how do I manage with my 15yr old son who has ADHD?

[ritzyglitz]

Im a mother of 4 children. My second oldest son who's 15 years old has ADHD....I know its a term that people don't agree with, but when you live it......its hard.....I was not keen on giving him any medication and tried doing it on my own...my family didnt understand till a few years ago on what its like to be with someone with ADHD  but after he burnt our house down there really wasnt any option... He has been off medication now for the last 2 years...
I love my son more than words can describe....but I also have 3 other children that find it hard sometimes....things have been going great until recently...he will intimidate us all...everything is about him...he can pick on you all day but as soon as someone tries the same (at home or school) its a totally different story...he cannot take it...
we have had 11 years of councelling, working with the schools, sports coaches etc....but Im at my witts end....sometimes I just want to close myself in the bedroom and cry...I have lost all patience and of late I yell...I know its not the right thing to do... but Im just so  excausted....
can anyone who has a child with this condition please give me some advise....
(its difficult to describe what its like unless you have a child who has the same condition....)

[Gem]

Hi Ritzyglitz, Welcome to Mystic Board

I found that diet is a big area that helps, strictly checking ingredients and keeping a diary of everything eaten and drunk, seeing which ones trigger the 'black moods'. Not easy with a 15 year old, and you will probably have tried this anyway but I found that all the usual additives and preservatives, colourings and flavourings really made things a lot worse. Then we noticed that there was a pattern a few hours after eating certain foods, perhaps a low blood sugar level , but we began to be able to pinpoint when outbursts would occur and limit them by giving a small safe snack. Gradually the bad times got fewer, there was still the anger and frustration and some days that would be hell.  But slowly we all noticed a difference. I ended up taking course after course in order to find out all I could to help, and we realised that there were other factors like OCD and dyslexia and Aspergers, everyone was very quick to blame ADD or ADHD and bad parenting and food that they overlooked other possible causes.

You aren't alone, and it is hard to cope. But at 15 things are at their peak of hormonal chaos, it does get better, honest!

[Nicole]

I know also..
I have a brother 39 and is still living in hell every day so is his family~!!

It was all fun and games as we was kids and didn't know why our other brother was funnier then anyone else and so AWAKE, never slept always thinking who is out to get him..
How they can save the world..
Be funnier then anyone else, make ppl laugh...
I know how you feel..
He drinks on top of this and can not stop...
He's been on the 12 steps - 100 times, now going on 2001 steps...
I feel for them all..
His son's and daughter has it also..
Any children they have will have it also...

We go out of out minds to help them..
I wished I could help them stop blaming them self's for something they didn't ask or understand..
In his mind he blames our parents for his ADHD..
Meaning because they divorced and he got it and what not -blah, blah, blah...
He's don't read about it to understand it, blames everyone else..
I have no tips to help you...
Just never stop loving and just keep trying..
I did with my brother he's now married and life is so awful to them all...

Gems right about the diet..
My brother use to take a loaf of bread and make bread balls the sugar was like taking speed or a jolt drink..
Sourer candy omg he lived for it..
Still does if he's not drinking...
My mother didn't see him eat it I did..
Now I understand why he was sooooooooooooooooooooooo hipper....
He didn't know he had ADHD until about 3 years ago..
My mother tried for years wondering what was wrong had tests done, nothing came up..
Even today he's lost and don't feel right...
It's so sad.
He's a very sweet brother and cares or did once..
It's hard on everyone around them...
Family friends and who ever..

I was 24 with my one and only child and our son has autism..
Like Judy says it's a label..
He's on the mild side could not ask for a better child...
I asked for him as is...
And God gave him to me, a child to love and a child who loves all and cares for everyone..
Heart of gold...
He's my {~*Angel*~}

No matter how hard it is don't ever quite on your children...
I would hate to have any family or friends or strangers quite on me..
Brakes are good..
I'm sorry about your home...
Our home was not burnt down but he use to hurt little animals and make me view what he did..
And then he would hate him self, he was so young then...
I know how hard it is..

Hugs to you mom..

Try Gems diet..
Great tip Gem t/y...

