whos the boss

The dynamics of Childcare and relationships have changed & needs a closer look... Discuss Parenting & Family issues here.

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jhicks12
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Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:32 pm

whos the boss

Post by jhicks12 » Wed Jul 30, 2008 5:35 pm

i need patients with my 3 year old, what ive tried hasnt been working... Any suggestions? what works for you ?

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Prof. Akers
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Location: U.K.

Post by Prof. Akers » Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:21 pm

Terrible two's and terrifying three's, I don't envy you, they're too young to use rational arguements and wilful enough to make life hell.
The good news is they do get better - for a few years and then AND THEN they hit puberty, that will make the present seen like nothing.
What seems to happen is that the child picks the main carer to cause problems with and one parent to be good with, then you as parents start the old arguement, "Ah but don't know what they're like when you're not here." Then you fall out, feel resentful towards the child and the situation goes downhill from there.
Patience is all, but be patiently stubborn - you are the parent - you make the rules and they obey, that way went they get older they appreciate the relaxation of the rules, if you have a partner try to get across that the two of you are a team and this behaviour needs both of you together.

Best of luck
Some days you are the cart and other days the horse; either way you still get shafted.

"I thought you'd be bigger," (read it how you will).

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tourbi
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Location: tourbiland, at the foot of Pikes Peak, USA

Post by tourbi » Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:12 pm

We live in the same town with our granddaughter.  Her mom has asked us to be part of the village.  What a joy, what a challenge.
Her partner is gone, in the military, a lot.  So she needs support.
I am now Grammie/mama.  LOL
At times I feel like the most impatient person in the world with her, then I sit back and think it over and realize that she was really pushing me.  Always pushing the boundaries that are set for her.  
She tends to more with me and her mom then with my partner.
The is almost 3.  
To be honest with you.  It's paying off.
Stay consistent.  Decide in your head what the goals are for your kiddo.  
Come up with ways to help them achieve the goals.  
The 3 of us talk all the time.  We decide how we want to help our granddaughter achieve the goals that are set.  
What is important, how to we work as a team?
The mom is happy to have the help.
She is also happy to have the support.
Our granddaughter gets consistency.
So. Try to be consistent.  
Keep a sense of humor.
hug yourself a lot, you deserve it.
Know that you are doing the most difficult and most rewarding job out there. Raising a child to have manners, self esteem, etc.
You are the head of the house.  Don't let her be Miss Bossy.
We don't let her make too many decisions.  Mom or Grammie make most of the decisions for her.  She eats what is put in front of her, wears what we pick, etcetcetc.
She can decide which toy she wants to play with, what book to read. Things for a 3 year old to decide.  She is earning her way into making more decisions, a bit at a time.  
She is over all really good.  She knows her boundaries.  
She tests them some day, unmercifully.
Keep the boundaries.  That is important.
She will learn.  
As she gets older, the boundaries will shift and she will be treated age/ability appropriate.
Mom has discovered it is much easier dealing when she knows that she(mom)  is in charge.
For the rest it's.............. No.......granddaughter, that is not your business, that's my business, your's is to figure out what shoe goes on which foot. (example).  
Have fun. It is worth it.
Stand in Love,Walk in Love, Live in Love ड़ारा
Nora Roberts
Love and magic have a great deal in common. They enrich the soul, delight the heart. And they both take practice.

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jld
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Joined: Sun Dec 23, 2007 8:17 pm

Post by jld » Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:53 am

My daughter is going to be three in Dec. SHe definately likes to think she's in charge. She seems to go through periods of testing the limits. Lately has been somewhat less of a struggle. Thank God. I try to be consistent but it is hard living on my own with her. We have routines that I stick to for the most part. I get tired though. Definately is tiring. I try to find that balance of letting her be who she is and setting limits. She gets mad at me and i try hard not to give in...I also just enjoy the good moments...those funny things she says, hugs and kisses that come out of nowhere. That seems to make it all worth it.   Also if I do lose my patience, i cut myself some slack. We see other families and think they are perfect but we are all human.

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jld
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Joined: Sun Dec 23, 2007 8:17 pm

Post by jld » Thu Jul 31, 2008 3:13 am

Thought I'd mention too that I've had success using a sticker chart for good behavior...i used it for bedtime and have stuck with it for consistency and to keep up the praise when she does go to bed "like a big girl". I use the count to three with time outs. If she's not listening I give her the option to, for example, climb in like a big girl or i'm going to put you in (carseat usually). I do give her the option of doing things herself that she is capable of and if she isn't listening, then I tell her I'll have to help her... that works sometimes (she likes to do things on her own).... They really bring out our creativity. It helps too if I make time for myself.

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FragelsGal
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Location: New Zealand

Post by FragelsGal » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:22 am

Ohhh boy.... do they like to push you or what!!

My boy will be 3 at the end of November.  He is very stubborn and has 'selective hearing'.  He will just keep on doing what he wants until I intervine and put my foot down, and then has the biggest meltdown ever!  I send him to his room and when hes ready to stop crying he can come out.  
I agree with everything Tourbi said, dont back down!  Ever!  Always follow thru.  You slip up once and you'll make a bigger mess.  Its really tough.  I really feel for the people doing it on their own, huge 'thumbs up's!' to you guys you sure deserve it.
:smt004
My boy went to stay with his aunties for almost a week, and they spoilt him rotten and gave him everything he wanted, when he wanted it and boy am I having a hard time now!!

I cant believe how clever they can be at this age!!  It is a wonderful age, but man talk about trying!
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kgirlsmomma
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Post by kgirlsmomma » Sat Mar 14, 2009 1:33 am

Everyone should watch SuperNanny.   She is amazing at teaching parents to be strong, patient, set limits, and realizing who sets the structure.  It is a child centered house? Or a parent-led home?  Something to think about.

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FairyQueen
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Joined: Sat May 22, 2010 5:30 am

Post by FairyQueen » Wed Jun 09, 2010 6:39 am

:smt016

Best suggestions would be given by your parents who tackled you when u were three.


Wish u luck till, he comes to the age of four and you would ask suggestions once again.


enjoy your cutey growing up and don't forget to click regular snaps.

ConfusedMind
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu May 14, 2009 11:55 am

Post by ConfusedMind » Wed Nov 17, 2010 9:42 am

a birthday with to your boy in advance. i guess he is turning 5 this year.

parenting tips? read this e-book. guess, it might help.

http://www.mysticchildren.com/mystic-eb ... ldren.html
I'm weird

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