mysti1983 wrote: ↑Sat Jan 11, 2020 5:31 pm
Hello Brian
Hope you are well.
If I may, I would love love a reading ?
I recently made a friend. I have chronic mental and physical health issues, which for complicated reasons has resulted in my finding it hard to make lasting friendships, or connections of any sort over a lifetime. To say I’m a loner is an understatement.
I thought this recent friendship was unique ... since we have the same issues, and seemed to have similar personalities.
The best I’ve been able to achieve is 6 months friendship with anyone , and then I’m cut off out of the blue (... after 50:50 contribution with communication in the apparent ‘friendship’).
I’ve been told that it is because I overwhelm people with too many problems etc , even though I feel I’m happy to co support similarly, and am a generous and considerate person.
I ask if my recent friendship has come to an abrupt end (or if this is my paranoia - given rejection from x50+ people in the past) ... and if so - what I can do to break the pattern of rejection/ abandonment?
Thanks muchly
Hi Mysti,
Having had chronic health issues, depression and anxiety myself over many years, I feel that I have a better understanding than most people do of how challenging it can be to make and keep new friends. Finding the proper balance between being honest that you are having a difficult time of it and risking being labelled as a chronic complainer or hypochondriac can potentially add to your existing problems in living your life to its fullest potential, in spite of your illness.
Yes it could well be that after you having repeatedly experienced rejection and/or abandonment in previous "friendships" that you are now almost expecting it to happen. And that you are therefore unknowingly sabotaging the friendship, as you do not understandably want to suffer the pain of rejection again. Basically you could be unconsciously bailing out of the friendship, before the other person gets the opportunity to reject you.Your words could be telling your friend that you want to remain friends with them, but your behaviour and body language could be telling them that you want to end it now.
If this is true, then you cannot hold yourself as being responsible for doing something unconsciously, which by definition you are neither conscious nor aware of doing. Also none of this behaviour is in any way abnormal for human being. We often build walls around our hearts, supposedly to protect us from ever being hurt again. The only big problem with building walls as a means of protection, is that they can very easily become our mental prison cell.
As for whether the latest friendship is over, to know that I would have to read your friend's mind. Even if I could do that (which I cannot), so called third party readings (a reading about a person other than the member who requested it) are seen by me as an invasion of of the person's right to the privacy of their own thoughts. This is also the main reason (among other legal ones) why third party readings are not allowed on Mystic Board.
But do not worry. Even though I cannot read your friend directly, I can offer you a first party reading about your own chances of saving the friendship from going the same way as many have done before this. Since this reading is ONLY about you, any suggestion of it being third party is instantly removed.
The Tarot card which I drew on your behalf, to help answer your question, was the
King Of Cups.
In general the Cups cards in the Tarot deck tell us something important about our relationships, particularly of the romantic kind. But of course it also includes friendships. Specifically, the King of Cups represent the recommended use of kindness, compassion and wisdom in your relationships with others. You failed to mention in your request whether this person is the same gender as yourself. I wonder if the problem is that you have not come to an agreement with them whether you are to simply remain good friends, or whether you want them to be more than a friend to you.
The King Of Cups is encouraging you to use kindness, compassion and wisdom towards your potential friend, but it is difficult to do this if your are not able or willing to first use kindness, compassion and wisdom towards yourself. I feel that you do not like yourself very much, so you find offering kindness and compassion to yourself, exceedingly difficult. Am I right in believing that your dislike of yourself sometimes borders on hating and loathing yourself, and you often feeling guilty for something for which you were not responsible, or which was not under your control? Join the club!
You actually have very little control over whether this person wants your friendship to end, but you have much more control over deciding what you tell yourself that them wanting the friendship to end means to and about you. If you tell yourself every time it happens that you were completely responsible for the friendship coming to an end, no wonder you are beating up on yourself for being imperfectly human.
Your input into the friendships was you mentioned 50 - 50. So the responsibility for your friendship ending must also be shared between the both of you (not necessarily 50 - 50).
Which means that even if you did everything right, and your words and actions were in complete harmony with each other (unlikely when you are human), the friendship could still fail because of his or her issues, and not yours. Understood?
what I can do to break the pattern of rejection/ abandonment?
There are a variety of ways which you could try to break this repeating pattern of rejection and/or abandonment (as they are not the same thing). If a person sees you as rejecting them, they do not judge themselves as abandoning you. Understood? There are too many ways to approach this problem, to be able to fit them into this whole forum. Let alone fitting them into to one or more postings.
Your reading makes me feel that the best and quickest way for you to make new friends and keep them in future (with minimal chances of you feeling rejected or abandoned), is to begin by learning to become your own best friend.
Give as much kindness, compassion or wisdom to yourself (as you are doing the best you can with what you have), as you give them. Not only will this increase the chances of you keeping your friendship, but this will attract a much more positive type of person who wants to become your friend from now on.
Maybe the problem was that in the past the people you have been trying to make your friends, do not like themselves either. Two negatives often do not make a positive?
Whereas two positives almost always make a united or joined positive.
People who do not like themselves often (but not always) seem to be attracted to other people who do not like themselves. Not a good recipe for a positive and healthy long term relationship.
Learn to like/love/value and respect yourself more, and what type of person would you expect to attract instead of someone who does not like themselves, as your next friend?
Does all this make sense to you, and help you to know where to begin taking down the walls around your heart, one brick at a time?
Love, Light and Healing,
Brian
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