My life is basically in tatters and I don't know what direction to go in. Five years ago I found out that my husband had an affair in 2001. At the time he was having it I highly suspected that he was, but had no proof. I had a LOT of health issues and so I was dealing with that, and worrying about what hubby was doing.
I wound up having surgery in 12/04, a total knee replacement, and then foot surgery in 4/05. Three weeks after my foot surgery the other woman from his 2001 affair started emailing me.
Things were horrible, and long story short, we decided to stay together and work it out, and things were going going really well, I thought.
Fast forward to March of 2009, March 4, 2009 to be exact. I come home from work and hubby says "he feels funny". He kept saying it over and over, then he said his leg was numb, then his left arm, then his face drooped. He was having a stroke. I called 911 and his friend from work. His friends got to the house before the EMT's and one of his friends had been a paramedic. He said he was definitely having a stroke. I was hysterical, our kids were there (they're older, at the time they were 17 and 15). Our life as we knew would forever be changed......
So now a little over a year later, hubby is recovering, slowly. He spent two months in the hospital (one month in a rehab hospital, one month is a nursing home). He can walk, but not without a cane and his leg is about 65-70%, his arm is still not functional though it has started getting some movement back.
I feel like everything I've worked and waited for has been stripped away from me. I cannot see a future for us, I can't plan our "golden years" anymore because I don't know what he may be able to do.
I also found out that he had other women he was "talking to" via the internet, talking to for YEARS, even after we had reconciled after I found out about his affair he had kept in contact with these other women, EVEN during his stroke recovery. I am totally devastated. We just celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary, but what kind of marriage do I really have now?? He would rather talk to these other women than me, and I feel like everything is just in limbo. I know he had the stroke, but I feel it also disabled me. Before things got bad, we were each other's lives. And I STILL feel that way.... Probably the wrong thing to feel, but I do none the less.....
And on top of all this, I have major health issues of my own, I have high blood pressure, fibromyalgia, chronic myofacial pain, chronic fatigue syndrome and osteoarthritis. I take a zillion drugs and the only thing that is controlled is the high BP. I hurt everyday, and I have to work, and it's horrible, I hate my job. I used to run my own business but that went away when his other woman stalked me trying to pretend to be a customer......
I guess I just need a place to vent and cry..... Life just sucks. I know it could be worse, but this truly isn't what I signed up for. I love my husband, and I will stand by him no matter what, but I feel like I've also lost MY life.....
![:smt022](./images/smilies/022.gif)