[ritzyglitz]

Thank you for your kind words of advise.......(I have tried everything that has been suggested to me) After years of councelling and trying different strategies I feel the only people that can really understand what its like for you and your family are people with the same circumstances.
You are in my thoughts. I shouldn't complain cause there's so many people that have it very hard, whether its ADHD, OCD,AUTISTIC etc. I pray every day that my son and every child don't suffer this way...they must feel isolated   at the best of times. Its hard for us but cannot imagine what they go through.
Today has been a good day for us........the roller coaster ride is on level ground for a while I hope.
My children mean the world to me but some times things get on top of me and it actually felt good been able to write all this down yesterday...every little bit helps...
so again I thank you....

[Nicole]

Thank you for your kind words of advise.......(I have tried everything that has been suggested to me) After years of councelling and trying different strategies I feel the only people that can really understand what its like for you and your family are people with the same circumstances.
You are in my thoughts. I shouldn't complain cause there's so many people that have it very hard, whether its ADHD, OCD,AUTISTIC etc. I pray every day that my son and every child don't suffer this way...they must feel isolated   at the best of times. Its hard for us but cannot imagine what they go through.
Today has been a good day for us........the roller coaster ride is on level ground for a while I hope.
My children mean the world to me but some times things get on top of me and it actually felt good been able to write all this down yesterday...every little bit helps...
so again I thank you....

It's hard dealing with things alone...
I'm happy you got a good day...

I have bad days to I get mad at what ever..lol
Thank goodness for my great friend Vish-Wish...
He and my hubby keep me in line some days.. LoL
Your in my prayers "ritzyglitz"  :smt006

[dreamer2010]

I'm a 15 year old with ADD and I do not take meds

I know it's a bit different but what you have to do is be patient with him...I do not like the term ADD or ADHD we are normal...well semi-normal people our brains just function at a higher level then people without it

if you need any help at all please go to seavisionproductions.com and Doreen Virtue runs that board

[Gwenavr]

I know because I am raising a child with adhd he is now 11 . He has good and bad days too .. The bad are usually really bad. I have also noticed that food has Alot to do with his moods. We have had years of therapy and quit frankly It wasnt very helpful as I frequently felt he was outsmarting the councelor ( these kids are so smart ). Pluss I dont believe meds are the answer for these kids.
But Ya know I have to tell you he is a great kid and Im proud of him in spite of  the problems we have had. I stopped fighting it and have embrassed his differences He is very funny and always helps with chores sometimes without being asked he has a very sensative side and wears his heart on his sleeve.He struggles with school but works hard and knows that he can do it but it may take him longer. If we approach the tasks in a way he can handle he does better . Like chewing gum or playing with a small toy to keep him focussed. Heck I think I have adhd or add but noone was looking for it when I was a kid.  
Wouldnt it be boring if we were all the same .
Ill be thinking of you and sending you my good intentions..
Gwen

[||*Henry*||]

I am 14 and also have ADD (suposedly) ADD kids are very clever you know  :smt002  lol The school dean tried to say i have Aspergers but mum says i have Empathy (lack of empathy is one of the main symptoms of Aspergers) Anyway my mother gives me this natural remedy called Efalex (tastes like crap) but since i have been taking it she says im keeping on the rails. Every time she cant get it i go off the rails again so i guess it works I never wanted to take it before because I don't like being behaviour modefied, but it's heaps better than Ritalin! (ritalin makes you feel like someone else) Try it its worth a shot.

Product Description
Efalex is a patented combination of Efamol Evening Primrose Oil, Fish Oil (tuna), Thyme Oil and Vitamin E (as a natural antioxidant).

General Information
Efalex provides the key Essential Fatty Acids (EFAs) which are needed to maintain proper brain and visual function and co-ordination. It is a research based nutritional supplement to help combat some of the problems associated with learning disabilities and behavioural disorders. Efalex has been formulated to help eye and brain function. Studies show that certain EFAs have a critical role in that they are vital for optimal development and function of the cells of the retina in the eye and the brain.

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Striking results from a major ongoing research programme on Dyslexia (DL), Dyspraxia (DP), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) show that EFA nutrition in Efalex can make a child less clumsy and more able to catch a ball within twelve weeks. These conditions are closely associated. Some children have only one of these disorders but many have two or three leading to problems which are extremely distressing both for the child and parents. Such problems often lead to school failure and disruptive behaviour.

