Ocean dwelling creatures teaching humans a lesson

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Jayashree Ravi
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Ocean dwelling creatures teaching humans a lesson

Post by Jayashree Ravi » Tue Mar 01, 2016 4:12 pm

கடல் தரும் பாடம்:
----------------------------------
ஓ, மனிதா!
செல்லுவோம் நற்பாதை!
கடல் வாழ் உயிரினங்கள்
கூறுகின்றன வாழ்கை நெறிகள்
தெரியுமா கடல் நண்டு தரும் பாடம்!
தேகம் பருக்க, பருக்க,
பெரும் கூடு தேடுமாம் கடல் நண்டு!
அதுபோல் தேவைகள் மாற, மாற
நீயும் பயணிப்பாய் புதிய நற்பாதை
நண்டைப்போல நீயும் மறப்பாய் பழைய தேக்கம்
பெறுவாய் புதிய கண்ணோட்டம்
தெரியுமா! கடல் ஆமையின் ஏக்கம்
ஆமையின் குஞ்சுகள் செல்லும் கடல் நோக்கி
அவற்றை உணவாக்கிக்கொள்ள காத்திருக்குமாம் பல
ஆயின் குஞ்சுஆமை செல்லுமாம் கடல் நோக்கி
மனிதா நீயும் ஆமைபோல் ஆகிடுவாய்!
தோல்வியையும் மீறி வெற்றி நடை போட்டிடுவாய்!
தெரியுமா! உறிஞ்சுமீனும் சுராவும் செய்யும் நல்லுறவு!
சுராவின் மேல் ஒட்டிய நஞ்சுப்பூச்சியை நீக்கிடுமம் உறிஞ்சுமீன்
இதற்குப்பின் பெற்றிடுமம் சுறா உண்ட மிச்சம்!
ஓ, மனிதா! நீயும் அதுபோல
ஜாதி, மத, இன, மொழி பேதம் தூற்றிடுவாய்
புரிவாய் தொண்டுகள் பல!
தெரியுமா! கடல் காகமும் நாரையும் சீராடும் வகை!
தெரிந்தால் நீ கொண்டாடமாட்டாய் பகை!
காகமும் கீழே நீஞ்ச
மேல் வரும் மீனை உண்டிடுமாம் நாரை
அதுபோல் நீயும் சுற்றத்துடன் உறவாடு
பெற்றிடு செல்வமும், ஏற்றமும் ஒற்றுமையின் பயனாய்!

உறிஞ்சுமீன் - Remora
சுரா - Shark
நாரை - Pelican
கடல் காகம் - Cormorant

Translation:

O, man! Let us tread on the virtuous path!
Creatures living in the sea are teaching humans lessons!
Do you know the lesson a crab teaches humans?
As its body enlarges, searches for larger shell!
So also as your needs change, may you tread the right path!
Like the crab, forget your redundant path!
Beget newer vision!
Do you know? The longing of a sea turtle?
The little ones of the sea turtle move towards the ocean
As they move, they fall prey to many a predators
But the little sea turtles still keep going towards the sea!
O man! You too become like the turtle!
March towards victory despite the failures!
Do you know? The congeniality between the Remora and the Shark?
The Remora removes the parasites on Shark's body
And inturn gets the leftovers from the Shark
O man! You too become like them!
Discard the barriers imposed by caste, creed, religion, race
Perform many selfless deeds!
Do you know? The mutual affection between the Cormorant and the Pelican?
If you know, you will not board any hatred
As the crow swims down on water
The pelican feeds on the fish that come to the surface
So also you too related well with neighbors
And beget wealth and growth, as a result of your bond!
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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Talia
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Post by Talia » Tue Mar 01, 2016 5:30 pm

O MAN! I LOVE IT! THE SCRIPT IS SO PRETTY IT IS BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT RATHER THAN OUR BORING LETTERS.

ooops sorry for screaming about it lol :)

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Jayashree Ravi
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Joined: Thu Sep 12, 2013 9:32 pm

Post by Jayashree Ravi » Tue Mar 01, 2016 6:50 pm

:) Thanks, Talia!
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Wed Mar 02, 2016 12:19 am

http://mysticboard.org/vi ... highlight=

Sister, :smt007

WOW! :smt023  :smt023  :smt023

To say that I am impressed by your poem, would be a gross understatement of the truth.

