Why old parents should be looked after by their children.Do we neeo old age homes?

The dynamics of Childcare and relationships have changed & needs a closer look... Discuss Parenting & Family issues here.

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sailor1213
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Never

Post by sailor1213 » Mon Nov 12, 2007 9:48 pm

I would never consider placing my parents in a HOME. My Grandmother was in a home for Medical reasons and hated every minute of it. As long as I am breathing I will make sure that my parents live their life as they wish. It is a child's responsibility to take care of their parents like the parents took care of them in infancy.
Sailor

spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:40 pm

To consider getting a parent professional help, as in putting them into a home, as being non-responsible or non-respectful is to misunderstand intent and purposes of others.  Lets not judge that one way is better than another.  Using personal experience, I can assure you the day comes when parents need help - hopefully this is within your ability to provide in the best possible manner.  

As people are living longer, there is more need to consider the health and wellbeing of the elderly.  It wasn't even a consideration in generations past.  Doing what is best is not necessarily a one size fits all solution.
God bless, J

nshecooks3
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Taking care of aged parents

Post by nshecooks3 » Wed Nov 14, 2007 4:37 pm

We took care of my husband's mother for 13 years.  It was no party, but I would not have had it any other way.

bluebell10
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aged parents--senior citizens

Post by bluebell10 » Sat Dec 29, 2007 3:15 am

its not an easy subject to resolve.everyones situation can be differant.
in this country senior citizens are regarded as a liability by the goverment and population.

i believe senior citizens made this/your country /for what it is, with their labour and standards, taxes paid,which we/you now enjoy.
and therefore should be looked after by the family/goverment, as an asset, with gratutude.
not regarded as a liability or as recyclable material as one goverment put it

what happened to all the wealth these people created, and taxes paid.
surely there is enough for a health care system and pension
maybe the goverment/relatives have spent it all?
and cant wait to get the last on death, samadhi.

but times and values change
free enterprise and world trade and money  and politics has destroyed most family units
without a dollar in ones pocket one is worth nothing, to anyone

one can make more profit from a family of five, by selling them a car in their own house, rather than one car,for one family,in one house.

fortunately where i live there is in a nearby town a free pallative care service provided by volunteers and public, not goverment, support. where people can die in their own home with free care, by volunteers and paid proffessional staff.

maybe this is the ,or one answer, to the challenge/situation

not all families are happy, so wont look after each other
most murders are committed by family members,on family members.

in india some ashrams look after the unwanted
happy times are coming

spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Sat Dec 29, 2007 4:12 pm

It would appear that the value of life itself needs a little nudge.  Every life has value.  Just because we age does not diminish our value.  

If children are in it for the money - its time to re-evaluate.  I, for one, would see it and leave all resources to others (charity) before supporting such greed.  This, too could do with some re-evaluation of promise.

The caregiver generation is upon us (anyone over 40) because of people living longer and needing care.  The between generation - aiding their parents as well as helping their children.

These are two issues that were not even evident in the original post (or at least my answer) but we may consider....when we age, we need help medically that we sometimes try to avoid taking and/or accepting.  After many falls (which were becoming dangerous to health) my mom was ready to be put in a nursing home.  Before this event, her death occured so it was not an issue.  But, yes, the decision to do so was made by me with all ease and grace - no one in the family could make her take her meds - she was killing herself anyway.

Having seen the state of nursing homes with other relatives, it is not an easy choice - but all old people get to a point of needing help and not accepting from those who care the most.  It is easier to visit your loved ones in their homes (or yours) than a nursing home, if they will listen for their own best good.  I can guantee if we gave mom a choice - it would have been behave for the one who took her rather than a nursing home.

jarday
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your life or theirs

Post by jarday » Sun Mar 16, 2008 7:32 am

I, my husband and children have been looking after my mother for the past few years. Every day and all night every night we help look after her. She is not willing to go to an aged home and I can't bring myself to force her there. However I am feeling resent toward her for the life and opportunity she has taken from what should be my turn with my family. We have given up work opportunities, missed out on many lost moments with our children, given up our social life, much reduced income. The saddest part is that she believe she is owed this because that's why she had children. I now understand that I would never place my life before my childs. When she passes it will certainly be a bitter-sweet moment.

If I had power or money I would develop homes where aged people could live together (up to 5 people) with carers (ideally a couple/partners). This home would be just like any other home. Instead of parents nurturing their 5 kids, this would be a turnaround in ages.
toknowthefutureistobeguided

alampuri
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Post by alampuri » Mon Mar 17, 2008 4:44 pm

Living style changing day by day in India. Its depending on the old parents and it should be their choice. They have to decide. Some old parents like to live togethr, but some of not. Our young gneration should think about this. Give respect the old parents and should realize that one day everybody having same day.

Good luck.

jarday
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why do we have children?