Nutritional Actions

Helps ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
Helps ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)
Helps Dyslexia (Seen as an inability to read and spell)
Helps Dyspraxia (Clumsy child syndrome)
Helps children and adults with learning and behaviour disorder
Improves poor night vision
Suggested Use
Adults/Children: over 5 years, 10ml (two teaspoons) each morning and 10ml (two teaspoons) in the evening with food for 12 weeks, then reduce by half. Do not take on an empty stomach.

Children: between 3 and 5 years, 5ml (one teaspoon) morning and 5ml (one teaspoon) in the evening for 12 weeks with food, then reduce to 1 teaspoon daily.

Efalex capsules are available if liquid is not suitable.
Not recommended for children under 3 years of age.
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Ingredients
Per 5ml, Fish Oil (tuna) 560mg, Efamol Evening Primrose Oil 300mg, Vitamin E 20mg, Thyme Oil 2mg, Vegetable Oil, Natural Lemon Oil and Lime Oil Flavour.

The active ingredients are Docosahexanoic Acid (DHA) 120mg and Gamma Linolenic Acid 24mg. Low allergy formula free of sugars, yeast, milk derivatives, wheat and corn starch, gluten, preservatives and artificial colours and flavours.

[Jewel Cherie]

Hi Ritzyglitz, I'm new here too and just happened to see your thread.
Firstly, let me say I think you are amazing and deserving of much acknowledgement and respect to be going through such a difficult time both personally as an individual, a mother, and all for the endurance shown for the disruption in the family life in general.
You come across as a very genuine person, needing to speak to people who know what it's like from the inside.
Well,I do, all too well. I have no formal qualifications in any field on this board. I am simply a Mum, living a life path similar to your own. Also right now, with your son being 15 at the moment, What you describe is completely understandable and extremely familiar to me, so be reassured you're not crazy, or extreme in any of your reactions or feelings.
I have 4 children also, youngest is 16, eldest being 21. The eldest, my son has ADHD and Moderate Autism.
I have lived, and still do (as some things will always 'just be' to some extent)..the agony, heartache, the lack of understanding and support from others, the counselling, the medications, the dietary trials, the family upheavals, the teenage conflicts (both normal and disability issues),the social stares, the constant repetition of living skills and safety life instructions, the secret fears, the silent guilt, the inner turmoil as you see your child so isolated, confused and alone, powerless to fix it, the low-self esteem as a parent, the frustration, anger and tears, and oh geez so much more.
The important thing for me right now though is....I'm still here  and I'm surviving....and hang in there Ritzy, you will too
Don't know how, or even when it occurred, but one day I looked back at all that had happened to me as a person, since my son was born, and realized it actually HAD got better. and all I can say is...I never believed it would, or even could.
The years of 14 to 17 for my son , were undoubtedly the most difficult of all for him, as well as for myself and the family.
At 21, my son has somehow managed, despite his disability and social shortcomings, to achieve what looks at a first glance to be leading a normal existence. He has a full-time job in a factory warehouse who cater for disabled and normal workers, a steady girlfriend for the last two and a half years, lives in a 2 storey townhouse semi-independantly (in other words someone checking his daily safety, helping with mail, bills other formal paperwork, etc). He finally has more confidence in beating his own fears and challenges and knows he is loved and accepted by those in his close circle of family/friends. This is what matters most to him, and this is how he survives today. I too, wherever possible, prefer to mix with people who are of like acceptance and experience when it comes to my son's life.
What I needed most at the time I guess, is someone who knew what I was going through, for real. I can't really offer you any theory, diet, medicines, or anything official that you haven't already heard...but I can offer you my friendship and support.
I had no idea I would be writing on this topic today (and I've taken ages to write this post for some reason lol), since I only really came in due to downloading the lovely software on offer at the time. Maybe this is a reason I'm here...who knows.
Anyway, I live in Victoria (been to Tassie..nice place by the way!) so even though I'm not avail for you to come and have a cuppa for "time out for mum" as my good friends described it back then lol....if you need a friend online, to chat to or offload to, or get your feelings heard, share stories of woe and stories of hope...whatever is necessary....I'll be here.
This forum seems so far seems to be a really good one, moderated well, and friendly, which helps!
I don't use forums all that often unless I see a real purpose for me, but I've decided to stay long past those 25 posts already

Many hugs

[justinray111]

I know of people who have really positive results using Omega 3 supplements. Nutrilite is by far and away the very best you can get. Maybe visit my website and download my free ebook on nutrition. It is really important to understand how basic nutrition on a cellular level works.

