Why old parents should be looked after by their children.Do we neeo old age homes?

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VN Purohit
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Why old parents should be looked after by their children.Do we neeo old age homes?

Post by VN Purohit » Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:03 am

In near future this will be a big issue which warrants everybody's attn.with good health & medical facilities old ages couples may out number younger ones who will have lesser time for them.How to tackle it in Indian context where emotional attachments /bonda & expectations are higher.

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swetha
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Post by swetha » Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:44 am

I guess India is one of the few places where we still believe in living together. my parents for one want to join an old age home.. i feel u can live together as long as u dont "expect" anything.

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Jewel Cherie
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Post by Jewel Cherie » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:10 pm

I'm not sure whether I would want to live with my children instead of a nursing home, much as I love them with all my heart!
Maybe it's the independant Leo streak in me...but the thought of being reliant on my children in my older years is not a happy thought.
Maybe since I nursed my mother for 18 months, until she passed from kidney failure has biased me against the idea.
I would never want to put my kids through the heartache of watching me slowy die of some disease, and having to put their own lives on hold, to care for me. My mother chose to stay out of hospital to die, I would choose different for my kids, especially since one is autistic and one has Type 1 diabetes...it'd be too much for them :smt012
Dare to Dream...

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Post by Nicole » Tue Nov 06, 2007 3:00 pm

I hear you Jewel..
I took care of my moms mom and my mother for a while..
My mother chose to put herself in a nursing home..
Granted I had to put my foot down and yell a lot and call the state on them... *Sighs* But she could call me and she did 19 activities a week.. Then she fell and broke her hip and so on she past last Oct....

Anyhoot~!!
My mom was a needy woman and I could not give her what she needed 24/7.
I have 2 older brother who would not help me and my husband for her needs..

I to would not want my son to be reasonable for my husband and I..
As it is now I'm trying to find ways how he's going to live and where he will be able to whatever...

I don't have time for me right now it's about my son..
He's also Autistic on the mild scale..
I hate that word~!!
Lets say he's very gifted, and I worry about his needs in life now and ahead of time always have since the day he was born...

I tell my husband to put me in a home..
He says no and I know there bad places..
But my Husband and son don't need it also..
I rather pass in my sleep, at the lake or beach thinking and just sleep...  :smt015

spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Tue Nov 06, 2007 3:16 pm

At 85 my mom was living alone with lots of visits from family to keep her independent.  She was considering and knew it was time to get some active attention (she was diabetic and didn't eat properly) to keep her going.  She passed away before she had to make that decision and believe me, she preferred to go rather than go into a nursing home.  She had put her mother in one and didn't like the care, etc.

I have one daughter who would want to keep me and hubby if needs be - but I do not want to put that burden on her family.  I love her dearly - her in her home, me in mine.  LOL

Nicole
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Post by Nicole » Tue Nov 06, 2007 3:34 pm

spiritalk wrote:At 85 my mom was living alone with lots of visits from family to keep her independent.  She was considering and knew it was time to get some active attention (she was diabetic and didn't eat properly) to keep her going.  She passed away before she had to make that decision and believe me, she preferred to go rather than go into a nursing home.  She had put her mother in one and didn't like the care, etc.

I have one daughter who would want to keep me and hubby if needs be - but I do not want to put that burden on her family.  I love her dearly - her in her home, me in mine.  LOL
Oh angel mother,
you know what I went through last year with my mom..
This hole site knew..
I worried 24/7 and she knew it to..
We would both call each other at the same times...LoL
If she was in pain I felt it or sad. and she knew it with me..
Funny she still knows.LoL
I will say it hurts to the core still with her not calling me on the phone or me seeing how she is...

My husband told me and Spiritalk aka my angel mom. :smt051
Said the pain will get easier..
I didn't see what they was telling me or feeling it, until the year of her passing..
Hurts but I can move onward now..
Time had to stand still in my eyes..
Time for me to flow and get a grip..

Sorry Spiritalk I didn't short hand it... LoL

Your right they are not good places to put anyone in and even pets...
But I had my mother covered telling me what was going on and I would show up different hours day or night checking on her and others who could not use there voices to talk I did it for them...

So if you have loved ones in one, or friends..
Always keep a close eye on them (ALWAYS)..

