Lala22

Here is the place to share your life's problems and questions, and to offer you possible answers and real, practical solutions. The best place on the internet for all members to exchange general advice, healing and support, and to help each other to get through at least to the next day. No readings will be given on this board.

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Lala22
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Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:53 am

Post by Lala22 » Mon Mar 09, 2015 10:54 am

I've been depressed lately because everyone around me seems to have found someone to be with and I am still by myself. I haven't had a boyfriend before and it never really bothered me but the past month it has. I think it's because my 21st birthday is coming up soon and I keep realizing that I am still single. There is a guy I like but I don't think anything is going to happen between us.
kaleem

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Tue Mar 10, 2015 1:54 am

Hello Kaleem (?),

Do I have your name right?

If you are soon to be 21 years of age, why does your forum profile show you as being 23, with the DOB displayed in it? Could you please correct this immediately?

Go here. Change your birthday, then press the submit button to save the updated information to the forum database.

http://mysticboard.org/pr ... ditprofile

Also I moved your posting from the end of someone else's conversation, as each of our valued members deserves to have his or her own thread. No rules have been broken, so there is no need to apologise.
I've been depressed lately because everyone around me seems to have found someone to be with and I am still by myself. I haven't had a boyfriend before and it never really bothered me but the past month it has. I think it's because my 21st birthday is coming up soon and I keep realizing that I am still single. There is a guy I like but I don't think anything is going to happen between us.
I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling depressed and the reason why, but whether you are 21 or 23, please do not be so quick to judge or feel jealous about what sort of relationship those around you have, based only upon what you might see on the surface. Nobody really knows what goes on behind somebody else's closed doors.

So many otherwise good relationships have ended early because one or both partners were not ready or mature enough to make it work, when they were still so young. Even those people in strong long term relationships often wish that they had waited longer before making such a major commitment to another person with the luxury of hindsight.

To be valued and respected (loved) for who we already (faults and weaknesses and mistakes included) is without any doubt one of our greatest spiritual needs, as is sharing the love which we feel in our hearts with that special person.  So I am not saying that you should not be feeling lonely or depressed, or that you should not look for a prospective life partner.

What I am saying is that while you cannot control how you are feeling, you do have more control over what you will do with those feelings. One option is to feel sorry for yourself, and make yourself feel increasingly miserable as well as making everyone around you equally miserable.

This option is almost guaranteed to make you feel even more lonely and depressed than you were before. Honestly you would need to be extremely desperate to have to put yourself through this. Honestly from what I am hearing about you as a person both through what you have written as well as through my own intuition, this is not an option that I see you taking.

Making yourself more lonely and depressed and doing nothing to help yourself or improve your situation is not good for your short or long term health on many levels (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual). You deserve much better from life and love than where this negative, downward path eventually leads.

Do you value or respect yourself enough (love yourself enough) to let this guy know that you are interested in him enough, to want to go out on a date with him? If you say or do nothing to let him know your feelings for him, are you expecting him to be your mind or heart reader? If you do not do something soon then nothing will happen between this guy and you.

Even if he rejects your advances first time (and this is always possible), at least it is no longer a guessing game. Highly intelligent people often miss out on life's most beautiful reward simply because they never found out from the target of their affections, if their feelings of love are reciprocated.

Another thing outside of the fear of rejection which may be holding you back from asking him whether he feels the same about you, is that you may have had negative experiences with other men in the past, and understandably do not want your heart to ever get broken again. So you want him, but you do not want to risk being hurt gain, so maybe you do not want him after all as he might do the same thing.

This being of two minds about having another relationship will frequently make you send out very mixed and confusing signals to men about whether you want or need them. You might tell him with your words that you are interested, but your actions and body language could be communicating the complete opposite message.

My advice is for you to make the first approach, but only after you have considered and positively acted upon the above advice. How can you honestly and fully share your love with another person, if you do not first feel enough love for yourself? Every man and woman has faults and weaknesses, and has made mistakes. There are no guarantees of anything in this life. Life is a risky business. A person who never takes any risks never gets anything or anyone which or whom is important to them.

The best idea is to minimize as much as it is humanly possible the risks which we do take, and not make them impulsive or dangerous ones. A person who does not feel any fear will not survive for very long. A survivor is a person who feels that fear, but learns to use it to their own advantage. Feel the fear, but do it anyway?

Ask yourself which of your fears is the strongest.

Which fears will you allow to control your life?

Is your fear of rejection and being hurt again less or more than your fear of remaining single for the rest of your adult life? What are you going to do with and in spite of your strongest fears, for yourself? Love always begins with you. Do you love (value and respect) yourself enough to gradually overcome your strongest fears, and progressively break down or dismantle the protective wall which you have built around your heart, so that love can get in and get out again?

Love, Light and Healing,

EoT  :smt007

seekout
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 1:00 pm

Post by seekout » Tue May 19, 2015 1:50 pm

Hello Lala22,

Being with the right person is more important than just being in a relationship. How many of the relations you see are really happy? They may just portray a happy picture to the world.
Don't worry about it. You can ask out the person you mentioned. Its better to ask than to regret not asking.

Wishing you all the best.

Minnie6000
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:05 pm

Post by Minnie6000 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 1:11 pm

21 is soooooooo young. so much time to live and love life. hang in there though and be happy xxx

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