[tiger_tiger]

Have you ever tried BRAINWAVE or SOUND THERAPY?
You can visit http://www.transparentcorp.com/ or http://www.bwgen.com/
to better understand how brainwave technology works and applied to ADD & ADHD threatment.


From transparentcorp.com:
"Most people are shocked when they are told that increasing their cognitive abilities is possible. It was once thought that mental capabilities were set in stone, unchanging since birth. But much of what we know about the mind has changed since then, particularly in the last 10 years. Research has found that there are many factors playing even larger roles in IQ. For example, someone with ADD, properly treated, can experience huge leaps in IQ score, sometimes up to 30 or more points! Similarly, removing psychological barriers, limiting beliefs and increasing confidence can have a huge impact on cognitive abilities."

[Deborah]

Diet - there are books out there on this .. my son was diagnosed with adhd I took him off the meds ... he was a zombie!!
I went to the library and checked out a stack of books .. the #1 thing I noticed was a pattern in what he ate and when he became more active ..or "too silly" (imagine woody woodpecker laugh it was cute for 5 minutes .....30 minutes latter he is driving everyone nuts non stop doing it)

red dye
sugars
refined foods
I found these were in lots of the things he ate and they were triggerers...
He loved raviolis, spagetti, red sauce etc........
He loved Grape juice ... Kool aide etc
He loved hot dogs pre made foods etc

I slowly took them out of his diet I took out a food and journaled everything about his eating and what we did during the day.

I had him in the ER 2 times for food allergies - Hot Dogs were one of my visits .. and previous notes on hot dogs was a food that triggered him into these wild moments

On vacation with Grandma - she tells me he is wild uncontrollable and can not sit still to even eat........... I asked her more than once what did she give him to eat ..nothing he wont eat ............ ok what did he drink from the time he woke up .........
a PITCHER OF KOOL Aide - Grape - ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well She had it coming I warned her!  

Now years latter my Daughter in law calls me ........ my son is nuts she tells me he is bouncing off the wall ..rearranging the furniture ... and just over all driving everyone nuts ... I ask what did he eat ........ so she then said oh I got some Kool aide he loves it - no crap he loves it but its a trigger for him... she refuses to buy it ever again!

There are some stimulation exercises ... that you can do with any child ..it helps with so many things - reading, focusing, sitting still ........its a "right brain / left brain crossing over stimulation"  
We practice this daily in my school.  I make a game out of it .. we do simple things like clapping your hands
patting your legs
roll roll roll your hands
twiddle your thumbs
scissor your legs

Its rather simple when you take the right side of the body and cross it over to the left or the left crossed over to the right .. you have triggers that go off in the brain ..stimulating those areas .. "to share" the ideas of the other half of the body.  

Doing these before doing something that a child needs to focus on or gain info from ..will help calm them and make them retain the info.

In my school the days we did not do these exercises before art time ...... my art was put away we could not finish them till latter....but the days we did do them we could complete more than one task for the day.  (say cutting out paper and gluing or decorating a package)

Google Dr. Becky Bailey she has a book called Conscious Discipline  - good stuff!

[thecatalystcoach]

I'm sure that is very difficult for your whole family to live through.  I believe I had ADD (not so much the H) when I was younger and really had a hard time focusing in school... my brain always was racing and felt fuzzy.  I never learned to study properly or to focus and do work ahead of time... not through high school, college, grad school or my coaching certification!  It has really hindered my life.  
I have heard good things about the diet working for some people.  I am finishing school, starting a business and have three kids under 5 and I was really not capable of doing anything!  I reluctantly tried meds and they have changed my life!  I dont know that I will stay on them forever, but they are really helping me stay focused and organized during this time of chaos.  My brain feels clear and I can think and prioritize and actually remember and follow-through.  Without the meds I was unable to do any of those!

just sharing my experience... certainly not an ad for meds!