pm

Hi! I have an update. :3 We finally talked. Only to realize he was scared of commitment I think.  He was nice this time. (I was surprised) :) But then again, alot of people say he's manipulative an stuff. So I feel alot better because honestly, I thought it would go the other way.

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The C word

Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Mar 03, 2015 8:55 pm

Thanking you for the update, although the news could be better.

Our own daughter's several failed relationships have taught us that many men have issues with committing to a long term loving relationship, and unfortunately we do not feel that this fear of commitment is going to disappear any time soon.

I think that part of the problem (but certainly not all of it) is that both the man's and woman's roles within their relationship are not as well defined as they once were, particularly with the current job market appearing to regard employees being in steady relationships as an inconvenience and liability to the company's profit margin, instead of being seen as an asset or advantage.

Everything in the work place appears to be set up with the intention to discourage workers from being in secure relationships, when it has been well known for many years that a feeling of being loved and having the security of such a partnership actually increases the efficiency of the worker and consequently makes them more valuable to the company's bottom line as a result.

Then of course there is the undeniable fact that a feeling of commitment and security has always and will always be more important to a woman, when compared to her male partner. This has an evolutionary and survival advantage if there are any children born from their union, as without this the long term survival of the human species as a whole is in danger.

It is far from being a perfect world, filled with perfect people (men or women), but we must each in our own ways do our best with what or whom we have been given during this lifetime. This is always easier said than done.

Namaste,

EoT :smt100

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