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Post by spiritalk » Wed Nov 07, 2007 3:32 pm

Yes, one of the main problems with aged homes is...the family puts them in and then forgets them.  And they never know when they have one who doesn't forget their family members.  

The idea is.....we sometimes need help and professionals to aid their comfort - we do not need to forget who they are to us.

God bless, J

mgt7274
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Post by mgt7274 » Sun Nov 11, 2007 10:42 am

yes we need old age home old people can do your head in also it can end a marriage how can you have great sex when your old mother is in the next room
hello girls i know your cards

spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Sun Nov 11, 2007 3:01 pm

Old people still see their offspring as 'children' without any knowledge or care.  While in a nursing home, they will accept the rules of others and you can visit and keep them safe and out of harm.  

Is it the best solution?  Frankly, I don't think we have what is best for old people.  Aging is necessary, growing up is optional - and in this we find a reverse to childhood as we age.
God bless, J

mystic7
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Post by mystic7 » Sun Nov 11, 2007 4:35 pm

I would disagree that a nursing home would be a good place for anyone! My sister works at a home near out home, and the residents are terribly abused by the nurses and CNAs. They don't look at the the residents as people. They are simply there for a weekly check. I would NEVER put my dad in a home.. unless it was my home!

Mystic

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suzisco
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Post by suzisco » Sun Nov 11, 2007 5:49 pm

Well not all places are like that, there are many that have a very high standard of care.  Sadly its the old adage nothing comes for free.  If you pay peanuts you get monkeys.  If you want top notch care you need to pay for it.

I started my nursing career as a care of the elderly nurse caring for patients with dementia.  The hospital had very high standards and the staffs dedication was amazing.  If i was old I would be more than happy to be nursed there.

There are private care homes that don't have good standards, however in light of the recent scandal of care home patients ending up in a general hospital due to malnutrition and dehydration I suspect these days will be over soon.

My mother has stated just out of interest she would rather be in a home when she gets too old to live in her own home.  Her reasons are to do with being with people her own age and also having stimulation.  she doesn't want to live with my hubby and I because we both work full time and she would be bored being on her own at home all the time during the day.  The nursing home will provide everything she needs and I won't have to worry about her care.

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Post by mystic7 » Mon Nov 12, 2007 2:48 am

Suzi...

I am surely not looking to argue with you, but I think we are talking apples and oranges here. Private care facilities (and my sister has worked for 8-10 in the past 20 years are different from hospitals (which she worked for one in the NE USA and was the best place she ever worked for!)

Of all the private homes, not one had many workers that were truly caring. Many would curse at the patients, and many different forms of abuse (but things that would never be reported). Things like letting the resident sit in their feces for 2-3 hours even though they knew they needed to be changed.

I am pretty sure that this isn't just a local case. As I said she has worked in 8-10 homes in 5 different states from the north to the south to the midwest. So perhaps she has just gotten the bad ones, but I believe there are many things that go on behind the scenes that many never see...

Mystic

spiritalk
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Post by spiritalk » Mon Nov 12, 2007 4:27 pm

Mystic:  I can only say - be careful what you ask for.  The old one does not take orders or listen to the offspring - this means it is no longer YOUR home, they make the rules from now on.  This is very hard on a marriage.  

It is also very hard on the old one - they will not listen to what is best for them by way of health issues.  They will listen to a stranger but not their own offspring - they do not consider them as grown.

We all do what we find best in the circumstances.
God bless, J

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suzisco
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Post by suzisco » Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:06 pm

sorry Mystic, i live in the Uk so cannot comment on facilities in the USA.

I can only comment on facilities here in the UK and specifically in Scotland.

I am not arguing with you however as a professional I am able to comment directly on my own practice and of course my colleagues.

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Post by mystic7 » Mon Nov 12, 2007 8:25 pm

spiritalk wrote:Mystic:  I can only say - be careful what you ask for.  

We all do what we find best in the circumstances.
Spiritalk...

Thank you for your admonition. I appreciate your feeligns on the matter, but I see Scripture telling us that "True Religion" is taking care of widows and orphans. I also think that honoring our parents is important.

Some may see these commands as taking care of them by putting them in a home, and that would be best in their circumstance. For me, I wouldn't personally, but that is my conviction. I don't push it on anyone else.

Thanks again for your thoughts..
Mystic

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