setting boundaries with children

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windspirit1956
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Family and Parenting - setting boundaries with children

Post by windspirit1956 » Sat Dec 15, 2007 10:34 pm

I really believe that children WANT limits because it gives them security.  But  you have to get past that peer pressure thing with their friends and make them realize that they're not ten feet tall and bulletproof before you can make a beginning with the boundaries that you want to set.  The boundaries I'm talking about are:  curfew, no drinking or drugs rule, keeping their room clean, doing their homework, banning certain friends that you don't trust, and other issues like that.  I believe that taking away privileges and explaining your point of view BRIEFLY is the only way to set boundaries.  And teaching them that they are worthwhile individuals who deserve good friends who won't get them into trouble, and good boyfriends/girlfriends who won't pressure them into anything, is a must.  Giving children a positive self-image while defending your rules of the house is the best way to make sure that the boundaries you set and the respect that you require is given back to you.  Also, it helps if you mirror to your children that you have a good healthy self-image and that you are living in a positive, pro-active way.  They will learn this from you and thank you for your rules later in life.

:) [/u]
Live one day at a time, and make it a masterpiece...Christi L. Elliott

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Gem
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Post by Gem » Tue Dec 18, 2007 1:12 pm

I agree that certain limits are a good idea, but we also have to be careful to be kind and compassionate and to sympathise if the child rebels against losing a friend because we do not approve. Sometimes this act can make the friend sem even more exciting and so they still meet but undercover.  I do wonder how some children survive their upbringing with overbearing parents but then again others seem to have a total free rein and turn to vandalism and law breaking without even a harsh word from their parents.

Deborah
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Post by Deborah » Tue Dec 18, 2007 9:11 pm

I have raised 2 teens .. and I work with children .. each age each area each child is different .. boundaries are set ... but sometimes they have to be stretched - Communication is the best thing you can offer and have for and with your child!

soulsearch
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Post by soulsearch » Wed Dec 19, 2007 12:09 pm

Our children our a reflection of ourself. I believe in boundaries but adjustable boundaries. My kids are young so I have to learn with time :)

Deborah
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Post by Deborah » Wed Dec 26, 2007 2:15 pm

If we concentrate on telling them no you can not do that ........that leaves them open to try to figure for themselves what they can do ...


Instead of saying NO --- try giving them something that they can do ...

For example >.. NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE..

If you must run please go outside.

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kgirlsmomma
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Expectations

Post by kgirlsmomma » Mon Jan 21, 2008 7:57 pm

I believe in setting expectations..which is almost the same as boundaries.  Expectations start very young, tho..don't want until it is too late in the teen years to set them, or boundaries if you prefer.  I expect picking up your toys...I expect proper behavior in a house....I expect you to do  your best in school...I expect no drinking..I expect no drugs...So far..I haven't been disappointed, and I don't expect to be.  However at 21, they get to make their own choices, and I expect..I will live with those, too. :)
Last edited by kgirlsmomma on Sat Mar 28, 2009 1:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mandimedea
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Post by Mandimedea » Tue Feb 17, 2009 2:41 am

i believe boundaries are extremely important, and deep down kids really do appreciate it.  But they have to be appropriate and consistent.

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Medical Astrology
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Post by Medical Astrology » Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:02 am

I'm sure we've all at one time or another encountered children whose parents lacked knowledge in regard to setting boundaries… these children are generally rude, disrespectful, and disruptive at nearly every encounter.


Boundaries are the foundation for raising a well-mannered and confident child that will go grow into a well-mannered and confident adult.
Dr. Jayashree Joshi, (MD) Physician and Herbalist
EXCLUSIVE FOCUS ON HEALTH ISSUES, with solutions through VEDIC ASTROLOGY.

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