Post by jarday » Wed Mar 26, 2008 1:02 am

I chose to have my children because I wanted to create something which is of both my husband and I. Because I chose to have them it is my responsibility to help them as they live their lives. I put them here, after all. However some people, like my mother, insist that as she gave birth to us we owe it to her to look after her and provide for her whatever she now needs. I argue that she chose to put me on this earth, so it's her responsibility. I know it is important to support family and friends, but I don't think it is respectful of others to be such a burden that their own lives are suffering. Call me selfish and cold but I've lost my ability to be graceful about this issue after missing out on so much within my own life, my offspring, friends, money and career. People remind me that my children will observe and do the same for me, but I can't imagine myself asking them to do the same for me.
toknowthefutureistobeguided

janke
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Post by janke » Fri Jun 13, 2008 7:44 am

After all my partents have done for me, taking care of them is the least I can do. This is something that our family has always done for our elders

swduryee
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Post by swduryee » Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:19 am

I think it is a hard decision when putting a love one in a nursing home if it needs to be done. My parents are divorced and have been remarried to others for the past 19 years, however, my dad is more for himself and my step mom is only for the money and will lie to get it (It is sad but she knows how to work the state for money as well as taught one of her biological kids to do the same thing). Anyhow, if I could I would take my dad out that situation and try my best to come live with me so that I can watch over him to make sure he is taking care of himself and no one treats him bad (which she and her kids and the adopted kids do). My mom and step dad, however, is completely different, I love them to death but the problem is that they have been depending on me to take care of them for the past 10 years and the older they get the more they depend on me. My step dad kids already informed them that they will put him in a nursing home because they don't want the responibility of taking care of them (they don't now) However, I have the final say in everything for both my mom and my step dad and I know I could never put them in a nursing home. I have seen what happens in them and I know some that have been in there and by the time I was finished with the nursing staff, both day and night shift, they started to hate it when I came because they knew that if I seen signs of abuse and/or neglect they would hear it from me within minutes of after I walked in. One of my friends started sitting with her grandma every day and her niece sat with her every night to make sure that she was completely taken care of with no neglect or abuse.
It is very hard to find a good nursing home that will take really good care of the elderly but there is some out there that will.
Sharon

Deborah
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Post by Deborah » Thu Jul 03, 2008 11:05 am

This is one of the reasons I have not been on much.

I have not one but 2 aunties that I am looking after --- and If I hear one more time from anyone "put them in the nursing home" I will scream!

Before they became ill ............ they requested no homes!  We agreed and we do not believe in that sort of life!  I believe in taking care of family.  

So daily I am on the phone or with them or preparing something for them -- this week has been HELL! But Hell is worth it when you love some one ..............even if that someone is not themselves ..and memory illnesses keep them from being themselves.

Life we live it too fast ..........sometimes the flowers we need to stop and pick - could just be our family!

viswana_77
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Post by viswana_77 » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:16 am

India is one of the few places where we still believe in living together. my parents for one want to join an old age home.. i feel u can live together as long as u dont "expect" anything.

Quirita
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Post by Quirita » Wed Aug 27, 2008 5:16 am

sometimes parents and their grown children do not need to live together. My mom an I for example. Alot of bad history between us.So yes convalescent homes are still needed.
Even in still I would take her in if necessary when she gets old.

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TheAlchemist
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Post by TheAlchemist » Tue Sep 23, 2008 4:46 pm

I have been caring for my disabled mother for 5 years now...we just recently moved her into my home...it`s not an easy job...but it is one that i feel i must take on...she has spent brief amounts of time in nursing homes...once after her stroke and once after her heart attack...the first one was horrible...i had to be there from breakfast till dinner time every day just to make sure she was taken care of...the one day i couldn`t make it there.. the home called and said she fell on the floor and they don`t know how long she was there for...now, on the other hand this last home she temporarily stayed in was an excellent facility.....all her needs were taken care of and I never felt like I needed to be there 8 hrs a day...so i would say some are better then others...if you must use a home...research research research...they are not all equal.....my mother did not like any of the homes and I do think that her staying in our home is the best choice for us...Its not always easy juggling all the responsibilities ..as i do have a husband two teens and a two year old ...but i do think when all is said and done I will be thankful for the choices I have made
Peace

JelliedJonquil
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Post by JelliedJonquil » Fri Nov 14, 2008 7:01 pm

Not all elderly people have caring children, I remember a few years back an old man died after a catalogue of abuse from his own son, he didn't report it as he was so afraid it would make the situation a lot worse than it was already.  For some, like this man, care home would have provided a safe haven for him.  

Not all children are able to provide excellent care to their parents, however well placed their intentions were, my aunt spent most of her life caring for her mother and aunt, it wasn't until she placed them into a home that it dawned on her that she provided basic care.  her intentions were well placed, but it turned out to be a selfish one, it was in care homes that her mother and aunt thrived, had the best medical help, retained their independence, and HAD social activities.

I think, we shouldn't be too hard on those who chose to put their families in care homes, they are the ones that know what their limitations are, what restrictions will be placed, and whether it is fair on them, the elderly parents and to the carer, in the long run.   I'd rather see a family admit they have no resources, have limited provisions and have realistic outlook on things rather than to be in denial saying they feel obliged to care and put themselves under a huge unnecessary strain at the process.

JJ
Faith in oneself to believe in faith to believe in oneself.  JJ

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