Is this the first poem which you have ever written and published on an internet forum, as you clearly possess a precious and rare gift for being able to use words to be able to paint powerful pictures in our minds, which make reading your verse a truly emotional experience?

Talia is right in saying that having the poem written in your own script as well as the English translation makes it seem more interesting and more professional and more emotionally moving, when compared to if you had only given it to us in English.

I would be interested to know whether you feel that anything significant to your purpose for writing it has been lost as a result of the translation process. In other words did you at any time have to settle for an English word that only approximated the word's intended meaning in your original language?

Thanking you so much for sharing this with us, although I did not expect to be reading it so soon as only less than 24 hours ago I felt that there would necessarily be a long wait to see the finished product, mainly because of its ambitious intention to communicate what if anything human beings could learn from the relationships between sea creatures without making the poem only suitable for children.

And yet within the space of less than a day I believe that you got the balance just right, between telling the story behind each marine relationship without making it sound boring, but at the same time using them as an effective analogy or visual metaphor in order to brilliantly illustrate the potential human lesson or lessons contained within each relationship.

What could have easily become a poem only for children (no offence intended to children) has through your efforts become a first class teaching parable which is suitable for people of all ages, particularly those of us who are continually feeling sad and discouraged and dispirited about the way in which we see people constantly violating their brother's and sister's rights to their own human dignity, as well as of feeling valued and respected and safe.

It made me think much more deeply about some of the important issues you have already brought up in the general discussion forum. Which is what I feel was its intended purpose all along. The most moving and educational part of reading your whole poem for me was the following line.
March towards victory despite the failures!


If you are still marching forwards towards victory (with faith and courage as your traveling companions), then surely these were not in hindsight failures at all.

Failure is not falling off a horse, the first, second or third time.

Instead failure is not as soon as possible getting back on the horse, at least one more time than the number of times which you fell off it.

But of course this drive to succeed or experience a victory over adversity needs to be balanced with each of us being kinder to and taking better care of ourselves as we continue to fall off and get back on our figurative horse (representing the many challenges we face, just to stay alive).

Success at all costs (including giving up your own health or your own moral values along the way), is NOT a success at all in my humble opinion.

L&L, Image

EoT  :smt002  :smt002  :smt002

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Jayashree Ravi
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Post by Jayashree Ravi » Wed Mar 02, 2016 1:03 pm

EoT ji,

I started writing poem in the past month -- wrote nearly 25 poems!! (all in 1 month). All are about 8 - 10 line short, 'new age'-like poems (poems that do not follow any Grammatical structure).

Between English - my native, I did not find any approximation or compromises... infact, writing in English language itself felt like compromising the original poem, because it felt as if the depth or value of expression was lost. I don't know how to explain this.

I thank you so much for the encouragement, I cannot explain the gratitude I feel in words.

I am posting all my write-ups and scribblings in my facebook page, in native language.

Today I got to run, so posting this short reply.

I am not making the poems for any particular reason, just writing away my thoughts to put it in FB, that's all!!

Thank you once again,

Jayashree
Srimathe Ramanujaya Namaha

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eye_of_tiger
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Post by eye_of_tiger » Thu Mar 03, 2016 11:45 pm

writing in English language itself felt like compromising the original poem, because it felt as if the depth or value of expression was lost.
Yes that was what I was expecting you to say. Translating from your native language into English somehow diminishes its original feeling and intention, but that it is something that you must accept in order to get a wider audience.

Nearly 25 poems in one month is not bad for someone who is starting out as poet.

Actually an experienced poet would be pleased with that rate of output, as I am sure would their publisher.

Poets should never get bogged down with rules (grammatical or otherwise).

This is all about spontaneous, creative expression of one's inner world and deepest feelings and beliefs.

Surely there does not have to be any other reason for you writing these 8 - 10 line poems, than as an opportunity for you to express using words (always imperfectly in any language) what is uppermost in your own mind and heart at the time that you wrote it.

Left in your native language on your Facebook page, they would not mean much to any of us who only understand English.

So I am hoping that you will find the time and enthusiasm to choose some of your other favourite poems for translation and posting to this forum, so that we can continue to enjoy them as well as your Facebook friends undoubtedly will.

Keep up the good work, but at the same time do not feel pressured to keep writing them at this blistering speed, or to conform to any conventional rules of poetry.

Just as you are an unique individual, your poems will be unique and therefore that much more precious.

Take good care of yourself.

EoT  :smt007

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