How did you decide to stay or leave a difficult marriage?

[dayanera]

I went back and read all the posting this..They all say pretty much the same thing ..Which is your not alone in this kind of relationship and that you will know when to call it quits..The one thing I didn't notice was ..You can still love the person and still leave the person..........Because you know that in the long run he will not change.. People can change ..I am not saying they can't ..but they have to want too..Most controling people do not want to change ..They want the control..I try for 9 years then left.I still had loving feelings for the man I marry at the beginning and that is part of the trouble with this kind of thing..We know how nice,loving etc.they can be ..We keep hoping it will be good again..they give you a glimpse of what was.. often enough to make the hope stay alive...I feel you have to have repect in a good marriage for it to work for both..No one can feel good about themselves with people putting you down ..It just wears on you no matter if you want it too or not..I don't personally think that love conquers all..It takes more than that...But, as it has been said here over and over ..Only you will know when it is time..When you are ready ..as they all say..do not stay for the kids ..It does not help any one the kids live in a house they know isn't happy and it shapes many things in thier lives also..You may think you will not find some one who loves you and your children ..But, again that isn't the case..Many men love children who are not their own  like their own...

[lisa_was_here]

I went back and read all the posting this..They all say pretty much the same thing ..Which is your not alone in this kind of relationship and that you will know when to call it quits..The one thing I didn't notice was ..You can still love the person and still leave the person..........Because you know that in the long run he will not change.. People can change ..I am not saying they can't ..but they have to want too..Most controling people do not want to change ..They want the control..I try for 9 years then left.I still had loving feelings for the man I marry at the beginning and that is part of the trouble with this kind of thing..We know how nice,loving etc.they can be ..We keep hoping it will be good again..they give you a glimpse of what was.. often enough to make the hope stay alive...I feel you have to have repect in a good marriage for it to work for both..No one can feel good about themselves with people putting you down ..It just wears on you no matter if you want it too or not..I don't personally think that love conquers all..It takes more than that...But, as it has been said here over and over ..Only you will know when it is time..When you are ready ..as they all say..do not stay for the kids ..It does not help any one the kids live in a house they know isn't happy and it shapes many things in thier lives also..You may think you will not find some one who loves you and your children ..But, again that isn't the case..Many men love children who are not their own  like their own...

I think I misinterpreted the original post...or else my niave understanding missed some of the details. I did not get the impression that she was taking about a controlling husband. I thought she just said there was love but not passion and he worked too much....i did not realize it was more serious then that. I guess I do not really relate, but I still empathize with the writer.
I think the hardest thing would be to separate herself from his actions. She could try separating and going to live with her mother for a while. Then hope he comes back to her when he is ready to change. If he loves her then he will come to her and if he does not then I guess he will just let her go...it is just my idea...if she has family she can live with temporarily then that would be a good thing. It might help to get some space.