Post
by redlion » Wed Dec 31, 2008 6:19 pm
I thought it might be helpful to show a journal of my current circumstances and to keep the board up to date with what happens from this point on. I believe with some help from friends..(Astroace, blessings to you once again) and anyone else who would like to chime in, this could be a very interesting journey to see if what I have experienced in my life prior to what feels like getting back on track with my life. Here goes:
Currently:
Unemployed-Since 1993...I have had more than a dozen jobs. What is funny here is, I am an Ox astrologically speaking....My chart if very similar to our new President elect Barak Obama. I have always been the top employee as far as production is concerned. Unfortunately, over the last 15 years, it has been my working relationships that have met with my horrendous demise. Jealousy heading the list as to why I am not able to hold a job. I was fired from my long term job in 1999 under circumstances well beyond my control. I have a very strong work ethic and believe in hard work and doing things right the first time. Being extremely intelligent, and not willing to lie or take advantage of my employer has led to my demise in almost every single position I have held. With the exception of maybe this last one....I was laid off. What is funny about the last one, is that the owner's and EVERYONE who worked there absolutely LOVED ME. When they laid me off...they were the ones crying. I had to reassure them that it was just business (their business had suffered greatly from the oncoming recession) They had written me wonderful letters of recommendation and continue to keep in touch. Now, as I was leaving the building, the assistant office manager kept saying she was sorry......Needless to say, I was devastated at the moment and didn't really think about it. But after reviewing those circumstances, I had always sensed her complete lack of confidence and a serious thought that I was a threat to her. We both knew had it not been for seniority...I could have her job in a second. Although at the time.....I was very upset....had it not been for my being laid off, I would not have the gumption to find myself a better place to live.
Living space- Which brings me to my next drama. From the time I left the bad luck house in 2003, I had been drifting aimlessly from one place to another, renting rooms from strangers. Each circumstance brought on by even more difficult people. Finally, in 1995, having had enough of being abused and totally taken advantage of, I found myself a small studio apartment where I could live by myself. Although once again a blessing at the time, it was a DUMP. To top it all off, I was surrounded by unscrupulous people of which although they acted like we were friends, in fact they were insanely jealous. Keeping me down made them feel better. Truth was, I had no where else to go, and at least I was living by myself. I found this new place in October....You basically have the idea as to how already.
Financially- I have no money. No back-up. In fact, I am borrowing monthly from my daughter to make rent. I can barely afford food. As I have never drank any form of alcohol, never abused any drugs, and brought my daughter up to be the best human being.....it is very humbling to have to ask for financial help from her. Since 1993, my financial situation has been absolutely horrific. Bankruptcy, robbery, being taken advantage of by people, having my ID stolen and my obvious downturn of my wages. Every job I have taken from 1999 on has been a lesser wage from the one before it. The cycle has exhausted itself since my last job was in fact minimum wage. Although I am now without a job and my unemployment is even less than minimum wage. Scary, but I am counting my blessings that I at least have that.
Job prospects- This one is tricky. Although I have had several interviews for jobs that I am over qualified - my priority at this point is security, not money per se.....I have found that in this area that I have moved to, even in the area of EDUCATION, with all my skills and abilities, these jobs hinge on only one thing-SPEAKING SPANISH? Good Lord, I live in America! I have never been prejudice, but to find that my getting a decent job means I have to be fluent in a whole other language from a different country? Heck I can't even get a minimum wage job without this particular skill....hmmmm I am incredibly frustrated, but knowing that I was blessed with finding this wonderful place to live, I would not have been led here only to fail in being unable to maintain it. So, I will forge ahead with the knowledge that the universe and this house will support me in finding the perfect set of circumstances for my new job. When one door closes.....
Health- Although not perfect, it is definitely improving. Odd ailments have been inflicted upon me for years. Especially notable is odd skin diseases. Never really having been a problem for me before 1993, (moving into that bad house) since then...I have been in the hospital for some strange inexplicable rash that raged through my body...facial sores that are NOT acne, but no one has been able to tell me WHAT they are. These seem to have subsided now that I have moved into this new place. Although when I first moved in here I did develop other odd symptoms....which after charting the flying stars of the home..made sense. They also have subsided. Aching bones, muscle aches, total lack of energy, not sleeping well, stomach upset, ears clogged up and eye troubles.
Mentally- Hmmm....Over the past 15 years...WOW....is all I can say. Before 1993, I was confident, driven, smart, funny, outgoing, kind, and passionate person. Since 1993, oh man, my mind simply never seemed to be at peace. I have never done anything criminal in my life, but I felt as if I was a fugitive running from all kinds of imagined wrongs. Looking back now, although I appeared to be some one who had it all together ( something I kept up because I was raising my daughter as a single parent) I knew I was losing it. Sleeping only 4 hours a night.....horrible nightmares, stressed out all the time, even now...I cannot come up with a single moment where I was just able to enjoy living. Very sad. Again, those effects continued right up until very recently. Although if you read this you may think that I brought on some of the events in my life due to what could be chalked up to paranoia, truth is.......I maintained my morals and ethics in every situation I was forced into. Never once straying from that path. If in fact if I lost my job because I did not bend to their will and unscrupulous behavior, then so be it. I obviously did not need to be there in the first place.
Now. I had a talk with my daughter regarding all that has happened in the past. The past 15 years has weighed heavily on my mind because knowing me and the strange and horrifically bad situations I have endured simply had no explanations in my mind. I am not saying that the Flying Stars in a particular space is the ONLY contributing factor to what happened to me. What I do KNOW now, without a doubt, is that those particular stars predicted and explains every single thing that happened to me while I lived there. From car accidents (none of which were my fault, rear ended), to health related issues, to money issues, relationship issues, people that entered my life (none good, by the way) and inexplicably bad on the job issues....CAN ALL BE EXPLAINED BY THE FLYING STARS IN THAT HOUSE. By nature, I am a spiritual person. Have my beliefs led me to this particular way of explaining what has been happening to me? I want to believe this is what is happening. Although Feng Shui is not based on any spiritual notations, it is based on ENERGY in our immediate environments. How did all the energies of this Universe come to be? Although I am not so egotistical to think that I have been given the key to an explanation I so desperately needed, I am in fact quite humbled that I have been given this opportunity to glimpse into my past to finally put my mind at ease as to what the working forces were in my life. In fact, now that I have experienced so much bad, I feel like I could not set out to feel all the good. Which is my full intention as of right now. Yin/Yang. You can't have one without the other.
So, I will keep you updated on changes that occur. Good and bad both. This will be an experimental journey to see if what my research to date can be expanded and critiqued.